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Three years ago I noticed something that drove me into a spell of madness up until this point. We were sitting in "R's" room, smoking, and someone tried to read my body language. The problem with this is that I am an introvert, a deep thinker, an INTP, with points of references unknown to all of you (but could be known if asked).

I am also afflicted by Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Type II, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Depersonalization Disorder. Why is this important? At some point I noticed that you all began to play games to see how my body would react. And react it did when I noticed that you were consciously or subconsciously fishing for reactions. I was never outright accused of anything, and thus I thought I was having delusions of reference.

For three years this game was played as my silence filled the room. Why an interest was taken in my body language, I have no idea. I left the tribe for six months, returned, and realized that these were not delusions of references. You people think that I am a X, Y, and Z. My silence does not mean any of this. My body language does not confirm any of this. And if for three years you have been thinking this, I have to ask, why are we friends?

Why have you sent my mind to this hell? Why have you not asked me of these things? My body reacts to X statements because I see you referencing an unanswered and unasked question. Am I? No. Just like I am neither Y or Z. Please do not assume anything, ever. If you want to know something, ask. Can't you see what this could do to a person that sees patterns, that sees consistent thoughts with no confirmation?

Many times I wanted to say, "You are looking at me wrong," but you never outright asked or said anything. Why? Group dynamic reinforces assumptions. Ignorance spreads lies. Assumptions are not representatives of Truth. Ask if you want to know. Something can make 100% sense, but it doesn't mean it is right, however much it is reinforced by a group. Look at the pseudo-reality of my personality that you have created. Can't you see how this would drive a man mad over time?
 

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Hello,

I am PerC's paragraphing bot at your service.

Here's your delivery sir.

- IstaBot #32167

[HR][/HR]
"Three years ago I noticed something that drove me into a spell of madness up until this point. We were sitting in "R's" room, smoking, and someone tried to read my body language. The problem with this is that I am an introvert, a deep thinker, an INTP, with points of references unknown to all of you (but could be known if asked).

I am also afflicted by Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Type II, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Depersonalization Disorder. Why is this important? At some point I noticed that you all began to play games to see how my body would react. And react it did when I noticed that you were consciously or subconsciously fishing for reactions. I was never outright accused of anything, and thus I thought I was having delusions of reference.

For three years this game was played as my silence filled the room. Why an interest was taken in my body language, I have no idea. I left the tribe for six months, returned, and realized that these were not delusions of references. You people think that I am a X, Y, and Z. My silence does not mean any of this. My body language does not confirm any of this. And if for three years you have been thinking this, I have to ask, why are we friends?

Why have you sent my mind to this hell? Why have you not asked me of these things? My body reacts to X statements because I see you referencing an unanswered and unasked question. Am I? No. Just like I am neither Y or Z. Please do not assume anything, ever. If you want to know something, ask. Can't you see what this could do to a person that sees patterns, that sees consistent thoughts with no confirmation?

Many times I wanted to say, "You are looking at me wrong," but you never outright asked or said anything. Why? Group dynamic reinforces assumptions. Ignorance spreads lies. Assumptions are not representatives of Truth. Ask if you want to know. Something can make 100% sense, but it doesn't mean it is right, however much it is reinforced by a group. Look at the pseudo-reality of my personality that you have created. Can't you see how this would drive a man mad over time?"
 

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I'm going to sleep right after this and probably won't be able to respond tomorrow if power outages are bad in New York. But I leave you with this premise. The majority of people don't really look at the present. We are not like ant colonies to which our purpose of living is entirely the betterment of the collective. Just as we can denote different personalities there will always be different desires and urges among people. The confliction between them causes the invention of lying so as to which we don't deteriorate the basic structure of society. And another way you can actually view it as an lottery game where the prize is your dreams/hopes and people try and misdirect each other as much as possible to achieve those deep longings. However that isn't our only definitive quality other wise we would long driven ourselves into extinction. While a person can understand that others seek to ratify different passions from his own they can still be worthy of trust regardless. We koan it as faith. If we are the reflections of god then we treat him as we do ourselves. We may ask ourselves would we give mercy to one that has done us wrong even knowing that they will continue to do so. For the ones we love that answer is yes. Because even if they may be different from us they're also our hope that regardless of what we are faith is the same. It is not a model to which everyone should conform but an essence that is fundamental to us all. You can contradict me on the last bit but we know what would free the mistrust we'd offer most people. If were willing to forgive. And trust that we can do anything but still preserve our morals regardless and again not specifically the model but the essence. Now you may not begin to relate this in to your personal life right now but ask yourself who do you trust or instincts on who's worth trusting even if it's a stranger. But it has to be genuine intuition. I know this sounds cliché but "open your heart and you'll find love". And perhaps you'll able to forgive the people that seem to cause you harm.
 

