Personality Cafe banner

1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,565 Posts
Discussion Starter #1


Ok here goes. I met this guy 4 years back. He was in my school. We got introduced over the net and then in real life. He was weird, thoughtful(not in an obvius way) and a brilliant person, intelligence wise. He used to be my confidant when it came to proposing all my weird possible scientific theories, findings on Psychology or maths or whatever. Basically i could tell him a lot of stuff and we had a lot of sexual discussions. And basically we discussed and shared our opinions about different subjects. He was the worst communicator possible as in emotionally and his body language too wasnt the best and so, people, generally didn't have the best impression about him. he didnt seem to mind that and even i was fine with it though once i had pointed this out to him, he tried to put in a bit more of an effort. he was extremely Machiavellian on the outside at times and seemed to think that achieving power and success was all that was needed and a string of sexual encounters or polygamous relationships would be enough in his life. He did not want any sort of romantic involvement and despite him being *terrible* at flirting he smhw had the reputation of being a casanova. Anyway, he said that he had fallen in love with me and i wasnt ready so i told him that i found him interesting but i was not yet in love with him. i told him i wanted to date him and get to know him better but he said he couldnt give me time. i was like, fine. i was not fine with it and i let him know later and he then decides that that was stupid. He says he loves me again and its not gonna go away. i thought that since he seemed to be saying it left and right and wasnt willing to give me time, i thought that the wiser course of the action wud be to wait and properly get to know each other. So i was taking my own sweet time but we never seemed to share the more important stuff. However, i cud be myself arnd him. i cud tell him to fuck off if i was feeling down in the dumps and he'd behave accordingly...it was all going fine.
He wrote me some theorem and said that his love fr me was defined there or something..:| anyway, enter another girl into the scene who becomes his gf. he cuts off contact with me and to not bore u further im emitting the girl's part in all this.
Basically now, he seems to have replaced me perfectly and doesn't miss me at all and it breaks my heart becoz i miss him terribly and im angry at him but the last time i called him up, he pretended like nothing had happened at any time and i was hurt by that and i hung up. he never called back.
And the worst thing is i remember him saying to me when he'd first met her, "I've found your clone today."
She is nothing like me and the stupid drama of it all is dragging me down to the deepest pits.
I do not know what to do. i have deleted them both off my phone and net but that doesn't seem to help. Much.:sad:
P.S- I hate the girl even though she seemed nice at first, she isn't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
672 Posts
We're not the best at counseling to be honest, but he sounds like a prize ratbag to me. Advice? Put it down to experience, forget him, move on, but don't be put off by the INTP - they aren't all like that. It sounds like he'll drop this latest girl at a drop of a hat too.
 
  • Like
Reactions: nothingnew

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,849 Posts
ok so a selfish guy with "Machiavellian" impulses clearly very self-serving and egoistical, throws words "I love you" at girls left and right to get on their good side, very resentful ... so erm, what did you expect? why would you want to be in a relationship with him? who cares if he found another girl? you should pity the other girl not hate her :p

anyways if it makes you feel any better socionics predicts that INTPs and ISFPs enter a super-ego type of relationship which isn't the best one out there, first partners seem curious to each other then starts the fighting: Super-ego relations
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,097 Posts
ok so a selfish guy with "Machiavellian" impulses clearly very self-serving and egoistical, throws words "I love you" at girls left and right to get on their good side, very resentful ... so erm, what did you expect? why would you want to be in a relationship with him? who cares if he found another girl? you should pity the other girl not hate her :p

anyways if it makes you feel any better socionics predicts that INTPs and ISFPs enter a super-ego type of relationship which isn't the best one out there, first partners seem curious to each other then starts the fighting: Super-ego relations
Vel is right on this :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,565 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Thanks everyone.
and as for the Ego thingy..i have no ego! i am willing to do a LOT for someone i care for! but i have to know that they are willing to be at least there for me, if not nething else :|
It's hard. He just seemed like i dont know, so interesting! and patient but in a weird way...as in he was impatient but he kept patience with me. :unsure:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,565 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Umm..Vel, the link you gave is creepily accurate..at least the first 2 parahs(thats how far iv gone til now!) Thanx a lot agn.
Everyone.:proud:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,099 Posts
I think there is a lot of paraphrasing or something in the original post. So this is how an ISFP sees an INTP? Definitely not a good match.

Personally, if I told someone I love them and they told me they didn't love me but they were interested, then I might stick around for a little bit with the assumption the other person is considering it but is indecisive, which I could relate to. You said you were "taking your time." I would eventually become embarrassed and resentful for having put myself out there like that without reciprocation, and would want to move on. I don't think Fs understand that we don't throw around words of affection very lightly, so we're not going to be okay with waiting around. I would guess an F would love to wait around in an emotional limbo like that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,597 Posts
So this is how an ISFP sees an INTP? Definitely not a good match.
I can't speak for all ISFP's, but this is definitely not the case for me. I think MBTI and socionics relationship matches are total BS too, though. Enneagram is where it's at, at least in terms of relationships.


