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Hey, I'm a 20 year old male INTP. My Father is an ENTJ with a bad temper and my Mother is an ESFJ. When I was younger I also had a bad temper, but during my teenage years I became more brooding, and had a very depersonalised sense of the world. I was going through a depression stage, but when I turned 18 I adopted a healthy mindset. This was also the time I discovered the functions and spoke about it with my friends and used it for self improvement purposes (as well as a way to measure other people in the world). I have two good friends who I see regularly. One is an ENTJ who I have many in depth interesting conversations with and my other is an ISFJ who helps me see the emotional side of situations (in return I explain why he is being illogical :cool:). Recently however, my temper seems to have shortened again like it was in my early teenage years. The thought of people disrespecting me is usually what triggers it. For example, while me and my friends went on holiday, on one of the nights it ended up quite messy for me. An incident I'm not exactly proud of, but can't be helped (especially when the bars were offering 21 shots for 10 euros!). Well that night my friends were taking care of me, mainly my ENTJ friend, but he'd thought he'd take a picture of me when I was on the floor next to my vomit. As you can imagine, I'm not too happy this picture exists. The group promised not to show anyone other than the people who were there on the holiday.

Well my ISFJ friend changes the group icon to that picture on our group chat, and I change it. I saw him the next day and I told him "That picture shouldn't exist. I wouldn't take a picture of you, if you were in that position" and he responded like "It's fine, it was just part of the holiday fun. You shouldn't feel ashamed, as long as it stays in the group it's fine.". I grudgingly agreed still joking around saying "I'm going to take a picture of you at your lowest."

The very next day, we're out at a bar and my ISFJ friends starts showing that picture around to some people we met up with. This caused me to go out and reach for his phone (excuse the language from here on out). and he pulled it back laughing, going further back into his seat. I raised my voice saying "Delete that photo." he laughed and said "No". I said "No, you are being an asshole, delete that photo." and he said "It's fine." and that is what caused me to completely explode and started shouting "Fuck off, you are being a complete cunt. Don't say it's fucking fine when it's not. You said the photo would stay within the group and one day later you start showing every fucker who has no business knowing. I've never taken a picture of you." he said "I've never been in that state though" and I replied "But if you were, I wouldn't take a picture and show it off to people because I'm not a snake. That's just fucking disrespectful" he said "It's fine." and I went close to his face, wanting to hit him and I said "If you say it's fine one more fucking time, I'll knock you right out of that chair. Say sorry or don't say anything at all", "but!" "Say sorry or say nothing at all!" he said "Okay sorry" I said "now delete the photo" he pulled out his phone and said "okay, but you should know that the group photo is that again." and I said "Well fucking change it then!". He took a picture of the table of drinks in the bar we were in and changed the picture to that, I didn't see if he deleted the picture off his phone or not but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. He then said "Also [our ENTJ] has the photo on his phone and he's the one who took the picture" and I said "I don't care, I know he's not showing off to any ass who wants the photo.".
After that the conversation changed and resumed back to a fun atmosphere. The group was a bit startled but we continued to converse as if nothing had happened. My ISFJ became really friendly to me after that, obviously trying to make amends. I spoke about it with my ENTJ friend when I met up with him later that night. He laughed saying "Why were you so angry?! I see where you're coming from though, showing it off to people is taking it too far. I plan to lock that photo up (along with many others taken that holiday of everyone) and only let those involved see them".

This is one recent incident of my recent bad temper, there have been other occasions but people usually back out and say sorry when I get in their face. Do you think my anger was justified or that I was over reacting? How does this compare to how other INTP's get angry?
 

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if someone was showing off a picture that I repeatedly noted that it was not okay to have in the first place, it would be excruciatingly hard to not speak up. However, I don't lash out at people in the same way - being, that I don't threaten another's safety "If you say fine, I will knock your right out of that chair" . Sounds a bit harsh threatening someone over something they probably thought was a joke. I'm sure the guy was just trying to impress his friends and be "the funny one" that day, but it probably made him feel like shit afterward.

Not to say I don't get angry though, my anger is generally reactive . If you give me a reason, I will take it to the most intense level possible to refute whatever existence you have. (Much like yourself) . When I was growing up I had that issue a lot more , but now I guess when I do it, it becomes more serious and destructive on me than when I was a kid, because I feel the effects hinge on whatever humanity I am supposed to have according to society's standards.

ive been on the receiving end of such confused looks and responses, but I guess I can't say I haven't ever been on the transmitting end of such looks or comments to others either . Judging from the setting, if they forgot it, that's that, it's totally fine afterward and every subsequent comment will be trivial or made in jest, no rational person is going to hold anything against you, if you won't hold those same things against others.
 

