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I have massive self confidence and rarely have self esteem or self doubt issues.

But looking around the forum plenty of INTJs seem to me to have low self esteem and self confidence...

So, at the risk of getting trolled or slated by the ever confident @Bugs, I'd like to know your INTJ views on this one...

Are you self confident: and if so, what makes you like that which others could learn from?

Or if you lack self confidence: is there a reason or a question behind that which you would like to share and get advice on?

And is *total* self confidence a totally good thing anyway? How would you define the right level?


For myself I'd say it's down to having been passably successful at pretty much everything I've ever done, so I have lived life in the centre of a giant positive feedback loop... And the result is I'm pretty picky about both praise and criticism nowadays.

Obviously that's an oversimplification, but I'd like to know how people who are *Masterminds* can reconcile that within themselves to a self view which includes a *lack* of self confidence.
 

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I don't think I am inherently self-confident. I have been told I come across very confident, if only because I don't come across at all if I don't have knowledge about the topic at hand.

I am incredibly confident in my areas of knowledge. Standard INTJ, I lack confidence in areas such as dating, my ego takes a hit any time I consider the prospect. (My ISTJ associates all date almost weekly, how is that even possible? I don't even understand the culture of dating, it is a silly prospect. Now I want to rant about dating, to the stream of consciousness thread!)

It also doesn't do any good to be nervous about anything, if you are going to do something put forth your full effort.

I would also say I have been passably successful at everything I do. Not always confident in my abilities to do the activity.

Hmm..

Not sure I have ever understood the confidence thing, INTJs are confident... I believe we are masterful, we are masters of our fields and seek to master everything we do; or at least reach competency. This would have the by-product of creating confidence.
 

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Are you self confident: and if so, what makes you like that which others could learn from?
I'm on God level of self confidence. I feel like I can mentally pick a lot of people apart. I read a lot and most of my arguments or discussions are based off fact and if I don't know something I have humility to admit I don't know.

And is *total* self confidence a totally good thing anyway? How would you define the right level?
Total self confidence isn't good at all because if people perceive you as someone who doesn't know anything or is wrong; Even if you're right, the general consensus of you will be ignorance. No matter how much confidence you have in yourself if other people don't have confidence in you, where are you really? ....and if you're that confident, underestimation of other people is a dangerous game.

I's say the right level is whatever you're comfortable outwardly showing to people.

For myself I'd say it's down to having been passably successful at pretty much everything I've ever done, so I have lived life in the centre of a giant positive feedback loop... And the result is I'm pretty picky about both praise and criticism nowadays.
For me, I haven't been successful at shit(I haven't won at anything in a really long time). Early on in life I had a lot of positive feedback but in the last few years it's been all negative. As a result I take both criticism and praise with a grain of salt.
 

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Professionally I have tons of self-confidence. But I've also been working in this field for the past 15-ish years and have a lot of experience under my belt. It's the old "been there, done that" adage. I'd have to say the biggest positive influence on my self-confidence is the realization that my 'meh' effort is usually better than other people's good effort. I don't say that with any amount of hubris or arrogance. It's just that I've observed that I generally succeed at a high level when I put my mind to something. And if someone does it better than I do, I learn from them and apply it down the road. Consequently, I've become better at stepping into new situations because I know I can handle unknowns. I just remind myself that as long as I ask the right questions I'll always get the the bottom of it.

One thing that's changed in the past five years or so is that my focus has changed from how well I perform my own work to how well I work with others. It's one thing to be good at what you do. It's another to get others to reach their potential. And part of me likes seeing other people do well, because as misanthropic as I come across at times I really do like people.

Socially I have some self-confidence, but it's dependent on the situation. Put me in a bar with 30 strangers and one person I know, and I'll disappear because I start freakin out about saying or doing the wrong thing. Put me in the same setting but where I know 20 of the people, and I'll be fine. And oddly enough, I'm fine with massive crowds where I'm anonymous and don't have to interact with people.
 

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I'm pretty self-confident; which, comes from me being really comfortable with who I am -- something I've noticed as I have matured. And there are always times when it gets to a new level as you do something you feel not comfortable doing. One of those times would be me going up to a girl I had a crush on and just asking her out; even though she turned me down I really felt like I gained some confidence, which I feel had to do with me becoming more comfortable in myself.

Self-confidence is good; as long as, it is in amounts that one can handle without becoming supercilious. We are all different, so the amount of self-confidence that a person would be able to handle would differentiate.

