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What are your views on them? How do you get along with them?

I'm just out of a serious relationship with one. The esfj I was dating was cold, controlling, manipulative, an annoying social butterfly, needed more attention than you're average person, hid all her emotions when it came to serious things but then she'd cry over something stupid and she'd never bloody stop, she was extremely insecure, she acts and dresses and listens to the same music as everyone else, she's irrational, illogical, unfaithful, a coward (broke up over text), had no motivation or dreams, she was so arrogant and self righteous, she couldn't be wrong even if you gave her enough proof and everyone agreed with you (if everyone agreed with what I was saying or whatever the situation was they were still all wrong and just ganging up on her). She just couldn't make or take a proper argument but she'd always win because of her stubbornness, she wouldn't talk about her problems and let me help her with anything, she was so secretive, she relied on me too much. She'd ignore me in front of our friends and treat me like I was nothing, but then when we were alone I was her everything again.

Are other esfjs like this or is she just unhealthy? Do intjs and esfjs usually get along?

Oh and btw I knew her type because we did the actual one in school with our career counselor. She got esfj, although I though she was an esfp or enfp lol. But just in case, yeah I know what her type is.
 

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Your previous relationship seems to be an unhealthy one - I wouldn't say even a fair amount of ESFJs are like that. My best friend, and the two best friends I've had before that have all been ESFJs, and although I do appreciate their company, it can be hard getting along with them as an INTJ. They seem to have an off-again, on-again approach to things, coming on strong (such as either being very direct) but then receding almost instantly. It can feel as though you're riding a tide with no control. In fights, this comes out the worst; the ESFJs I've known seem to have a penchant for being both defensive and evasive, while doing sneaky back attacks that leave me distrustful of them for some time.

On the upside, ESFJs are very caring and very loyal. One of the things I've admired in them is their ability to care for others, especially when I fall flat in that area. They also don't have as much trouble going along with what needs to be done, which I admire again as a solution that I do not get on with. Overall, I do appreciate the ESFJs in my life, but I'm very distrustful of the ESFJs I met anew.
 

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What are your views on them? How do you get along with them?

I'm just out of a serious relationship with one. The esfj I was dating was cold, controlling, manipulative, an annoying social butterfly, needed more attention than you're average person, hid all her emotions when it came to serious things but then she'd cry over something stupid and she'd never bloody stop, she was extremely insecure, she acts and dresses and listens to the same music as everyone else, she's irrational, illogical, unfaithful, a coward (broke up over text), had no motivation or dreams, she was so arrogant and self righteous, she couldn't be wrong even if you gave her enough proof and everyone agreed with you (if everyone agreed with what I was saying or whatever the situation was they were still all wrong and just ganging up on her). She just couldn't make or take a proper argument but she'd always win because of her stubbornness, she wouldn't talk about her problems and let me help her with anything, she was so secretive, she relied on me too much. She'd ignore me in front of our friends and treat me like I was nothing, but then when we were alone I was her everything again.

Are other esfjs like this or is she just unhealthy? Do intjs and esfjs usually get along?

Oh and btw I knew her type because we did the actual one in school with our career counselor. She got esfj, although I though she was an esfp or enfp lol. But just in case, yeah I know what her type is.
Boy oh boy, have I been waiting for a thread like this. My ex was an unhealthy ESFJ and I went through HELL, still trying to recover from it. I wish to elaborate more and give you TONS of validation when I have more time. Maybe I'll send you a private message? Perhaps we can figure the world out together. Lol.

The relationship that I had prior to the relationship with the ESFJ, was with an INTJ (great relationship, WAY less drama- but I blew it). Ironically, I remember thinking that my INTJ ex would have HATED everything about the ESFJ I was dating. So I really think I can help you with some incite. Talk soon.
 

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What are your views on them? How do you get along with them?

I'm just out of a serious relationship with one. The esfj I was dating was cold, controlling, manipulative, an annoying social butterfly, needed more attention than you're average person, hid all her emotions when it came to serious things but then she'd cry over something stupid and she'd never bloody stop, she was extremely insecure, she acts and dresses and listens to the same music as everyone else, she's irrational, illogical, unfaithful, a coward (broke up over text), had no motivation or dreams, she was so arrogant and self righteous, she couldn't be wrong even if you gave her enough proof and everyone agreed with you (if everyone agreed with what I was saying or whatever the situation was they were still all wrong and just ganging up on her). She just couldn't make or take a proper argument but she'd always win because of her stubbornness, she wouldn't talk about her problems and let me help her with anything, she was so secretive, she relied on me too much. She'd ignore me in front of our friends and treat me like I was nothing, but then when we were alone I was her everything again.

