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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello everyone,
I am an INFP and my brother is an INTP. Sometimes I feel as though our personalities are similar; we have common interests and conversations flow smoothly. Other times however, feel as though I dont understand him at all.
I think he is depressed. What do I say to help him?
The scenario is always the same: we talk for hours about his problems, analyze everything he is unhappy about, we talk about different theories about life, think of solutions, etc. Once we reach the end of our conversation and have come up with a step by step plan on how to improve his life and... he does nothing. I wait for him to act upon anything, I give him little pushes, I remind him what he talked about, but there is no course of action on his part. This is something that keeps repeating itself...
I really want to help him out. If you are reading this and you are an INTP, have you had a dark and depressing time in your life? If so, how did you get out of it? What motivates you to take action? Please help me out. He is a sweet and smart guy with a lot of potential and it's sad seeing him this way.
 

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I think he is depressed. What do I say to help him?
Nothing. Just keep listening and asking questions. You can't nag someone into being happy.

The scenario is always the same: we talk for hours about his problems, analyze everything he is unhappy about, we talk about different theories about life, think of solutions, etc. Once we reach the end of our conversation and have come up with a step by step plan on how to improve his life and... he does nothing. I wait for him to act upon anything, I give him little pushes, I remind him what he talked about, but there is no course of action on his part. This is something that keeps repeating itself...
You're so concerned with the How, that you neglected the Why. Is the justification worth the effort? Will the effort really beget the expected results? Not to him.
The doors to change open from the inside, not the outside.

I really want to help him out. If you are reading this and you are an INTP, have you had a dark and depressing time in your life? If so, how did you get out of it? What motivates you to take action? Please help me out. He is a sweet and smart guy with a lot of potential and it's sad seeing him this way.
Hopefully you're not telling him that, guilt trips really don't help.
I haven't gotten out of it and it's just gotten worse over the last decade.
All you can really do is learn to cope with it.
 

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I have a depressed INTP brother too so I don’t have any advice but I can definitely feel your pain. I’d love some advice too if anyone has it.

We went through extremely tough times in the past few years as a family so we all lost it a bit, got clinically depressed. But the way he carries on greatly infuriates me. He does nothing even remotely useful, doesn’t take his meds, never cooperated with the expensive shrink we’d hired for him. He drinks, gambles, smokes, plays video games all night and sleeps all day. Has a stupid twitch channel that never generates any money, yet he insists on calling it “work” instead of actually finding an actual job. He’s married with a kid yet insists on acting like a lazy teenager.

I’m so sick and tired of carrying him on my shoulders, I don’t even remember the last time he paid his own rent. Yet whenever I open Steam I see him playing a newly released AAA title, something even I don’t buy.

Oh and whenever I tell him to stop whining and get his shit together we end up in a screaming match and then I get perceived as the villain for hurting his feelings as if he’s the only depressed person in the entire universe. I’d seriously cut him out of my life ages ago if he weren’t family. There is no winning with some people it would seem.
 

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I have a depressed INTP brother too so I don’t have any advice but I can definitely feel your pain. I’d love some advice too if anyone has it.

We went through extremely tough times in the past few years as a family so we all lost it a bit, got clinically depressed. But the way he carries on greatly infuriates me. He does nothing even remotely useful, doesn’t take his meds, never cooperated with the expensive shrink we’d hired for him. He drinks, gambles, smokes, plays video games all night and sleeps all day. Has a stupid twitch channel that never generates any money, yet he insists on calling it “work” instead of actually finding an actual job. He’s married with a kid yet insists on acting like a lazy teenager.

I’m so sick and tired of carrying him on my shoulders, I don’t even remember the last time he paid his own rent. Yet whenever I open Steam I see him playing a newly released AAA title, something even I don’t buy.

Oh and whenever I tell him to stop whining and get his shit together we end up in a screaming match and then I get perceived as the villain for hurting his feelings as if he’s the only depressed person in the entire universe. I’d seriously cut him out of my life ages ago if he weren’t family. There is no winning with some people it would seem.
Well maybe you should let it go. There's no point to this if he doesn't want to get better.
If I were him would never, ever let this go on as long as you say. You don't do that when you have a kid.
 

