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INTJ's opinion on INFJ?

[INTJ] 
9K views 43 replies 21 participants last post by  Lemxn 
#1 ·
So, I've always been pretty interested in INTJ, but at the same time, they're a bit hard for me to understand. I only know one INTJ in real life which is my younger brother. He's always pretty cold and rarely shows emotions other than happy and angry. He doesn't get attached to people often or easily. He's very popular but he really doesn't care for company. He even said once, "I don't have friends. I strictly only have acquaintances." We tend to argue a lot cuz I guess I'm more of feeler and he's more into logic. I always thought he was really insensitive about some things that he should have more concern for. Like when our youngest brother was being bullied all he said was, "It's not my problem". :p But I do admire my brother. He's very dedicated to what he does. And I kind of envy that he doesn't get so attached to things like I do. He's very smart, too. And I suppose he admires me, too. He told me so in a card he gave me while I was gone from home. Which isn't something he normally would admit. He also said he worries about me cuz I'm "too nice"... I guess as we've grown older, we don't argue as often, maybe maturity is finally settling in and we're finally starting to understand each other a little bit. But I was wondering what are you're guys' opinions on INFJ?
 
#2 ·
Too nice, and Fe? I see Te as at least impersonal (even though there's usually a suppressed but still present Fi lurking around telling one about feelings). But Fe can be downright bossy. I've posted this 3 places now, because I really think people need to quit seeing Fe as nice. Gushy, maybe at times. But even stereotypically Fe users can be really oppressive with the nature of how they reason, towards others.
 
#3 ·
I've found that INTJs and INFJs are very similar, the two types lumped together in articles and such. That being said, my opinion on INFJs is that they are too unwilling to argue or debate, although I generally see their company to be agreeable. Also, I think INFJs can be a bit unwilling to see reason when emotions enter into the equation.
 
#4 ·
You didn't just say INFJs are unwilling to argue, did you? I have seen threads here between these two types that would make your toes curl. Heh.

As to the OP. INFJs like any other type are good value if they are healthy individuals. I have a couple of them in my life and they make the world a better place with their dark humour and insights.
 
#7 ·
Hmmm... Cant say about all INFJs, but I know 2 tested INFJs in real life, one is an annoying ADHD that is probably misstyped, or is actually an INFJ when she is not hyper (which is never). The other INFJ is a really smart, dark and twisty individual that I came to like straight away. We shared our dark and twisty thoughts and we get along really well, especially when we discuss stuff like psychology, philosophy and anime. I really like her, she has the guts(?) to discuss sensitive topics and the intelligence to talk about deep subjects, and the feeling side to talk about stuff like relationships and people. A very balanced individual really, but then sometimes, she does become a masochistic too-nice person. She apparently is used to being hurt(mentally) and lonely, and she is prone to being taken advantage of, I feel the need to 'protect' her, but I do trust her to be able to take care of herself. So for now, I'll just 'watch over' her. Sorry I'm ranting lol.
 
#12 ·
I know one INFJ and she is without a doubt one of my closest friends. I find that she and I share a lot of traits personality-wise despite the Te/Fe difference. I think she's very calm yet assertive, very mature, and very nurturing towards others, all traits I very much admire and love about her. Her Ni/Fe are extremely good at letting her understand me emotionally when I confide in her, which I'm poor at explaining despite my recent efforts to let my friends behind the Wall. I always trust her judgement and consider her advice when she gives it and I can tell she understands how I feel even when I don't say much.

Like anybody I consider a friend I have and will continue to do anything to help her, but I think she and I understand each other more than any other of my friends (with one exception: my also female ENFP friend). All our mutual acquaintances thought we were in love with each other at one point lol.
 
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#18 ·
People who are intelligent, but don't have the 'strength of will' (my term) to refuse others always frustrate me. I have zero impulse to help someone unless I think it is the right thing for me to do; for example, if I randomly ran into someone who needed directions or something, of course I would help them because I believe it is right to do that. But if some guy in a class who I know slightly asked me to 'study' with him because he isn't getting it, I would turn him down because I would think he deserved it if he wasn't studying, and even if he was, college is for people who can stand on their own, and I have higher priorities. So, overly 'nice' people who can't say no even when they are smart really make me cringe. I end up wanting to say 'you're better than that; you should know better than to let people take advantage of you'.
 
