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Discussion Starter #1
Is it normal for INTP to find it hard to recognise and categorise their own feelings?
I find it very easy when it comes to know how others are feeling, what triggers them etc..., but I'm a disaster with mines. How's that possible?
Others having the same issue?
 

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As an INFJ, I also have this issue. I'm so fixated on people's emotions and empathize with them causing me to feel unsure if any feelings are actually mine own or that I'm picking it up from other people... so you're definitely not alone!

I'm wondering if it's because we've just excelled at analyzing people a certain unbiased way (like, you see the external reasons why someone behaves the way they do, never truly the internal reasons) However, when you try to apply the same method onto yourself, it becomes very biased (you innately know what your external and internal motivations are) and quite possibly you would overthink/second guess yourself because there are two types of motivations now.

So.... I think where I'm getting at is that maybe you do know how you feel but your subconscious second guesses itself making you consciously think you don't know how you feel.

I hope this makes sense...
 

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When i started to get out of the Thinking mode on purpose to let the Fe flow unresisted i did remember the reason why i started to supress feelings at the first place, why everyone is so annoying, noisy and anxious?

I learned to be vulnerable with the heart open, it hurts and drains energy most of the time since u can't identify where the caos are coming from.

After a long time doing this i started to identify when im reflecting others emotions and then integrate these sensations with a deep and relaxing breathing even if i dont like it. Then they never got triggered again at the same way, i already know them.
Its not like im doing this the most of the time because i can get tired of some toxic shit instantly and just move away from it, but im doing it being aware.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
As an INFJ, I also have this issue. I'm so fixated on people's emotions and empathize with them causing me to feel unsure if any feelings are actually mine own or that I'm picking it up from other people... so you're definitely not alone!

I'm wondering if it's because we've just excelled at analyzing people a certain unbiased way (like, you see the external reasons why someone behaves the way they do, never truly the internal reasons) However, when you try to apply the same method onto yourself, it becomes very biased (you innately know what your external and internal motivations are) and quite possibly you would overthink/second guess yourself because there are two types of motivations now.

So.... I think where I'm getting at is that maybe you do know how you feel but your subconscious second guesses itself making you consciously think you don't know how you feel.

I hope this makes sense...
Actually, I can't even empathize with people. What I mean is that I do feel sorry for people when they are upset, but I don't feel their pain (how to explain it: it's still more about me than them. Not sure it makes sense). All I can do is analyze their situation and then offer them practical advice on how to solve their issues.
I agree with you on the second part. I'm just trying to find a way to understand what it is that I am feeling, but I suppose it's not really that easy. At the same time, however, I don't think I would survive being a feeler for more than two days (they really have it hard). Typically, I can rationalise whatever it is that I am feeling. For example, I'm almost never angry (I do understand what triggers it and I always try to understand why people behave in a certain way etc...).
 
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Discussion Starter #6
When i started to get out of the Thinking mode on purpose to let the Fe flow unresisted i did remember the reason why i started to supress feelings at the first place, why everyone is so annoying, noisy and anxious?

I learned to be vulnerable with the heart open, it hurts and drains energy most of the time since u can't identify where the caos are coming from.

After a long time doing this i started to identify when im reflecting others emotions and then integrate these sensations with a deep and relaxing breathing even if i dont like it. Then they never got triggered again at the same way, i already know them.
Its not like im doing this the most of the time because i can get tired of some toxic shit instantly and just move away from it, but im doing it being aware.
That seems hard to do. I've learnt to control my feelings most of the time, but I'm afraid people do understand that I am repressing them. The only emotion I have issues with is love/affection. It's like finding an adorable puppy in your house and you: 1- have no idea how he go in, 2- never wanted him in your house, 3- don't know what to do with him, but 4-can't kick him out because he's too damn cute.
 

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Actually, I can't even empathize with people. What I mean is that I do feel sorry for people when they are upset, but I don't feel their pain (how to explain it: it's still more about me than them. Not sure it makes sense)
Yeah. I experience other people's anger not by empathizing (i.e. I don't share their anger, I don't feel what they feel for myself), but their behavior and their emotional state does make me cringe (uneasy or embarrassed).
 