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Well maybe you should let it go. There's no point to this if he doesn't want to get better.
If I were him would never, ever let this go on as long as you say. You don't do that when you have a kid.
Yeah I’m thinking of never giving him any money ever again. Everyone else in the family keeps saying that we have to support him but to me we’re just enabling his irresponsibility. Whenever we lower the amount we send, he just calls to cry about how much he wants to kill himself, how his child is sick, how his car is broken and maybe he’ll get lucky and die on the road this time, he’s about to get evicted etc etc. You know, just pulls at everyones heart strings and gets burried in money&love. And whenever I say we shouldn’t give him anything I get called a heartless jerk who doesn’t care for the family.

Edit: Well that was a lie. I’ve literally just paid his bills off:dry:
 

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I have a depressed INTP brother too so I don’t have any advice but I can definitely feel your pain. I’d love some advice too if anyone has it.

We went through extremely tough times in the past few years as a family so we all lost it a bit, got clinically depressed. But the way he carries on greatly infuriates me. He does nothing even remotely useful, doesn’t take his meds, never cooperated with the expensive shrink we’d hired for him.
Again, you can't really impose recovery on people, they need to want to do it.

He drinks, gambles, smokes, plays video games all night and sleeps all day. Has a stupid twitch channel that never generates any money, yet he insists on calling it “work” instead of actually finding an actual job. He’s married with a kid yet insists on acting like a lazy teenager.

I’m so sick and tired of carrying him on my shoulders, I don’t even remember the last time he paid his own rent. Yet whenever I open Steam I see him playing a newly released AAA title, something even I don’t buy.

Oh and whenever I tell him to stop whining and get his shit together we end up in a screaming match and then I get perceived as the villain for hurting his feelings as if he’s the only depressed person in the entire universe. I’d seriously cut him out of my life ages ago if he weren’t family. There is no winning with some people it would seem.
If he doesn't have people enabling his habits, or the resources to spend on them, what do you think will happen?

If you really want to help him, start by not enabling him.

Yeah I’m thinking of never giving him any money ever again. Everyone else in the family keeps saying that we have to support him but to me we’re just enabling his irresponsibility. Whenever we lower the amount we send, he just calls to cry about how much he wants to kill himself, how his child is sick, how his car is broken and maybe he’ll get lucky and die on the road this time, he’s about to get evicted etc etc. You know, just pulls at everyones heart strings and gets burried in money&love. And whenever I say we shouldn’t give him anything I get called a heartless jerk who doesn’t care for the family.

Edit: Well that was a lie. I’ve literally just paid his bills off:dry:


...lol...
 

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Yeah I’m thinking of never giving him any money ever again. Everyone else in the family keeps saying that we have to support him but to me we’re just enabling his irresponsibility. Whenever we lower the amount we send, he just calls to cry about how much he wants to kill himself, how his child is sick, how his car is broken and maybe he’ll get lucky and die on the road this time, he’s about to get evicted etc etc. You know, just pulls at everyones heart strings and gets burried in money&love. And whenever I say we shouldn’t give him anything I get called a heartless jerk who doesn’t care for the family.

Edit: Well that was a lie. I’ve literally just paid his bills off:dry:
Sounds like hesa playing "professional victim" and just being manipulative
 

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Hello everyone,
I am an INFP and my brother is an INTP. Sometimes I feel as though our personalities are similar; we have common interests and conversations flow smoothly. Other times however, feel as though I dont understand him at all.
I think he is depressed. What do I say to help him?
The scenario is always the same: we talk for hours about his problems, analyze everything he is unhappy about, we talk about different theories about life, think of solutions, etc. Once we reach the end of our conversation and have come up with a step by step plan on how to improve his life and... he does nothing. I wait for him to act upon anything, I give him little pushes, I remind him what he talked about, but there is no course of action on his part. This is something that keeps repeating itself...
I really want to help him out. If you are reading this and you are an INTP, have you had a dark and depressing time in your life? If so, how did you get out of it? What motivates you to take action? Please help me out. He is a sweet and smart guy with a lot of potential and it's sad seeing him this way.
I’m something of an INTP. Only thing that got me out of depression was practicing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and using worksheets . I can link you if you want
 
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