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Definitely justified. Hulk SMASH!!!! :angry:

Hey, I'm a 20 year old male INTP. My Father is an ENTJ with a bad temper and my Mother is an ESFJ. When I was younger I also had a bad temper, but during my teenage years I became more brooding, and had a very depersonalised sense of the world. I was going through a depression stage, but when I turned 18 I adopted a healthy mindset. This was also the time I discovered the functions and spoke about it with my friends and used it for self improvement purposes (as well as a way to measure other people in the world). I have two good friends who I see regularly. One is an ENTJ who I have many in depth interesting conversations with and my other is an ISFJ who helps me see the emotional side of situations (in return I explain why he is being illogical :cool:). Recently however, my temper seems to have shortened again like it was in my early teenage years. The thought of people disrespecting me is usually what triggers it. For example, while me and my friends went on holiday, on one of the nights it ended up quite messy for me. An incident I'm not exactly proud of, but can't be helped (especially when the bars were offering 21 shots for 10 euros!). Well that night my friends were taking care of me, mainly my ENTJ friend, but he'd thought he'd take a picture of me when I was on the floor next to my vomit. As you can imagine, I'm not too happy this picture exists. The group promised not to show anyone other than the people who were there on the holiday.

Well my ISFJ friend changes the group icon to that picture on our group chat, and I change it. I saw him the next day and I told him "That picture shouldn't exist. I wouldn't take a picture of you, if you were in that position" and he responded like "It's fine, it was just part of the holiday fun. You shouldn't feel ashamed, as long as it stays in the group it's fine.". I grudgingly agreed still joking around saying "I'm going to take a picture of you at your lowest."

The very next day, we're out at a bar and my ISFJ friends starts showing that picture around to some people we met up with. This caused me to go out and reach for his phone (excuse the language from here on out). and he pulled it back laughing, going further back into his seat. I raised my voice saying "Delete that photo." he laughed and said "No". I said "No, you are being an asshole, delete that photo." and he said "It's fine." and that is what caused me to completely explode and started shouting "Fuck off, you are being a complete cunt. Don't say it's fucking fine when it's not. You said the photo would stay within the group and one day later you start showing every fucker who has no business knowing. I've never taken a picture of you." he said "I've never been in that state though" and I replied "But if you were, I wouldn't take a picture and show it off to people because I'm not a snake. That's just fucking disrespectful" he said "It's fine." and I went close to his face, wanting to hit him and I said "If you say it's fine one more fucking time, I'll knock you right out of that chair. Say sorry or don't say anything at all", "but!" "Say sorry or say nothing at all!" he said "Okay sorry" I said "now delete the photo" he pulled out his phone and said "okay, but you should know that the group photo is that again." and I said "Well fucking change it then!". He took a picture of the table of drinks in the bar we were in and changed the picture to that, I didn't see if he deleted the picture off his phone or not but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. He then said "Also [our ENTJ] has the photo on his phone and he's the one who took the picture" and I said "I don't care, I know he's not showing off to any ass who wants the photo.".
After that the conversation changed and resumed back to a fun atmosphere. The group was a bit startled but we continued to converse as if nothing had happened. My ISFJ became really friendly to me after that, obviously trying to make amends. I spoke about it with my ENTJ friend when I met up with him later that night. He laughed saying "Why were you so angry?! I see where you're coming from though, showing it off to people is taking it too far. I plan to lock that photo up (along with many others taken that holiday of everyone) and only let those involved see them".

This is one recent incident of my recent bad temper, there have been other occasions but people usually back out and say sorry when I get in their face. Do you think my anger was justified or that I was over reacting? How does this compare to how other INTP's get angry?
 

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@Provecti

This might be an inevitable of the INTP condition. I am about to hit 20 in 2 weeks and I know that I will hit rage in some point in the near future.
 

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if someone was showing off a picture that I repeatedly noted that it was not okay to have in the first place, it would be excruciatingly hard to not speak up. However, I don't lash out at people in the same way - being, that I don't threaten another's safety "If you say fine, I will knock your right out of that chair" . Sounds a bit harsh threatening someone over something they probably thought was a joke.
The problem is that they asked to remove it before and without being angry. When the person keeps saying that it's fine despite what you say, that's a sign that they won't listen unless scared.
 

