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I'm an INTJ only child and my parents are separeted but they're both still alive. My ENFP mom used to be really clingy but she learned to respect my space and autonomy. I like her a lot when she's not being too irrational.

I had/have issues with my ISTJ dad, who wanted an ISTJ clone and couldn't accept me for who I am. Eventually I became tired of his excessive control and authority, went to live full time with my mom and stopped talking to him. Two weeks after I did that he sent me a text message saying "I'm glad you decided to become a real man". I stopped respecting him that day. I was 19.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I'm an INTJ only child and my parents are separeted but they're both still alive. My ENFP mom used to be really clingy but she learned to respect my space and autonomy. I like her a lot when she's not being too irrational.

I had/have issues with my ISTJ dad, who wanted an ISTJ clone and couldn't accept me for who I am. Eventually I became tired of his excessive control and authority, went to live full time with my mom and stopped talking to him. Two weeks after I did that he sent me a text message saying "I'm gald you decided to become a real man". I stopped respecting him that day. I was 18.

huh. interesting. I honestly do not know what type my dad is. I think he's a feeler though. which REALLY tends to get in the way of my singlemindedness. I feel like i'm really cold to him. Then i go into my room and kick myself in the face for it. I honestly can not help it. I wish i could though. i really do.
 

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huh. interesting. I honestly do not know what type my dad is. I think he's a feeler though. which REALLY tends to get in the way of my singlemindedness. I feel like i'm really cold to him. Then i go into my room and kick myself in the face for it. I honestly can not help it. I wish i could though. i really do.
Well if my advice is good for anything, here it goes:

You should accept who you are in the first place. If you are an INTJ, you have feelings, but probably can't understand or relate to them. So it's a tough subject for you. But that's OK.

After being OK with who you are, if it were me, I'd have a talk with my dad about our feelings. Explain to him how you are and hope he'll understand.

In the best case cenario he'll even help you identify some feelings and understand them. If you want to.
 

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I lived with both my parents for times as single parents but other times with my dad and his numerous wives and partners with their large families I could have almost come from some weird children/family based sect with the amount of people around...I was the youngest in my immediate family of two but again....I went from spoiled baby to stroppy middle child with the syndrome to one of many faces....meh...can't really put me in any birth order category or single parent background....but there were times that I was the only child to a single parent.:crazy:
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Well if my advice is good for anything, here it goes:

You should accept who you are in the first place. If you are an INTJ, you have feelings, but probably can't understand or relate to them. So it's a tough subject for you. But that's OK.

After being OK with who you are, if it were me, I'd have a talk with my dad about our feelings. Explain to him how you are and hope he'll understand.

In the best case cenario he'll even help you identify some feelings and understand them. If you want to.
*eye twitch* i do not think i could do that. talking about feelings around here is not something that is done regularly. maybe twice a year. yeah we say "love you" when either of us leaves or we hang up the phone, but thats about the extent of it. and we do love eachother. don't get me wrong. my dad fainted a few months ago (from what turned out to be extreme dehydration) but i about had a panic attack. i even think about the day that he passes away, and it kills me. its strange how much i love him and yet i can't show it. it's probably bc physical means of showing affection did not happen when i was younger. but even understanding that NOW doesnt help me.
 

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I understand that it's a difficult thing to do, show affection. And you probably should take it one small step at a time.

That's where being an INTJ helps a lot. You need a plan, a course of action, and you need patience in order to follow through.

Again, I'd suggest trying to figure yourself out fisrt. Theoretical understanding is important - reading about behaviour, typology, functions etc. But eventually, when you feel up to it, it's also imperative to get in touch with your feelings - even if at first you don1t understand or even can't stand them. Work up some motivation and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Try to understand it. Ask a close friend if possible.

Only talk with your dad about it if and when you feel ready. But don't try to convince yourself you'll never be. Remeber that everything is possible with a well thought plan.

Understanding these things even now does make a difference. Of course it doesn't change the past, but it can alter your present and future interactions if you ponder on it and try to apply a method for change.

All that is, of course, my lame opinion.
 

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I understand that it's a difficult thing to do, show affection. And you probably should take it one small step at a time.

That's where being an INTJ helps a lot. You need a plan, a course of action, and you need patience in order to follow through.

Again, I'd suggest trying to figure yourself out fisrt. Theoretical understanding is important - reading about behaviour, typology, functions etc. But eventually, when you feel up to it, it's also imperative to get in touch with your feelings - even if at first you don1t understand or even can't stand them. Work up some motivation and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Try to understand it. Ask a close friend if possible.

Only talk with your dad about it if and when you feel ready. But don't try to convince yourself you'll never be. Remeber that everything is possible with a well thought plan.

Understanding these things even now does make a difference. Of course it doesn't change the past, but it can alter your present and future interactions if you ponder on it and try to apply a method for change.

All that is, of course, my lame opinion.
thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. :)
 

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My mom is an ISFJ and I am the same age 19 going on 20 and attending Community college. SFs are just a challenge for me anyway, but having to live with one has its downs. She is very literal, to the point, emotionally intelligent, traditionalist and nurturing--which is the exact opposite of me. Communication is difficult sometimes and our intrests (fashion, family, children, vacationing, video games, philosophy, science, {you can guess who's who}) don't exactly correlate. But she is my mother and I couldn't live without her! She gets upset when my room is not clean and my chores aren't done--but she keeps me stable and fed lol. XSFJs can be problematic--especally females filling this God-awful femminine role then enforcing them on their rebellious NT child. But when you need a hot meal and a hug--consistently--I know who to call.
 

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OP is retired and so should this thread be.

Not an only child nor from a single parent home. Both my parents even when they separated and divorced did not take long at all to hook up with a new partner. I liken them to atoms with one electron, bonds quickly and easily.
 
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