[curious0610]

I run into a lot of INTJs where I am doing my post-bacc degree and doing research/work. It's mainly a professional academic setting, mixed in with eager undergrads (minority), grad students, professors, and in-betweens like me. Met a grad-student <INTJ> and we sorta have no reason to mingle. Being two awkward people, this INTJ and I have awkward encounters. We sorta have a reason to talk, but not in length. We're clearly impressed by each other's intelligence from the few times we talked though. Seems like both of us are sort of interested... but we also think we need to have a reason to talk. INFJs are just as bad at small talk as INTJs. Result = awkward conversations. We have a class together if that's a start, but its huge.... blah.

Any suggestions? I'm guessing out of the two, I should drop a hankerchief first? How do we start? HELP.

 

[Filo]

How INTJ is he? If he is very INTJ, just saying you like his intelligence may do wonders.

 

[curious0610]

VERY intj. He sounds so similar to people from the INTJ board, that I had to individually click each profile, examine the contents, and go through some posts before i could disprove it was him.

I did my research and i thought if you said things like "you're smart " or "that was intelligent/wise," INTJs kinda thought the person saying that was stupid (depending on the comment) or may be annoyed. I think it's the same for INFJs, if someone says something to us like "that was deep," it irks us.

 

[Filo]

INTJ are people. They are diverse.

Okay, if you want a power tool: The very best way of getting an INTJ going is asking him about one of his pet subjects. For instance, if you are truly interested in plasma torches, I will talk to you about it until your ears fall off. I will only bother if you like them, though - so if you are faking it, this could backfire.

 

[amiculus]

The class you are taking together gives you a perfect conversation topic. Ask him what he thinks about a class topic that interests you. Suggest a cup of coffee. Take a chance. If you are really attracted to him find a way to show it, and be persistent.

 

[curious0610]

It's just that after I find a way to show him that I'm really attracted, HE SEES THROUGH IT. and i start beating myself up when I think that he caught on the vibes I give out.

 

[Biracial]

It's just that after I find a way to show him that I'm really attracted, HE SEES THROUGH IT. and i start beating myself up when I think that he caught on the vibes I give out.

If you're trying to seduce him, isn't he supposed to catch the vibes you're sending out?

Are you teasing him?

 

[curious0610]

No, i just get embarrassed when people know my true feelings. In this case, I feel really vulnerable now that it's out in the open I'm interested and attracted.

 

[amiculus]

No, i just get embarrassed when people know my true feelings. In this case, I feel really vulnerable now that it's out in the open I'm interested and attracted.

Yeah, it is tough. You have to be willing to risk rejection in order to get close to someone. You should try to get over that fear or it may condemn you to loneliness. If he doesn't respond, you just have to accept it and keep looking elsewhere.

 

[lirulin]

Is it actually out in the open, or do you just feel like it is?
Because INTJs don't often catch vibes. If you haven't been completely blunt, I wouldn't worry so much.
My INFJ bf was hitting on me about five months before I caught on. Apparently nearly everyone else knew. The man has a patience of a saint.

As for conversation topics...well, the awkwardness was pretty much smashed when my friend and I informed him and his cousin, while we were watching a hockey game, that mentioning lesbianism had preceded goals in the past, therefore it was lucky. Shouting "DILDOS!" at a television tends to break the ice.

In terms of topics now, talking about class is always kinda fun. We also tend to talk about the inside of our heads pretty constantly, fwiw. Books/movies/music?

 

[amiculus]

Is it actually out in the open, or do you just feel like it is?
Because INTJs don't often catch vibes. If you haven't been completely blunt, I wouldn't worry so much.
My INFJ bf was hitting on me about five months before I caught on.

Yup. You have to hit us INTJs over the head. Don't expect us to pick up on subtle signals.

 

[lirulin]

Yup. You have to hit us INTJs over the head. Don't expect us to pick up on subtle signals.

Sad but true.
In retropect, I ought to have caught on when mine started signing his e-mails with hearts...Took another month before it hit me. Hindsight, eh?
Poor guy was talking afterwards about all these carefully-crafted encoded messages and attempts at interpretion and it's just like..whooooooooosh. He totally thought I knew too, and was coming to these intricate - and wrong - interpretations of my actions in that light. Hilarious.

 

[Jomama]

Although... If we INTJs are already interested (without your knowledge, of course :wink, we may be more likely to pick up your interest via your behavioral patterns- We are all about recognizing patterns, after all. This was the case with my INFJ and myself. I already had feelings for him, so his feelings for me were very obvious. However, when my INFJ and I became an item, I was surprised to learn that other male friends were interested in me all along. *shrug*