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ENFPs want constant novelty and mysteriousness in a relationship, so what happens when I become predictable and boring? How do I keep myself mysterious?
 
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INTJ-Arousing wonder or curiosity, especially by being difficult to explain or understand.
 
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I like to understand people so being mysterious isn't some quality I prefer. People purposefully trying to be mysterious usually means they're hiding stuff which isn't exactly ideal for a relationship, at least for me. But sure, when I was younger it was something that excited me because of the challenge. It's still exciting, just not in a way that mixes with romance.
 

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I don't find being mysterious something I prefer. I like to know the individual, coming off as an enigma to me might first grab my interest but to keep me you can't still be that way. Men that have kept me in longer relationships are very real and like solid rocks. I'm attracted to non-flaky people. As Red put, trying to hide information or being back in forth in their wishes is not something I find ideal in a partner. I like it upfront. A lot of times I don't notice when someone is flirting with me. If they're being coy, I might just think they're being friendly. Someone has to be very upfront with me. My husband is an INTJ, he came off as Mr. Darcy and was like I love you and I have romantic intentions. There was nothing enigma about his statement.

My husband isn't difficult or hard to understand. If anything he's very forward to me and extremely caring. Though I've noticed I'm the only one he treats this way. I'm attracted to his rather forthcoming bluntness, the way his Ni studies me, and interacts with me. We also have a lot in common and enjoy the same things. We're on the same page of moralities. He's probably my best friend too. One thing he's not is an enigma.

In conclusion, there is no way I would stay in a relationship with someone who was an enigma or find it as an attractive trait. I need stability, commonality, and above all else friendship. If someone is hot and cold with me and tries to play a game of cat and mouse, I just walk away. I don't have time for that nonsense.
 

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The irony is that if you try to be mysterious you become what you are trying not to be -- predictable and boring. To be mysterious you only be yourself, it is the most novel expression as there has never been or never will be someone exactly like you. NFPs have the capacity to understand deeply how people come to be and are wise in this way, but never can we truely explain (or find the motivation to wont to) why people are the way they are. We fundementally accept people because at the root of it there is a surprise, a wonder, an exhilerating force that we love and live for. Its the same source of our happiness, resilience and vigor in life even when all else seems to have descended into darkness.
 

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I also find aloofness pretty boring. Also I’m not going to try to get to know someone who is trying to block me out. I don’t intrude. What’s exciting is when people give and keep giving and when you get past the first layers and you really know them well and they are still interesting. Most people are interesting, actually. A vast universe in each person.

Something that is boring to me is when someone won’t say yes to doing new things together— that’s a kill-joy in my opinion. Say yes as much as an introvert can to doing new things. ENFPs don’t want to be alone in our adventures, we want to share.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
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NIHM
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Not gonna elaborate on the common myth that ENFPs need mystery in romance because the others here have done the same.

If you have managed to attract an ENFP and they have gotten to know the authentic you and gotten attached and you are scared of them getting bored it's just as simple as letting them be free to dream up adventures and take you on them. We're pretty good at coming up with fun ideas on how to change things up. In my opinion, someone is only boring when they put too many limitations on fun and exploration. If someone doesn't want to explore new things with me (although I respect boundaries) then they will begin to feel too boring and incompatible.
 
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ENFPs want constant novelty and mysteriousness in a relationship, so what happens when I become predictable and boring? How do I keep myself mysterious?
I hear you! We ENFPs do love mysteriousness. For toooo long though, it will turn us off actually as we do want to get close. But even in an LTR, keeping an air of mystery afoot always is a very smart strategy to keep us on our toes- and craving you. :)
 

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An unopened or locked door is only interesting for so long and if you think it will open. Once inside, what’s in there? Empty Cardboard boxes and oatmeal? And why be mysterious about that?

I personally haven’t found treasure behind locked doors enough to be interested in them, instead treasure is in plain sight, spilling over, and being offered.

I want the treasure, the insides, the guts, the vast universe of an interesting human soul. I want tacos and ice cream and Indiana Jones. I want a zoo and a planetarium, the lost City of Atlantis. And when I find King Solomon's Mines and Raoul Wallenberg and Sir Thomas More combined, that’s when I will sit or go together and share my own Library of Alexandria, my Jenny Lind, the caves and meadows and deserts of the Rocky Mountains, the sea life and cliffs of the Pacific. I will attempt to make sure it all feels the value it truly has and explore freaking all of it.

Sorry... a bit grandiose for this thread... it was fun to write for me, though. Lol.
 

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IMO, "mysteriousness" is unnecessary, even detrimental, in relationships intended to be long-term in nature.
Perhaps it's more suited to briefer affairs.
I believe authentic love originates as a byproduct.
That is, out of two healthy, developing individuals + their interactions, and mutual witnessing/investment in one another's existence and wellbeing.

It becomes dull when a partner tries to force a characteristic on himself, to keep me "hot" for him.
It signifies a lack of trust I'll stay. Why would I choose a partner who doubted my faithfulness, i.e. whether the disguise was entertaining enough? Intrigue, at its core, is only sexual idealization.
Idealizations never result in heartfelt, symbiotic relationships.
They are phantasms, a chemical headrush/high. Lust--easy come, easy go.
 

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I could be wrong, but I don't think it's mystery that makes an ENFP interested in an INTJ per se. I think we're just straight up interested in how your brain works and how you perceive the world. We'd have to know you (thus no mystery) to stay intrigued with you. If you are smart, able to hold a conversation about many things, you're probably going to stay intriguing to an ENFP for a long time.

And I agree with Falling Foxes, we value our freedom so if you allow us that, we will genuinely appreciate it. We hate being restricted.
 

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I find people boring when they feel the need to put up a front, and pretend to be mysterious. Can't fool an ENFP when you're not being yourself.

Always be yourself (within reason, of course). That's how you attract a compatible match.

Otherwise, you run around in circles into infinite insanity. And most ENFPs find that boring. Sorry for being blunt, but it's the truth.

Let go of the ego #1. ENFPs detect egotistical traits pretty fast, and that's an instant turnoff.
 
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