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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I feel that I have come up with a solution for INTJ's who can not seem to find the one.

I'm only 20. yes. BUT... I have done my share of dating. Let me break it down..

1. physical attraction
2. the first few dates are fun...because they are new and different
3. things get hot and steamy for a little while
4. after a few weeks... after my brain returns from euphoria caused by norepinephrine (its science)...I start to realize that i have no feelings invested for this person. i simply...do not care for them.
5. i break it off


CONCLUSION: I have realized that for me, i can't just start dating someone. I need to be friends with them for a while in order to care for them on a deep level. INTJs need to connect with someone on a deep level in order for them to care about someone. Simply put, in my opinion, dating someone new and caring for them is simply too much to ask of us. I have this friend Cory (ENTJ). We have been really close friends for about 5 years. And he has always had a thing for me. I really care about him but never saw him as more than a friend. But more recently...im beginning to think that he is the one. I care about him. He knows everything about me.. and he loves me. He has told me so. I become ecstatic when i see him. my heart races and i swear my face instantly glows. And i believe, all of this is due to the fact that we have gotten to know eachother (and truly accept eachother). INTJs need to feel a deep connection with someone before they can commit themselves.

so... are INTJs that group of people you often hear say "I think its good to be friends with someone before you date them" ?

any opinions?
 

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I had the opportunity do that once. I treasured the relationship too much to turn it to custard by going out with her and "bringing all that stuff into it".

edit - so in other words, I would go out with a friend. Yeah. But not a BEST friend. I wouldn't ruin that with the risk.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I had the opportunity do that once. I treasured the relationship too much to turn it to custard by going out with her and "bringing all that stuff into it".

edit - so in other words, I would go out with a friend. Yeah. But not a BEST friend. I wouldn't ruin that with the risk.
honestly, i've said this to my friend. Exactly what you said. Of course he argues against it. thank you for the advice. :)
 

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Go for it. It sounds like you see in him all of the qualities that your other relationships have lacked. You would enter a relationship full of compassion and tempered by a sense of equality from the start! Besides, if he's already confessed his love for you, hasn't the damage to your hitherto sterile friendship already been done?
 

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I have to be friends with someone before i can date them. Though i understand some types define dating as becoming friends and a relationship as something more than friends.

I did date my best friend. It is difficult to explain why it was the right thing to do even though it didn't work out. Mostly she ran away when she felt we were to close and when she was ready i was running away from someone else.

I could not marry someone who wasn't my best friend. So, i think it is very important to create the friendship first.
I suppose i would ask the question, how can someone be your best friend if they aren't worth dating?
 
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Difficult to say. I have never done this, all of my relationships started with attraction. In general, for my partners, I prefer people somewhat different from myself. For my friends, I tend to pick people that are more similar.

I like the fact I'm dating a person different than myself. It is much more dynamic, we really bring out the best in each other. With my friends, it's more about hanging out, and then shared hobby's are more important.
 

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I find only the occasional ENFP can circumvent my inner barriers, at least partially. I prefer to know someone first; I'm not one for dating random people, it seems.
 

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Doing this right now. :p

Not my 'best' friend around but one very very close (yes, I have only male close friends XD ).
I thought that it's not a smart thing to ignore the fact that an important relationship in my life is changing from what it was: this could lead only to its withering and to lose a mate AND a friend...so we'll try and see what comes out.
I'll let you know ^^ ; in the meantime, if he doesn't resent on the due cold line 'ok, let's try and no guarantee given' I say go on :p
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I have to be friends with someone before i can date them. Though i understand some types define dating as becoming friends and a relationship as something more than friends.

I did date my best friend. It is difficult to explain why it was the right thing to do even though it didn't work out. Mostly she ran away when she felt we were to close and when she was ready i was running away from someone else.

I could not marry someone who wasn't my best friend. So, i think it is very important to create the friendship first.
I suppose i would ask the question, how can someone be your best friend if they aren't worth dating?

very true. i seem to agree with you. i need to already feel close to someone in order to have trust in a relationship. for me, trust takes a loooong time. and some people arnt patient enough with me to accept that.
 

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This worked for me. I am not gooey, and I prefer having fun and being somewhat macho and being able to talk about stupid things without worrying about spoiling the romance. It's scary when things aren't going well that you can lose everything, but it's something that keeps you fused when there is a misunderstanding or explosion. A lot of physical chemistry has to be there, though or it would creep me out.
 

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I don't think my best friend is interested...and we both are straight, anyway. (well, she's sleep-bicurous....:crazy:)
But friend, definitely. Not going to bother dating a stranger.
 
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