#22 ·
haha, well, I'm not smart enough for people to want to study with me :p But I can't always say that I say yes to everyone fore everything either. :p At least when it comes to things I strongly disapprove of. A guy in my class asked me if he could cheat off my take home test for math (one of the few classes that I was at the top in). I flat out told him "No". I hate cheaters. :p And he tried to beg me afterwards saying really immature things like, "I'll be your best friend, please!" It was disgusting -_____-
 
#21 ·
One of my best friends is INFJ, and things work between us because we have the shared Ni connection, and we respect the Fe/Te difference. The Ni gives us a lot of harmony, deep conversations, and witty banter. But it's the mutual respect for the differences that makes everything so great. We don't argue much because I would always win (because of Te -- it always trumps Fe in debates). But in social situations, I defer to her because she's just better at the Fe stuff.

We are now in our late 30s, so I think that life experience and maturity help a LOT. To the OP, your brother sounds like me when I was in my late teens. It's likely that he can and will develop with time, so I'm betting the best years are ahead for you two.
 
#30 ·
I have a very close INTJ friend. The Te Fe difference is acknowledged very well and I'd say that both of our tertiary functions are well developed which helps a ton. He does not show it often but he actually has a huge heart (yes, INTJs can have hearts). I have another INTJ friend but his underdeveloped enneagram type 1-ness rubs people the wrong way and we are definitely not close.
 
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#31 ·
My opinion. Very caring and loving. But also very fickle and manipulative.

To me INFJs respond so much to the emotional environment around them they can be very unpredictable and seem rather unprincipled and self centered. But really they are so affected by others that they just appear this way when actually they are the opposite.

I also think they can be very negative about the future, and the world we live in. I see possibilities and so many positive ways we can improve the world and make it better. Most INFJs I know think its all spinning out of control and going to hell.
I just see systems that need improving. Im very quick to see a systemic problem, the world isn't falling apart, we just haven't got it right yet thats all. We were burning witches 400 years ago (prolly INFJs) and slavery not even 150. Its getting better, really.
Most seem to have trust issues.
Most cant be in an argument without taking it personally. They don't respond to logic, nor will they explain their positions logically. If I try to deconstruct a value they have to see what it is, where it comes from, what its implications are they take great offense to it. (Relax Ive deconstructed my own and rebuilt them right back up grounded on even firmer ground)
They also tend to have visions and idealistic dreams of their future, and when its not coming true they can get very stressed and tend to blame those close to them.
They're almost never direct. They don't consider testing someone lying. They sulk their significant other a lot. Refusing intimacy and communication because of offense, sometimes for days.
A lot seem to think they have some sort of higher power, spirit, Jesus on the main line with them. Believing in this over logic or reason.
Female INFJs from my pov have had issues with men.
But also tremendously insightful to anothers feelings. Brilliant in their ability to read others (although with me mostly wrong, I think INTJs tend to be unreadable to a lot of INFJs) Mostly because we are very blunt and direct. And we actually mean what we say. No weird alternative motives. So the skeptical INFJ just cant believe that Im saying something for the reasons I say I an and Im being authentic.
Extremely loving, passionate. Very easy to please. (Just give them some space and smile and compliment them every once in a while).
They tend to think being direct is harsh. When I think being indirect is shady and manipulative. Even offensive. They tend to deny their intentions when you ask about what they are trying to get across from their indirectness.
Also, if you make them angry, they will plan little covert ways to make you angry without you realizing it. If you ask them not to do something, they will keep doing it. They do things when THEY feel like it. Trues to get others to do things for them all the time.
Will suspect their SO doesn't truly love them.
Very fun to be around. Love to laugh and play and joke around. Very witty and good sense of humor.
 
#37 ·
One of my favorite things in this forum is reading about how INTJ's see us. (You're my favorite type)
And also my best friend male is INTJ, he's like the world to me. Your type it's fascinating to me.
INTJ's and INFJ's are fawless together (a little bit boring sometimes) but we can understand each other like no one can.
 
#38 ·
One of my favorite things in this forum is reading about how INTJ's see us. (You're my favorite type)
And also my best friend male is INTJ, he's like the world to me. Your type it's fascinating to me.
INTJ's and INFJ's are fawless together (a little bit boring sometimes) but we can understand each other like no one can.
HEY! I would beg to differ!
 
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#43 ·
Necro-update: my INFJ and I are now dating, which was a surprise to exactly nobody except us. If you all are like her, keep being amazing.
 
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