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@LetMeThinkAboutIt I don't think there's anything wrong or incorrect with understanding something using a particular way... just possibly unfulfilling/curiosity that there's a perspective out there you might be missing out on. Like for instance, I think that INTP's typically use logic to "feel" their feelings, whereas I feel like INFJ's use feelings to "think" logically. The point I'm trying to make is that it's perfectly okay to use an unconventional method (i.e "thinking" to feel rather than the conventional "feeling" to feel)

Personally, I'm trying to improve my rational side (so it can balance my emotional one). The goal is to see the world as a full picture, rather than looking through an "emotional" keyhole perspective... If that makes sense. Maybe you feel the same way except reversed?

On a more practical note, I've become more rational because of my NT friends. Maybe you need to find more feely friends to get in touch with your emotional side :proud:

(PS. I apologize for the essay or if I offended you in anyway, this topic is just intriguing to me :unsure:).
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Yeah. I experience other people's anger not by empathizing (i.e. I don't share their anger, I don't feel what they feel for myself), but their behavior and their emotional state does make me cringe (uneasy or embarrassed).
I totally understand that. I never know how to react to them. Although I should be used to it ( both my isfj mum and my isfp brother are very sensitive, so I always pay attention to how I behave with them), when I meet someone knew and they decide to tell me everything about their life (mostly problems), I still feel very unconfortable.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
@LetMeThinkAboutIt I don't think there's anything wrong or incorrect with understanding something using a particular way... just possibly unfulfilling/curiosity that there's a perspective out there you might be missing out on. Like for instance, I think that INTP's typically use logic to "feel" their feelings, whereas I feel like INFJ's use feelings to "think" logically. The point I'm trying to make is that it's perfectly okay to use an unconventional method (i.e "thinking" to feel rather than the conventional "feeling" to feel)

Personally, I'm trying to improve my rational side (so it can balance my emotional one). The goal is to see the world as a full picture, rather than looking through an "emotional" keyhole perspective... If that makes sense. Maybe you feel the same way except reversed?

On a more practical note, I've become more rational because of my NT friends. Maybe you need to find more feely friends to get in touch with your emotional side :proud:

(PS. I apologize for the essay or if I offended you in anyway, this topic is just intriguing to me :unsure:).
Yes, I do think I'm missing a way to know about my mental states. Logic has its limits, and can grasp things to a certain extent, but can't understand everything. Actually, most of my friends are NF, so I've already learned a lot from them. I used to dismiss feelings as something inferior (I know, I know, but I was young), while now I'm a lot more patient and understanding. But the point is that you can learn how to reason, but not how to feel. I'm glad you find it interesting :), no offense at all.
 

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I have a similar issue to yours(though I don't know how feelings work for others, or what triggers them, unlike you). I have always had this problem, since I was younger. It isn't as bad as it use to be, but that's after years of learning how to identify my feelings and causes, but I don't feel emotion very deeply most times(in comparison to most other females my age).
But I still can't categorize, recognize, and describe complex emotions and feelings.
Whatca gonna do...
 

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Yes, I do think I'm missing a way to know about my mental states. Logic has its limits, and can grasp things to a certain extent, but can't understand everything. Actually, most of my friends are NF, so I've already learned a lot from them. I used to dismiss feelings as something inferior (I know, I know, but I was young), while now I'm a lot more patient and understanding. But the point is that you can learn how to reason, but not how to feel. I'm glad you find it interesting :), no offense at all.
I think that you can learn to feel too, not just learn to reason. At birth, I think we just innately know how to feel, however, the severity (and satisfaction) of which we are in touch with our feelings can greatly differ from person to person. However, I strongly believe you can learn to be more in touch with your emotions through maturing, your environment, and practice.

Do you think it's possible that you find "learning to feel" a hopeless battle because you the extrinsic value is greater than the intrinsic value? Ex: Extrinsic value of empathy would be like... wanting to learn how to feel build deep connections with people and yourself. An intrinsic value of empathy would be like... wanting to learn how to feel, because it is a right in itself.

