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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello INTP's

I'm curious about your experiences about dating another INTP.

For me personally, I found there's always easy communication whenever I meet an INTP guy, but no spark at all.
We drift apart as easily after meeting as we got together.

Lately I've been thinking it would be good to date someone who's in touch with his emotions and isnt afraid to draw out my own a little.

Any experiences, thoughts?
 

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Warning: the following will sound like it's written by the world's oldest woman.

Here's the thing.

Whatever you think the other person is going to help you with:

Drawing you out.
Making you more reasonable.
Loving your flaws and helping you love them.
Doing your laundry.
Reminding you to take your meds.
Making you feel worthwhile and recognized.
etc.
etc.
etc.

Over time, turns into something either:

1. You resent them for not doing/forgetting to do/not doing well enough.
2. They resent you for always having to do.

The only, ONLY answer is to learn to do all things for yourself. All. Things. Then, when you are literally using the other person for nothing, you stand a chance of actually loving them. So if you need to work on your emotions...work on your emotions. Don't find someone who will "help" you do that. It's glorious in the honeymoon period but it cannot, and will not, last.

But go ahead, kids. Don't listen to me. Learn the hard way. Full disclosure, though, the hard way isn't just hard, it's ugly. It will make you both ugly. So why not stay pretty and just do your own homework? My gift to you.

/oldrant

PS: The good news is if you actually pull this off, you can basically be with any "type" that tickles your fancy. They are the dessert in your life, not your sole nutrition. Just think about how awful it would feel to be someone's sole nutrition, and how wonderful it would feel to be their dessert and you'll get the idea.
 

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Warning: the following will sound like it's written by the world's oldest woman.

Here's the thing.

Whatever you think the other person is going to help you with:

Drawing you out.
Making you more reasonable.
Loving your flaws and helping you love them.
Doing your laundry.
Reminding you to take your meds.
Making you feel worthwhile and recognized.
etc.
etc.
etc.

Over time, turns into something either:

1. You resent them for not doing/forgetting to do/not doing well enough.
2. They resent you for always having to do.

The only, ONLY answer is to learn to do all things for yourself. All. Things. Then, when you are literally using the other person for nothing, you stand a chance of actually loving them. So if you need to work on your emotions...work on your emotions. Don't find someone who will "help" you do that. It's glorious in the honeymoon period but it cannot, and will not, last.

But go ahead, kids. Don't listen to me. Learn the hard way. Full disclosure, though, the hard way isn't just hard, it's ugly. It will make you both ugly. So why not stay pretty and just do your own homework? My gift to you.

/oldrant

PS: The good news is if you actually pull this off, you can basically be with any "type" that tickles your fancy. They are the dessert in your life, not your sole nutrition. Just think about how awful it would feel to be someone's sole nutrition, and how wonderful it would feel to be their dessert and you'll get the idea.
The reality is that they will resent you for not going along with their Halloween costume idea. It's the petty things that count the most.
 

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The reality is that they will resent you for not going along with their Halloween costume idea. It's the petty things that count the most.
Petty? Hardly. If you don't like the same Halloween costumes, you're absolutely doomed. You ordered the wrong dessert. Figuring out whether you're fun compatible is about as important as if you're anatomically compatible.
 

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Petty? Hardly. If you don't like the same Halloween costumes, you're absolutely doomed. You ordered the wrong dessert. Figuring out whether you're fun compatible is about as important as if you're anatomically compatible.
Interestingly enough this is a nearby problem for me. My friend and his girlfriend both made costumes. One made Oreo costumes for both of them and the other made Netflix & Chill shirts. Except there was no "&" shirt someone should really be the "&" that gets in between them. That someone isn't me because I can't waste money on sweaters or anything like that. I was thinking about one of those authentic stormtrooper costumes but in order to buy one of those I would need to sell my laptop. Also I might be a little too short to be a stormtrooper.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
The only, ONLY answer is to learn to do all things for yourself. All. Things. Then, when you are literally using the other person for nothing, you stand a chance of actually loving them. So if you need to work on your emotions...work on your emotions. Don't find someone who will "help" you do that. It's glorious in the honeymoon period but it cannot, and will not, last.
True enough... you have to learn for yourself. But no one is perfect or flawless... So it can be nice to have a partner who's complimentary, so you can help each other grow.... Not out of need, but just because its fun to learn from each other and grow.
 

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Warning: the following will sound like it's written by the world's oldest woman.

Here's the thing.

Whatever you think the other person is going to help you with:

Drawing you out.
Making you more reasonable.
Loving your flaws and helping you love them.
Doing your laundry.
Reminding you to take your meds.
Making you feel worthwhile and recognized.
etc.
etc.
etc.

Over time, turns into something either:

1. You resent them for not doing/forgetting to do/not doing well enough.
2. They resent you for always having to do.

The only, ONLY answer is to learn to do all things for yourself. All. Things. Then, when you are literally using the other person for nothing, you stand a chance of actually loving them. So if you need to work on your emotions...work on your emotions. Don't find someone who will "help" you do that. It's glorious in the honeymoon period but it cannot, and will not, last.

But go ahead, kids. Don't listen to me. Learn the hard way. Full disclosure, though, the hard way isn't just hard, it's ugly. It will make you both ugly. So why not stay pretty and just do your own homework? My gift to you.

/oldrant

PS: The good news is if you actually pull this off, you can basically be with any "type" that tickles your fancy. They are the dessert in your life, not your sole nutrition. Just think about how awful it would feel to be someone's sole nutrition, and how wonderful it would feel to be their dessert and you'll get the idea.
This is the reason why INTP/INTP relationships work so well (if you can find two INTPs that are compatible). Because you have the same deficiencies as the other person, you fully learn yourself how to strengthen them rather than having your partner do it for you. Because you are both in the dark, you both must learn and find a way to develop your weak areas rather than having the other person pick up your weaknesses.

I honestly can attest that this is true because I have learned so much about my own deficiencies by having a friendship/relationship(?) with another INTP than I have in all my past relationships/friendships with non-INTPs. I have come so far in developing my weaknesses and have learned how to deal with emotions.
 
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