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My best friend is and INTJ and while she is quite um... honest and open about what she thinks, I was just curious what the general opinion of INTJs on ESFJs was? Thanks!!
 

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ESFJs and INTJs seem to have a peculiar relationship. The least trusted functions are the other's leading functions. I have ESFJ friends and I get along well with them, because I usually get along with anyone once I feel like I'm not going to be judged into lala-land.

ESFJs are so particular to their world around them, they live in it, compared to me living outside of it. We notice completely different things for entirely different reasons, but neither are less useful than the other.

They can be problematic relationships if either INTJ or ESFJ are unhealthy because of the push/pull of the trusting of each other's seemingly alien functions IMO but still worthwhile to get outside the comfort zone and try and see each other's perspectives.

Honesty and forthrightness seems to be an INTJ trademark. It's something I do too. In my younger years I can see that it may have rubbed people up the wrong way but it was always important for me to be that way for my own peace. I can't do the dances everyone else seems to around social niceties because it often ends in more distrust.
 

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I know several immature ESFJs and one mature one.

The immature ones are seem to be very insecure or approval-seeking. They tend to be dramatic and at their worst do not seem capable of any logic at all. They also seem to expect others to respond or show gratitude the same way they do, and act passive-aggressive when this doesn't happen.

The mature one I know is of great value to me. She helps me to get in touch with my "emotional" side and get along with others. I help her at times with rationality/information processing, but she can hold her own in an intelligent argument.

So, it depends. If they're not very developed, they get on my nerves. If they're mature, I appreciate them.
 

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That's a hard one. With the ESFJ's in my life it's difficult to strike the right balance. We have moments where we get it right (I interact enough to feed their need for love and togetherness while they respect my boundaries and need for privacy.) but they never seem to really last. It's as if giving what the other primarily needs costs so much energy that it's not sustainable. This goes both ways.

I always feel like I'm disappointing the ESFJ's in my life with my lack of interest in what they are interested in and every time I assert my boundaries, it's taken personally and they get hurt. Something which to me is difficult to understand.

I found that it works best when I'm on the fringes of the ESFJ's people circle so that they don't rely on me for the emotional intimacy that they crave, something which isn't easy for me to provide. In fact it's often been excrutiating to try and provide that. To make an ESFJ truly happy, I need to go against a few principles that are at the very core of me. I imagine it's the same way around.

But then there's nobody that does Christmas like the ESFJ. And on some level, I do enjoy being able to solve great deal of their 'huge big omg problems' that they really can't seem to find their way out of.
 

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My best friend is and INTJ and while she is quite um... honest and open about what she thinks, I was just curious what the general opinion of INTJs on ESFJs was? Thanks!!
I'm actually not sure I know any ESFJs. If I do, I'm certainly not close with them. I know a few ISFJs though and I think I have general respect for them, though it would become clear if we were to get any closer that our values and needs would be different and there might be conflict. I'm huge on autonomy, especially emotional autonomy, and tend to get drained really fast talking about or focusing heavily on relationships, the here-and-now, people and their lives, day to day stuff, chit chat, that kind of thing.

I'm curious, what is your relationship with your INTJ like? What do you think of INTJs in general? Any particular strengths/challenges you've noticed?
 

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My best friend is and INTJ and while she is quite um... honest and open about what she thinks, I was just curious what the general opinion of INTJs on ESFJs was? Thanks!!
Your signature is so shiny that it hurts my eyes.
I hate you and all ESFJs because of that.
 

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She's the only person I know that I know for sure is an INTJ. It took awhile to come to an understanding, when we first met just as acquaintances, she thought I was a brat and I thought she was quiet and shy(boy, was i wrong!). After getting on each other's nerves for about 5 years we finally got to the point where we could stand each other and then after that moved to an actual friendship but I still didn't understand why she would want to spend hours alone doing nothing but reading with no social interaction and i just continued to get on her nerves with my over-zealous personality. Somehow over the past few years, we've overcame that and now we're best friends. Over time we've each learned to adjust to the other. She's brought my happy little self down a few notches and showed me its not scary to be alone. I'm also about the only person that she will let intrude on her "alone time". On the other hand, she's now a little more willing to go to a party or hang out with friends if i'm there to act as a sort of buffer. We've learned to understand each other rather than bug each other which has ended up in a friendship where we each compliment one another.
 
