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Hi! I am an ENFP girl, deeply in love with an INTJ man. In fact, I've been in love with him for 3 years. He has a wife, so i tried to forget him several times ( I know it is not right), but since I see him everyday, I haven't managed to do that :(.
We get alog very well and I've always felt a kind of attraction from his side as well, which just makes things even harder.
The thing is that i decided on confessing him everything, and I did it a week ago. There was a tension between the two of us lately because of our strange relationhip, so he was not shocked at all. I told him, that i am really in love with him and the reason i haven't confessed earlier is that i never wanted to lose him. He seemed burdened. He told me that he could not neglect me and that he is interested in me and sees me as an amazing human being. Later on, He added that he thinks of me a lot and he is attracted to me. After saying that he felt guilty, so we called it a day and agreed to talk more next day. We did talk, he has cleared his mind and told me tha he knows his for ages and he was less emotional all in all. We decided to stay friends and communicate less, no messages, and no alone time together. A week later we talked more. He said he thinks of me even more than before, and he cant bare not to communicate with me, but eventually we agreed on contionouing not to write each other and stuff. However the next day he came to me and asked me how i was. He feels bad that he cant be determined enough to cut the ties, now he says he wants to have more conversations with me ,just the two of us alone, and he began to message me again, in a more intimate way.
In the end I feel closer to him than ever, he is so open about his feelings and I feel his trust. He is kinder than ever, smiles more than ever. And I don't know why or what is happening. Is he playing? Though it doesn't seem like that, and he is not the player kind of person. I am interested in your opinion. Thank you for your responses in advance!
 

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Well yes you probably right, it's just so hard, I truly love him. And I was not planing on opening my legs to anyone, thank you.
 

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Obviously, you're being controlled by your emotions. If you can't set aside your feelings and remain friends, it's better to end all contact.
Honestly, do you really believe that you'll be able to control yourself if you're pursued by him? This type of stories will always end in tragedies.
 

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The 'I'm innocently doing this' angle you're playing is really grating. You chose to fall in love (love is a decision, not just a feeling), you fed the fantasy over and over for three years, no doubt sending vibes etc too and then you chose to escalate things by "deciding to tell him everything". You are *doing* this TO a married man. ENFPs can be so chaotic... There are plenty of wonderful INTJ men in this world. Go find your own rather than seduce someone else's. You absolutely could control this. It's a lie to say/imply otherwise. And FYI you don't "burden" and give "guilt" to people you *truly* love.

When this burns you, you will have done it to yourself. If his wife/family gets hurt, it will be your fault. Fortunately INTJs tend to be highly loyal so I doubt his family will be the ones to get hurt. There was an ENFP on here recently who was devastated bc after sneaking around for three months with a marred INTJ man she was in love with, he cut it off, went full no contact, due to guilt. If you think it's hard to stop now... it's only going to become more difficult. If you are so selfish that you are incapable of thinking about his wife's welfare or his, think about your own.

This is a go no contact situation but I doubt you'll do that since the only thing you seem to be asking is if your obsessive plan to seduce him is working with your "is he playing?" You mean like you? If he is (to sleep with you only), frankly you deserve it since he wouldn't be the only one playing a game here. I hope you do realize this is the ONLY way the game works between a married man and a singe woman who is doing flights of fantasy with her feels (and/or who loves drama/chaos). He is the very definition of unavailable, emotionally & otherwise. But then you know that and still you persist in *leading* the way down this road.
 

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Well yes you probably right, it's just so hard, I truly love him. And I was not planing on opening my legs to anyone, thank you.
If you love him get away from him. You're only burdening him and if this continues it will damage his life.
 

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Confessing the feelings was not a good choice/poor judgement. Zero good reasons to do that. Get ahold of yourself, no contact, and move on. Go find someone who is actually available.
 

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You ask if he is playing you? Maybe. Most likely he is just confused. Or maybe you are playing him. The guy is married - why tell him you love him? What did you want to happen?

Some unsolicited advice:

You seem like you don't want to hurt anyone. Good for you.

Can you think of any possible way this will end without someone getting hurt? I can't. How will this turn out for him, his wife? Does he have children? This could destroy his relationship with them. Even if you don't care about his wife, you care about him. And you care about yourself.

There is guaranteed pain ahead, no matter what you do. The scenario with the least damage to all involved is if you end this now, firmly. That way his marriage might survive and you might retain some self-respect.
 

