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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I met this INTP guy 3 months ago. I am studying in a foreign country and came back to my homeland for holidays and that's when I met him. He is a friend of my best friend and we hit it off immediately. we talked a lot and spent a lot of time together. I wasn't interested in him romantically at first but I enjoyed his company very much. I felt that for the first time I met someone who speaks the same language as me and more importantly, that I didn't have to play a role in front of him, I was completely at ease and didn't fear speaking my mind. I really miss that sensation.

I stayed for only one week before leaving the country and it was only after that time that I realised that I liked him (romantically speaking). During our time together, he flirted with me a bit (telling me I was beautiful, being all touchy) but at the time I didn't reciprocate : because I was shy (I'm an INTP after all), because I wasn't interested in more than friendship, and because I thought he may be only acting friendly. For example at first I wouldn't let him wrap his arm around my waist (I'm uneasy about being touched) but then I let him do it but I wouldn't move a fingertip and do the same to him.

After we split ways, conversations became sparse and somehow awkward. He initiated contact most of the time but we really talked little. At this point, I was telling myself that either I misunderstood the signals, that there was no interest to begin with and that I over-analysed friendly gestures or that his interest faded. Anyway we remained friends and would tell each other what we were up to. Then one day I was talking to him on the phone and he stopped me abruptly and said "I have to go now, will call you in one hour or less". He didn't. I texted him after a few hours "is everything okay?" and never got an answer from him till this day. (this happened 1 month ago). He was not busy or something when I sent him my message because he was active on social networks.

So I had to accept the fact that all my hopes were mere illusions. I'm angry towards his attitude because I think that it was extremely disrespetful. But the thing I hate most is that I can't really get him (or his INTPness maybe) out of y mind. I forgot him for a moment and met other interesting guys but I didn't experience the feeling I had with him at first and so he made his way into my mind again.

Generally when a guy tells me I'll call you and he doesn't do so, after a week I don't even remember him, even if I knew him for a reasonable amout of time. Why is this not the case this time? I feel like I need an explanation or even just him saying to me "i don't like talking to you anymore" in such an explicite way so that I can move on but I won't be able to go back home until summer and i just despise the idea of calling or texting him again.
Any advice on any insight on that story fellow INTPs?
 

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Maid of Time
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I dunno, I find it very difficult to maintain relationships even with people I really like, over large distances. I can't really have a LDR unless we managed to establish it before we separated and have plans to get back together.

Even if you both like each other, I can easily see an INTP just not being able to invest the energy to maintain it with regular contact over time. It's always been that way with my best INTP friends, and even my oldest kid (who is INTP) -- we love talking to each other, but it's just hard to commit to the time on a phone. We'd rather be in proximity to each other and then just hang out together. I know I just could not adequately keep up with a LDR.

So I think that is playing against you here, at the very least.

I wouldn't read a lot into it, or "what he really thinks" because you've fallen out of touch. You aren't near each other, and that pretty much kills it regardless of how he might really feel.

It does sound like you really liked him, though. I'm sorry.
 

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黐線 ~Chiseen~
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Regardless of what you conclude, do not wait around for an answer that may never come. You may wind up waiting for a really very long time.

The best you can do is gather yourself and move on. If you're asking what you should learn from this, perhaps there's nothing to learn. You just have to accept it for what it is, nothing; and move on. It may not feel simple, but it will be that simple over time.

What you decide after is your prerogative. Although I do hope you recover from this seamlessly and quickly.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Just some news, I met another student from my country who goes to the same uni as me. I don't know what's his type but I think that he may be an ISFP. We have that sort of cool and lead-back relationship. Now that I've read that thread again and that I've thought about it, I've always had that deep attraction towards rationals that turns into obsession and over-analyzing (That's our doom I guess) to the point of falling in love with a creation of my own mind and not a real person. My biggest crush was an ENTJ and I'm still nostalgic about the way he made me so drawn to him just like a moth to the fire. I lack that irresisitble intellectual attraction in my current relationship but it has only harmed me in the past so let's see what the future holds.
 

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Ok gtfo of my head girl o_O

I'm totally joining the club.
My advice? None. I simply decided to "dedicate my life to science and get over this depression because it's freaking ridiculous".

Easier said then done.
 
