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Yes, this is another "please try to type me" thread, but with the sub-goal of understanding the system better (not just "I'm this" but "I'm this because"). It seems both complex and vague to me currently, but I'd like to learn a lot more before solidifying that opinion.

So here's the questionnaire. I'm going to have a hard time *not* thinking of this in terms of the cognitive functions, so please bear with me.

Main Questions

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I'm definitely not "driven" as the word is generally used (for work or other accomplishment). I'm so inward-focused that the drives that are coming to mind are "head" things, like discovering new systems, new ways of understanding my environment. In relationships, I look for ways to connect with people, to understand them on an intuitive level, and to help them to understand me. (This can be difficult, because other people are usually not looking for the same things that I am.) I've heard it said that the INTP is driven to provide clarity, and I'd say that's true of me.


2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
Part of the reason I'm after clarity so much is because I've noticed that confusion and misunderstanding lead to many difficulties in life. So if I can help people to understand difficult concepts, or to speak more clearly and with sensitivity and thus avoid some relational conflicts before they start, then I will feel like I've really contributed something.

I don't want any big accomplishments for myself, just enough space and security to sit and think as much as I'd like would be nice. =P But I do need people around. So I guess another thing I'd like to accomplish is to learn how to better relate to people on *their* terms. If I keep sticking to mine, I won't get far, and that's not kind to them. (This is, however, an ideal rather than a drive. Naturally, I won't notice the needs of others at all until they tell me or get very upset.)


3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I want to avoid creating trouble for other people. Not everyone is going to like me to begin with, so I may as well not make it worse. I don't need people to gather to me or have a particularly *high* opinion of me; I just don't want them to see me as incompetent or inconsiderate (==socially incompetent). Failing to meet reasonable expectations, especially when the task is something I promised to do, makes me feel horrible.

I'm a Christian, so most of my values come from that. I know that doesn't say anything about my wiring, but I'm having a hard time untangling the two.


4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I fear being left completely alone, especially by means of something that's my own fault. Not much to elaborate on there, but it's a very strong fear. In cognitive function terms, my Fe kicks in if I feel like I'm being abandoned. Suddenly I need to do everything possible to keep that person from going away for good.

I fear growing so lazy that I never accomplish whatever it is that I'm here to do. I can't seem to maintain motivation for something that's boring. Other people seem to be able to push through and get it done anyway, but I don't always.


5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want others to see me as I really am. The truth is very important to me. Not to mention that other people can often see things in me that I'm too close to see.

I have a really hard time describing myself. Head in the clouds, perhaps. I think on a different plane than many other people, but it's not a higher one, and it doesn't make me better. So I see myself as different (but not an outcast), and deep down I want to share that difference with other people, but I don't know how, and I often give up on that too easily.


6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I have a fantasy that if I really worked hard on something that wasn't already easy for me, and I succeeded, I would feel really good about that. But that hasn't happened. I'm not naturally motivated to do things in the external world.

In reality... I suppose I feel my best when I'm with "safe" people - they're not going anywhere anytime soon, and I can be myself around them.

I feel my worst when I fail to meet reasonable expectations, as mentioned earlier. (I'm coming up with fewer and fewer new ideas as this questionnaire goes on. Is it because I'm too concise and I got it all out already, or what?)


7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) I don't get angry very easily. Frustrated, yes (especially with incompetency); want-to-punch-your-face-in angry, no. It would take an act of genuine malice to make me that angry. Occasionally, if I'm under a lot of stress, something that would normally just be irritating starts to escalate and I get angry. I don't control myself very well when I'm angry. I suspect it's because it doesn't happen very often, so I haven't come up with a plan on how to deal with it - and if I'd done so, I wouldn't have very many opportunities to practice it.

