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Talk about your experience existing as such a tiny percentage of the female population (0.1% last I checked.)
Did you feel accepted and understood growing up?
Were you allowed to express yourself as you were or were you discouraged from being so different?


I'll go first:
I've always felt like an alien on a planet full of inexplicably unpredictable and irrational people who seemed to have this thing I never had. Like they all got a memo on how you're supposed to be to get positive connections with other women.
I was highly discouraged from questioning things and being objective, chastised for being "unladylike" by my mother because I challenged too many illogical traditions that were being enforced over me because of my gender.
I learned at an early age to put on the face of an extroverted feeler to satisfy the expectations of everyone else because that was easier than having to constantly explain myself to the confused and misunderstanding females that surrounded me. :confused:
But as I got older I realized that I was constantly exhausted from being around people because of this act and so now at 22 I am slowly learning to integrate back into my natural self with no shame or without allowing people to make me believe I am a cold, heartless bitch trying to challenge everyone or ruin everything for other people.

Please share your experience!!!
Follow up question:
How easy or difficult has it been for you to find real friends?

Thank you loves!
 

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I think being a female INTP type 5 makes it super hard for others to "easily understand" me.

Growing up, I was mostly alone and left to my own devices to research, experiment, and read by myself. That sufficed. I did not need or enjoy the company of my peers my age, because I felt we were so different in every way.

When I grew older, I wanted quality friends over quantity, even if it's just one or two, to talk to and share my research, experiences, and my perspectives of the world. Luckily, I found two that I found were able to communicate with me on the same wavelength and share the same perspectives in life. These two are what I consider my real friends. Having them in my life is more than enough. I'm fortunate to be able to share and openly communicate with them.

I have plenty of acquaintances. I find it odd that people so loosely use the term "friends" without giving it a second thought. There has been many instances where someone calls me a friend, but I do not consider them my friend. They are just someone I happened to come across and spoken to on a shallow level.

I do not have much interest in the people you've described. I live a completely different life from them and as do they. Simply put, I do not value quantity so I do not interact with such people if I don't feel like it.

Hope this gives you some insight.
 

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Hey I am here to unite ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ... I guess ...

Experiences:
Childhood was a great time for me. I made close friends with 2 "outsiders" (cool people they just didn't have any friends) because i figured playing with them is a lot more fun than with others but I kind of got along with everybody. I mean the behaviour of other girls confused me a bit sometimes... but I didn't feel left out or anything.

Teenage years were hell lol. I got really confused there... like wtf is wrong with people. How was I supposed to know that you have to wear nice clothes now and be interested in some dumb reality show or/and celebrity? I know teenage years are hard for everyone because now you're supposed to grow up and stuff but I think girls become more "girly" in their teenage years and it got impossible for me to realte and fit in... Tried but failed :^)
So I relate to the stuff you wrote in this phase of my life... alien.jpg

Now life is ok :^)
The years of "you just have to look good and be popular" seem far behind me. (fyi no one told me this but when I was in high school I really thought it was like this lol... how wrong can you be)

Edit: sry for my bad english, not my first language
 

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Imagining some meet-up with only INTPs involved.

Nobody would show up.
Not as a webinar; without video and strictly audio; in a separate tab, in another window, on another monitor/device, amongst a shitton of other tabs of distractions currently active yet inactive to draw her atttention to the webinar currently happening.

Her struggle is real.
 

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If we're uniting, point of order: let the maximum consecutive exclamation mark limit be two.

What I've learned is that if you're an INTP gal, and you just stop mentioning you're a gal, people will kind of forget that you are. Especially online. It's harder in person, since, boobs, but this is why you maintain an expanding mental file or semi-obscure references that you can squirt out when necessary to confuse someone, like an octupus's ink cloud, momentarily obscuring your boobs.

Like: "I realize you have concerns about the liberal media, but without Ida Tarbell, you'd still have Standard Oil."

It's a scientific fact that people can't scratch their heads and fixate on your boobs at the same time. You just have to live for those few seconds during which they're trading focus.

Actually, I take that back. They can scratch their heads about your boobs, if your boobs are somehow confusing or unusual. But most normal boobs are a synapse blocker for most normal people. And if you know enough to have the ability to force them back into firing their synapses when you're tired of being ogled, as a woman, you're way ahead of the game. So I won't be donating to any INTP lady charity. There are sadder cases.
 

