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Hi, newbie intj here. I was wondering, what are your experiences with INTJs?
INTJs
[ISFJ]
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My best friend, who I've known since the fourth grade, is an INTJ. I thought he was an INTP for a while, but after recently talking to him we determined that he was a J, though only very very slightly.
I also was recently talking to an online friend of mine and we determined he was an INTJ, but he thought the whole MBTI thing was very silly...he didn't like the idea of being put into a box.
I think the key thing for me with all NT's is getting to the point where I trust them. My biggest problem with NT's is that they can make me feel bad. If their sense of humor is too focused on insulting or making fun of people, if they can't keep their desire to debate in control, or if they let their intelligence go to their head, I can't form a relationship with them. I just don't feel comfortable around them, and I can't loosen up and have fun.
Thankfully, these two INTJ friends of mine aren't like that at all. My best friend does like to poke fun at me a lot, but because I trust him so deeply, I know he doesn't mean anything by it, and I even do the same thing to him to some degree. And of course, when I'm in the mood for an intellectual discussion, my INTJ friends are great for that...and they have a way of making their points calmly and nicely, rather than forcefully and condescendingly like some NT's.
You would think that out of the four NT types, ISFJ's would get along best with INTJ's the most, since we have two preferences in common as opposed to one or zero. In general I've found this to be true, especially because ENT's have more of a tendency to overwhelm me with those negative traits I mentioned. I think INT's tend to keep them in control the most, and INTJ's probably do the most out of the four NT types.
So I think ISFJ's can get along very well with INTJ's as long as they both trust each other and understand each other well. I also think they can learn from each other more easily than an ISFJ combined with another NT type, which helps an ISFJ develop more of a tougher skin and not take things quite so harshly or personally. I've found that that's much easier when I can learn that from an NT who I can trust.
I also was recently talking to an online friend of mine and we determined he was an INTJ, but he thought the whole MBTI thing was very silly...he didn't like the idea of being put into a box.
I think the key thing for me with all NT's is getting to the point where I trust them. My biggest problem with NT's is that they can make me feel bad. If their sense of humor is too focused on insulting or making fun of people, if they can't keep their desire to debate in control, or if they let their intelligence go to their head, I can't form a relationship with them. I just don't feel comfortable around them, and I can't loosen up and have fun.
Thankfully, these two INTJ friends of mine aren't like that at all. My best friend does like to poke fun at me a lot, but because I trust him so deeply, I know he doesn't mean anything by it, and I even do the same thing to him to some degree. And of course, when I'm in the mood for an intellectual discussion, my INTJ friends are great for that...and they have a way of making their points calmly and nicely, rather than forcefully and condescendingly like some NT's.
You would think that out of the four NT types, ISFJ's would get along best with INTJ's the most, since we have two preferences in common as opposed to one or zero. In general I've found this to be true, especially because ENT's have more of a tendency to overwhelm me with those negative traits I mentioned. I think INT's tend to keep them in control the most, and INTJ's probably do the most out of the four NT types.
So I think ISFJ's can get along very well with INTJ's as long as they both trust each other and understand each other well. I also think they can learn from each other more easily than an ISFJ combined with another NT type, which helps an ISFJ develop more of a tougher skin and not take things quite so harshly or personally. I've found that that's much easier when I can learn that from an NT who I can trust.
Thankfully, these two INTJ friends of mine aren't like that at all. My best friend does like to poke fun at me a lot, but because I trust him so deeply, I know he doesn't mean anything by it, and I even do the same thing to him to some degree. And of course, when I'm in the mood for an intellectual discussion, my INTJ friends are great for that...and they have a way of making their points calmly and nicely, rather than forcefully and condescendingly like some NT's.
Personally, the only people I will poke fun at are my friends or people I like. I would take it as a sign that he feels very close to and comfortable with you if he teases you; it's our weird way of showing affection. If I don't like someone, I either completely ignore them or minimize interactions with that person.
So I think ISFJ's can get along very well with INTJ's as long as they both trust each other and understand each other well. I also think they can learn from each other more easily than an ISFJ combined with another NT type, which helps an ISFJ develop more of a tougher skin and not take things quite so harshly or personally.
Trust and understanding are definitely they key. When my ISFJ friends "get" my joking, they're very entertained. The times that they misunderstand me results in hurt feelings though.
Personally, the only people I will poke fun at are my friends or people I like. I would take it as a sign that he feels very close to and comfortable with you if he teases you; it's our weird way of showing affection. If I don't like someone, I either completely ignore them or minimize interactions with that person.
So I think ISFJ's can get along very well with INTJ's as long as they both trust each other and understand each other well. I also think they can learn from each other more easily than an ISFJ combined with another NT type, which helps an ISFJ develop more of a tougher skin and not take things quite so harshly or personally.
Trust and understanding are definitely they key. When my ISFJ friends "get" my joking, they're very entertained. The times that they misunderstand me results in hurt feelings though.
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Well, I am likely a little biased, but I will share my thoughts briefly....
I grew up with an INTJ father and an ESFP mother. And, if you know a little about the MBTI types, you probably know that the ESFP is typically the "entertainer." My mother meets that description completely. :wink:
I love my mom very much, but it always was very difficult for us to communicate. I could never understand her, and I know she struggled to understand me. She loved to socialize, with EVERYONE, and it was difficult for me to reveal my feelings to my closest friends. She was spontaneous and quick to make (and change) plans, and everything for me was a carefully thought-out process.
So, anyway, it was typically my dad that understood me best, because he had some of those same tendencies that I did. He counseled me through major decisions, etc.
At any rate, I like INTJs, and I tend to have a lot of respect for them. I admire how they typically don't care about "rules for the sake of rules" and would rather get to the bottom of why things work. I also like their sense of humor.
Things that can be difficult in communication tend to be the disparity between the Thinking and Feeling, I have found. Good communication can resolve this, though.
Anyway, just some thoughts.
I grew up with an INTJ father and an ESFP mother. And, if you know a little about the MBTI types, you probably know that the ESFP is typically the "entertainer." My mother meets that description completely. :wink:
I love my mom very much, but it always was very difficult for us to communicate. I could never understand her, and I know she struggled to understand me. She loved to socialize, with EVERYONE, and it was difficult for me to reveal my feelings to my closest friends. She was spontaneous and quick to make (and change) plans, and everything for me was a carefully thought-out process.
So, anyway, it was typically my dad that understood me best, because he had some of those same tendencies that I did. He counseled me through major decisions, etc.
At any rate, I like INTJs, and I tend to have a lot of respect for them. I admire how they typically don't care about "rules for the sake of rules" and would rather get to the bottom of why things work. I also like their sense of humor.
Things that can be difficult in communication tend to be the disparity between the Thinking and Feeling, I have found. Good communication can resolve this, though.
Anyway, just some thoughts.
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I would think that isfjs would get along with ENTs better since INTJs are their "enigmas" and Es would be more aware of their effect on other people, especially the ENTP whose tertiary function is Fe.
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Yeah, I've heard and read that too. I guess it's just for me personally it hasn't been the case. I think it's because ENT's just seem to intimidate me more with their humor and debating, and I have a harder time being more comfortable around them. This may be due to other things about me, such as being a type 6 and being prone to bouts of shyness around new people. So you might be right with this.
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