I'm still young, and surely has much to learn when it comes to self-confidence; hopefully, I'll be able to become even more comfortable in my own body. :)
 

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Are you self confident: and if so, what makes you like that which others could learn from?

Or if you lack self confidence: is there a reason or a question behind that which you would like to share and get advice on?

And is *total* self confidence a totally good thing anyway? How would you define the right level?
1. Confidence levels have been fluctuating a lot in my life. Currently my confidence is on a low. It really has to do with succes (or what I percieve as succes) and if there is anything I can be proud of in my life. When I was studying at University my self-confidence was pretty high. Managed to get good grades, had a grood grasp of the theory and could it implement in projects. That was also a period when I found some social succes. Socially speaking I am still doing OK, but professional succes is absent. Because of that, and a few other reasons, my confidence levels have dropped sharply.
2. Total self confidence will lead to an inflated sense of self and how important one is in this world (grandiosity). Total self confidence can make you arrogant (or percieved as such). Total self confidence can also cloud your judgement, when you are confident you are always right you might question your decisions less and perhaps this can lead to you making more mistakes. What a right level of confidence would be? Probably a level where you are not afraid to stand up for yourself, comfortable in your own skin but not cocky. Stuff like that.
 

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I am pretty self confident, but I tend not to foray into things that I don't think I can do. I have a good handle on my strengths and weaknesses so I pretty much can judge what I'll be good to go on or not. Sometimes, I may be unsure of myself in an unfamiliar task or situation but, underneath it, I still have a sense that it's something I'm capable of doing (since I chose to take it on). Even in those situations, people tend to think of me as confident and smart even though I do not quite feel that way. But I guess my faith that I can tackle it successfully comes across? Idk. So I'm not sure how I'd advise people to become more self-confident. I guess I just found the things I'm good at and kept doing those things and it grew. So...maybe learning yourself more, believing you have strengths, using those strengths for successes.

Hmm, see also: growing older and giving less of a shit about what people think. Lol

Least secure, as others said, in some social situations and/or the dating arena. Hence almost 30/basically foreveralone status :p

"total self confidence" - not sure that is truly achievable without one lying to ones self on some level. Also, I think it would be hard to exercise good judgement if you had total self confidence. Well, really, I'm not even sure what that means or how you're defining it. But I think it would just cause you to overestimate yourself. The key is knowing the balance of your strengths and weaknesses. Not thinking you can take everything and every situation on. I think there are people who have this "total self confidence" and it really sets them up for having a lot of disappointment and depression.
 
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I have very high confidence in things like school, work. I have a lot of self-love. I, like you, have been in sort of a positive-feedback loop most of my life. I agree with PoppaX's "my 'meh' effort is usually better than other people's good effort." This is so true in school and in work. I remember I could do super well on tests in school with very minimal effort. The effort increased, of course, as grade level increased, but it always seemed much lower than other people's effort. I found that in many of my classes, if I just listened to the teacher as he/she was lecturing, I could make an A on most things without even needing to review the material. I'm a very strong auditory learner. Not only is it the most effective way for me to learn, but it also seems like the way that takes the least effort.


So I am sorta unfazed when it comes to compliments or criticism (I wonder if that's an Fi thing?) because of the positive-feedback loop.

Socially I'm an awkward doof. And I have a phobia of answering phone calls from strangers or calling strangers on the phone.

Honestly, I think telephones are getting so old-fashioned anyway. My parents moved to Florida about a year ago and still don't have a landline. I doubt they'll even bother with one. They're so pointless nowadays, don't you think?
 

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I'm actually embarrassed about how self confident I am about most things, and often make ineffective attempts to act humble and self deprecating. I have always just assumed that I could master anything if I really wanted to. That is, of course, ridiculous, since there are big areas that I will never be particularly good at, no matter how hard I try. Race car driving. Chess. Origami (my cranes are disgraceful.) Still, I can't get over the secret conviction that I'm basically good at everything.

It's probably a useful delusion,though, because it makes me unafraid of new experiences and ideas. I'd certainly rather be over-confident than under-confident. Always doubting yourself sounds awful.
 

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Are you self confident: and if so, what makes you like that which others could learn from?
I have a good amount of self-confidence. I know my abilities quite well and so know where my limitations are. I'm generally sure of being able to sort things out etc. so that leads to a cycle which builds my self-confidence.

But that's the thing, it's all SELF-confidence. I know what I can do and that I'll follow through, but I have none of that confidence in others. I also have little confidence when it comes to anything to do with people or social situations because those areas were severely neglected by me when I was younger and I never really got around to learning how to do it.

