Personality Cafe banner
1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
322 Posts
I'll go ahead and say "ask him out". I - and I believe most ISTJs - despite subtle signals that expect you to make a move.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
110 Posts
Or thoughts on the compatibility of an INTP&ISTJ relationship?
Don't do it!...just kidding, you should take the first step and then, take it slow to see if you're compatible. Your NP may clash with his SJ.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Or thoughts on the compatibility of an INTP&ISTJ relationship?
My mum's an INTP, dad's an ISTJ, and they've been married for 24 years. They can get pretty distant when they don't spend much time together (which is how it is most of the time - they both work a lot) but when they do spend time together you can see how their personalities compliment each others' (especially mums tendancy to look at the "big picture" paired with dads crazy attention to detail..)

p.s. My boyfriend is also an ISTJ and I had to go out on a limb and make the first move. After that he did all the work though :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
54 Posts
I'm and INTP female (happily, most of the time!) married to an ISTJ.
As others have said, you will have to make the first move, and do most of the work in this relationship. That has been my experience.
I don't believe that the INTP is always incompatible to an SJ. The N/S split can be troublesome, but overcome. It all depends on what you value in your intimate relationships, or if you expect to get that intuitive, abstract thinking, and understanding from your significant other. I have several close friends who are Ns, and I get a lot of that need fulfilled through them. The chemistry provided by the N/S split is amazing. The physical part of our relationship is very good.
I also think there are other compatibilities. ISTJs live concretely in the physical world, and help bring projects and ideas thought up by the INTP to fruition. In my relationship, I come up with the ideas and dreams, and my husband makes them happen.
ISTJs are also, thankfully, independent. I know this is an important thing to most INTPs, especially myself. We don't strangle eachother. We each kind of go our own way and do our own thing, and he gives me virtually unlimited freedom.
The shared "T" is a relief. You can both be brutally honest with eachother and not worry so much about hurting feelings. You have a similar outlook on how decisions should be made, and can discuss things rationally, (most of the time.)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
314 Posts
what do you mean by don't be stupid? Also, if ISTJs have traditional views of men and women, how would making the first move be acceptable when that is a modern thing for women to do? Just asking because I am a bit confused.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
162 Posts
what do you mean by don't be stupid? Also, if ISTJs have traditional views of men and women, how would making the first move be acceptable when that is a modern thing for women to do? Just asking because I am a bit confused.
Being an Introvert with a Thinking preference, we're not exactly forthcoming with our feelings and a wee bit hesitant to ask people out. So it would be a great, if maybe unexpected, relief to the ISTJ if the other person made the first move.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
384 Posts
As an ISTJ male, I know that it is very hard for us to make a move. Our natural tactic of getting to know someone first usually blows up in our face with the "Let's just be friends" line. As everyone else said, we are really poor at getting hints... any hints at all! I would say the best thing you can do is make the first move and go and say hi, let's go get coffee. I know that if that ever happened to me, I would be so happy! You just saved me from having to do the hardest thing in the world for me, confronting the unknown! After the coffee date, you should have a pretty good idea if you want to continue or not. He should, also.

What to talk about? Well, since you're both T's, go with that! I know that intellectual pursuits is a huge turn on for me. I could get lost in talking about morality, science, math, philosophy, anything like that for hours with someone. I would love it! That's actually the fastest way to my heart, an intelligent female showing interest! =) If he's anything like me, after the first date he should get the clue and snap into the traditional male/female roles, and ask you out the next time and take his role as the leader. Just do not let the line go slack. Keep trying, over and over until he gets comfortable enough with you. =)

Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I did approach him first. And now he thinks I'm stupid. Oh well. There's a lot more going on... I still believe he likes me but he doesn't want to try to start a relationship with me because it would cause too much trouble/work.

Thanks though, everyone =)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
54 Posts
Remember, you're dealing wtih an ISTJ here. Whatever you're reading into the situation may quite possibly be wrong. I had to strongly pursue my husband for about six months before he agreed to date me. It wasn't that he didn't like me,...it's just that he liked to take his time, hang around together as friends, and take things really slowly.
I was running circles in my mind trying to figure out "does he like me? What is his deal? Why is he so completely oblivious to my moves?"
I sometimes have a tendency to still do this in our relationship. Most commonly, when I ask him what he is thinking, he says "nothing." And he means it! ISTJs just don't live in their heads like we do very much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
912 Posts
As an ISTJ male, I know that it is very hard for us to make a move. Our natural tactic of getting to know someone first usually blows up in our face with the "Let's just be friends" line. As everyone else said, we are really poor at getting hints... any hints at all! I would say the best thing you can do is make the first move and go and say hi, let's go get coffee. I know that if that ever happened to me, I would be so happy! You just saved me from having to do the hardest thing in the world for me, confronting the unknown! After the coffee date, you should have a pretty good idea if you want to continue or not. He should, also.

What to talk about? Well, since you're both T's, go with that! I know that intellectual pursuits is a huge turn on for me. I could get lost in talking about morality, science, math, philosophy, anything like that for hours with someone. I would love it! That's actually the fastest way to my heart, an intelligent female showing interest! =) If he's anything like me, after the first date he should get the clue and snap into the traditional male/female roles, and ask you out the next time and take his role as the leader. Just do not let the line go slack. Keep trying, over and over until he gets comfortable enough with you. =)

Good luck!
Yeah, I agree.....the ISTJ in my life and I always end up back on religion and politics. Both being our favorite subjects..... very sexy! M E O W
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
My best advice would be to listen to what he says and don’t over analyze. My wife took a long time to learn that I usually say what I mean and to take it at face value. Likewise, be straight forward with him!
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top