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Istabot#32167.Error#44232: Threads were never meant to cross. Paragraphing stack not allowed. Stack Overload.

 


I'm going to sleep right after ..
 

this and probably won't be able to respond tomorrow if power outages are bad in New York. But I leave you with this premise. The majority of people don't really look at the present. We are not like ant colonies to which our purpose of living is entirely the betterment of the collective. Just as we can denote different personalities there will always be different desires and urges among people. The confliction between them causes the invention of lying so as to which we don't deteriorate the basic structure of society. And another way you can actually view it as an lottery game where the prize is your dreams/hopes and people try and misdirect each other as much as possible to achieve those deep longings. However that isn't our only definitive quality other wise we would long driven ourselves into extinction. While a person can understand that others seek to ratify different passions from his own they can still be worthy of trust regardless. We koan it as faith. If we are the reflections of god then we treat him as we do ourselves. We may ask ourselves would we give mercy to one that has done us wrong even knowing that they will continue to do so. For the ones we love that answer is yes. Because even if they may be different from us they're also our hope that regardless of what we are faith is the same. It is not a model to which everyone should conform but an essence that is fundamental to us all. You can contradict me on the last bit but we know what would free the mistrust we'd offer most people. If were willing to forgive. And trust that we can do anything but still preserve our morals regardless and again not specifically the model but the essence. Now you may not begin to relate this in to your personal life right now but ask yourself who do you trust or instincts on who's worth trusting even if it's a stranger. But it has to be genuine intuition. I know this sounds cliché but "open your heart and you'll find love". And perhaps you'll able to forgive the people that seem to cause you harm.
 

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Rarely does my internal anger ever become externalized, but twice it came about in high school. This was because I had only two people I'd hang out with sometimes outside of school, and I started getting really annoyed with them for a couple months. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but eventually I found out that they were actually attempting to annoy me. I suppose it was because I always say them upset about things but they never saw the same from me. Once I figured it out I was so deeply offended, the only two people I tried to have as friends actually wanting to hurt me. After I figured it out I stopped being able to take anything at all from them, i'd just get pissed and leave. They stopped doing it shortly after, I guess they didn't really expect it to actually effect our relationships but I took it deeply personal, even after I knew they didn't really want to hurt me. I became friends with one of them again later (5 years later), but that was about it. For some reason I can never really let go some slights that many do without realizing or meaning anything real by it.
 

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Rarely does my internal anger ever become externalized, but twice it came about in high school. This was because I had only two people I'd hang out with sometimes outside of school, and I started getting really annoyed with them for a couple months.

I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but eventually I found out that they were actually attempting to annoy me. I suppose it was because I always say them upset about things but they never saw the same from me.

Once I figured it out I was so deeply offended, the only two people I tried to have as friends actually wanting to hurt me. After I figured it out I stopped being able to take anything at all from them, i'd just get pissed and leave.

They stopped doing it shortly after, I guess they didn't really expect it to actually effect our relationships but I took it deeply personal, even after I knew they didn't really want to hurt me. I became friends with one of them again later (5 years later), but that was about it.

For some reason I can never really let go some slights that many do without realizing or meaning anything real by it.

Hurray for carriage returns!
 

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lol forever.
 

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Oh my. The world has not been treating you well. Come to my inner world. It's fantastic here. There are four computers in every room. Plus there's me...that's always a bonus. ;)
 

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People often do that, whether we like it or not. And pretty much anyone gets misinterpreted. Maybe the key's not to take things too seriously? Or just telling them outright that it's offending you. They probably didn't read that.
 
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