The only way I ever developed confidence was over time. When I was younger I had almost no self-confidence and constantly doubted myself. I wouldn't act because I was too afraid I was going to do something wrong. But even as recently as a year ago, I didn't have half the confidence I do now. I think the biggest change came from coming to study in a foreign country completely on my own with no real support. It also helped me get over some of the remaining aspect of my previous case of agoraphobia, as there was no choice but to go out on my own. Seeing myself able to do things like the shopping on my own without doing things wrong or incredible feelings of anxiety, it was positive reinforcement.

So yeah, positive reinforcement is a key aspect.

And is *total* self confidence a totally good thing anyway? How would you define the right level?
I think confidence is good, but it's a fine line between being sure of yourself and becoming arrogant. Arrogance is a form of ignorance - and possibly one of the worst kinds, as you're unable to see that you are. Being confident but also realistic, I think, is the perfect combination.
 
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I think I have self-confidence when it comes to my intelligence, ideas, and abilities. I know that I'm smart and good at getting things done, which imparts a feeling of success/confidence that my life will be as good as I want it to be.

I have self-confidence when it comes to body/appearance issues. Maybe it's because I was bullied when I was younger and Korean heritage (in which a size 4-6 is slightly chubby), but I've always had issues coming to terms with the fact that I am a tall and intimidating INTJ and not some fuzzy 4'11 cute Asian girl. I admit now that I'm decent looking, but I can't take compliments when it comes to appearance at all (when it comes to intellect I'll agree almost all the time). Perhaps it's my own way of balancing out the quintessential 'beauty vs. brains' conflict.

I'd honestly rather be vain and love at least 98% of myself than have satisfaction with around 64% of myself. Vain not being arrogant, of course, but perfectly content with myself and the way I am. I always think that I criticize myself too much for my own good, and I wish I wasn't so aware of my faults. I'm steadily working on it and I'm a lot better compared to the me of 4 years ago, but I still have a long way to go.
 

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I'm not so confidant. I doubt my own senses. When I drove in a car 100s of ks towards the setting sun with a battalion of kamikaze wasps on my windscreen with dodgy lights I just thought it was my eyesight until SO pointed out how shitty the lights were one night. I'm like that with everything until I step back and see things for what they are. I have had illness for years though and a fair amount of that has a toll after a while.

Self confidence and esteem levels aren't the be all and end all. Apprehension about getting things right can also be important to get a feel for which way to go rather than just diving in head first with a 'can do' attitude.
 

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I find this question somewhat difficult to answer probably because "self confidence" is so much ingrained in me that I cant access it from outside just as I sometimes end up taking intuition as my sense of reality.
But basically as many other INTJ's I too think "anything is possible and everything is possible" though putting it explicity in words sounds a bit egoistic; yet the question remains on whether you want to make everything possible...
So the question should be "why should a human being not be confident when he trusts his ability to understand something or when he is far too removed from immediate reality for the process called failure to have any impact on him?"
 
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I can be self-confident if I'm in a situation where I know I will be successful. If I'm at a frat party or something, I will not be self-confident.

I'm generally not self-confident, since I'm generally not in situations that allow me to be successful. I'm a 6, so I'm more prone to that. I have no friends, and I spend all of my time alone. When I'm forced into social interaction, I lose my confidence.

I'm not sure what you mean by that exactly. If you mean being absolutely self-confident all the time even when it isn't logical, wouldn't that be narcissism?
 

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Are you self confident: and if so, what makes you like that which others could learn from?
I think I am very self-confident. The main reason for this would have to be that I care solely about my abilities and my sense of self, and put little-to-no priority on my appearance or social reputation. Socially I'm just meh. I get along with most people, though some people don't like me for one reason or the other, or no reason at all. It would be nice if everyone liked me, but if they don't it's not particularly something I get too bothered by unless it causes functional problems.

And is *total* self confidence a totally good thing anyway? How would you define the right level?
I think total self-confidence is a good thing. I would define self-confidence as knowing that you are just as worthless as everyone else and being okay with it. I know that Narcissism is a problem in our modern society, but I wouldn't call that self-confidence, as a narcissist tries to appear superior to compensate for the subconscious knowledge that they are just as mortal as the rest of us.
 
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What do you guys think is the difference between confidence and competence?
I'm not at home now but I recently bought a book I've read only the first chapter so far, that pretty much makes this distinction and affirms that perhaps have believe and trust in your own competences is better than having just high self confidence - specially while staying in your own knowledge niche.

