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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Relationship between INTP and ESFP, your experiences?

Hy, I am INTP and I recently fall in love with a girl who, I think, is ESFP (I am pretty sure about it). We are good friends and we go to same class. Well, on some website I found that we are duals (we match each other perfectly). Someone else would already make a move, but I am still fighting this things. I got advice that it will be a bad thing to ruin friendship we have. I heard that it's not such a good idea to be with someone from your class. Also, I am asking myself am I really in love with her.
I just can't do anything without overthinking about it.
To get to the point, I am asking ESFPs about their experiences in relationship with INTP?
 

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@AW10 - Why not? And no, it wouldn't ruin the friendship if you happened to mention you liked her or made a move. She may not feel the same way, and while things might be awkward for a while, it will go back to normal. The "ruining of friendship" due to these things entirely depends on you and her. It's your decision.

What do you mean by "someone from your class"? O__O You don't mean type, do you? It's perfectly fine to like an ESFP, don't limit who you love to type! That's the silliest thing to do ever. Very foolish. ^^ I mean, really, if you get along with ENFPs you'll get along with ESFPs. In fact, most of the people others think are ENFPs are probably ESFPs. =]

I don't have much advice other than try and get closer and tell her your feelings. See what happens. Do not treat your relationship as a relationship between an INTP and an ESFP... treat it as a relationship between two unique individuals.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
@AW10 - Why not? And no, it wouldn't ruin the friendship if you happened to mention you liked her or made a move. She may not feel the same way, and while things might be awkward for a while, it will go back to normal. The "ruining of friendship" due to these things entirely depends on you and her. It's your decision.

What do you mean by "someone from your class"? O__O You don't mean type, do you? It's perfectly fine to like an ESFP, don't limit who you love to type! That's the silliest thing to do ever. Very foolish. ^^ I mean, really, if you get along with ENFPs you'll get along with ESFPs. In fact, most of the people others think are ENFPs are probably ESFPs. =]

I don't have much advice other than try and get closer and tell her your feelings. See what happens. Do not treat your relationship as a relationship between an INTP and an ESFP... treat it as a relationship between two unique individuals.
We go to same high school and to same class. And, you were right. I treat relationship between two unique individuals as a relationship between types. But I have a different approch to it.
I use it as a sth that is there to help me, not sth I should follow blindly. It is how I deal with extraverted thinking. I have realised that I can use personal analysis to understand people better. When I am learning those personality types (not just this 16), I analyze information that I gather and often consult with my feamale friend who is ENFP. When I got deeper understanding of information I just gather I continue learning more (in other words, I am learning with understanding). And, I also try to apply what I learn to real social interactions. It is going preety well. I can understand people better. When I know some person well I don't have problems with communication with that person. If I can use personal analysis to understand person I have just met I can overcome shyness for good.
 

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My boyfriend is ESFP ( i only know because i made him take the test aka filled out everything for him ) and it has been the best relationship i have ever had we were friends for 5 years before we even thought of dating although i MIGHTVE had a crush on him i would never say anything and then 5 years later here we are weve been dating for over a year and it has been a bit rough lately probably my fault but he is an amazing person and i couldnt imagine ever finding someone so amazing and so perfect for me we are like complete opposites but we share the same interests he is always making me laugh and telling me the best stories and i never get tired of listening to him he is the funniest person ive ever met but when things get bad and we have fights its terrible but it always seems worth it in the end dont know if that helps but thats all i know i am INTP :)
 

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Hy, I am INTP and I recently fall in love with a girl who, I think, is ESFP (I am pretty sure about it). We are good friends and we go to same class. Well, on some website I found that we are duals (we match each other perfectly). Someone else would already make a move, but I am still fighting this things. I got advice that it will be a bad thing to ruin friendship we have. I heard that it's not such a good idea to be with someone from your class. Also, I am asking myself am I really in love with her.
I just can't do anything without overthinking about it.
To get to the point, I am asking ESFPs about their experiences in relationship with INTP?
Well hello! Maybe I'm not a good example, no I'm not, but anyway. I have a crush on an intp guy, unfortunatly, he doesn't like me back the same crazy way as I like him. Although, I don't think it's a type thing, even though many people try to make it that. (it's about me being an emotional fuck-up, and I would guess he's too, since I'm desperatly attracted to him)

My dad is an intp, one of my oldest best friend (male) is an intp. Some guys I've slept with are intps. I don't have any example of me together in a serious loving relationship with an intp, but I definetly think it could work! I think it has more to do with, you know as everyone says, being emotionally stable and to love and accept yourself at first. Then you could have a perfectly working relationship with just about any type :)

Oh that old intp-friend of mine, he told me like ten yrs ago, that he'd had a crush for me, for like several years. I had no idea. When he told me he loved me (yeah thats what he said) I couldn't return his feelings. But there hasn't been any akwardness between us anyway. A good friendship cannot be destroyed so easily.

