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Okay, I am new to the cafe and not sure if i am doing this correctly at all however I have a problem with an ISFP. I met an ISFP several months ago and became completely infatuated with them right away.

We hung out a lot and it wasn't long until I told the ISFP that I really liked them. The ISFP said they were skeptical about relationships and would rather stay friends for now and I agreed. They continued to call me to hang out and text as well. I have fallen in love this ISFP so I told them this as well. Once again I'm really cool and they love me but are not in love with me.

However, I feel I keep misinterpreting the ISFPs friendliness and perceiving it as an attraction towards me and often act upon it only to be passively rejected. The ISFP considers me their best friend, but I do not care to be just their friend. It is mind boggling because I keep thinking they like me too, but are just afraid to open up. I recently told the ISFP I couldn't continue to be their friend because I was in love with them and it was impossible for me to suppress these feelings. They became extremely upset, which I hate to see, and insisted that we remain friends.

THOUGHTS??? I'm losing my freaking mind here!
 

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They dont like you like that sorry it seems they dont know how much they are hurting you and they may care for you almost in a sibling type fashion
If you cannot discharge those feelings i suggest you take a break from them
 

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I've tried. If I pull away they become extremely upset and seem to crave my attention. As an INTP, when someone tells me they like me, but the feelings are not mutual, I do what I think is normal and detach myself from them without being mean or rude. It seemed to draw the ISFP even closer to me however when I told them I had feelings for them. Is that just an ISFP thing?
 

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I honestly think you should break away. Its not healthy to suppress those feelings for long periods of time. Sure she is going to be upset, but it can't be as bad as what you are going through right now.
 

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hi

or if you think it would be that bad just tell her you cannot talk to her anymore because you to strong feelings for her
 

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I'll concur with what everybody else says that you should spend some time away from ISFP and let your infatuation burn out, preferably meeting some new people in this time. You have been given a rejection so it is time to switch your attention to someone else, but the ISFP being constantly there it is just going to prolong it for yourself. Just plainly explain to her that you'd like to break contact say for a few months to let your feelings burn out because otherwise you cannot be her friend, and hopefully then she will understand your POV and not feel offended. Nothing much else you can do.

Research done on people falling in love shows that that area of brain that is associated with wanting, with focus, with craving and motivation becomes stimulated only stronger when you cannot get what you want. This is responsible for the phenomenon that when you are crushing on another person, and he or she rejects you, your obsession, your 'craving' to be with this person will only get stronger. In other words, her rejection has poured some oil into the fire of your feelings and unless you can win her over somehow you can really only wait it out and meet new girls to become interested in.

More on INTP-ISFP relations:
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9945&p=372680&viewfull=1#post372680
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sp-arthouse/9937-intp-isfp-relationships.html
 

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Don't blame the situation on her being an ISFP. MBTI doesn't have anything to do with this as far as I can tell.

It just sounds like she doesnt like you romantically but does genuinely like you as a person. She's probably very sad that she might lose a good friend over the fact that she wants it be just a friendship. She's probably sad about that in the same way you are sad about her not being your girlfriend.
 
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Ahhh yes, the oldest male problem in the book requires some of the oldest male advice in the book.

Let me first open by saying that while I'm not an INTP, I can directly relate with your pain, especially about an ISFP. She's your shadow, so naturally you're drawn together. My most recent GF was tested ESTP and the one before that I am damn certain is ISFP.

But the thing you have to realize is that for the time being seeing her romantically is going to be a difficult task. I would just give up on her and learn from the situation. Now I know she seems like the only one, and that you'll never feel this way about anyone else, but you will, trust me.

So what to learn from this:

- Don't ever tell a girl who you haven't even had sex with that you're in love with her. Just don't. That only works in movies. You'll seem immature and clingy, two things that women don't like. I know it's hard to keep it in, especially if you get drunk. But you're going to have to learn to build up an effing dam out of concrete to hold back what you're feeling. I've found that I tend to go from maybe even being annoyed with someone to all of a sudden being, "OMG I NEED HER!!!!!!!!" Seemingly at the drop of a hat.

So, I would recommend making a stand on it. You've stated you want to be more than friends, and if she walks, let her go. A new woman will come along who you'll fall for and you'll get a little better and then maybe years later you can reunite with your ISFP and spit some mature game at her and show her how much you've matured, and since you already connect on a deeper level it could make for an awesome relationship. That's how I got my ISFP anyway :cool: I drunkenly professed my love for her constantly freshman year of college and was clingy and naive. I wound up giving up after getting all Q_Q and heartbroken and doing all the ugly things clingy guys do to women to make women not want to be with clingy naive guys. Eventually I started seeing other women, did some growing up, and we (ISFP and I) started hanging out again after she'd become impressed with how debonair I could be with other women. I put what I learned into practice and we had a great relationship for 14 months.

You guys have already established something, and if it's something you don't want it should be severed. For the time being you're just gonna have to keep your chin held high and let your heart weep, and it's gonna suck and you're gonna feel like shit inside. But you'll get stronger and find someone better, or hell, you could eventually even wind up getting her.
 

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Someone already said it.. you are being strung along, and used for the attention. Get out of it.
 
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