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He likes you but the distance is obviously an issue for him and it comes off as though he isn't comfortable maintaining the feelings he has for you when it feels like nothing will ever happen because you're gone.
A clean break is usually better than constantly bringing up old feelings when you feel it is futile.
 

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Ok gtfo of my head girl o_O

I'm totally joining the club.
My advice? None. I simply decided to "dedicate my life to science and get over this depression because it's freaking ridiculous".

Easier said then done.
Did you mean 'than', or did you purposely put 'then'?

Also, random side note, I thought Belle was an INFP.
 

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Did you mean 'than', or did you purposely put 'then'?

Also, random side note, I thought Belle was an INFP.
I don't know if she is but she is one of my fav disnay characters. Nah. That's a 'than'.
 

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He likes you but the distance is obviously an issue for him and it comes off as though he isn't comfortable maintaining the feelings he has for you when it feels like nothing will ever happen because you're gone.
A clean break is usually better than constantly bringing up old feelings when you feel it is futile.
Ok I would agree with this bc it was basically the story with me but what I don't get is why didn't he just tell her that? I mean letting her hang like this is just silly. They could well just talk about it and establish that it is uncomfortable for them both. After that, if they wanted to, they could just be acquintances? Just friends?
 

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*INTP guy gives hugs and compliments*

"I'm not sure if he's just friendly, i can't interpret the signals"

Wait, what? *facepalm*
Lol you can judge an INTP girl for not being sure how to interpret the behaviour of another human being :)
Above being an INTP he is also an individual who simply might be used to giving and receiving hugs. There might be an INTP like that right?

I don't know how it is with other INTP males or females but from what I know myself we are the masters of overthinking every signal and view it against our expectations. The other way around is just awkward sometimes o_O
 
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Lol you can judge an INTP girl for not being sure how to interpret the behaviour of another human being :)
Above being an INTP he is also an individual who simply might be used to giving and receiving hugs. There might be an INTP like that right?

I don't know how it is with other INTP males or females but from what I know myself we are the masters of overthinking every signal and view it against our expectations. The other way around is just awkward sometimes o_O
Yeah sure, he can be used to giving and receiving hugs, but balance of probability says he most likely didn't do it for friendliness. Also if this was true, then he wouldn't have stopped talking to her. Instead, he probably did it because he was annoyed that she didn't respond in any way and didn't "move an inch", i can see how he could have reasonably decided to just cut the contact with a statue.

Yes, INTPs overthink, but that's usually because they don't know how to interpret other people. But if you already know the other person is INTP as well, then it isn't that hard to balance the probability and realise how things are. And anyway, why don't people act for once in a while? Just talk to him, i don't know, she knows he is INTP so he will most likely be open about honest discussions. I mean if MBTI isn't useful for these things, then for what is it?

She was unable to use her knowledge. That's how i see it.
 

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Yeah sure, he can be used to giving and receiving hugs, but balance of probability says he most likely didn't do it for friendliness. Also if this was true, then he wouldn't have stopped talking to her. Instead, he probably did it because he was annoyed that she didn't respond in any way and didn't "move an inch", i can see how he could have reasonably decided to just cut the contact with a statue.

Yes, INTPs overthink, but that's usually because they don't know how to interpret other people. But if you already know the other person is INTP as well, then it isn't that hard to balance the probability and realise how things are. And anyway, why don't people act for once in a while? Just talk to him, i don't know, she knows he is INTP so he will most likely be open about honest discussions. I mean if MBTI isn't useful for these things, then for what is it?

She was unable to use her knowledge. That's how i see it.
"move an inch" this is very interesting. How can two people, miles apart, move anything anywhere? okay, on second thought, I probably was the statue so I don't want to know the answer :p
OP got the idea that he liked her i would say that he had some expectations he haven't told her about. If he wanted to move forward, wherever that might be, then, assuming their relationship was intimate, he should have just told her that. I really have a sense of a game here with only one side playing.

I have a quite unique way of thinking and interpreting things and even if I know a person and act on a first impression interpretation I tend to go back and overthink my interpretations just to see that it can be interpreted differently. That is why I can get absolutely confused and puzzled if I got it right or if it was a guess. I'm talking about written messages here. Made tons of misinterpretations with the people I wrote with so I would never act upon hunches or hints tbh.

Lol MBTI is even used in corporations to get to know the mindset of the person. I doubt it was meant for maintaining a relationship, starting one and whatsoever. If it is then this whole forum is an online dating site. Hmmmm...
 