I only bring this up because when I was younger I valued empathy only (I quickly dismissed things if I felt there was no emotional component). For myself, learning to be rational/reason better was boring, mundane and difficult for me. In order to learn anything, I need the task to feel meaningful/follow my vision & ideologies (and not be so practical which is what I felt at the time).
When I learned of the extrinsic values of being more reasonable, I found it easier to motivate myself, but it wasn't enough because I still found myself bored when "practicing" so to speak. Now I'm staring to realize the intrinsic value and it has become a part of my value system, making it even easier to motivate myself to strive and balance my Ti and Fe.

Speaking through analogies, it's like running through a park to get to the ice-cream store. You run because you don't want to waste time but you'll tire yourself faster and feel more less motivated to continue. However, if you walk and enjoy the scenery of the path, you'll find that you aren't wasting any time, the pathway isn't as mundane as you previously thought, and as a bonus, will still get the tasty ice-cream treat at the end.

(PS. I hope I'm making sense I feel like I'm not haha, I feel like I'm rambling).
 

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It's sometimes hard for me to realize how I'm feeling because I'm too busy thinking about stuff. It can take several hours or days for me to reflect back and realize I was feeling a certain way. This happens most often with being annoyed I think.
 

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Is it normal for INTP to find it hard to recognise and categorise their own feelings?
I find it very easy when it comes to know how others are feeling, what triggers them etc..., but I'm a disaster with mines. How's that possible?
Others having the same issue?
I think it is normal for INTPs to sometimes struggle identifying their own emotions. It's something that I have had to actively and intentionally learn how to do, and something I still struggle with on occasion.

Usually, when I experience a negative emotion, I identify it, and then use logic to make it disappear. For example, if someone does something that makes me angry, I remind myself that people are the products of their genetics and their environment, and you can't reasonably blame someone for either of those things, so it doesn't make sense to get angry at other people for the choices they make. Then I move on to think about if there is a problem that needs to be addressed, and start the problem-solving process. Because of this, negative emotions like sadness, anger, anxiety, etc. tend to be fleeting things that typically don't impact my day to day. That being said, I still experience negative emotions that I can’t immediately logic away. When I do have a lingering negative emotion, it can take me quite a lot of time and reflection before I understand what the emotion is and where it is coming from.

This is something of a tangent, but I've also noticed that the thoughts I choose to repeat over and over in my head determine what emotion I experience. If I wanted to make myself angry about something, I could easily repeat certain thoughts to myself, focusing on why a certain person is an asshole etc. Or I could repeat a different set of thoughts that focuses on how hard it must be to go through life as that person. Both sets of thoughts are equally true (the person is an asshole, and it probably sucks to be them), but I can choose which thought to play over in my head, and the result is I can either be angry, or feel empathy/forgiveness/understanding.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
I think it is normal for INTPs to sometimes struggle identifying their own emotions. It's something that I have had to actively and intentionally learn how to do, and something I still struggle with on occasion.

Usually, when I experience a negative emotion, I identify it, and then use logic to make it disappear. For example, if someone does something that makes me angry, I remind myself that people are the products of their genetics and their environment, and you can't reasonably blame someone for either of those things, so it doesn't make sense to get angry at other people for the choices they make. Then I move on to think about if there is a problem that needs to be addressed, and start the problem-solving process. Because of this, negative emotions like sadness, anger, anxiety, etc. tend to be fleeting things that typically don't impact my day to day. That being said, I still experience negative emotions that I can’t immediately logic away. When I do have a lingering negative emotion, it can take me quite a lot of time and reflection before I understand what the emotion is and where it is coming from.

This is something of a tangent, but I've also noticed that the thoughts I choose to repeat over and over in my head determine what emotion I experience. If I wanted to make myself angry about something, I could easily repeat certain thoughts to myself, focusing on why a certain person is an asshole etc. Or I could repeat a different set of thoughts that focuses on how hard it must be to go through life as that person. Both sets of thoughts are equally true (the person is an asshole, and it probably sucks to be them), but I can choose which thought to play over in my head, and the result is I can either be angry, or feel empathy/forgiveness/understanding.
But how do you know for sure that you are experiecing say anger, instead of,for example, disappointment? I can obviously distinguish negative emotions from the positive ones, but how can I be sure that I am naming/recognising them properly? I hope it makes sense.
 