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I just want to buy an identity masking piece of clothing and swing a sledgehammer into various public facilities as a form of stress management.
 

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It's something that doesn't show up very often the last time though my temper showed it was pretty bad
 

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The problem is that they asked to remove it before and without being angry. When the person keeps saying that it's fine despite what you say, that's a sign that they won't listen unless scared.
i understood this,but the thing is being serious and telling people with the setting of boundaries (kiddish eg: if you keep calling me that, I will not be your friend anymore) is actually very effective in my experience. and people are scared of these conditional conceptual threats, and it's more respectful than "lashing out" with physical threats. seriousness over severity - seriousness can still earn respect, but no friend will forgive your impulsivity (the words of an adhd-impulsivity expert).

All I can say to the OP about this issue is that, words have weight if you use them constructively, I've had physical threats that haven't reached people, but on the other hand, seeing a situation for really what it is and the big picture and the cognitive patterns in what the person is doing and calling them out on that, has allowed such persons to fall silent and stopped them in their tracks. They need to respect your boundaries, as soon as you tell them that you are already respecting theirs and at any moment can take that away as well.
 

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Is hard to get me angry bu when I do is BAD ,very very BAD but my anger is sorta unpredictable for me ; because sometimes I isolate or cry of anger and once I throw like 3 desks just to scare a guy who didn't stop bothering me(was like in 4th grade,btw he was safe but he learn to don't mess with me)The only time i did that,but hopefully I won't do it again. Usually I am calm and slow to anger and before that ,I DO THE WARNING.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
i understood this,but the thing is being serious and telling people with the setting of boundaries (kiddish eg: if you keep calling me that, I will not be your friend anymore) is actually very effective in my experience. and people are scared of these conditional conceptual threats, and it's more respectful than "lashing out" with physical threats. seriousness over severity - seriousness can still earn respect, but no friend will forgive your impulsivity (the words of an adhd-impulsivity expert).

All I can say to the OP about this issue is that, words have weight if you use them constructively, I've had physical threats that haven't reached people, but on the other hand, seeing a situation for really what it is and the big picture and the cognitive patterns in what the person is doing and calling them out on that, has allowed such persons to fall silent and stopped them in their tracks. They need to respect your boundaries, as soon as you tell them that you are already respecting theirs and at any moment can take that away as well.
That's an excellent way of using conditioning as a low effort - high reward technique of dealing with situation. I'll surely be using that in the future. One other technique I use, is if someone says something rude or provocative, many time I'll put a bored expression on my face, shrug and then look to the side. This is dominant body language, plus you are ignoring them - since human's are social creatures, people hate being ignored. It's funny to see how different their tone becomes after you use methods like these.
 

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That's an excellent way of using conditioning as a low effort - high reward technique of dealing with situation. I'll surely be using that in the future. One other technique I use, is if someone says something rude or provocative, many time I'll put a bored expression on my face, shrug and then look to the side. This is dominant body language, plus you are ignoring them - since human's are social creatures, people hate being ignored. It's funny to see how different their tone becomes after you use methods like these.
Why thanks , especially for putting it into psychological terms :) and the interpreter makes the data pretty effective .
 

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To be honest I'm not the kind of person who gets angry easily. However, there ARE things that can send me in a rage.
And when I get angry I find it overrides my logical decision making and I act on my Fe side. So yeah I guess I do go hulk mode.

Examples include :
Other peoples incompetence hindering me
People who do better than me only because I'm hindered
Being blamed unjustly
People who don't choose the logically correct answer simply because they don't "feel" like it
The wrong answer being blindly believed
Being ridiculed by someone I see as inferior

and finally

Having what I think is a "good idea" ignored
 

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I can get verbally quite explosive if I'm mad enough, but it happens very rarely. I wouldn't threat with physical violence, though, because 1) it's silly to make threats you aren't going to keep 2) it's idiotic to solve most situations (such as the op's example) with violence 3) apart from small children no one would ever take my threats seriously since I'm so small.
 

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I haven't had any explosive anger in front of someone in a long time. When i'm angry around people i try to be by myself. Then i explode. Sometimes i break things. I try to go outside when i'm like this. It doesn't happen all that often though. It's mostly anger at myself, or eventually i realize it's only anger at myself. I just have to be alone and think about why i'm mad about something until i see it in a way that no longer makes me mad about it. I don't like being angry. That's how i fix most negative emotions now. I just have to make things make sense and i can be zen again.
 
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