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Talk about your experience existing as such a tiny percentage of the female population (0.1% last I checked.)
Did you feel accepted and understood growing up?
Definitely not accepted or understood. Father constantly stressing how I should look and act feminine. I was unpopular and bullied by my peers. However, teachers liked me okay because I was intelligent and well behaved.

Were you allowed to express yourself as you were or were you discouraged from being so different?
Not allowed to express myself in any way when younger. After adolescence I got away with some forms of self-expression (e.g., weird clothes), but got picked on for that! I quit school on my 16th birthday and lived alone, worked in fast food and factory jobs; life was waaaaaay better then because no parental interference and no "peers."

Now I'm in my 60s. I've had a few friends and have learned to play the social game, sort of. I am still learning how to really respect and nurture my introversion and other INTP traits. I'm not a bitch, I'm not weird, I just can't handle certain kinds of human BS and I have the right to walk away.

I have failed miserably at romantic relationships and I'm still not sure why. Relationships are a priority to me, but men I'm involved with seem to think I don't care. They'd rather be with a "feminine" woman who really doesn't care, than with me who does care. Now I have a super intelligent, wise, and sweet ISTP man who gets me. Yay!


Follow up question:
How easy or difficult has it been for you to find real friends?
I guess I'm like other people, in that I've had two true friends in my life. These were women I met in young adulthood. Apparently our brains firm up around age 25 and it becomes harder to develop deep relationships after that. I had a falling out with one friend after 20 years, and the other one and I drifted apart because of lifestyle differences. So I guess I don't have any real friends now.

I've moved around a lot all my life, and being an introvert it's been hard to get to know anyone well because either (a) people I met (coworkers, neighbors, etc.) just weren't the kind of people I could get close to, or (b) I'm too much of an introvert to be bothered with anything other than superficial "hi/bye" relationships, or (c) I didn't stick around long enough to become acquainted with a large enough pool of potential friends.

In the past I never lived anywhere (other than my childhood home) for longer than 4 years. I've lived in my current location for 8 years. Now I have a few female acquaintances who I can be honest with, turn to for help and understanding, etc. It's great, but these are not really deep friendships. These relationships developed only because we gradually got to know each other over the years; if I had left this place after 3 or 4 years, I wouldn't have gotten to know them well enough for the trust and to happen and the commonalities to become apparent.

Yes, it is a lonely life, but I'm okay with it. I am the kind of person who could have a really isolated job, like in a fire tower or something. Mostly I'm alone wherever I am anyway.
 

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First of all, while I am assigned female at birth, I am actually nonbinary (particularly, I'm genderfluid and identify as male more often than not). That said, that means I have experienced the effects of being viewed as a girl for my whole life, which was made all the more worse by my sex dysphoria. I reacted to pressure to conform to female gender roles by acting in a hypermasculine way, yet at the same time, I had trouble asserting myself (which is still something I'm working on). However, once I realized I was trans, I was more accepting of my feminine side, and at the same time felt less pressure to conform to gender roles if they didn't fit.

I have gotten a lot of shit for thinking logically and questioning social norms. I think this is not only because I am biologically female, but also because I am autistic and those traits are seen as an impediment to having social skills on the level of neurotypicals. I remember people quizzing me about the reasons for specific social norms, and when I agreed with those social norms, they complained about me thinking too "scientifically" when I gave functional reasons for following them. Some people have even tried to convince me I would have a miserable life as an adult if I didn't conform. Yet here I am now as an adult who is less depressed than I was as a teenager.

I have also questioned the expectation to shave body hair, considering it a waste of time, a very backwards thing to do, and a double standard, considering human beings will be hairy no matter what and the people who think body hair on a woman is disgusting don't give a rat's ass about body hair on a man. This has caused a lot of fights with my mother.