Are other esfjs like this or is she just unhealthy? Do intjs and esfjs usually get along?

Oh and btw I knew her type because we did the actual one in school with our career counselor. She got esfj, although I though she was an esfp or enfp lol. But just in case, yeah I know what her type is.
She sounds extremely unhealthy.. My ex wife was ESFJ.. and although she could be a nag and bit of a martyr.. she was My rock .. and basically saved me from my NF self.. and I have been a bit lost without her..
 

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I have a VERY difficult time with ESFJ's myself....
In small doses they can be wonderful. I have one that I thought was a friend which sees us as so much more....and has pushed it to the point I am ignoring them and email is STILL coming in. The last with photos saying: miss me yet?

Uh........NO.

I am sure there are some wonderful ESFJ's out there, but they are NOT for me as their boundaries are WAY over the line.

I really hope you post your feelings/experiences......I think it would be nice to see/learn from.

Regards..
 

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i have met more than my share of this type and I find them too gossipy and boastful - they somehow manage to be both loyal and backstabby at the same time, i have not been able to understand this accomplishment. also they breath in a way that irritates me, kind of like bull frogs
for me back stabbing is a deal breaker. this is not acceptable behavior in a equal respectful relationship but for them it seems part of the deal
 

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i have met more than my share of this type and I find them too gossipy and boastful - they somehow manage to be both loyal and backstabby at the same time, i have not been able to understand this accomplishment. also they breath in a way that irritates me, kind of like bull frogs
for me back stabbing is a deal breaker. this is not acceptable behavior in a equal respectful relationship but for them it seems part of the deal

My mother, an ESFJ, fits this category quite precisely. Once she feels she is right she disregards the extensive logic that counters her arguments, thus we do not get on very well. I have yet to see eye to eye with her on issues because of her subjective approach to decision making and her general biased perspective on the world.
 

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Visceral hatred.
 

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Ha ha. I have never seen this thread before. My mother, as well, is an ESFJ, and seriously.... from my standpoint, she's crazy. She is very much a person who puts an extraordinary amount of effort into accomplishing small unimportant things (like looking in every store in town to find an item, and settling in the end for the one she didn't want). She filled the house with trinkets and crap, and it would constantly get broken... then she would glue it back together and put it back on display. Our relationship was one of tug/push all the time. There were all of these undocumented rules that were determined by the gossipy nature of her friends and the neighbours that I was supposed to follow. Even to this day, she tries to get information from me so she can try and brag about me to people. She tried her best to keep things peaceful between us, but then she would switch into the crazy accusations ("I had this dream that you did X, so you are up to something!"), or the need for attention that tended along the lines of smothering the life out of me. The best way I can describe her: histrionic.
 

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I'm just out of a serious relationship with one. The esfj I was dating was cold, controlling, manipulative, an annoying social butterfly, needed more attention than you're average person, hid all her emotions when it came to serious things but then she'd cry over something stupid and she'd never bloody stop, she was extremely insecure, she acts and dresses and listens to the same music as everyone else, she's irrational, illogical, unfaithful, a coward (broke up over text), had no motivation or dreams, she was so arrogant and self righteous, she couldn't be wrong even if you gave her enough proof and everyone agreed with you (if everyone agreed with what I was saying or whatever the situation was they were still all wrong and just ganging up on her). She just couldn't make or take a proper argument but she'd always win because of her stubbornness, she wouldn't talk about her problems and let me help her with anything, she was so secretive, she relied on me too much. She'd ignore me in front of our friends and treat me like I was nothing, but then when we were alone I was her everything again.
An ESFJ I'm no longer friends with was exactly like this, except for the last bit I left without Bold. I think my experience with her and some others has put me off of the ESFx variety altogether.

My mom is an ESFJ and it is such a hard relationship to maintain; I just wouldn't bother if she weren't my mother.
 

