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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Greetings humans.

I was curious about something. I've read all the INTJ articles there is to read and can clearly identify with most all the characteristics that INTJ's exhibit--- every test I've taken puts me on the extreme ends for all four type dichotomies that make up the INTJ.

However, there is one characteristic that I don't identify with: affection. According to many of the articles I've read, INTJ's typically are not affectionate touchy-feely people. This is where I differ; I am affectionate (at least with my gf).

Is the non-affection typical in other INTJ's? Or am I mis-interpreting their definition of affection--- in that affection with intimiate partners does not count?
 

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Yeah but do most INTJ's cringe at even this type of affection? Like the holding hands in public bit?
I don't, but I don't make a fuss about it either. Of course I feel affection but oftentimes I tend to distance myself from it by making jokes and repressing it. It takes special occasions for me to truly express it.
 

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Yeah but do most INTJ's cringe at even this type of affection? Like the holding hands in public bit?
Some do, some don't. I am not sure about most.

I definitely would not take being affectionate with your gf and your gf only as any sort of sign your not an INTJ. Is that what you are thinking?
 

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I am incredibly affectionate with lady friends. But usually only in private; in public it would be when no one else is looking so it feels like we're two people alone in a crowd :tongue:

My definition of affection is deep looks into the eyes, slow kisses (only in private), and jackhammering away in bed (that's affection, isn't it?). Perhaps the descriptions you have read deal with public displays of affection.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Some do, some don't. I am not sure about most.

I definitely would not take being affectionate with your gf and your gf only as any sort of sign your not an INTJ. Is that what you are thinking?
Oh no, I'm definitely sure I'm an INTJ. I was just curious about the accuracy of stating that the majority of INTJ's lack the desire to be affectionate.

It seems that the articles might be alluding to "public displays" of affection rather than just affection in general. Although I don't really have a problem with the former either.
 

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I dislike public displays of affection because I am aware of how other people react to it. It makes me feel embarrassed as well. Having InvisibleJim's name in my sig is really about as far as I will go.
(And that's already a big thing)

I don't mind holding hands in public if the other party desires it so. It's not of the utmost importance to me. Even a cuddle is okay, just don't expect me to start gazing lovingly into your eyes.

Verbally I use endearing terms a lot to soften my approach. Hunny, love, darling, sweetheart, sweetie, cutie, pumpkin. People seem to appreciate it, and it does make me appear a lot softer instead of some hard impenetrable shell.

Physical affection that I like is having a cuddle in bed and talking, but not so much caressing. If your hand is stroking the same spot for more than 15 seconds I can't be blamed for it being snapped off. There has to be a purpose to why you are touching me otherwise it rubs my nerves raw and makes me very irritable. I dislike constant petting for the sake of it. I also don't want you holding my hand when I am having a heart to heart. I need space to feel comfortable,

I also like to give massages, head, feet, hands, all over. I am a giver, but I also like receiving them too.:wink:

Practical forms of affection for me involves going out of my way to spend time with the person and help them. Do something for them they would otherwise despise doing. Help them with their work when they are behind. Cleaning houses, anything to show I care. I try to do this when I lack the verbal communication that is often required for emotional responses. I would rather be the person you can rely upon to be there for you as opposed somebody that will be there just to fuel your emotional neediness with flippant advice.

Mental/Intellectual forms of affections for me involve learning new things from a partner and teaching them things. I do enjoy a mentor/student exchange. Exchanging ideas, looking for patterns and hidden meanings, analyzing situations together, I could not think of a more perfect date! I also do enjoy indulging the love interest in my life with symbolic poetry with deeper meanings and sending them little hidden messages for them to find. I find it keeps them interested and on their feet.
 

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I'm a cuddly motherfucker in a relationship. It is disconcerting. Of course, the cuddles tend to turn into violence quickly - tickle fights are awesome.

Otherwise, I dislike hugging friends and even sitting in the middle of couches because I need the edge to lean away from people and not touch them...but I do have a habit of poking people in the stomach.

I seem to remember that a lot of INTJs got physical touch fairly high on the love language test thread...
 
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Having InvisibleJim's name in my sig
why is that not a link?! I think I'm addicted to links

anyway, I am not insensate, for a long time I was sure I was INFJ but I"m not, it turns around to bite me, so I'm really INTJ, except I've probably been off balance for a while and that was why I thought I was INFJ

oh well I"ll start work soon enough and all will be well
 

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I'm quite affectionate too but only with specific people... If a randomer tries to hug me I tense up and I feel really uncomfortable. I'm especially affectionate with NFP's..they bring out my 'warm-fuzzy' side. Which I wasn't aware I even had untill recently.
 

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Very affectionate with my lady, extremely so even. Public, private, it does not matter. Otherwise, please don't touch.
 

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I hate to sound like a broken record, but this is another issue that I suspect Enneagram sheds light on. INTJs that are SP variants may not be as affectionate as SX variants (such as myself). Though speaking from personal experience, I am only affectionate around a very select few and only in private. There are of course, many other variables such as socialization, personal history, etc.
 

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I am only comfortable with the people I date, while I dated them of course. Other than that I'm not affectionate with anybody. I don't really take into account the place I'm being affectionate though. I do tend to get exceptionally snappy if people try to be affectionate with me while I'm busy with something.
 

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I only started touching people (as in hugging my friends goobye) as of last year. And I only told my mum I love her once and it accidentally slipped out. The fact that it was "accidental" shows that there is some deep rooted affection within me.
It's just difficult to display. In general, especially on the London Underground I like a radius of at least half a meter. I think a partner makes you naturally more affectionate though. Shouldn't it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I only started touching people (as in hugging my friends goobye) as of last year. And I only told my mum I love her once and it accidentally slipped out. The fact that it was "accidental" shows that there is some deep rooted affection within me.
It's just difficult to display. In general, especially on the London Underground I like a radius of at least half a meter. I think a partner makes you naturally more affectionate though. Shouldn't it?
You know, that's another thing... and I guess it falls under the affection category--- telling people you love them. I mean, I know I love my family, but I NEVER say it (with the exception of my daughter)!

Saying it just feels... eeew. I dunno. LOL
 

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telling people you love them.
Saying it just feels... eeew. I dunno. LOL
I though it was just me. My friend once told me she loved me and first a froze. Then I said I wished I could say the same. But nobody gets it. I really wish I could say it, but it's almost like I've never met anyone worthy enough of saying those 3 words. :mellow:
 

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I thought it was just me. My friend once told me she loved me and first a froze. Then I said I wished I could say the same. But nobody gets it. I really wish I could say it, but it's almost like I've never met anyone worthy enough of saying those 3 words. :mellow:
I don't exactly have a 'hard' time saying I love you to the people I love ... it just feels awkward, unnatural, for some reason. Therefore I don't say it often.

But if someone like a friend or acquaintance tells me that they love me first, I'm much more inclined to respond in like ... because it's mean or rude or whatever to not do it, I don't know. For me it's easier to say "I love you" than to have an awkward conversation on why I didn't say it.
Usually this is my one friend from high school. Thankfully we only text, not talk much face-to-face. So she says "I luv u" and I say "I <3 you too" ... which of course I mentally read as "I heart you" so it's like I'm not really saying it ... lol.
 

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I think it depends on the situation... some cultures find it impolite not to be warm and affectionate, so I go with the flow there...
 
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