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Discussion Starter #1
I recently met this guy at this training program. We've been talking about personality types and he says he's an INTJ. I really like him as a friend but was wondering if he thought about me even more than that. He's very polite, very nice, and I can tell that likes me as a person. Like today he asked me to sit next to him. He waited around for me (fiddling with his stuff) so that he could walk out with me. I'm pretty sure, not so sure though, that when he saw me waiting to talk to the professor he came in to chat with me. I don't know if this is him liking me as a friend or more. I'm mentioning these small details because I know how you INTJs do everything with great meaning, so I want you all to get the full picture.
 

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I recently met this guy at this training program. We've been talking about personality types and he says he's an INTJ. I really like him as a friend but was wondering if he thought about me even more than that. He's very polite, very nice, and I can tell that likes me as a person. Like today he asked me to sit next to him. He waited around for me (fiddling with his stuff) so that he could walk out with me. I'm pretty sure, not so sure though, that when he saw me waiting to talk to the professor he came in to chat with me. I don't know if this is him liking me as a friend or more. I'm mentioning these small details because I know how you INTJs do everything with great meaning, so I want you all to get the full picture.
Yup dude likes you. If he's like me that subtle shit means quite a bit. Like waiting for you so you could walk together? It's obviously more efficient to walk alone, but he opted to wait? What a player.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
hahaha that actually made me smile! Not sure if I like him though. I'm an ESFJ and most of the time I'm not sure if its that I'm really excited about getting to know the person or a crush. But are you sure he likes me-likes me as opposed to just friends?
 

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Eeehh....not enough information to make a decisive answer. Could be either or. Only thing for sure though is he's trying to get to know you and I believe that requires a certain amount of fondness. You should probably observe how he acts with other people and see if there's a difference there. I remember when I was with my esfj gf before people told me my shift was extremley....EXTREMELY obvious.
 

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I'm not sure if its that I'm really excited about getting to know the person or a crush. But are you sure he likes me-likes me as opposed to just friends?
. . . yeah, in my experience this is typical for the INTJ / ESFJ interaction. Personally, I have gotten involved with a few ESFJs over the years. "Involved" simply means friendly and flirty banter, and that's pretty much as far as it goes . . . because in a short while I realize that she doesn't think enough for me and she realizes that I don't feel enough for her. Then we gently glide in a descending spiral and softly land in an arms-length friendship.
 

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I'm not a dude, but here are my two cents: INTJs are pretty independent and tend to operate on their own sense of time, so they often run off and do their own thing without even thinking about who they're ditching/appearing rude to in the process. With this in mind, an INTJ making the deliberate decision to wait for someone else seems like a pretty good indication of a special interest. However, whether it's friendly or more than friendly isn't quite cut and dry. I suggest you keep your eye out for other such hints (signs that he is aware of smaller things relating to you or actively trying to accommodate you in any way), and then, after a point, if those hints keeping adding up, you should just ask him straight up what he thinks of you. Direct is usually the best way to proceed when dealing with INTJs.
 

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My verdict? That's how I'd go about it for sure...if I were a guy. All the INTJ guys I know have been pretty decisive about acting on a crush. Bide your time and get to know him a bit, we're incredibly loyal once we're attached, if he really does like you he'll be around for a while. :)
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I think it was all in my head; after the weekend I didn't sit next to him. I saw him look at me as I walked in. There is another girl between us, and he's been talking to her since. Ever since he would just throw in a few jokes to tease me and that was it.
 

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A good friend for three years was an ESFJ and I waited for him after class — because he was a friend. I say it doesn't mean anything at this point. I think it is also worth mentioning that some INTJs will in actuality avoid their crushes to avoid feeling vulnerable.

I think more details are required.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
What do you guys looks for in a girlfriend? Like, what is your 'criteria'. I swear I'm not being conceded or anything but a lot of people thing I'm really beautiful, and I thought it wouuld play a role but it seems as though it doesn't at allll.
 