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Ha ha. I have never seen this thread before. My mother, as well, is an ESFJ, and seriously.... from my standpoint, she's crazy. She is very much a person who puts an extraordinary amount of effort into accomplishing small unimportant things (like looking in every store in town to find an item, and settling in the end for the one she didn't want). She filled the house with trinkets and crap, and it would constantly get broken... then she would glue it back together and put it back on display. Our relationship was one of tug/push all the time. There were all of these undocumented rules that were determined by the gossipy nature of her friends and the neighbours that I was supposed to follow. Even to this day, she tries to get information from me so she can try and brag about me to people. She tried her best to keep things peaceful between us, but then she would switch into the crazy accusations ("I had this dream that you did X, so you are up to something!"), or the need for attention that tended along the lines of smothering the life out of me. The best way I can describe her: histrionic.
Lol, my mother will keep herself concerned with celebrity affairs and expect me to be just as interested as she is. She will also inform me of any dreams she has of me and passively deem any wrong doing I have done in those dreams as plausible. She drives me crazy.
 

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I find the majority of ESFJ's I know to be nice (usually) people who I'm able to have a superficial conversation with. But if news gets to them that someone did something that doesn't agree with social norms, then that's when they get annoying, because they feel totally justified in loudly denouncing the person as having something wrong with them. They usually seem to feel like questioning traditions is the same as being unethical, and this drives me crazy. Sometimes it's hard to bite my tongue around these people.

That being said, my best friend is an ESFJ, lol. Me and her get along superbly, can talk about anything, and even talk everyday and I don't mind this (and for me that is saying a lot about how great we get along). When I did the MBTI test on her, I was shocked to find out what type she was (because of how I normally find ESFJ's irritating). It may be because she's a weak F and places a lot of value on logic (not as much as a T but more than the normal F). But this goes to show that everyone is an individual, and type is no definite indicator of how good of friends you can be.
 

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:| this is somewhat random but still SLIGHTLY on topic but...for those of you who got hurt badly by an ESFJ...would your views of them change if they one day apologized to you and offered an explanation for all of the stupid shit that they did?
 

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not in a million years.
 

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My mother's an ESFJ, and I have a love hate relationship with her. She was very controlling and emotionally abusive when I was young, but paradoxically, it's clear as day that she loves me dearly. Her Fe doesn't show unless she's with family; that is, people she genuinely cares about. In the work place, she's charming, charismatic (it doesn't help that she's beautiful) and manipulative. She's a valuable ally, but a terrifying adversary. She's organized, purposeful and efficient, and quite scary if crossed. Especially if she doesn't seem angry at you. But she's always angry at me. I'd hate to be on her bad side, if I weren't her daughter. Intelligent, pragmatic and formidable, I can't help but admire her. I can't help but want to be like her. Yet I'm always so angry at her.
 
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I just found this thread. WOW. My mom's an ESFJ and I've had a not-so-good encounter with an ENFJ.

To calysco: no. I would accept their apology (so as not to create drama), but I would keep my distance.
 

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Can;t stand them personally but my mom has good intentions nonetheless. It'd be better if I didn't live with her.
 

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My Sister is an ESFJ. She is way better with people which I've come to accept. I have no idea why she can't accept that I'm smarter. We get along because we have to but it's much easier for an INTJ to adjust to an ESFJ than the other way around. INTJs and Fe dominants don't work well together naturally. Especially SJs. At least with NJs there's enough Ni to be able to partially understand each other's train of thought. What you have to do is hold your tongue and remember that they're very sensitive and even if you're okay with them being dumb and accept them as they are, they're not okay with you thinking they're dumb. You also have to spell everything out for them. Young ESFJs are really really bad at rational thinking. They may know how to do it but they will let Fe guide them despite what their logic tells them. Sometimes it feels like navigating through a minefield but I have the benefit that she's my sister and I will always get another chance after I unwittingly rip apart her self esteem.

My Mom is an ESFJ too though but she's lived longer so she knows how to deal with it, both myself and my ISTJ father.
 

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well
my mother is an ESFJ
and i love her mare than anything but to be honest i cant stand her sometimes ..the way she acts ..how she thinks (mainly how she thinks)
it drives me crazy sometimes
 
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