There is a joke that INTJs don't make friends they 'create' them.
What would your ideal friend consist of? What applications and attachments would you install?
My Ideal Friend would come with the following-
- The operating system would be Linux (of course)
- Flame retardant/ water proof skin
- Sarcastic/ dry humour
- Spell check device
- Speakers installed with all my music uploaded
- 1337 driving skillz
- USB ports all up their back
- Laser beam eyes
- Credit card facility
- Superior intelligence
- Voice recognition
- Doesn't talk back
- Calorie counting scanner so I don't need to work out the calories in my food.
My friend would be operated with my brilliant and all knowing mind.
- Flamethrower attachment.
- Teleportation device.
- Mobile library.
- EVERY ALBUM IN THE WORLD STORED DIGITALLY. MUAHAHAHAHA.
- Microwave.
- Money generator (In any currency).
- Cat creator.
- Ultimate form of humour (Aka mine).
- Invincibility.
- An IQ of over 9000. (Just below mine).
- A hand to slap me whenever I drift off and stop paying attention.
Hmm, good question. I get to create a friend. How fun.
I would start with IncredibleMouse Basic Edition
Install the Intelligence 2250 API Library
Attach the FlightPack
Install the Invsibility AddOn
Uninstall Ego Masters v3.14159265
Delete the Neighbors folder
Robocon 2.0 is a refined model from a previous Robocon prototype that melted because it could not support a nuclear reactor. This model will contain one sarcasm chip, one deductive reasoning chip, one inductive reasoning chip, a child-like curiosity chip, one self-destruct button, an IPOD player, an artificial neuronal matrix and electronic-chemical nervous center, a trashcan, and a female Russian voice communicator.
There will be many modes for this robot:
1.) Shut the fuck up mode
2.) Observe and immediately replicate mode
3.) Data synthesis and compute mode
4.) Sex mode
5.) Clean up mode
6.) Friendly, charming mode
7.) Cynical, sarcastic mode
8.) Kung-Fu mode
- Ability to become bigger/smaller at will
- Complete obedience, but also ability to think for himself.
- Transformation abilites
- Scanning abilities (can scan anything and report the everything about the item to me)
- Intelligent
- Has all the facts in the universe stored inside
- Mind reader
Why can't I build this into myself instead? (Except the obedience to anyone, ofc).
My synthetic friend:
- Looks like Captain Jack Sparrow
- Is an authorized, functional U.S. Mint
- Is "fully functional" and "programmed in multiple techniques"
- Comes with an Iron Man suit
- Can play any musical instrument, and has a sexy singing voice
- Can drive or pilot any car, plane, motorcycle, or boat
- Has all the knowledge in the known universe
- Has attained the highest level of every known dance and martial art
- Can be used as a flotation device, a fire extinguisher and the Jaws of Life
My perfect friend would know when to draw me out and when to leave me alone, would make meals and clean so I wouldn't have to worry about such mundane things, and would let me know when my ideas are bunk and I've left this world too far behind.
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