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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We are all aware of the stereotype that intps have trouble finding a partner because we don't socialize much, are 'different' and to some extent our nerdiness may hinder our success irl.

The problem is that this isn't a stereotype for me; it's reality. I'm just about to turn 20 and I'm starting to feel the social pressure and the constant nagging from elders on why i don't have a girlfriend. I never cared for having a girlfriend until i ended going to university, and i think the main reasons why i started to experience the desire for a significant other is because of: 1) Loneliness, i had been split up form the few friends i had and became a social recluse. 2) Age and my biology starting to place desires on myself. 3) Social pressure and the awkwardness of never having sex or a partner while all my friends have.

I struggle to make friends or talk to people i don't know, especially females. There was one girl who i got paired up in my tutorial class a couple of times. She was a foreign exchange student. I seemed to get along with her in class. So i added her on fb and tried to get to know her. I told her how i don't know many people in class and was just trying to get to know some. She responded fine and we had a good conversation, i told her how I hope she isn't creeped out that i added her and she wasn't (or so she says). The next time i saw her she seemed really shy to see me and kind of awkward. Mind you i was the exact same. So now do i not only feel 'different' like most intps, i also feel like i must be ugly. I've seen her around campus a few times since, but she's clearly not interested in talking to me.

I tried going clubbing with my friends. I can't flirt and suck at small talk. Socially awkward and low confidence. Yep, not a good match out clubbing.

I don't know why I am sharing this with you guys, i guess to vent. But if any of you people have similar experiences or are in a similar situation to me could you share and discuss it. Lately i just feel like a complete social outcast and a freak. I'm sorry, but being an INTP in real life can be very hard. Sorry for the long post.



Cliffs:
- Feeling the pressure of finding a girlfriend but struggle to connect with people in general
-Feel like a freak and outcast compared to what normal people (19-20) my age should be doing.
- Don't know what to do.
-Being INTP - introverted - shy - ugly - socially awkward - is hard.
 

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Don't worry, I didn't have sex until I was 20 and honestly it's overrated.

If nothing else find a girl with low self esteem and ask for her number, I know it sounds bad but that's how I got my first girlfriend...

And in the meantime, just work on your self and the women will be falling into your lap. (literally and figuratively.)
 

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Half Sigma: The unmarried male/female ratio project

Actually, the ratio of men vs women from age zero to the 40's is more men than women. Proportionally, there are more single men than women and always has been. At birth there are more boys than girls. That trend won't reverse until your 40's. It's really not surprising or disconcerting when a young man is single. It's par for course. At one time, families avoided young men in their family missing out young fertile women by arranging marriages and thus, courtship skills were limited and unnecessary. It was the 'bastards' and orphans that went without or second, third or additional son if the family couldn't offer good prospects. Which wasn't fair either. Even with the turn of the tide to marrying for love, the first and second world wars greatly depleted the number of men available. And women still relied on men for financial support. So, they didn't have much choice but to take what was available.

Nowadays, young women are more self-sufficient and can afford to be choosier, whether they are aware of it or not. I suspect what is exacerbating the situation has been the growth of human trafficking in the western world and the depletion of baby girls in India and China. Social skills have grown in importance for men compared to previous generations. Even into the seventies, most women were housewives and most jobs available to women weren't self-supporting. They were 'extra' income.

I doubt you are a social outcast or freak seeing as I see so many posts like this. And men lie about their experience/prowess, most guys you know likely aren't getting laid as much as you think they are.

Find activities/hobbies you enjoy that don't involve you staying inside your home. That's about all I can offer.
 
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Half Sigma: The unmarried male/female ratio project

Actually, the ratio of men vs women from age zero to the 40's is more men than women. Proportionally, there are more single men than women and always has been. At birth there are more boys than girls. That trend won't reverse until your 40's. It's really not surprising or disconcerting when a young man is single. It's par for course. At one time, families avoided young men in their family missing out young fertile women by arranging marriages and thus, courtship skills were limited and unnecessary. It was the 'bastards' and orphans that went without or second, third or additional son if the family couldn't offer good prospects. Which wasn't fair either. Even with the turn of the tide to marrying for love, the first and second world wars greatly depleted the number of men available. And women still relied on men for financial support. So, they didn't have much choice but to take what was available.

Nowadays, young women are more self-sufficient and can afford to be choosier, whether they are aware of it or not. I suspect what is exacerbating the situation has been the growth of human trafficking in the western world and the depletion of baby girls in India and China. Social skills have grown in importance for men compared to previous generations. Even into the seventies, most women were housewives and most jobs available to women weren't self-supporting. They were 'extra' income.

I doubt you are a social outcast or freak seeing as I see so many posts like this. And men lie about their experience/prowess, most guys you know likely aren't getting laid as much as you think they are.

Find activities/hobbies you enjoy that don't involve you staying inside your home. That's about all I can offer.
I've read a few of your posts, I generally like your style, keep up the good work. (And yes I'm being sincere.)
 

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Become happy and contend with yourself first.

From that very instance a women, girlfriend or what-have-you will only ever be a bonus to an already balanced and healthy individual. That's also the instance you become the chooser rather than having to be picked.

Although I agree with 'be picked' notion to an extend. I'm no one to fight over and/or for anyone, whoever isn't staying out of their own decision or preference is free to leave and make their way.

Human mind idealizes other couples, but at the end of the day they won't be couples anymore in a few weeks/months time. Maybe not even friends anymore. I, too, found sex to not be the end all and be all of life and underwhelming. That isn't to say I'd decline if it offered itself up, but I'm also not going out of my way to pursue it. It's a fleeting state that is sought after and many will repeat that pattern until they're old and overused.

Bad relationships/sex are/is worse than no relationships/sex.
 

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Hey OP, there's a few things I would suggest. I think for me, when I'm confident, I can have a nice conversation with the ladies with little akwardness. When I'm not confident, I do all I can to avoid situations where I could be interacting with them. I've gone through phases where I've meditated everyday or 5 or more days a week, and the clarity and confidence that meditation brings absolutely helps. I would seriously give meditation a try. Another other INTP's have any input in terms of meditation? Being an INTP, try not to think about what to say beforehand, just try and go with the flow of the convo. Caffeine helps, as does alcohol, to have fun in social situations. Hope these help my friend
 

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Just be as clear-cut yourself as possible. Don't try to hold yourself to the social norms and shit you normally don't care about. For us, INTPs it is hard to connect, truly connect. But the best way to find the real person is to be your (mostly) uncensored self.

You might burn through a bunch of women but the chance of hitting a great one is there.

Sex is a lot fun, but it's way to romanticized by the media. Porn is really fake.
 

 

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Sex is a lot of fun, but it's way to romanticized by the media. Porn is really fake.
Porn is supposed to be fake. Its supposed to be an over the top sexual fantasy that appeals to particular urges or fetishes. There is hyper realistic porn that is incredibly boring and mundane, its called spying on your neighbors.
 

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Porn is supposed to be fake. Its supposed to be an over the top sexual fantasy that appeals to particular urges or fetishes. There is hyper realistic porn that is incredibly boring and mundane, its called spying on your neighbors.
I think porn conveys a broader spectrum than you are depicting now. I mean, there's donkeys.
 

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