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I've always said I don't like hugging, but I've come to realize this is not true. I actually really like being hugged by the few people I care about, and even wouldn't mind having more hugs from them (within reason, of course).

What I don't like, however, is people hugging me without permission or without at least previous permission. And it's not even so much that they didn't ask, but that they've assumed a level of familiarity they don't have with me. I guess it's not so much the action as the attitude.

What are your thoughts?
 

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Does this go for both genders?
 

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I think it might be both the action and the attitude for me. Although I do like to initiate the physical contact - so that may be more indicative of a problem with the attitude. I also have a limit, so even if my sister comes up to give me a hug, I may tell her to go away if I've had too much physical contact that day!!

I also just always tend to find it awkward. Like when a friend grabs my hand, internally I'm going: "okay, I really need to let go here because stress levels are rising, but how can I let go in a natural way, so she won't realise I'm that freaked out about people touching me".

Basically, whenever anyone hugs me, I'm not internally thinking 'ah, what a nice hug, what a good friend' - instead I'm thinking, 'how long does this hug have to be before it won't be rude to pull away'. Sometimes though, my Fe isn't being quite so friendly and I literally jump away, or physically remove their hands from me. That was awkward...
 
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I grew up in an environment where a hug and a kiss greet is the social normal. I do not think twice about it when it comes to greeting somebody.

Being touched and hugging for the sake of it is something I am not a big fan of. I get very irritable, very fast. I feel confined and violated. It normally takes somebody I am extremely close to for me to allow them into my personal space for cuddles... when we breach that barrier I turn into a lap dog.
 

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There are different levels of intimacy implied by different kinds of hugs.

Professionally: As a woman I am often greeted by peers at conferences by a quick hug. The contact is brief and involves only the shoulders and arms. Other women especially like these greetings but certain kinds of men like them too. Those men are easily manipulated. I tolerate these because they further the purpose of professional gain.

Personal, but casual: Close female acquaintances, good male friends, and non-nuclear family members get these kinds of hugs. Contact is longer and involves more of the upper body, maybe a kiss on the cheek, and lingering hand/arm contact afterward while verbal greetings are exchanged.

Intimate: no holds barred and no hesitation
 

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I moved to Brazil 10 years ago and this is a country where hugging is much more common than in the northern half of europe and the USA. I have developed ways to avoid the hugs as much as possible. A slight step to the side with a hand that goes on the shoulder while asking how the person is doing works wonders. Being tall also helps.
 

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Hmmmm... If they are hot?

Otherwise, I HATE it. We have a very friendly ESFP at work, and he always touches my shoulder when he walks by. I feel violated.

With those I love, OTOH...
Hugging fiends and acquaintances is okay I grew up with that but I normally do not initiate it. Unless I am really close to them or they have a nice body. Gives me fuzzies just thinking about it.:laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I'm old enough that most of my friends don't go around hugging people just for the heck of it, and I don't know that I've ever actually had a male friend with this tendency anyway, so I can't really say about gender.

I'm not sure anyone wants to be touched by a stranger...I was thinking more acquaintances and casual friends.

I have jumped really hard before when people have touched me; guessing by the look on their faces, it usually makes them think I've been traumatized or something. It's embarrassing for both parties.

I once said about an INTP that I wanted to cuddle his brain. :3 I do so want to cuddle ALL of him, though. *blushes*

One thing that makes it slightly less irritating is if there's a social context for the hug. If I know the person is doing it in a situation where most people would feel comforted by or even want a hug, it's not so bad, especially if I'm the hugger and not the huggee. Does who initiates matter that much to many of you? And do you have difficulty initiating even if you want to?

As a woman I am often greeted by peers at conferences by a quick hug. The contact is brief and involves only the shoulders and arms. Other women especially like these greetings but certain kinds of men like them too. Those men are easily manipulated. I tolerate these because they further the purpose of professional gain.
I try to avoid emotional manipulation of others when possible. I would instantly hate someone who tried to do it to me, and I feel dirty if I do it to someone else. :(

There are different levels of intimacy implied by different kinds of hugs.
True, but when faced with a pair of rapidly approaching embrace mechanisms, that rarely occurs to me. :/
 

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According to certain people/types INTJs are secret 'cuddle monsters'. Well, at least in relationships.
...and with my nuclear family.

In my culture friends and family kiss and hug when they greet. I don't really like it. I will still kiss the women in my extended family, but I avoid the men or turn my cheek. Generally, I will only sometimes kiss really close female friends, but I don't really like it either. Hugs are okay from friends and family. Otherwise I will be okay with a hug on my birthday from a select few outside of my friends and family circle.

Anyone else touching me is inappropriate, even if meant innocently.

Anyway, people are way too kissy as a cover for pervyness, imo.
 

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I grew up in an environment where a hug and a kiss greet is the social normal. I do not think twice about it when it comes to greeting somebody.
I'm curious, are you Hispanic?(judging by this and your picture) This seems to be congruent with what my Spanish teacher taught us. 'Pretend kissing' is the norm in Hispanic culture; I would imagine that would be torture for an INTJ. If my assumption is true, it must be incredibly hard to be an INTJ and grow up in that kind of environment.


According to certain people/types INTJs are secret 'cuddle monsters'. Well, at least in relationships.
I suppose. I am quite intimate with my best friend. He is the only person that I have ever felt that I could completely open-up to. I have 'cuddled' with this guy, and even cried in front of him.
 

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I'm curious, are you Hispanic?(judging by this and your picture) This seems to be congruent with what my Spanish teacher taught us. 'Pretend kissing' is the norm in Hispanic culture; I would imagine that would be torture for an INTJ. If my assumption is true, it must be incredibly hard to be an INTJ and grow up in that kind of environment.
Close, I am Italian.

I also live in a Co-Operative Community. So I have had to develop my Fe over time.
 

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In my circle of friends there are three ENFPs and a 'huggy' ENTJ. They all like hugging a lot, but understand my discomfort at times. One of the ENFPs is my wife, so she gets to hug more, but she also understands my general discomfort with physical contact.

I'm curious, are you Hispanic?(judging by this and your picture) This seems to be congruent with what my Spanish teacher taught us. 'Pretend kissing' is the norm in Hispanic culture; I would imagine that would be torture for an INTJ. If my assumption is true, it must be incredibly hard to be an INTJ and grow up in that kind of environment.
My wife is Hispanic, and they have a form of light stroking for affectionate purposes. It took me a while to tell her just how torturous I considered it, although I can do it for her with little bother.
 

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There was a thread not long ago about love types, can't remember in which forum, this one of the INFP one (lol how P is this sentence?) with a test. If you answered the questions you could find out how do you like to express love, physically, with presents, with words, with acts of service etc. and how do you like to receive love.

I am not sure if it's related to type necessarily because the answers seemed really diverse.

INFPs are supposed to be cuddly and I tell you, I literally freeze if a "friend" cuddles me. I can hug my partner, my daughter has a free bar of mummy cuddles, but I am even uncomfortable if my mum hugs me. I am really not touchy feely at all, if you want to show love you'd better TELL ME in words.
 
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