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But how do you know for sure that you are experiecing say anger, instead of,for example, disappointment? I can obviously distinguish negative emotions from the positive ones, but how can I be sure that I am naming/recognising them properly? I hope it makes sense.
They are often mixed. When I'm disappointed there is usually a bit of anger or sadness involved also. Frustration is similar. So, as to how to know which is the strongest at the moment? I never really tried to classify it, but disappointment is usually more directly related to you wanted or thought something to go one way and it went another. A lot of my angsty anger several years ago stemmed from disappointment in society and how it operated, still may have some of that. But emotions often overlap, or lead from one to the other. Example is the five stages of grief. We don't all do them all, but I think of grief in a way as an emotion in itself, but those others in the stages are involved also.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
They are often mixed. When I'm disappointed there is usually a bit of anger or sadness involved also. Frustration is similar. So, as to how to know which is the strongest at the moment? I never really tried to classify it, but disappointment is usually more directly related to you wanted or thought something to go one way and it went another. A lot of my angsty anger several years ago stemmed from disappointment in society and how it operated, still may have some of that. But emotions often overlap, or lead from one to the other. Example is the five stages of grief. We don't all do them all, but I think of grief in a way as an emotion in itself, but those others in the stages are involved also.
What bothers me a bit is that I can clearly classify other people's emotions, but I cannot do the same with mines. I'm also a philosophy student, and I really want to understand why this happens. If feelings and thoughts are both mental states, when I have access to them, why can't I grasp feelings as clearly as I do with thoughts? There should not be much difference between the two, but there is. So, what's the difference?
Actually, I never thought of it in terms of stages. I will think about it. So, you've never had the temptation to classify your emotions?
 
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What bothers me a bit is that I can clearly classify other people's emotions, but I cannot do the same with mines. I'm also a philosophy student, and I really want to understand why this happens. If feelings and thoughts are both mental states, when I have access to them, why can't I grasp feelings as clearly as I do with thoughts? There should not be much difference between the two, but there is. So, what's the difference?
Actually, I never thought of it in terms of stages. I will think about it. So, you've never had the temptation to classify your emotions?
Maybe, because my F is a little more balanced with my T, like 60%T, 40% F, it may come easier to me to categorize feelings and I do it without thinking. My issue when I was younger, was I would ignore them and not give them any weight in my decisions. So, I would make a decision based on pure practicality(by world's standards) and then I would be miserable because of it, and I could no longer ignore that. So, now even if something makes a lot of sense in every other way, I try to figure out how I'll feel after making the decision and factor that in. I've turned down several better paying jobs based on this.

Plus I've always read a lot of fiction, so perhaps I learned to identify my feelings, based on what characters in books felt, I wonder. Interesting how we can all develop differently even within same personality types.
 

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Maybe, because my F is a little more balanced with my T, like 60%T, 40% F, it may come easier to me to categorize feelings and I do it without thinking. My issue when I was younger, was I would ignore them and not give them any weight in my decisions. So, I would make a decision based on pure practicality(by world's standards) and then I would be miserable because of it, and I could no longer ignore that. So, now even if something makes a lot of sense in every other way, I try to figure out how I'll feel after making the decision and factor that in. I've turned down several better paying jobs based on this.

Plus I've always read a lot of fiction, so perhaps I learned to identify my feelings, based on what characters in books felt, I wonder. Interesting how we can all develop differently even within same personality types.
I understand what you mean. I might have a very low F then (despite being in my mid-twenties). In my case, even when I regret having done something, the intensity of my feeling doesn't really last long. So, if I'm extremely angry (very rare), I am angry for a maximum of 10-15 minutes, and then everything is back to normal. Like nothing has ever happened (which kind of scares me sometimes). I do undertand the point of the job bit. I've just graduated from a top UK uni, and I could look for a high paying job. What I am doing instead is applying for a PhD, which not only will cause me lots of stress for the next 3 to 4 years, but will also blow off all my savings, leaving me broke at the end of it. But yeah, still doing it.
What do you usually read? Personally, I love russian literature. Writers such as Dostoevsky and Tolstoy do understand human nature in its depth.
 
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