[Kristiiing]

Ok, so I need some advice from some INTP's...

So I have been seeing an INTP for about 3 months. It started out completely platonic, he was a friend of a friend. Our mutual friend invited us both to the beach for 10 days and we hit it off. Nothing romantic happened at the beach, but after we left, we talked about twice a week on the phone and the phone calls were between 4 and 7 hours (which is crazy, I have never been on the phone withe someone that long EVER). He eventually asked me to come up to the city where he lives and stay with him for two weeks and at this point it was still platonic. Once I got up there, the first night we had some champagne and..well, we hooked up and continued to the rest of the time I was up there. I left after two weeks - and then a week later her asked me to come back up. I came back up for a month until he went on vacation with his family for two weeks. Every night on vacation he would call me or we would video chat on skype. Then he asked me to come up AGAIN and stay until I left for Switzerland (I am going for a year).

Ok, so now that I'm done with the back story... A couple of days before I left, I asked him what he wanted to do while I was gone and if he wanted to continue this. He said that he really liked me and wanted to try to make this work, but is scared to (his words) "place all of his emotions" in this situation. Which I can understand because he has been hurt in the past, his ex girlfriend went out of the country for 3 months and ended up sleeping with three different guys. He also said that he didn't want to meet other people but "didn't want to be afraid to either", which really hurt and confused me.

I understand that he isn't very good at explaining his emotions, so I think what he meant by saying he "didn't want to be afraid" to meet other people, was that he was scared to completely commit because of the pain he felt in the past. But once I explained to him that I understood why he was scared and that I was willing to put in the work, he said that he "wants me in his life for a long time" and that "if we were in Fiddler on the Roof, and the match maker was matching us, we would be a perfect match". (He is much better at explaining his emotions through metaphors - I don't know if this is common for INTP's haha). And before I left he gave me a teddy bear to take to Switzerland and he named it "INTP (his name) Jr" and said to cuddle with it and it will be like cuddling with him.

This might be a really confusing post, but this whole situation is confusing to me! It's just really hard because I don't quite understand his emotions. I am just wondering if any INTP's on here might be able to translate this for me. I have tried to bring it up but I can't seem to explain myself to him in a way that he understands. He says "let's just go with the flow and if this is supposed to work out it will." But I just want something more concrete - I want him to say that he likes me and WANTS this to work out and that he doesn't want to be with anyone else. HELP!

 

[mmglory]

Just prove your commitment while you're abroad, contact him every day if possible, show him that you remember and miss him. Actions are much more valuable than words, especially for us INTPs. And he won't probably say "I like you and want this to work out" and stuff, but if he really likes you, he shows it. Words doesn't mean much for us. And remember, don't push him! Even once. Then you might lose him as it begins to bother him.

 

[Jerick]

He says "let's just go with the flow and if this is supposed to work out it will." But I just want something more concrete - I want him to say that he likes me and WANTS this to work out and that he doesn't want to be with anyone else.

He has already told you that in very solid terms, according to paragraph 3. I would never do anything like that unless I was very serious about the person.

When he says "let's just go with the flow" that means you're asking him too much and he doesn't understand why since he's already told you, so there's nothing to talk about. It sounds like you're coming off to him as if you're not sure the relationship will work out. I guess you could explain it to him in terms of Fe, that because you have Fe as your first cognitive function, it makes you feel good to hear him say it.

 

[Hycocritical truth teller]

Ok, so I need some advice from some INTP's...

So I have been seeing an INTP for about 3 months. It started out completely platonic, he was a friend of a friend. Our mutual friend invited us both to the beach for 10 days and we hit it off. Nothing romantic happened at the beach, but after we left, we talked about twice a week on the phone and the phone calls were between 4 and 7 hours (which is crazy, I have never been on the phone withe someone that long EVER). He eventually asked me to come up to the city where he lives and stay with him for two weeks and at this point it was still platonic. Once I got up there, the first night we had some champagne and..well, we hooked up and continued to the rest of the time I was up there. I left after two weeks - and then a week later her asked me to come back up. I came back up for a month until he went on vacation with his family for two weeks. Every night on vacation he would call me or we would video chat on skype. Then he asked me to come up AGAIN and stay until I left for Switzerland (I am going for a year).