Personally, if I told someone I love them and they told me they didn't love me but they were interested, then I might stick around for a little bit with the assumption the other person is considering it but is indecisive, which I could relate to. You said you were "taking your time." I would eventually become embarrassed and resentful for having put myself out there like that without reciprocation, and would want to move on. I don't think Fs understand that we don't throw around words of affection very lightly, so we're not going to be okay with waiting around. I would guess an F would love to wait around in an emotional limbo like that.
I believe maturity level really plays the biggest part in this. For me, emotional limbo sucks, and I'm just as cautious as any T with words of affection.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
672 Posts
I think MBTI and socionics relationship matches are total BS
Glad someone said it, I was thinking of saying something similar, and maybe not as polite. But I don't particularly hold with any "method" such as this to choose your partner, even enneagrams.

My OH is (probably) ISFP, are we the exception that proves the rule?
 
  • Like
Reactions: dizzygirl

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,099 Posts
For me, emotional limbo sucks, and I'm just as cautious as any T with words of affection.
That isn't the normal trend. Maybe my comment only applies to people with Fe in their first two functions (FJ), but they are a lot more open and vocal about saying it to their partner than a typical T. I know that NFPs also have a tendency to wax on about love as well, especially INFPs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
749 Posts
The guy sounds like a grade "A" asshole to me. Ultimately, you should be happy you aren't wrapped up in that anymore and that bitch will eventually be burned by him and get what she has coming. I'm not going to give you advice on how to get him back or anything because I honestly think that would be a horrible course of action (getting back with him). It hurts feeling 'replaced' but that guy is just a dick and prodding you where it hurts most for not playing along with his bullshit. Take solace that you're in a much better place now without him, and you now have an entire forum full of INTPs who aren't assholes to choose from :crazy:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,849 Posts
I can't speak for all ISFP's, but this is definitely not the case for me. I think MBTI and socionics relationship matches are total BS too, though. Enneagram is where it's at, at least in terms of relationships.
Glad someone said it, I was thinking of saying something similar, and maybe not as polite.
this is funny - if you visit socionics forums there is always going to be somebody there to inform you that MBTI is complete bullshit
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,597 Posts
I thought you said you didn't think MBTI was good for relationship matching?
Maybe I should have added that the IxxP comment was my personal opinion and not to be taken as gauranteed advice. What I don't like is when type descriptions list "love compatible types". For example, I just read an article matching ISFP's with ESTP's...wtf? Not only are the pairings inconsistant from article to article, there never seems to be any logical reason people come up with these dumbass pairings.
 
  • Like
Reactions: honestfi

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,565 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
I think there is a lot of paraphrasing or something in the original post. So this is how an ISFP sees an INTP? Definitely not a good match.

Personally, if I told someone I love them and they told me they didn't love me but they were interested, then I might stick around for a little bit with the assumption the other person is considering it but is indecisive, which I could relate to. You said you were "taking your time." I would eventually become embarrassed and resentful for having put myself out there like that without reciprocation, and would want to move on. I don't think Fs understand that we don't throw around words of affection very lightly, so we're not going to be okay with waiting around. I would guess an F would love to wait around in an emotional limbo like that.
What did you mean by there being a lot of paraphrasing in the original post?
Coming to the guy, I told him i would like to date him and get to know him better because there had been no closing of psychological distance between us. And i think that is a very important thing, to understand why someone is upset/angry/happy, etc and not just the fact that they are happy/upset, etc. hence my emphasis on the fact that we spend more time together not as a couple before we actually commit. Because this is the person who used to tell me he had had phone sex with 3 people within a short span and wanted to just maintain sexual relations with everyone. I loved him but not enough to say it. Finding each other interesting can carry a relationship only so far. And if he had been interested, he could have stuck around. When all i did was stick around for him and back him up when people would hurt him or say stuff about him which were untrue and mean. He seemed to have a tough exterior but that exactly wasnt the case. And it was the opposite with me.
Nobody likes being in a social limbo.
And i posted here becoz he is an INTP. And i thought people with similar functions might relate and i cud discuss. And we are all here for that only to discuss and exchange opinions right? or to just observe. i think it had less to do with Socionics/JMBTI and more about getting to know people.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lav

·
Registered
Joined
·
672 Posts
this is funny - if you visit socionics forums there is always going to be somebody there to inform you that MBTI is complete bullshit
:happy:Although I do get caught up in it sometimes, MBTI, to me, is a concept only, albeit a fascinating one with some truths and lots of scope. If it at any time interferes with any function in my life, I would probably walk away from it. As long as it stays a hobby, or a distraction, I will retain what little sanity I have.

Anyway, back into the concept, we are being ohso INTP going way OT. A girl here needs advice, and most of us aren't very good at giving it.:unsure:
 
  • Like
Reactions: BunnyCollective

·
Registered
Joined
·
87 Posts
Although his behavior towards you is obviously affecting you negatively, he still has a right to act however he wants. Partially, his impacting factor is you allowing him to impact you this way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,565 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
So, if i had not been phased it would have been okay you mean?
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Top