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"move an inch" this is very interesting. How can two people, miles apart, move anything anywhere? okay, on second thought, I probably was the statue so I don't want to know the answer :p
OP got the idea that he liked her i would say that he had some expectations he haven't told her about. If he wanted to move forward, wherever that might be, then, assuming their relationship was intimate, he should have just told her that. I really have a sense of a game here with only one side playing.

I have a quite unique way of thinking and interpreting things and even if I know a person and act on a first impression interpretation I tend to go back and overthink my interpretations just to see that it can be interpreted differently. That is why I can get absolutely confused and puzzled if I got it right or if it was a guess. I'm talking about written messages here. Made tons of misinterpretations with the people I wrote with so I would never act upon hunches or hints tbh.

Lol MBTI is even used in corporations to get to know the mindset of the person. I doubt it was meant for maintaining a relationship, starting one and whatsoever. If it is then this whole forum is an online dating site. Hmmmm...
"For example at first I wouldn't let him wrap his arm around my waist (I'm uneasy about being touched) but then I let him do it but I wouldn't move a fingertip and do the same to him."

They were together and she didn't move a fingertip. His moves were clear signals. Hers too. Not surprising it ended that way.

MBTI is useful for understanding people in general. She didn't use it to understand him.
 

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Ok I would agree with this bc it was basically the story with me but what I don't get is why didn't he just tell her that? I mean letting her hang like this is just silly. They could well just talk about it and establish that it is uncomfortable for them both. After that, if they wanted to, they could just be acquintances? Just friends?
I can't help there because there could be many reasons why he hasn't. He is kinda acting like a big baby in my opinion by ignoring her and suddenly replying to her a month later.

To OP, either way you need to move on! Ain't nobody got time for that shit!
 

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"For example at first I wouldn't let him wrap his arm around my waist (I'm uneasy about being touched) but then I let him do it but I wouldn't move a fingertip and do the same to him."

They were together and she didn't move a fingertip. His moves were clear signals. Hers too. Not surprising it ended that way.

MBTI is useful for understanding people in general. She didn't use it to understand him.
Shyness? Lack of confidance? I can come up with many answers as to why did she misinterpreted it and why didn't she act upon it.
Maybe she simply thought wrapping his waist was totally awkward. She didn't have to let him wrap his arm around her waist and yet, she did. If she wasn't interested she would move away from him. Ok I guess that's what you mean by statue... Point made.

Ok so he decided not to contignue bc this was a waste of his time and effort, probably, but why not just tell her all this. Seriously guys yours 'I will cut you off instead of speaking up my mind' is getting on my nerves. I don't know how it is with other types but for me any kind of 'I had intentions but didn't want to scare you off/ I like you but this is fruitless so I'll cut you off/ I want something but you should telepathically guess it so I'll cut you off' is a real pain in the ass.

Also I wouldn't go as far as to say MBTI helps you understand people. You understand people through analyzing your own experiances and knowledge of human nature for all I know. MBTI can easily help you name which function and help you make the connection to a type after which you can get the general idea of the person's priorities, views, maybe even interests if you are lucky. Understanding? I doubt it. If you can type an ENFP you can say they like partying, have most likely many friends, love socializing, etc. etc. Your explenation? 'She likes socializing bc she is an ENFP', 'She is an ENFP so she likes socializing'? Does that help you understand why she likes socializing? Just because she uses that and that function? Nope. Socializing results in higher endorphene level because she is creating bounds while socializing. With females it's most important because they rely on that bounds, it's their survival skill, it's in their nature since forever.

INTP or not my guess is every guy wraping a hand around girl's weist is sending a signal. Guy of any type. Does him being an INTP change anything? No. He is sending a signal that he likes her. Does her being an INTP change anything? No she is simply thinking too much which might result in her being not confident enough to act upon it. Do you know how many girls of any type do that? o_O Trust me, I have seen girls acting that way including extraverts who believe in God and don't want to be touched but like a guy too much to brush him off. ENFP friend can come to you and give you a hug trying to send you a signal and you may end up thinking 'she gave me a hug because she is an ENFP, they do that a lot. This is why I don't rely on the MBTI all that much.

In my opinion if she didn't use her knowledge of MBTI so what? It wouldn't help her unless she remembered she is an INTP so maybe she should trust her intuition rather then overthink. He could bother enough to know specifics of her type and know that she would most likely overthink it all or use his brain to think about her lack of self-assurance. I'm facepalming the guy-INTP girls are harder to find.