Ok, so now that I'm done with the back story... A couple of days before I left, I asked him what he wanted to do while I was gone and if he wanted to continue this. He said that he really liked me and wanted to try to make this work, but is scared to (his words) "place all of his emotions" in this situation. Which I can understand because he has been hurt in the past, his ex girlfriend went out of the country for 3 months and ended up sleeping with three different guys. He also said that he didn't want to meet other people but "didn't want to be afraid to either", which really hurt and confused me.

I understand that he isn't very good at explaining his emotions, so I think what he meant by saying he "didn't want to be afraid" to meet other people, was that he was scared to completely commit because of the pain he felt in the past. But once I explained to him that I understood why he was scared and that I was willing to put in the work, he said that he "wants me in his life for a long time" and that "if we were in Fiddler on the Roof, and the match maker was matching us, we would be a perfect match". (He is much better at explaining his emotions through metaphors - I don't know if this is common for INTP's haha). And before I left he gave me a teddy bear to take to Switzerland and he named it "INTP (his name) Jr" and said to cuddle with it and it will be like cuddling with him.

This might be a really confusing post, but this whole situation is confusing to me! It's just really hard because I don't quite understand his emotions. I am just wondering if any INTP's on here might be able to translate this for me. I have tried to bring it up but I can't seem to explain myself to him in a way that he understands. He says "let's just go with the flow and if this is supposed to work out it will." But I just want something more concrete - I want him to say that he likes me and WANTS this to work out and that he doesn't want to be with anyone else. HELP!

probably doesnt wanna be to expressive just yet and careful
proove your comitment, INTPs are not that suspicious if they have no reason to doubt
i personally think you should just try not to define things too much...you asking about continuing was a big plus to INTP i believe that
i dont think this is so bad - he wost most open with you and that means smth...and most fair about how he feels

 

[alexande]

I had an ENFJ girlfriend for 2 years before she left to be abroad for 6 months. When she told me she was leaving but didn't want to end things; I was very skeptical at first. She was going for her studies and since she was a social butterfly, I figured it would be easier to take a break. She became very upset when I mentioned this and quickly had me persuaded things would workout. She did text and call often which was reassuring but I still felt uncomfortable with our situation after a month in. About 4 months into this predicament I voiced my opinion to which she kinda blew it off. The next night she showed up at my apartment and stayed for 5 days. I was so surprised(and excited) to see her I completely forgot my doubts. There is no easy way to do distance but if your both interested enough in each other I'm sure you can make it workout.

 

[Haldir]

I asked him what he wanted to do while I was gone and if he wanted to continue this. He said that he really liked me and wanted to try to make this work, but is scared to (his words) "place all of his emotions" in this situation. Which I can understand because he has been hurt in the past, his ex girlfriend went out of the country for 3 months and ended up sleeping with three different guys. He also said that he didn't want to meet other people but "didn't want to be afraid to either", which really hurt and confused me.

If this were me I would be saying I'm not convinced that YOU want to (or are capable of) stay monogamous over the whole year and this would be me giving you an out if you wanted it. I think that's probably all it was. You gave him an open-ended question without defining your stance on the matter and he did exactly what INTPs are best at...he equivocated. Even if you did tell him you wanted to stay exclusive before he answered he still probably wanted further confirmation based on his prior experience.

(He is much better at explaining his emotions through metaphors - I don't know if this is common for INTP's haha).

That's funny. I'd say it probably is...given that it's about the ONLY way I can communicate my emotions to others. ;-)

 

[Hosker]

It sounds like he wants some assurance that history won't repeat itself.