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I don't find being mysterious something I prefer. I like to know the individual, coming off as an enigma to me might first grab my interest but to keep me you can't still be that way. Men that have kept me in longer relationships are very real and like solid rocks. I'm attracted to non-flaky people. As Red put, trying to hide information or being back in forth in their wishes is not something I find ideal in a partner. I like it upfront. A lot of times I don't notice when someone is flirting with me. If they're being coy, I might just think they're being friendly. Someone has to be very upfront with me. My husband is an INTJ, he came off as Mr. Darcy and was like I love you and I have romantic intentions. There was nothing enigma about his statement.

My husband isn't difficult or hard to understand. If anything he's very forward to me and extremely caring. Though I've noticed I'm the only one he treats this way. I'm attracted to his rather forthcoming bluntness, the way his Ni studies me, and interacts with me. We also have a lot in common and enjoy the same things. We're on the same page of moralities. He's probably my best friend too. One thing he's not is an enigma.

In conclusion, there is no way I would stay in a relationship with someone who was an enigma or find it as an attractive trait. I need stability, commonality, and above all else friendship. If someone is hot and cold with me and tries to play a game of cat and mouse, I just walk away. I don't have time for that nonsense.
^Yep, all of the above.
It's a shame that memes and websites such as Thought Catalog perpetuate this idea of ENFPs being obsessive Sherlocks who want to "solve" their introverted love interests. Mystery might be alluring to teenage ENFPs but I think with experience most of us got bored and learned to value upfront, open conversations instead. And in INTJs, that would be found in their blunt Te questions and answers (though I'm not specifically into xxTJs). Maybe it correlates with the development of our own extroverted thinking function that hits us in our twenties or mid-twenties.
Anyway, I agree with everybody who tells you to just be yourself and not play any role. Good luck with your ENFP !


“It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.” - Oscar Wilde, a fellow ENFP
 

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"keeping your woman in line" is quite the controlling thing to express
I see what you mean. Keeping someone in line is merely making sure they understand the boundaries and the consequences that come with crossing them. For example, making sure someone understands that trying to control your life is crossing a boundary and reminding them that they can be replaced, is a way to keep a partner with a penchant for control in line.
 

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I see what you mean. Keeping someone in line is merely making sure they understand the boundaries and the consequences that come with crossing them. For example, making sure someone understands that trying to control your life is crossing a boundary and reminding them that they can be replaced, is a way to keep a partner with a penchant for control in line.
HEHE. I think he's doing an experiment. I've seen him posting the same things he posts here in other sections, framing data for an unknown project. Below is currently what I picture @TrueorFalse248 is doing to all of us.

 

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HEHE. I think he's doing an experiment. I've seen him posting the same things he posts here in other sections, framing data for an unknown project. Below is currently what I picture @TrueorFalse248 is doing to all of us.

I had a very decent laugh at this.

Also, I don't think I'm mysterious or that the average human being would prefer this trait in a long term relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter #30
Appreciation for comments:

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ENFPathetic-Thank You (but little outdated advice)But thanks for the contribution!
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I see what you mean. Keeping someone in line is merely making sure they understand the boundaries and the consequences that come with crossing them. For example, making sure someone understands that trying to control your life is crossing a boundary and reminding them that they can be replaced, is a way to keep a partner with a penchant for control in line.
I think the problem is that you hear people say that it's the man's job to keep the woman in line because of old fashioned views that women are owned... You don't hear people say it the other way around unless it's ironic or intended as a joke.

I don't think reminding a partner that they can be replaced is a healthy manipulation tactic... it's belittling and makes them seem like they don't mean anything to you or that you could do better but they can't...
 

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I see what you mean. Keeping someone in line is merely making sure they understand the boundaries and the consequences that come with crossing them. For example, making sure someone understands that trying to control your life is crossing a boundary and reminding them that they can be replaced, is a way to keep a partner with a penchant for control in line.
forgot about this
hmm no I don't think this phrase works like that. "keeping in line" incorporates a dynamic of dominance & obedience as a phrase
and I agree with @Falling Foxes, the premise that you have to remind your SO that they can be replaced seems like another controlling tactic, plus this whole image you paint here sounds like a really bad relationship dynamic. There are much more respectful ways to set boundaries in my experience.
 