Surprisingly, for an ENFP, I tend to fall into the lower zone of self confidence. But this is mostly for the fact that I have too high expectations and idealism of everything, much more of myself.
However, I trust my competence completely, I just know (intuition? ) that if I want to, if I put my heart into it, I'll succeed. What blocks me sometimes is the fear, the lack of confidence.
And then I'd take a deep breath, throw myself at it and come out the other side victorious!

Does it make sense and ring a bell to you, @Dabbling, my dear... ?
;)
 
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I'd say I'm self-confident and have been for the majority of my life. I've only had a handful of not-so-self-confident moments thus far. I'm sure it's because I was, for a very long time, completely and utterly oblivious to...well...everything. I was also successful at the things I did and received a lot of praise in general, but those kinds of things tend to roll off my back because I recognized I could become dependent on them and whenever they stopped coming, my confidence levels would probably plummet too.

Currently, I'm not quite as self-confident as I've been in the past but that's because I've made a conscious effort to submerse myself with other people and play at being...normal? In the past few years, I've made it a point to socialize and be more social and just fit in instead of blending into the background and coming out when I feel it's necessary. It's both a decision I regret and am grateful for making because it's opened me up to this whole other world I didn't even realize existed where people actually care about how approachable you are from all levels as well as a bunch of other trivial shit. I've ended up attracting different kinds of people with different kinds of self-esteem issues (like: I'm not popular or I'm not pretty enough or I don't get laid often enough, etc.), and I think I've internalized some of those issues, kind of let them project it onto me. Almost like when you hear a song enough times you actually begin to like it. Anyway, I'm not too worried about it overall.

Too much self-confidence can be a bad thing, especially when you refuse to be swayed because you're too stuck up your own arse. It can be a mood-killer, for sure. The right level would be knowing and accepting there are natural, unarguable limitations for everyone by default of biology, but that many of the other limitations we see or are told about come from society or simply exist in our heads. Basically, know everyone has limits but don't put anymore limits onto yourself. Accept you are as fully capable as practically the next person.
 
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I am majorly self-confident. Because I was always a great student and the type of student that didn't need to study to get the good grades, I had my own ego stroking from that alone. I also had praise from teachers and family and peers for how good I was doing whilst growing up so again, I had nothing to really bring me down. Sure, in high school I had my fair share of being picked on and bullied, but I was always able to keep my confidence and self-worth sky high by telling myself how much better my life will be in the future because I'm smarter than them. That allowed me to be very dismissive of further attempts to bring me down or poke fun at me which in turn I dished right back at an intellectual level that would make them think so hard they looked like they were going to have an aneurysm which, I admit, brought a slight smile to my face. Even to this day, I still hold a high opinion of myself, not to be cocky, but to the level that I continue to do the best I can at everything I do and be satisfied with the results.
 

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I'm very confident in myself, with the one glaring exception being inter-personal relationships. It's less of an issue in a professional setting, but outside of work, I'm quite insecure about interactions with other people. I compensate for that with a liberal dose of bravado, indifference and humour. Fake it till you make it...
 

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Are you self confident: and if so, what makes you like that which others could learn from?
I know what I know. I know what I don't know. I'm honest and open about that.

Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and many people seem to judge themselves based on how they compare to others. I shun this comparison. Comparing anyone to anyone else leads to a person having an excuse to say "I'm not good enough" and then beat themselves up about it. We must all deal with life as individuals, and learn that not everyone can be perfect at anything- so stop trying, and instead be yourself. Then, learn to honor that self for what it can do, and what it cannot.

Or if you lack self confidence: is there a reason or a question behind that which you would like to share and get advice on?
Not really, No. I lack confidence with things I don't do well, because I know that I don't do them well and have not practiced or learned how to do them well. If I want to be more confident doing these things, I simply have to go-and-practice.

And is *total* self confidence a totally good thing anyway? How would you define the right level?
The moment of "absolute certainty", is also the moment of failure. Anytime we are "certain" is the time we should STOP immediately and take stock. When we are "sure", we lose our clarity- our ability to see everything else and we make more mistakes at that moment than ony other time, because we have stopped examining and integrating.... Anytime someone says "I'm 100% sure of X." That's the moment in time to isolate and learn to look again.

Because of all of this, I don't think that self-confidence is a marker of success, nor do I think it is a static level that exists in the self. I think it fluctuates depending on introspection, task and circumstance.
 
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