Good midnight, All. I'm experiencing some mental anguish that needs to be vented, so I'm turning to you guys for advice. Bare with me, this is going to be long.
I haven't visited this website in nearly three years and I'm almost distraught to say I've lost myself. I suppose that's to be expected at such a young, troubling age (20), however I've been faced with a predicament and I hope my providing my age prior to explanation doesn't cause any unnecessary biases.
Someway, somehow, I managed to encounter an ENFP in the wild and I've been an absolute mess ever since. I was lonely before I'd met him. I wasn't thrilled with life before I'd met him. I had classic symptoms of chronic depression before I'd met him. But there was something I can only describe as effortless and intense about the entire encounter which left me making bad decisions and starting to fall for a married man. (Don't worry, he was 26). I cannot say I love him, because love generally requires a foundation of bonding and time, but I definitely feel almost hopelessly infatuated. Hopelessly -- because he is married and has a child. The attraction was so intense that I'd gone against all of my own morals and became a mistress for a solid 2 months. I involved myself with him and now I wish I'd never met him, and not because I was hurt when it had to end, but because the whole incident left me even lonelier and more depressed than I was before.
I feel like I'll never be able to find that feeling of pre-destined connection again. It's an irrational thought, I'm aware, but the odds seem slim and I'm distraught over the low probability because the loneliness hangs over my head like a gloomy cloud -- I can still perform my day-to-day functions, but it's always there blocking the sunlight.
To put it into perspective -- I could simply be sitting in the same room as him, regardless of how many other people were present, and I would instantly feel substantially calmer. I didn't have to speak to him or look at him. His presence alone made me feel inexplicably at ease, from the first time I met him.
I think I'm mostly upset for a selfish reason -- I saw the potential in him to help center me again and I felt so close to that opportunity when he abruptly ended things. I haven't felt like myself in a long while. I've had brain fog for what feels like years and am just increasingly becoming more and more lost from the version of myself that I felt most comfortable. With him, I had a glimpse of that version of myself again and saw how easy it would be to be her again. But it seemed entirely dependent on his presence.
Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this with any types, not confined to only ENFPs? And is there actual hope out there for us INTJs finding effortless love? Loneliness festers.
I haven't visited this website in nearly three years and I'm almost distraught to say I've lost myself. I suppose that's to be expected at such a young, troubling age (20), however I've been faced with a predicament and I hope my providing my age prior to explanation doesn't cause any unnecessary biases.
Someway, somehow, I managed to encounter an ENFP in the wild and I've been an absolute mess ever since. I was lonely before I'd met him. I wasn't thrilled with life before I'd met him. I had classic symptoms of chronic depression before I'd met him. But there was something I can only describe as effortless and intense about the entire encounter which left me making bad decisions and starting to fall for a married man. (Don't worry, he was 26). I cannot say I love him, because love generally requires a foundation of bonding and time, but I definitely feel almost hopelessly infatuated. Hopelessly -- because he is married and has a child. The attraction was so intense that I'd gone against all of my own morals and became a mistress for a solid 2 months. I involved myself with him and now I wish I'd never met him, and not because I was hurt when it had to end, but because the whole incident left me even lonelier and more depressed than I was before.
I feel like I'll never be able to find that feeling of pre-destined connection again. It's an irrational thought, I'm aware, but the odds seem slim and I'm distraught over the low probability because the loneliness hangs over my head like a gloomy cloud -- I can still perform my day-to-day functions, but it's always there blocking the sunlight.
To put it into perspective -- I could simply be sitting in the same room as him, regardless of how many other people were present, and I would instantly feel substantially calmer. I didn't have to speak to him or look at him. His presence alone made me feel inexplicably at ease, from the first time I met him.
I think I'm mostly upset for a selfish reason -- I saw the potential in him to help center me again and I felt so close to that opportunity when he abruptly ended things. I haven't felt like myself in a long while. I've had brain fog for what feels like years and am just increasingly becoming more and more lost from the version of myself that I felt most comfortable. With him, I had a glimpse of that version of myself again and saw how easy it would be to be her again. But it seemed entirely dependent on his presence.
Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this with any types, not confined to only ENFPs? And is there actual hope out there for us INTJs finding effortless love? Loneliness festers.