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Discussion Starter #1
I have a problem with an ISFP. I met an ISFP several months ago and became completely infatuated with them right away.

We hung out a lot and it wasn't long until I told the ISFP that I really liked them. The ISFP said they were skeptical about relationships and would rather stay friends for now and I agreed. They continued to call me to hang out and text as well. I have fallen in love this ISFP so I told them this as well. Once again I'm really cool and they love me but are not in love with me.

However, I feel I keep misinterpreting the ISFPs friendliness and perceiving it as an attraction towards me and often act upon it only to be passively rejected. The ISFP considers me their best friend, but I do not care to be just their friend. It is mind boggling because I keep thinking they like me too, but are just afraid to open up. I recently told the ISFP I couldn't continue to be their friend because I was in love with them and it was impossible for me to suppress these feelings. They became extremely upset, which I hate to see, and insisted that we remain friends.

THOUGHTS??? I'm losing my freaking mind here!
 

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You're an INTP right? Well, realize that this is just the a physiological reaction to her appearing to have good childbearing traits. The release of seratonin is just a trick, snap out of it man! *slaps you*

edit: I've been talking about seratonin a lot lately.....I suppose it's a good scapegoat for "irrational" feelings :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter #3
The main problem is that they want to continue to be my friend, but I don't understand why when they don't have feelings for me.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Absolutely positive. But I have made it clear that I have feelings the ISFP.

If one thing is clear it is that in all of my relationships I have never spent so much time pondering what was going on as I have with this. Maybe its because we are complete opposites and as an INTP I need to find clarity in things which I am interested in. If there is one person I am interested in, but don't understand, it's this ISFP!
 

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It sounds like she really values your friendship even though she doesn't care for you romantically.

But if you can't be friends without it being painful then you can't be friends. I don't see anyway out of it.

I see that you have two options: end the friendship or accept that she will only ever be a friend and nothing more.
Unfortunately as much as you would like the option of her suddenly realising/admitting she is in love with you to happen, it doesn't sound likely to happen any time soon.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I guess your right. It's just so difficult because I can't get her to talk about her true feelings. I guess I just need to break away because it is impossible to be her friend without having feelings for her. As soon as I feel I can get over them she does something which leads me to believe she has feelings for me as well. And then I am trapped again. Maybe I'm just misinterpreting her kindness or friendliness for something which it is not. I mean an ISFP is suppose to act up their feelings over logic right?

Thats another thing I don't understand. When I can get her to talk about a possible relationship she continues to use logic saying that it just isn't a good idea because she isn't a good girlfriend. She won't tell me that she doesn't like me. But that doesn't sound typical of an ISFPs profile. Maybe its her Fi's way of hiding her true emotions. I just want to know how she truly feels but I just can't seem to get it out of her.
 

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Understanding an ISFP is like trying to answer what the square root of a million is... It ain't going to happen.
 

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An ISFP getting under an INTP's skin.

This is mighty familiar...hmm..

I've found that the ISFP love grows. There may be hope.:happy:
 
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Discussion Starter #11
I get the feeling the ISFPs love does grow, which is why I can't break away for the thought of losing her as a possibility, so break away, or don't break away? That is the question.
 

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I have a problem with an ISFP. I met an ISFP several months ago and became completely infatuated with them right away.

We hung out a lot and it wasn't long until I told the ISFP that I really liked them. The ISFP said they were skeptical about relationships and would rather stay friends for now and I agreed. They continued to call me to hang out and text as well. I have fallen in love this ISFP so I told them this as well. Once again I'm really cool and they love me but are not in love with me.

However, I feel I keep misinterpreting the ISFPs friendliness and perceiving it as an attraction towards me and often act upon it only to be passively rejected. The ISFP considers me their best friend, but I do not care to be just their friend. It is mind boggling because I keep thinking they like me too, but are just afraid to open up. I recently told the ISFP I couldn't continue to be their friend because I was in love with them and it was impossible for me to suppress these feelings. They became extremely upset, which I hate to see, and insisted that we remain friends.

THOUGHTS??? I'm losing my freaking mind here!:confused:
I would say that you have to establish with them what the term "relationship" actually means. They might see it as potentially "have my babies", "move in with me", 'be emotionally/sexually loyal to me"... Or they might expect something more from a relationship, other than intellectual, emotional and/or physical benefits. Like material benefits.

I've fallen in love with many of my best friends - it happens so rarely for me, to find someone I can actually call a true friend, how can I not fall in love with them?

I have a similar experience with a very good friend - she'd call me and sound so eager to see me, vulnerable, shy, pleading, almost as if she was missing me. And then I'd go to her place, and contrary to my expectations she would not jump into my arms but give me a very casual and rhetorical "Hey, what's up." Then I would spend the next few hours being completely ignored while she had fun with her friends.

So it's possible she just enjoys having friends that are in love with her, to boost her own ego.

Thus I would advise you to have a serious talk. If that doesn't work, let go. It's just cruel to do that to yourself. And it's cruel of them to cling on to you, when it's obvious it's not enough for you.

And maybe when you find someone else to be in love with, someone who actually wants that, you can be friends with this person again? Though I doubt it will be the same.
 

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"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? "

I guess you need to judge how much you will mind if it turns out that she will not love you and how long you will wait for her to decide.

While you wait for her, you may be closed off to the possibility of a relationship with someone else and it will be a shame to wait in vain for something that does not eventuate - she may end up getting into a relationship but not with you.

But maybe you need some time out to process your feelings or whatever.
 