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Okay I'm posting again bc this hasn't left me alone for a moment since reading it. And it's aggravating me. Bc you KNOW what you've done so far is wrong and you're prolly searching for some kind of justification. F*ck that.

You know what you gotta do. Bloody get on with it. End it. Bc you started this. And I don't want to hear that classic Feeler sh*te that you're too weak oh but I love him buhuhu. No. There's zero tolerance and zero justification for this kind of thing. Your feelings in this don't matter. I say that bc your actions led to this.

And it can lead farther.

To a man hateful of himself and bitter of you.

A woman torn bc the man she trusted and loved destroyed that trust.

Idk anything about his family but I've seen a woman desperate for escape from that bone-chilling reality and can't bc she has to be the one who wears the pants and steels herself for her kids. While shaking uncontrollably all sleepless night long.

Or what it is to be a son who has had the example set for him suddenly take a turn.

Or a daughter that has to see all this and one day fear that this is quite possibly the same treatment she might receive from a man and have to constantly worry she isn't enough. That her beauty, her heart, her body, her mind, her actions, her dignity, her loyalty, is worth sh*t bc there is always someone else who can be better.

You don't think about that do you.

Bc that's what'll happen. YOu need to end this now. Idc what you say bc it's very obvious where this will go. Steel yourself, put your big girl panties on, and do the mature and right thing. Don't mess up his life. For all you say concerning your feelings, it all means nothing if one day he looks back at all this and one of two things comes to mind:

"what have I done?" OR "I'm so glad I didn't mess up back then."

Hopefully he can see the light and heel-face turns. Bc Idc how anyone else sees this. It's disastrous, it's not meant to be, it's avoidable and I will not sugar coat my words bc I'm telling the damn truth that needs to be heard.

You know what you need to do. DO it.
 
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Well yes you probably right, it's just so hard, I truly love him. And I was not planing on opening my legs to anyone, thank you.
How do you imagine this relationship going?
 

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The 'I'm innocently doing this' angle you're playing is really grating. You chose to fall in love (love is a decision, not just a feeling), you fed the fantasy over and over for three years, no doubt sending vibes etc too and then you chose to escalate things by "deciding to tell him everything". You are *doing* this TO a married man. ENFPs can be so chaotic... There are plenty of wonderful INTJ men in this world. Go find your own rather than seduce someone else's. You absolutely could control this. It's a lie to say/imply otherwise. And FYI you don't "burden" and give "guilt" to people you *truly* love.

When this burns you, you will have done it to yourself. If his wife/family gets hurt, it will be your fault. Fortunately INTJs tend to be highly loyal so I doubt his family will be the ones to get hurt. There was an ENFP on here recently who was devastated bc after sneaking around for three months with a marred INTJ man she was in love with, he cut it off, went full no contact, due to guilt. If you think it's hard to stop now... it's only going to become more difficult. If you are so selfish that you are incapable of thinking about his wife's welfare or his, think about your own.

This is a go no contact situation but I doubt you'll do that since the only thing you seem to be asking is if your obsessive plan to seduce him is working with your "is he playing?" You mean like you? If he is (to sleep with you only), frankly you deserve it since he wouldn't be the only one playing a game here. I hope you do realize this is the ONLY way the game works between a married man and a singe woman who is doing flights of fantasy with her feels (and/or who loves drama/chaos). He is the very definition of unavailable, emotionally & otherwise. But then you know that and still you persist in *leading* the way down this road.
"Well done, Andrushka!" /Red Storm Rising>

One point should be adduced. Love *is* a decision, not just a feeling: but this is true on two levels.
1) During the initial stages of attraction / lust / limerence / infatuation, it is mainly a feeling; one may suppress the feelings, and even crush them completely. The further one goes (as with the OP), the more difficult it is to do this.
2) After a committed relationship has been started, the commitment is more important than the emotions; indeed, the commitment may provide the sole motivation to continue through rocky times. As Tolkien said in The Lord of the Rings,

'Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,' said Gimli.

Or, in a more humorous light, someone once asked the evangelist, the Rev. Billy Graham's, wife, if she'd every considered divorce.
She laughed. "Murder yes, divorce no."

Agreed completely about the loyalty of the INTJ, and the warning of the ENFP that she is doing the following:

 

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Please just stop. I don't need to spell out why; you already know.
 
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