b) Shame tends to come as a result of failing to meet my own expectations rather than someone else's. I don't care what my grades are. If I didn't put good effort in, I should be ashamed of that. If I did put good effort in (hypothetically), I should be proud of that, but not if the task was too simple or something that comes naturally to me. Mere expenditure of time or manual labor is not enough to be proud of something. I'm not sure where my expectations come from. It's possible that they come in part from growing up being told I was "smart" and "a good kid", whatever that meant. When I did misbehave, it was like my parents couldn't wrap their minds around it; so not only did I feel like I failed at something, but I failed at something that should have been easy.

c) Anxiety (and shame, for that matter) can be based on weaknesses in either tasks or relationships. Anxiety comes when I foresee a failure, shame after the failure. I can also get very anxious for other people if they're in trouble or being shamed or hurt. I immediately want to do something for them, but I usually don't know what.


8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.


9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
a) I don't allow someone to have authority over me in an area until I've seen some evidence that they're competent (or better) in that area. For instance, I don't give my parents' opinions weight just because they're my parents. But I would give weight to what my dad says about appliances, because he's worked in the appliances business for a very long time. Even when I generally trust someone with directing me, all their directions will still go through a filter: do they make sense? Do I allow this person to tell me what to do in this regard?

b) Power seems like a necessary evil to me. Perhaps I should say that the love of power is the root of many evils. Having power is not necessarily bad, but the person in power needs to be careful not to abuse it and not to be corrupted by it.

I've not really been in positions of authority or power myself, not even middle management, so I can't speak for that. But it should be noted that I really don't want power for myself. It doesn't interest me at all. My SO is of the opinion that benevolent power is good because of the good it can do, but even that makes me uneasy.


10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
"Life? Don't talk to me about life." =P

That's not meant to be even part of a serious answer to the question. I don't feel like I have an exceptionally negative outlook. But I don't know what my outlook would be without my faith. That's what's making a couple of these questions difficult, because I have to dig past what I believe is true to how I would act if I did not believe it (and even thinking about acting on untruth is distasteful to me).

I'm definitely not a natural optimist. I don't ever have hope without a reason for it. If I forget the reason, I need to be reminded of it before I have hope again.
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This took forever, so I'm going to skip the optionals unless someone really wants to hear that from me.
 

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I thought it would let people know why I was using the terms I was. I guess it wasn't necessary.

Based on my preliminary investigation a long time ago, I thought I was a 5, but recently I took the quiz on here and I got 6w5. That 6 description does ring true, and the connection to 9 also makes sense. I think I need to go read up on 5 and 9.
 

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You come off as too concerned about other people (even if it is an ideal) to be a 5, and don't seem to intellectualize your emotions as much as they would.

There's a strong case for being a phobic 6. I'll hesitantly say 6w5, a conclusion based more on your repeated need for competence than on your INTx-ness. (INTx often look 5ish, regardless of true E-type.) Remember that you can still be a not-5 who searches for truth and understanding--I'm a 6w7 (INTJ) and do the same.

But if you're unsure of 6, then I'm going to suggest looking into 9w1. There's a "soft" quality I wouldn't expect from the run-of-the-mill INTP 6w5... But there could be a ton of reasons for that, the first being, stereotypically, your gender.

Resources:
Typewatch
Ocean Moonshine

If you're new to the MBTI, you might want to consider playing in that system only for a while. It's detrimental if you start thinking of MBTI terms for the Enneagram, since they're not the same thing at all. Enneagram doesn't deal so much with behaviors, but with motivations.
Not to throw you off the trail, so to speak. I "converted" from MBTI to the Enneagram. It's a much deeper system, so it's great that you're exploring it.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
If you're new to the MBTI, you might want to consider playing in that system only for a while. It's detrimental if you start thinking of MBTI terms for the Enneagram, since they're not the same thing at all. Enneagram doesn't deal so much with behaviors, but with motivations.
I'm still fairly new to the MBTI, but I'm trying to dig deep and really understand what it's getting at. I have a tendency to take whatever I learn and turn it into vocabulary with which to talk about the next thing I learn in the same area. That's obviously not going to be a good idea here. =P

Thanks for the resources.
 
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