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Appreciation for comments:

Falling Foxes-Thank You for the Wisdom
Neetee-Thank You for the Wisdom
Laguna-Thank You for the Wisdom
Llyralen-Thank You for the Wisdom
Shepherdess-Thank You for the Wisdom
intjonn-Thank You for the Wisdom
datagirl-Thank You for the Wisdom
strawberryLola-Thank You for the Wisdom
ENFPathetic-Thank You (but little outdated advice)But thanks for the contribution!
Red Panda-Thank You for the Wisdom
NIHM-Thank You for the Wisdom, noticed you updated your profile looks sexier
solarnis-Thank You for the Wisdom
Thank you, my hair is shorter so I updated the photo. It was taken back late January. On the 12th I might go pink, purple, or turquoise hair color, self coloring for the win.
 

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I think the problem is that you hear people say that it's the man's job to keep the woman in line because of old fashioned views that women are owned... You don't hear people say it the other way around unless it's ironic or intended as a joke.

I don't think reminding a partner that they can be replaced is a healthy manipulation tactic... it's belittling and makes them seem like they don't mean anything to you or that you could do better but they can't...
It is not a manipulation tactic. No smoke and mirrors involved. It is simply what you are left with when the smoke clears. You are replaceable, and so is she. If she is deluded to the point that she gives herself permission to try and control your life, it is your duty as her partner to snap her out of this delusion. And if that doesn't work, remember that she is replaceable and move on. Don't allow her to twist your words. If she believes you're belittling her by stating this fact, it's only because she got so full of herself she thought she was irreplaceable and the truth bomb just sent her world crashing down.

Don't believe women can't be manipulative. Almost every single human you ever meet will try to control and manipulate you in whatever capacity you allow them. For instance, you just manipulated my words to make me appear as though I'm for the belittling of people when in actuality I am for the empowerment of people who's boundaries are being violated by their deluded partner. This doesn't make you a bad person in my eyes. I doubt there was any malicious intent behind it. I imagine you were probably just trying to get me to think a little more like you by trying to make feel bad.
 

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forgot about this
hmm no I don't think this phrase works like that. "keeping in line" incorporates a dynamic of dominance & obedience as a phrase
and I agree with @Falling Foxes, the premise that you have to remind your SO that they can be replaced seems like another controlling tactic, plus this whole image you paint here sounds like a really bad relationship dynamic. There are much more respectful ways to set boundaries in my experience.
Curious choice of words. Dominance and obedience are words that have negative connotations but in reality can be positive or negative depending on the context. For example, a cashier who tells someone who pushes in line to go to the back of the queue is displaying dominance in a positive fashion, and if the person who was pushing in line listens and goes to the back of the queue they are displaying positive obedience. So while the phrase does indeed incorporate dynamics of dominance and obedience, that is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, nor does this line of arguing contradict the specific definition I provided for the phrase. Boundaries are healthy and should be protected.

You are free to believe what you want, but if you're going to criticise a painting, do so before you graffiti over it.
 

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Curious choice of words. Dominance and obedience are words that have negative connotations but in reality can be positive or negative depending on the context. For example, a cashier who tells someone who pushes in line to go to the back of the queue is displaying dominance in a positive fashion, and if the person who was pushing in line listens and goes to the back of the queue they are displaying positive obedience. So while the phrase does indeed incorporate dynamics of dominance and obedience, that is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, nor does this line of arguing contradict the specific definition I provided for the phrase. Boundaries are healthy and should be protected.

You are free to believe what you want, but if you're going to criticise a painting, do so before you graffiti over it.

OP was asking advice on how to improve himself and your first response was to ask if he has issues keeping his woman obedient. And with every post you just go down that road even more lol. I mean, if that's how you wanna be in a relationship it's your thing but don't try to make it as if it's true for everyone..

also it being about control comes from the dictionary
 

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OP was asking advice on how to improve himself and your first response was to ask if he has issues keeping his woman obedient. And with every post you just go down that road even more lol. I mean, if that's how you wanna be in a relationship it's your thing but don't try to make it as if it's true for everyone..

also it being about control comes from the dictionary
That's your opinion. It sounds absurd to me that "keeping myself mysterious" is considered improving oneself, but I can't say I have all the answers.

Btw, I'm not a road user. Look up if you want to see me. I'm not as big or scary as my shadow might suggest.
 

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That's your opinion. It sounds absurd to me that "keeping myself mysterious" is considered improving oneself, but I can't say I have all the answers.

Btw, I'm not a road user. Look up if you want to see me. I'm not as big or scary as my shadow might suggest.
No it's not my opinion, I already gave that earlier. It was his, but that wasn't the point. *shrug*
 

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Don't flatter yourself @TrueorFalse248 because I know enough INTJ and your type gets old after a while....Just because your logic is unconventional for a time that doesn't mean patterns don't emerge soon enough.

At that point the INTJ becomes predictable and their logic clear, what was formerly intriguing (and uncommon) losses its novelty and only your overall quality will be left to speak in your favor.
 
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