[harM0NiZe]

So....in all of the relationships that I've been in, I was never the person to initiate things. I've only went up to a girl once and asked for her number just to see if I could do it (she turned me down :laughing. In all other cases, I was either hooked up, it just happened, or the girl just chased me and I eventually gave in. What were your experiences?

 

[Filo]

Been asked once, took the initiative the other three times. I find it very easy to step up to girls. I don't really care about being rejected - their loss.

 

[0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34]

Been asked seven times that I can remember. Turned them all down, for various reasons but not becuase I don't like a woman to approach me; just because I'm very selective or I was focused on someone else, or I was just too embarrassed to say "yes." Actually, I only outright rejected two. The rest, I just avoided answering until they left me alone.

Asked twice. Accepted once. It does take a lot to do... but it I find someone I'm intensely interested in (which are the only people I wold date anyway) I can pull together the courage. Well, none of that was actually dating; it was more relationships. Only actual date I went on was when I went to the prom. I asked in that case... asked one of the seven I'd turned down before actually, but nothing ever came of us.

 

[jack london]

Dating is a skill just like any other. I picked a college that had a ratio of 4 women to every guy so that helped a lot in learning how to chill out around women. I would have gone to a college with a ratio of 8:1 if I didn't think my father would have disowned me (it was a fashion college)!!!!

Just don't care too much. You are trying to learn a skill here. Take baby steps.

 

[MyName]

I've never asked anyone out, or been asked out on a date. You guys can thank me for my useful post later.

 

[jack london]

I've never asked anyone out, or been asked out on a date. You guys can thank me for my useful post later.

Do you want to ask someone out? Are you nervous?

If I assume some things here let me offer advice.

Find someone friendly and learn how to talk to them. My thinking is that you'll loosen up with practice.

Then find someone who you might date and just setup a ad hoc meeting like coffee or study session. Do this a few times with people you care about but aren't interested in dating.

After a while you will have lots of confidence. Its just a skill you have to master like everything else.

FYI - you are getting relationship advice from another INTJ - you realize this right?? :tongue:

 

[harM0NiZe]

Dating is a skill just like any other. I picked a college that had a ratio of 4 women to every guy so that helped a lot in learning how to chill out around women. I would have gone to a college with a ratio of 8:1 if I didn't think my father would have disowned me (it was a fashion college)!!!!

Just don't care too much. You are trying to learn a skill here. Take baby steps.

I wish I could edit the title as I guess I'm using dating/relationships synonymously. To be honest, I've never actually been on a date. I've been in a few (long) relationships that just happened (no dating involved).

I've been single for a about a year now and really love it, but I get hassled about getting/needing a girlfriend and/or married by friends & family. On the other hand, I have people that tell me that I should stay single as long as possible...to go have fun, travel, etc. In fact, I've yet to come across a person that's married (and has kids) that has told me "You should get involved." :laughing:

I like knowing, for the most part, I can stand on my own two (took me a while to get there). There's pro's & con's for both and I do have moments where I wish I was w/ someone, but I've been the type to just let things happen.

 

[knght990]

Every girl i've asked out has said no.

I have been asked out a bunch of times. I said yes to a few of them.

 

[Snow]

Put together a plan for yourself before getting into a relationship. Approach dating as if it is something fun or interesting, not as something to begin a relationship with. ENJOY BEING SINGLE. I went straight from a marriage into a Long Term Relationship. As I got married young and had a (statistically) long marriage before divorcing, so I've never truly been single.

If it helps, sit back a moment and visualize your life. Assess two possibilities: involving yourself with an emotionally inspiring and materialistically draining individual, or an emotionally neutral and financially responsible individual. Which do you value more? Although it's not that black and white, try to identify a potential LTR subject, profile them into a personality type if you can, and weigh the benefits...

Both my previous relationships are emotionally stimulating/encouraging, yet financially a joke. I should have been financially stable before approaching and offering my life to someone else, but it is a lot of fun nonetheless.

 

[Hemoglobin]

Apparently I am very intimidating so it takes a special kind of guy to approach me. He's usually very brave or very stupid.

I appreciate men with courage, I don't want to have to chase.

I chased my SO and it got me to the point where I now resent him and see him as weak.

 

[NastyCat]

So....in all of the relationships that I've been in, I was never the person to initiate things. I've only went up to a girl once and asked for her number just to see if I could do it (she turned me down :laughing. In all other cases, I was either hooked up, it just happened, or the girl just chased me and I eventually gave in. What were your experiences?

Same with me, except I get both genders asking me.

I've only asked someone out once and I got rejected. I tend not to ask because I debate with myself whether or not a person is worth my time.

 

[SillySage]

Being that us INTJ's are not usually the most lovable or sociable types--- do you find the whole dating ritual to be, umm... painful?