As for my relationships with other people, I didn't have a lot of positive relationships because most of the girls I knew did not share the same interests as me and most of the boys decided to gang up on me for having an overactive imagination, not understanding social interaction at all, and having bizarre emotional reactions. Most of the positive relationships I had were with boys who shared my interests and were quirky and goofy. That said, I have never made a real friend until now. They are also nonbinary and share my interests in alternative music and LGBT rights, embrace nonconformity, have an off-the-wall sense of humor, are okay with talking to me when they hate most of humanity, and are likely an ENFP.
 

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Some Reflections on Being a Female INTP

Everything you said was pretty spot on. When I was younger it was extremely difficult for me to socialize. I did not pick up on social cues very easily. Socializing didn't come naturally to me; I had to work at it. After years of effort it still feels somewhat artificial. Oftentimes when I socialize, it feels as if I'm reading a script that's taken years to memorize and perfect. To an outsider, our conversations seem like the normal persiflage. But in my head I'm thinking "okay how do I not be weird? what makes them laugh? is this banter really productive/interesting? am I being weird? what's something funny I can say?" This doesn't mean I'm fake or that I don't care about talking to people or that I'm just "acting the part." I'm simply not naturally gifted at socializing. Just like math (for some people), it takes work and practice and may never feel "just right."

All that being said, it is very hard for other personality types to understand INTP's. Especially the females. We are indeed a rare breed. I read somewhere that ESFJ is the "ideal" personality type for women. We're the exact opposite. Go figure. But after years of polishing my social skills, I've come to realize that I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being the awkward girl. The geek. The weirdo. The outlier on a linear graph of like-minded people. The quiet yet insanely creative and pensive girl that no one will ever fully understand.
 

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I've been wondering what INTP women are like, so maybe this thread will help me out to verify if this is my type or not, since I don't really know any. For other INTP women, do you feel as though you're similar to INTP men? They always seem to talk about being a little more socially awkward than I am. I'm more of a social chameleon and do well in social encounters; not to say I can't be awkward at times, though, especially if I'm feeling a little more self-absorbed.

- I did grow up feeling very different from others, but it never really bothered me too much. I was kind of a loner and mostly just wondered why I didn't care about things that others did. I didn't feel "left out" or anything, just ... interested/curious.

- I clashed HARDCORE with my ISFJ mother growing up and our relationship is still strained today due to that. I am extremely independent, non-traditional, and questioning of authority. I wanted things to be fair, to make sense, to have a reason. I didn't want to just do what I was told. I needed to know WHY. So answers like, "Because I said so" and "Because I'm the parent and you're the child" really caused a lot of distrust in my relationship with my parents.

- I, too, was told that things I did were "unladylike". I say inappropriate things, I'm dirty-minded, I don't really like keeping my knees together, I don't like dressing up/shopping. Clothing shopping with my mom was absolute torture - it's the most boring activity in the world. I wear jeans and t-shirts and keep my hair pulled back in a ponytail. I have no interest in wedding planning (my "marriage" will be literally just signing the paper in my jeans and t-shirt ... no vows, ring exchange, etc...).

- Right now I really have no friends other than my boyfriend, who is either also an INTP or an INTJ (what he tests as). He has Asperger's and social anxiety, so it's difficult to know his natural tendencies. We're like 90% clones of each other ... except that I'm a lot more socially capable and he's a lot more observant than I am (like, a LOT more). We're both extremely active, though, and are always off going to craft breweries, beer fests, visiting historical sites/museums, zoos, baseball games, etc... If I do have time for friends, they're usually always male INTJs. I meet someone, we get along, and he'll test as INTJ ... pretty much always the case.
 

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A mature intp comes to realize that they are the oddball and should not expect the wider society to accommodate them. It is i up to them to adapt or not adapt in various degrees to get along or not. And they must accept whatever consequence results from adapting or not.
With that being said, women in general place much more importance on social acceptance than men. This is likely because it is almost impossible for a woman to survive completely alone for extended lengths of time, or even in a pair, whereas this is a common thing for men to do. So the consequences of not fitting in seem to affect women much more than men. And to men, it all seems like so much silly drama. And so by focusing on the boobs, we don't think that we are missing much.😜
 

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INTP female get-together? I'd crash it, but then I'd feel scammed. I've spent so many years building up a socially acceptable persona, and then it's all for nothing, I can just be myself? Non non non, I couldn't do that. Like the Matrix, when things are too good, people reject that reality :laughing:
 
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