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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm in a long term, successful relationship with an INTJ. We are both interested in MB typing and I certainly find it useful in understanding the different ways we view the world.

One of the biggest differences is the way we view our loving relationship, ie the F v T, and I would be interested to hear how INTJ members here experience love - how do you know you are in love at the beginning? What happens to you when you experience love and how do you know that you have found a person you want to spend your life with? And how do you think it differs from the way a MB type with a strong F experiences all this?
 

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...because we enjoy redundancy...

experiencing love in the beginning = systems start to fail one after another until a bottom is reached. then we start rebuilding a new paradigm: INTJ + LOVE

(best case scenario relative for one and/or both parties involved)

PS: Welcome to PerC
 

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INTJs don't experience love because love is a feeling and INTJs don't have feelings. Well, they are human, so they have some feelings like "feeling of hunger" and "feeling sleepy".

INTJs however decide occasionally to mate. This is a different process in which the pros and the cons are carefully weighed in until the conclusion that a mate might enhance one's life is reached.

Then the INTJ commences a survaillance operation in which their potential SO is the objective. The victim doesn'tt know what's going on until it's too late which is when they firmly believe they love the cyborg.
 

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INTJs don't experience love because love is a feeling and INTJs don't have feelings. Well, they are human, so they have some feelings like "feeling of hunger" and "feeling sleepy".

INTJs however decide occasionally to mate. This is a different process in which the pros and the cons are carefully weighed in until the conclusion that a mate might enhance one's life is reached.

Then the INTJ commences a survaillance operation in which their potential SO is the objective. The victim doesn'tt know what's going on until it's too late which is when they firmly believe they love the cyborg.
However, they miscalculated one thing...we can see straight through this BS :)
 

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I'm in a long term, successful relationship with an INTJ. We are both interested in MB typing and I certainly find it useful in understanding the different ways we view the world.

One of the biggest differences is the way we view our loving relationship, ie the F v T, and I would be interested to hear how INTJ members here experience love - how do you know you are in love at the beginning? What happens to you when you experience love and how do you know that you have found a person you want to spend your life with? And how do you think it differs from the way a MB type with a strong F experiences all this?
Please check the existing topics from the first 5 pages of this sub forum.
http://personalitycafe.com/intj-forum-scientists/63335-relationship-questions-intjs.html <- Sticky
http://personalitycafe.com/intj-forum-scientists/90282-intjs-love.html <- 2nd page
http://personalitycafe.com/intj-forum-scientists/80531-intjs-secret-romantics.html <- 4th page
 
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Love, to me, is starts as a realization that there is someone who both has the capability to understand me the way I want to be understood, and that she embodies sufficient uniqueness to attract me into wanting to understand her in the same way. My inner world is analytical, shifting, and at times dark; and I need to know that my partner can navigate and appreciate the "weirdness" in a way that I cannot; and that I can do the same in return. This isn't always as taxing as it sounds, though. I'm really really attracted to people who like to have a good time, and who play devil's advocate to my introversion - in a comfortable, non-invasive way, that is. To me, love should be really simple - I want my partner to be happy, and my partner wants me to be happy.

I'm not sure how a Feeler would be different from this, exactly. I think it's really impressive, @OrganizedOne, that you have been able to manage a successful long-term relationship with an INTJ, as the ESFJ and INTJ types are extremely different in perspective. Only the truly mature of both types can appreciate the functions of the other, since an INTJ's Ni and Te are by default very foreign to the ESFJ's Fe and Si. Same goes for the ESFJ's functions to the INTJ. If all is how you say it is, then I'd say your love, at least from the perspective of one INTJ, is pretty powerful in its very existence.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks to all so far - this is a very interesting thread with diverse views and comments :) Thanks for the heads up about sticky and other similar threads @Agni - I'm such a noob ;)

I think it's really impressive, @OrganizedOne, that you have been able to manage a successful long-term relationship with an INTJ, as the ESFJ and INTJ types are extremely different in perspective. Only the truly mature of both types can appreciate the functions of the other, since an INTJ's Ni and Te are by default very foreign to the ESFJ's Fe and Si. Same goes for the ESFJ's functions to the INTJ. If all is how you say it is, then I'd say your love, at least from the perspective of one INTJ, is pretty powerful in its very existence.
Thanks particularly for this - I also think it is quite an achievement, given what we've discovered about our INTJ and ESFJ types. When I say long term, I am talking decades btw, and brought up two (now adult) children together ;) . I have two extra comments on this:

