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I'll try to not go into many unnecessary details but here goes:
I met an INTP back in February, and he was the one who chased me and initiated contact, asking to hang out, with me encouraging him to do so. We started seeing each other for a few weeks (6 weeks exactly, 2 of which i had to spend in another country) and everything was like magic between us, we understood each other really well, we had the same interests, same group of friends, it had been a while since he was curious about me and I about him (we attend the same university and have the same group of friends but never really talked), basically a really good intellectual, physical and emotional connection.

A week after I came back from my trip he told me he couldn't really meet up because of exams. I knew it was an excuse but didn't push him or ask to discuss about it, just said okay and accepted it with a smile.

Week after that he wanted to meet up, and he suddenly told me that he didn't want a relationship, because he wasn't ready. He was going to leave to England for a year for studies (I knew this already from the beginning). He was really upset about having to hurt me and told me it was really hard to build up the courage to tell me this. I felt crushed but again, accepted things with a smile and appreciated the fact that he was at least honest with me.

Fast forward 3 weeks later of hardly talking but having to see each other because of our friends, had no choice but to ask if he could let me stay at his place for a night - we started flirting, in conversations, in wordplay, etc. but I was very cautious to not encourage him physically or anything. However, he was the one who made all the 'steps', and we ended up hooking up.

The day after, I spoke to him and told him to confirm that the hookup didn't mean anything. He told me that it wasn't true but that we could leave it like that if we wished. I had to believe that it was just physical, because I didn't want to take it as a sign that he cared about me still. The same night after hanging out with friends, he suddenly tells me that he wants to be with me officially, that he had missed me, and that he's now ready for a relationship because it's 'me'. I was extremely doubtful, and told him that this was impulsive, and didn't really answer the question. And of course, the next day, he sends me a long text message full of beautiful words of how he cares about me and thinks I'm beautiful, etc. but that he's hurting because he's scared of hurting ME in case one day he decides to change his mind again.

We had an extremely long talk over that day and the weekend (while still spending time together) where we laid out all the cards on the table. Turns out that weeks ago, he had ended it with me, thinking that I wanted a 'real' commitment, and a serious relationship. For him commitments meant restrictions. I had told him I wanted commitment, but what we didn't realize that we had very different definitions of the word. For me, in that moment of our relationship, commitment meant being exclusive, and the rest, hey, if it works out, we'll see. But for the moment, i hadn't even thought of continuing the relationship when he leaves to England in 2/3 months. It would be a huge responsability and require a high level of maturity that I wasn't sure I was capable of having without making a big mess out of things. He was extremely happy about my definition of commitment and agreed that he'd be extremely mad if i was with another guy. So we figured out that are currently looking for the same things, and we want to go with the flow. He's still worried that he might one day change his mind and hurt me, but I told him that we can't worry about that, because it happens sometimes and you can't help but hurting the other. He's also worried that if one day I feel like I want to continue the relationship after he leaves and my feelings deepen, I wouldn't tell him.

Anyway, it's been about 2 weeks since this big long talk, and things have been great since then. Last week, we spent almost every day together, and he left to see his family this week. He's coming back in about two days, and he's already asked if I'd like to go to a restaurant with him, and if next week if I'd like to go back with him to his hometown in the countryside (i don't know if I'm going to meet his parents, but he had previously mentioned many times that he would love to show me his hometown except that since his parents would always be there, it would be maybe strange introducing me. He asked me my opinion on this and I agreed that it would be strange. So I don't know if in two weeks (if it happens at all) if his parents will be absent or not).

i Can see that he's really making effort to plan nice things to do on my days off, but I can't help feeling really cautious that it's just words and not action. I'm constantly scared that he's going to change his mind and decide that even being with me like this is too much for him, too many obligations and duties, etc. At the same time I know that it's useless to be scared because if it happens it does. i'm even watching my words and things I do just in case he takes them too seriously and freaks out ex. before he left, i offered to do his dishes and and clean the kitchen, something I hesitated in doing because i didn't want him to to think "Oh god, this is a real relationship, she's even doing my dishes". This is why I always let him initiate 70% of plans or even initiating talking, to give him space and let him know that there's no pressure on my side. In return I give back what he gives.

I can't figure out how I'm supposed to approach this, with caution, or dive in ? We are both aware that we are taking a risk by spending so much time together before he leaves, because it will no doubt hurt.

I can't figure out what i want, if I want to continue this relationship after he leaves. I do want to, but the logical part of me tells me that in no way I'm ready, and I don't even believe that he would be willing to make the same efforts and commitment as me, if it ever came to that point.

I don't know if I should protect my heart, or just lay out all my cards on the table and just open myself to the possibility that for him, he probably doesn't want to maintain the relationship when he leaves.

Or maybe I should just stop thinking of the possiblity of being hurt and just enjoy ?
It's like a war between logic and feeling in my head...help !!
 

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I don't know what it's like to be an INFP, but this is what I was thinking as I read your post:

Wanting exclusivity but not necessarily long-term sounds reasonable. Within that context, it might be fine to avoid his parents. However, I think you should ask him how this is going to work. For example, if his parents are in town, will he try to hide you or act ashamed of you? Will he leave you alone for long periods if he spends time with them? If all this is going to make you feel uncomfortable, maybe a visit to his town is not in the cards (for now anyway).

It's great to think about the implications of various things, but worrying about doing his dishes is weird. If you want to do it, do it. Or at least offer to do it. Then he can decide for himself if he wants to freak out about it. Or maybe he won't freak out; he might just say he'd prefer you didn't wash his dishes. Then you will know.

It would be nice if we could all just enjoy, but sometimes we do want to know what we're getting into and weigh the possibilities. Laying your cards out on the table is a good idea. You've already found out that communication can help reassure you both. If you're going to worry about everything and not even tell him, your relationship is going to be pretty tense.

Good luck!
 

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That's sweet.

The continuation of this relationship implies either A) He cancels the trip and stays, or B) You wait for him for a year.

There's not much to do besides lay all your cards on the table. It's better to be brave and get hurt than to always ponder a "what if". Just do it. It might become a bit messy, but that's life.
 
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