I've gotten a lot better at it (practice makes perfect), but in the beginning it was difficult for me to communicate and relate to most of my dates--- there was no shortage of conversation, mind you--- just shortage of conversation that I found interesting.

Your thoughts?

 

[zerogravity]

Been asked twice, by the same guy. I turned him down, he's just simply annoying. You don't even need to ask for the 2nd time if I said 'no' right ? He's also REALLY emotional =_="
And dating is just not my thing, I don't want to be deeply involved with someone, I prefer being single. (yeah you're right, I've never asked anyone out)

 

[Pantalaimon25]

Ive asked several times.

The only times it became a relationship was the the three times they asked, and one time I sent a friend to ask for me while I took a nap on the other side of the school and then hid from her the rest of the day, it was 7th grade gimme a break, but oddly enough this one lasted over two years.

 

[beth x]

It's always me who gets asked out.....I chased once in my teens and looked like an idiot after he told everyone that I was a weirdo. Yeah I know I am a weirdo....thanks for telling everyone that I am a freak. :dry:

Usually just sit back and wait and see if the guy is worth even talking to.

 

[ApolloNoUta]

While this thread is up, I am curious: I am my INTJ's first girlfriend, but things have been going great for about 2 years so far, and I don't see there being much issue in the future if we go at this rate. In general, would he be likely to break up with me eventually to see what else there is out there (and not want to settle with me because I am the first), or if I seem to be doing the job efficiently enough (and I do know he loves me) do I probably not have as much to worry about?

I know it probably sounds stupid to ask that question, but I know his brain works differently from mine, so I thought it'd be nice to get some input.

I know there is nothing I can do either way if he decides otherwise, and I just want him to be happy, but while I have been very happy with the relationship, I occasionally feel a tad insecure when I think about that possibility. I don't bother him with it though..

((Related to INTJs and dating in the sense of the possibility of him choosing to go back to dating so he gets more of a chance to "see what's out there"))

 

[SillySage]

While this thread is up, I am curious: I am my INTJ's first girlfriend, but things have been going great for about 2 years so far, and I don't see there being much issue in the future if we go at this rate. In general, would he be likely to break up with me eventually to see what else there is out there (and not want to settle with me because I am the first), or if I seem to be doing the job efficiently enough (and I do know he loves me) do I probably not have as much to worry about?

I know it probably sounds stupid to ask that question, but I know his brain works differently from mine, so I thought it'd be nice to get some input.

I know there is nothing I can do either way if he decides otherwise, and I just want him to be happy, but while I have been very happy with the relationship, I occasionally feel a tad insecure when I think about that possibility. I don't bother him with it though..

((Related to INTJs and dating in the sense of the possibility of him choosing to go back to dating so he gets more of a chance to "see what's out there"))

Speaking for myself, INTJ's tend to be very loyal once they have latched onto a partner. If anything, it is more likely you will break up with him at some point :tongue: I wouldn't worry about it.

Besides... nothing in life is permanent, it's all temporary.

 

[ApolloNoUta]

Speaking for myself, INTJ's tend to be very loyal once they have latched onto a partner. If anything, it is more likely you will break up with him at some point :tongue: I wouldn't worry about it.

Besides... nothing in life is permanent, it's all temporary.

Thank you, that does ease my mind some. And even more so because I doubt I would break up with him anytime soon (if at all) because he has helped me become phenomenally more emotionally/mentally healthy (and even just happy in general) than I was when we first started dating, and I give space whenever he needs it and don't allow myself to get into petty arguments with him. I got into MBTI right around when we started going out, and I had been still kind of emotionally f***ed-up because of my ex (who was emotionally manipulative because he was bipolar and didn't understand that not taking his medication was causing him to lash out at people) but my current S.O. was patient enough to help me through it and actually made me a lot more confident.

((Sorry for veering off-topic for a minute there! Carry on!))

 

[SillySage]

Thank you, that does ease my mind some. And even more so because I doubt I would break up with him anytime soon (if at all) because he has helped me become phenomenally more emotionally/mentally healthy (and even just happy in general) than I was when we first started dating, and I give space whenever he needs it and don't allow myself to get into petty arguments with him. I got into MBTI right around when we started going out, and I had been still kind of emotionally f***ed-up because of my ex (who was emotionally manipulative because he was bipolar and didn't understand that not taking his medication was causing him to lash out at people) but my current S.O. was patient enough to help me through it and actually made me a lot more confident.

((Sorry for veering off-topic for a minute there! Carry on!))

I'm not sure how old you guys are... but remember this. As you both grow old... you change. You'll either change into people that are still compatible--- or you will change into incompatible people. Either way... enjoy it. Love is bliss. :laughing:

 

[akkadian]

I've never asked anyone out, or been asked out on a date. You guys can thank me for my useful post later.

Likewise. But I'm cooking up a plan, just need the most important piece (the right girl) and then it's mobilization...