1. I have a good friend who is an ESFJ, his wife is an INTJ and they are extremely happy together, so my partner and I are not just flukes :D

2. The most useful and inciteful quote I ever read about T and F types and how they get along - Ts want their F button pressed and Fs want their T button pressed. In our relationship, I think this is key. In some ways, it's the N and S which are our most difficult areas, but in general we deal with that with amusement, lots of joking/teasing and laughter. Laughing about yourself is perhaps also the key.
 

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it's not love. many people confuse love when it is actually infatuation.

i've been infatuated before. it's very uncomfortable. in order to accept my emotions or feelings i need to be able to understand them.
this is where introspection is a huge advantage for me.

overall, deciding to put down my invulnerable walls is a safe bet that i am fond of you. the moment i cease to be invulnerable, is the moment you've managed to impress me in some way. and i've given things heavy contemplation. i take relationships seriously. if you're important to me, you never need to question (with the exception of blasé emotional intimacy) i am fiercely loyal, to friends and lovers.

I categorize people. you're either expendable - you're feeling are not a priority to me.
or you're non-expendable to me - you matter, you're feelings, they matter, you are of utmost importance to me, a huge priority on my list, it's no longer about me, altruism is highly apparent with these people. i will do anything i can to make these people's lives easier.


i don't own people, so i am perfectly content with the inevitable occurrence of them finding themselves elsewhere with another being. in the infatuation state, i become united that said person or persons. you really do see a whole new side to me. a side i reserve. lots of people who are able to see that side, have no complaints. its not my intention to necessarily segregate people, but i don't think many people are worthy of my soft side, that is why i select wisely and take my time. dissapointment with this methodology has yet to rise.

one huge distintictive aspect that people see is my ability to relate to feelings, and the approach to emotional intimacy. it's very easy that people assume that i am emotionally deterrent, and i don't blame them i am completely aware to how they may arrive to such a conclusion. im actually emotionally aware, I don't like my emotions, i don't want to tolerate them but im eerily aware, i can tell you why they are the way they are, introspection has helped with this. when infatuated, you can see this where i am willing to end my rigid ways to accommodate that person. i typically date "feelers", the emotional types. i am able to compromise. as i am naturally inclined to use rationale over affairs of the heart, you see a major shift when im involved with someone. i really do become a different person, i tolerate their feelings a lot more than i would outside of the relationship. there is little to no dismissing on my part. communication is an elaborative effort. i can detach at times, but it's really because i am contemplating my feelings or whatever, the discomfort i receive knowing that there is someone out there that can effect me in that light disturbs me but i am open and willing for it. being in "love" manages to do that to me.

that's my take on it. i can't say that my personality type has any relation to it.
 
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Thanks to all so far - this is a very interesting thread with diverse views and comments :) Thanks for the heads up about sticky and other similar threads @Agni -
2. The most useful and inciteful quote I ever read about T and F types and how they get along - Ts want their F button pressed and Fs want their T button pressed. In our relationship, I think this is key. In some ways, it's the N and S which are our most difficult areas, but in general we deal with that with amusement, lots of joking/teasing and laughter. Laughing about yourself is perhaps also the key.
That is an interesting quote, I like it :) I have been with my ENTJ Husband for 14 years and married for almost 10. We've had our share of issues, but we have managed to really understand each other well. ENTJ's use Fi last (in their 4 main functions)...so it can be tough, but what I've noticed about my ENTJ particularly is that he can shut off everyone, not give a crud about a lot of people, but he can maintain a level of respect for others, and a very impressive level of empathy and love for me. I guess it's kind of like being loved by the man who only loves a select few...when I think about it like that, it makes me feel pretty special :) Ironically, he has no trouble whatsoever expressing his love for me (words and actions) even around others. Which is surprising to me considering he doesn't even tell his own Parent's he loves them.
 
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