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Girlllll...
 

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She's the only person I know that I know for sure is an INTJ. It took awhile to come to an understanding, when we first met just as acquaintances, she thought I was a brat and I thought she was quiet and shy(boy, was i wrong!). After getting on each other's nerves for about 5 years we finally got to the point where we could stand each other and then after that moved to an actual friendship but I still didn't understand why she would want to spend hours alone doing nothing but reading with no social interaction and i just continued to get on her nerves with my over-zealous personality. Somehow over the past few years, we've overcame that and now we're best friends. Over time we've each learned to adjust to the other. She's brought my happy little self down a few notches and showed me its not scary to be alone. I'm also about the only person that she will let intrude on her "alone time". On the other hand, she's now a little more willing to go to a party or hang out with friends if i'm there to act as a sort of buffer. We've learned to understand each other rather than bug each other which has ended up in a friendship where we each compliment one another.
I have an ESFP friend who has the same complimentary status. I learned a hell of a lot from her when it comes to my social blindness. I also helped her out too, she always had me to remind her to take a jacket when we went out and we'd always have fare to get home. Heh.
 

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I married one. It can be extremely difficult at times. They can be very manipulative, incapable of creativity/shoot down creativity, stubborn, overbearing, presumptous, impulsive, highly emotional and irrational. They want everyone to fit into their own neat little dull mold of how people should be. They can't fathom anything but. On the other hand they can be loyal, passionate, humorous, witty, socially adept, smart, practical etc. There are always good and bad in everyone right?
 

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My mom is an ESFJ. My teen years were... oy. Both of us were very unhealthy.

These days we get along fine--she has learned to respect my space, and to understand that I will not conform just because "everyone knows" that's what one does. And I have learned to go along with things I really don't want to as a way to show her that I care, and to ask her for advice when it comes to dealing with difficult people in a socially acceptable way.
 

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INTPs about ESFJs on INTPcentral :proud:

"They actually have great conviction and followthrough, so in the bubble of their mind they see themselves as as deep as the Marianas trench. But their perception is so pathetically stunted that few of their notions are in line with reality. It follows, and it is the case actually, that they're forever oblivious to this. They die believing their isolated worldview isn't, finally because they're incapable of empathy, thus they ignore any relayed perception by truly keen analysts--Such as wisened INTPs.
This is why I universally advise avoidance of ESFJs to INTPs. You can observe their shortsightedness and understand how they function, but they can't observe you with any remotely objective perspective. You either fit their template of what should be, or not, and that's it. They don't understand motivations other than their own."
Disclaimer:
This statement is not affiliated with or endorsed by @sly
 

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I know two confirmed ESFJs, a guy and a girl. I like the girl and we talk and make each other laugh. I believe the guy is only slightly an E, which means he's almost an ISFJ. He gives off a very strong "lost puppy dog" vibe. I don't like him as much.
 

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There's two sides to my relationship with the ESFJ in my life. On the bright side he's my friend & confidant. I have come to trust him over the years & so when I have a decision to make he is the one I go to, to be my spiritual adviser so to speak. He's also a wonderful cook & lovely host.

On the other hand, I call him the 'emotion seeker' because he uncovers emotions (e.g. sadness, disappointment, frustration etc.) in me that I did not even know I was experiencing. :shocked: The bad part is that he exposes them & then just leaves me, high & dry, to sort through the mess on my own. :crying: He's literally left me speechless because of this. :frustrating:

All & all I love the ESFJ in my life. I would do anything for him.
 

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I have a good friend that's an ENFJ female. I think the thing that makes the relationship the best is that we see each other only about 2 or 3 times per month. That way we can appreciate the T/F differences without getting on each other's nerves.
 
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