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What do you guys looks for in a girlfriend? Like, what is your 'criteria'. I swear I'm not being conceded or anything but a lot of people thing I'm really beautiful, and I thought it wouuld play a role but it seems as though it doesn't at allll.
It does matter alot if you're attractive, thing is with INTJs it's usually "Mind over matter" kindof deal. Also, a girl playing hard-to-get not motivated enough to hunt me is getting left out for the girl that actually shows a direct interest in me.
I think the best thing you can do for both is stay casual friends.
 

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Beauty does add to the initial attraction, but I believe like snapple said here that we value mind of matter. My esfj girlfriend was quite beautiful as well, constantly being courted, but I just couldn't take that we didn't have a mental connection whatsoever. I can't stand someone who can't keep up or surpass my mind, it honestly feels like not sleeping for over 72 hours and getting constantly hit by my annoying niece who killed my dog...*cough* end rant.
 

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What do you guys looks for in a girlfriend? Like, what is your 'criteria'. I swear I'm not being conceded or anything but a lot of people thing I'm really beautiful, and I thought it wouuld play a role but it seems as though it doesn't at allll.
Ok , Your Beauty is the first step for us to move. That is to say since we don't do a lot of social things , we wont notice anything at first except the beauty which we can accept.
After the First link , here comes all those hard line criteria , Being Intellectual , Independent , is needed globally . other traits differ from one INTJ to another , for example some of us goes for ENFP , some of us just cant handle the "feeling" factor.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I think last week there was a higher chance of him liking me, this week he treats me the same as everyone else. I only caught him glancing at me once. But, today he helped me out with this stalker. He called him and basically scared him off to never bother me again. When we were done with the day he apologized for doing that he said he was sorry if he "pushed me" to make that phone call. I told him it was completely fine and stuff. I think I am totallyyy crushing over him.
 

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I think last week there was a higher chance of him liking me, this week he treats me the same as everyone else. I only caught him glancing at me once. But, today he helped me out with this stalker. He called him and basically scared him off to never bother me again. When we were done with the day he apologized for doing that he said he was sorry if he "pushed me" to make that phone call. I told him it was completely fine and stuff. I think I am totallyyy crushing over him.
Apparently yes.
Here is a Tip for you for not getting hammered by him unintentionally. Make sure you don't tell him any romantic stuff abruptly or out of blue. His subconscious may react to it badly. You know it will take time to drive an INTJ of his shell.
This happen to me some years ago when a friend of mine took me to a blind date with a girl he knew . I had no idea what was going on and we 3 were talking about all kind of thing and then the topic went too fast toward more intimate matters and the she just said :
"if you look carefully you will find out i am such a loveable person"
Then without even realizing it i said " I have never seen any thing lovely while seating here " lol , guess what , we were all in our cars 30 second later saying goodby politely. And then i Just realized what just happen like a month after !
so be aware :)
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Apparently yes.
Here is a Tip for you for not getting hammered by him unintentionally. Make sure you don't tell him any romantic stuff abruptly or out of blue. His subconscious may react to it badly. You know it will take time to drive an INTJ of his shell.
This happen to me some years ago when a friend of mine took me to a blind date with a girl he knew . I had no idea what was going on and we 3 were talking about all kind of thing and then the topic went too fast toward more intimate matters and the she just said :
"if you look carefully you will find out i am such a loveable person"
Then without even realizing it i said " I have never seen any thing lovely while seating here " lol , guess what , we were all in our cars 30 second later saying goodby politely. And then i Just realized what just happen like a month after !
so be aware :)

Do you think there is any way I can find out if he actually likes me or not? Without having to flat out ask him?
 

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Do you think there is any way I can find out if he actually likes me or not? Without having to flat out ask him?
Based on the updates you have given, he does not. I wouldn't make him push you further away by pressing him.

When I have showed interest in a guy, and suddenly lost interest (for failing to meet criteria), it is like a switch has been flicked off. I never ever change the state of my switches, so it is highly unlikely I'd change my feelings for the person.
 
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