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Jordy I was in a very similar situation to yours. I became friends with an awesome INTP years ago. Our personalities instantly clicked and our conversations flowed so naturally. His sense of humor matched with mine was a hilarious combo! We laughed all the time. It wasn't too long after (i'm talking like 2 weeks here) that he told me he really liked me and wanted to be more than just friends. He told me he never felt this way for anybody and all of that stuff. The first thing I told him was pretty much the same thing the ISFP first told you. He was extremely persistent though!! He would bring it up weekly! It really bothered me that he chose to completely ignore my feelings about the situation. The difference with him and I compared to your situation with the ISFP is I told him many times my 100% true feelings about being more than just friends. He would say i'm just making excuses when I really wasn't. We had like 4-5 really long talks about it and no matter what I said he would completely ignore it and would act like he was "right". In some ways it started to feel like he was trying to brainwash me with his own thoughts on the situation. I even told him how it felt like he was trying to brainwash me and he kept telling me he can't believe how blind I was being! It became very awkward and kind of changed our friendship. In the end he said the same thing you said, he couldn't be "just friends" with me so instead of getting into another disagreement about it I basically said okay and we stopped talking. He tried calling and emailing a few times after but our friendship was pretty much over. He still tries to email once in a great while.
 

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I understand your dilemma. The only person I've ever loved was an ISFP. It's been eight years since we broke up, and until now, I still get "mixed signals" from him. He knows I still care deeply for him, and would like for us to get back together again someday. But every time I bring up the subject, he'll say something ambiguous and disappear for months. Then, out of the blue, he'll come back and be all sweet again. I'd much rather hear him say, "Fuck off, bitch!" At least then I'd know better than to waste my time holding the torch for him. :frustrating:
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I have a similar experience with a very good friend - she'd call me and sound so eager to see me, vulnerable, shy, pleading, almost as if she was missing me. And then I'd go to her place, and contrary to my expectations she would not jump into my arms but give me a very casual and rhetorical "Hey, what's up."
I think I could be their friend but it is totally opposite from your case. In my case yes they call and sound so eager to talk ad hang out. But when meeting, I try to give the casual "Hey, whats up?" because I don't think they are interested in me as anymore than a friend. But the ISFP is the one who ignores my casual greeting and insists on hugging and even kisses on the cheek. If they know that I like them, then why would they do this? It makes no sense to me. I am on this constant roller-coaster where i get to the point that I accept that we will only be friends, but then they do something which makes me think I still have a chance.

I too have contemplated the thought that maybe they just like being liked. Maybe the fact that I love them is an ego booster. IDK!!??

I understand your dilemma. The only person I've ever loved was an ISFP. It's been eight years since we broke up, and until now, I still get "mixed signals" from him. He knows I still care deeply for him, and would like for us to get back together again someday. But every time I bring up the subject, he'll say something ambiguous and disappear for months. Then, out of the blue, he'll come back and be all sweet again. I'd much rather hear him say, "Fuck off, bitch!" At least then I'd know better than to waste my time holding the torch for him. :frustrating:
EXACTLY! I wish they would do something to make me dislike them, but they won't. Their always so kind and continue to send mixed signals. Is it that they are sending mixed signals, or just that being an INTP, I am misinterpreting their kindness/friendliness?
 

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EXACTLY! I wish they would do something to make me dislike them, but they won't. Their always so kind and continue to send mixed signals. Is it that they are sending mixed signals, or just that being an INTP, I am misinterpreting their kindness/friendliness?
I wish I knew... But I have read somewhere that they are the most sensitive of feelers. So, it's possible she's keeping you at arm's length until she's sure you won't break her heart. *shrugs*
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Jordy I was in a very similar situation to yours. I became friends with an awesome INTP years ago. Our personalities instantly clicked and our conversations flowed so naturally. His sense of humor matched with mine was a hilarious combo! We laughed all the time. It wasn't too long after (i'm talking like 2 weeks here) that he told me he really liked me and wanted to be more than just friends. He told me he never felt this way for anybody and all of that stuff. The first thing I told him was pretty much the same thing the ISFP first told you. He was extremely persistent though!! He would bring it up weekly! It really bothered me that he chose to completely ignore my feelings about the situation. The difference with him and I compared to your situation with the ISFP is I told him many times my 100% true feelings about being more than just friends. He would say i'm just making excuses when I really wasn't. We had like 4-5 really long talks about it and no matter what I said he would completely ignore it and would act like he was "right". In some ways it started to feel like he was trying to brainwash me with his own thoughts on the situation. I even told him how it felt like he was trying to brainwash me and he kept telling me he can't believe how blind I was being! It became very awkward and kind of changed our friendship. In the end he said the same thing you said, he couldn't be "just friends" with me so instead of getting into another disagreement about it I basically said okay and we stopped talking. He tried calling and emailing a few times after but our friendship was pretty much over. He still tries to email once in a great while.
Okay, sounds typical. Here is my question for you. Did he ever say you did things to make him think you liked him romantically as well? Because I am on this constant roller-coaster of feeling as if I can be over her and accept that we are just friends, but as soon as I do, she does something which causes me to believe she wants to be more as well, but when confronted won't speak of them. For example, if I go without contacting her, she soon contacts me, and if I don't respond, she persists. When meeting, I try to be casual with a simple, "Hey, Whats up?". She however ignores my casual greeting and insists on hugging, and sometimes even kisses me on the cheek. I could be just friends if she would be more aware in her actions and words in the fact that I am in love with her, and not do things to lead me on.

Is this typical for an ISFP? Am I just misinterpreting her friendliness? OR does she have feelings for me as well, but is unwilling to talk or admit to them? I hate making assumptions. And i have only brought my feelings up twice in the six months that we have been friends.
 
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