Then again I'm probably overthinking and we are looking at typical male vs female misinterpretation. And him not wanting to get into long distance relationship. Pity he acted like a baby and took off without a word but well...

Sorry if there are any inconsistancies: it's so late x.x
 

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I don't know how it happened but i missed this post.

Shyness? Lack of confidance? I can come up with many answers as to why did she misinterpreted it and why didn't she act upon it.
I realize that's probably what happened. That's why i facepalm. I mean, nothing wrong with shyness and lack of confidence, i wasn't judging her. I was facepalming at the whole situation.

Maybe she simply thought wrapping his waist was totally awkward. She didn't have to let him wrap his arm around her waist and yet, she did. If she wasn't interested she would move away from him. Ok I guess that's what you mean by statue... Point made.
lol

Ok so he decided not to contignue bc this was a waste of his time and effort, probably, but why not just tell her all this. Seriously guys yours 'I will cut you off instead of speaking up my mind' is getting on my nerves. I don't know how it is with other types but for me any kind of 'I had intentions but didn't want to scare you off/ I like you but this is fruitless so I'll cut you off/ I want something but you should telepathically guess it so I'll cut you off' is a real pain in the ass.
Yeah i'm not sure why some people do this. But it seems to me it happens equally with girls and guys, not only guys.

Some explainations i can think of:
  • What should have he told her? "Hey it seems to me that this doesn't work so it's better if we stop it"? Ok so at least she knows, but this doesn't change anything. They stop comunicating either way after that. So perhaps people who behave like that simply predict the outcome and prefer not to waste any words as well.
  • Or instead of jumping to a conclusion, he could have tried explaining to her what was wrong in order to fix it. But given the situation, again, he probably predicted the outcome and thus he knew it very likely couldn't work. So he decided to save time and words.

Also I wouldn't go as far as to say MBTI helps you understand people. You understand people through analyzing your own experiances and knowledge of human nature for all I know. MBTI can easily help you name which function and help you make the connection to a type after which you can get the general idea of the person's priorities, views, maybe even interests if you are lucky. Understanding? I doubt it. If you can type an ENFP you can say they like partying, have most likely many friends, love socializing, etc. etc. Your explenation? 'She likes socializing bc she is an ENFP', 'She is an ENFP so she likes socializing'? Does that help you understand why she likes socializing? Just because she uses that and that function? Nope. Socializing results in higher endorphene level because she is creating bounds while socializing. With females it's most important because they rely on that bounds, it's their survival skill, it's in their nature since forever.

INTP or not my guess is every guy wraping a hand around girl's weist is sending a signal. Guy of any type. Does him being an INTP change anything? No. He is sending a signal that he likes her. Does her being an INTP change anything? No she is simply thinking too much which might result in her being not confident enough to act upon it. Do you know how many girls of any type do that? o_O Trust me, I have seen girls acting that way including extraverts who believe in God and don't want to be touched but like a guy too much to brush him off. ENFP friend can come to you and give you a hug trying to send you a signal and you may end up thinking 'she gave me a hug because she is an ENFP, they do that a lot. This is why I don't rely on the MBTI all that much.

In my opinion if she didn't use her knowledge of MBTI so what? It wouldn't help her unless she remembered she is an INTP so maybe she should trust her intuition rather then overthink. He could bother enough to know specifics of her type and know that she would most likely overthink it all or use his brain to think about her lack of self-assurance. I'm facepalming the guy-INTP girls are harder to find.
I used my words poorly. I didn't mean that you understand people through MBTI. Obviously you will understand a person better after you know them than just with what you know with MBTI. But i say MBTI helps at the beginning because it gives you some approximative prior knowledge of them. Approximative is still better than nothing.

What you say is true. Every guy wrapping hands around a girl's weist is sending a signal. Guy of any type. So it didn't matter much that he was INTP. But the point is that, shyness and lack of confidence aside, she could have made predictions both about herself (understanding that she was overthinking) and about him (if only she tried asking him he probably would have been open about it). Don't you find it odd that everyone brags about how INTPs are so logical and how they can put their emotions aside, and then when it's really needed they become dull? Then yeah, he could have done the same thing. That's why i'm facepalming at the situation, not at her.
 
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