@Julia Bell ... yeah most people think I'm an enfp when they meet me irl :p Even my friends mum who is a psychologist who has written books about mbti thought I was an enfp :) People have too low expectations of esfps creativity and thoughtfulness:/
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
@Julia Bell @armika_armika Except encouraging me you also make me release sth. I have a theory about that ENFP-ESFP thing. Well, as I can develop my sensing and feeling side, ESFP can develop their intuion and thinking side.
If the ESFP has not developed their Thinking side by giving consideration to rational thought processing, they tend to become over-indulgent, and place more importance on immediate sensation and gratification than on their duties and obligations.
If an ESFP hasn't developed their intuitive side, they may tend to avoid situations which involve a lot of theoretical thinking, or which are complex and ambiguous.
That girl, who is definetly ESFP, has develop their intution and thinking side very well (all ESFPs in my life also develp those sides very well, too). Once they developed it can cause a lot of people thinks their are ENFPs beacuse after that fun is not first thing on a mind of an ESFP. Her is an example from real life. That girl's friends ask her to go for a cup of coffe with them. She immediately said yes. After few minutes she said that she will late for a bus if she goes with them and she will need to wait for next one a very long time. Also she is very good at school which is not so typical for her type.

@holly34 @armika_armika Holly's example confirms that ESFP and INTP match each other perfectly and free me from that dilema. And Armika makes me release that even if peoples type perfectly match that still doesn't means they will suceed. You need to put at least some effort in any relationship in order to make it suceed. There is not recept for social interactions.

@armika_armika INTPs needs to be completly sure in it before they can say they love someone. For me (and probably for all other INTPs), I need to be completly sure about my feelings before trying sth because I afraid that I may hurt her if that what I feel was temporarly (not a true love). If I enter the relationship with someone and release that what I was feeling is realy temporarly it will be very hard to end the relationship becasue of the same reason - hurting that person.
 

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We want an update AW10 :) If you like her and have a great feeling, you should be as close as possible to her. I would tell her your feelings right away, they are sacred, and should be expressed:) If the other person rejects them, move on. Always be true to yourself and your feelings. so TELL HER, TELL HER, TELL HER. Don't ask her out, just talk about how you feel, and what you think. She'll be happy to hear someone adores her and who she is :)
 

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or the man should swallow his pride and grow a pair and pursue the woman :p. I am an ESFP and I have a huge crush on an INTP. Many people have thought I am an ENFP and I've also gotten INFP before. I think it is because I am reserved for an E. Also, I think it is a sweeping generalization to say that ESFP's are all about partying and having fun. Yes I like to have fun as much as ANY person of ANY type would, but I also take certain things in life very seriously that most people do; for instance, school, career, family and my faith. I really dislike the way ESFPs are always assumed to be air heads.
 

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I'm an intp in a relationship with an esfp I adore. My suggestion is don't ask her out. You will be tempted, but its best not to.


Just let her know how you feel and give her extra attention. Compliment her when you notice something usual and beautiful about her. The more specific or detailed, the more she will like it. For example, if you remember that one time she told you she likes xyz....then a month later you get her xyz. It doesn't have to be expensive just remember details about her.

Also, just be yourself. Either she will like it or not. Its best to know early on.
 

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I would advise against it
 

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Anyone can go out with any type. Ya won't know unless ya take the chance, why waste days, weeks, months or years. If ya wait, sit idle and don't ask, ya still lose out. Rejection? It sucks, but eventually ya move on.
 

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My boyfriend is an INTP and I love him to death. The way I got attracted to him was, we started to have these one-on-one conversations about life, in college. He asked me for friendly lunches and dinners. I got to know his actual personality, thoughts and values to which I got attracted. So, one day, I asked him out. He is actually shy and anti-social but very respectful. We dated for 5 months (with no touching), my fondness grew for him, with each passing date. One cold January, he told me, he loved me, and I was in love too. We are still together for 5 years. I don't know if this is a formula (know it isn't) but try it out and see :).
 

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I'm friends with an ESFP and she's wonderful. I agree, don't worry about type in terms of a relationship, but besides that I think the concept that ESFP's and INTP's are unfit for each other isn't true.

Although we're completely different from each other in some aspects, we still have a great understanding for one another. Our ideologies are similar, despite the opposite ways we go about getting there.

She's happy to talk enough for both of us when I can't carry the conversation, and I think her sensitivity to feelings and emotions helps her a lot to know when I have something bothering me but I'm hesitant to open up about it. She has an amazing memory for details and numbers when I very much do not. She likes fashion and partying, and I do not, but I support her interests and she supports mine with no hard feelings. We both love science. I think she has a lot of very interesting ideas that I would have never thought of, and even though we're completely different we have a good time conversing, whether its about my abstract theories or her biology facts.

After having spent a couple paragraphs talking about type, I conclude by saying that type doesn't matter. It will be a very different relationship between an INTP-INTP than between an INTP-ESFP, but that doesn't mean it works any less. It worked for me! As long as you two have a mutual understanding, no amount of difference in type matters. It doesn't matter if you don't have a lot of shared interests as long as you enjoy just talking with one another.

Good luck!
 
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