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Discussion Starter #1
Am I the only INTP to have been sucked into throwing a *cough* Baby Shower recently?

This past year a number of friends and relatives have gotten married and now are ALL expecting babies. Last year I did the wedding shower and wedding rounds and today one could find me at my table for 4 hrs (!?) writing baby shower invites.

As an INTP I just do not understand said social events. When I got married I begged my ENFP husband-to-be to elope. No way.

I begged my friends to NOT throw me showers of any type. I've had 5.

I can't remember birthdays or anniversaries or whatever to save my life. Heck, I really can't remember how old I am most of the time.

And once again I am doing the work of an institution-supporting SJ. How does this happen?

Do any of you other INTPs (probably female?) get sucked into these activities? If not, how do you avoid them!?
 

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MOTM September 2012
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I don't mind the activities because I realize the reason for the social institutions.
 

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I'm not female, but I certainly don't get it. I do, however, get that other people get it. It's just another one of those things that I do to keep the peace. I find I ask myself entirely too often, "what would an actual human being do in this situation?" ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I'm not female, but I certainly don't get it. I do, however, get that other people get it. It's just another one of those things that I do to keep the peace. I find I ask myself entirely too often, "what would an actual human being do in this situation?" ;)
And there's the rub: "to keep the peace". But whose peace? Not mine surely. I have seriously considered moving to another country just to avoid the social obligations. I have 52 weekends per year. That is my personal currency. Now take into account that I have 9 sets of siblings/inlaws, not to mention all my dear NF friends. After baby showers come birthdays. Then there is my own immediate family. I have seven children. I NEVER have birthday parties that obligate any adults. Can you imagine the audacity of expecting my friends and family to give up 7 weekends a year for my kids' birthdays?!
I can't.
AHHHH! The shame!
 

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I don't really care about birthdays, including mine, to some people this position is offensive it would appear =S
 

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And there's the rub: "to keep the peace". But whose peace? Not mine surely. I have seriously considered moving to another country just to avoid the social obligations. I have 52 weekends per year. That is my personal currency. Now take into account that I have 9 sets of siblings/inlaws, not to mention all my dear NF friends. After baby showers come birthdays. Then there is my own immediate family. I have seven children. I NEVER have birthday parties that obligate any adults. Can you imagine the audacity of expecting my friends and family to give up 7 weekends a year for my kids' birthdays?!
I can't.
AHHHH! The shame!
No, certainly not your peace. That is the rub. We are not the majority. So, basically the choice is to get with the program or risk alienating people. I have certainly done that.

That is a LOT of obligations. Seven children? My goodness. As mentioned previously, a normal human being would probably say, "congratulations" but I'll just say as a fellow INTP that I can see how that would exhaust the living hell out of you. I'm sure you enjoy it, but it must be taxing. Don't be ashamed. I can fully understand why that would be uncomfortable for you. I think we're exceptionally sensitive to inconveniencing others because we know exactly what it's like to be asked too much. Perhaps because we have a lower threshold for these things.

On the brighter side, take it as a compliment that your friends would trust you with those tasks. And take it as more of a compliment that you've already proven yourself so competently awesome or you would never have gotten a second request...let alone a fifth. Good luck @jennica!
 

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I just drink heavily at these kind of events and make it known beforehand drinking is going to be my course of action. Doing so creates it's own excuse.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
@Haldir. The shame I was referring to is what I would feel if I were the people pushing all the social obligations. :)
Regarding my kids: They are interesting people and they're incredibly good at amusing themselves with their own minds-with the exception of my dear Moriah, an extremely intelligent ENTJ 9 yr old. (Read "Somebody, anybody engage me NOW! Give me more fodder. More fodder!")
 

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@jennica Oh, no no. I'm sorry. Jump in topic there (hit return! hit return!). That's why I was saying how it's hard for INTPs, or at least me, to ask people to go way out of their way for my sake. I feel...not ashamed, but at least embarrassed, to ask people to rearrange their lives on a regular basis for whatever I have going on in my life. I certainly did not mean you should feel ashamed of your kids.

I'm sure you're very good at giving her more fodder to mentally chew on. That must be fun for you. Now that's appropriate use of the paragraph! ;)
 

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I'm male, so the closest I've ever come to being involved in a baby shower was a couple years ago when my girlfriend at the time was attending one for a friend of hers and asked me to pick up a bag of ice because I was in the neighborhood. I got the ice, dropped it off, accepted a slice of cake as a "thank you" and went on my merry way.

On a more gender-appropriate note, I suspect it will be a cold day in hell when I am asked to help plan (or participate in) a bachelor party.
 

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It helps a bit if you can figure out why these functions are, in fact, rational. My dad tells me that weddings and funerals are *not* for the benefit of the guest of honor. That makes a lot of sense. It's not so much about the couple getting married - they could do that on their own - it's about allowing all of their friends and family see them get married. Baby showers are similar (and thank God I'm a dude), plus it's away of helping a young couple get a start - babies *are* rather expensive and high maintenance. Birthdays are a bit more annoying, but my birthday generally lines up with finals week, and I'm old enough that I more mourn than celebrate my birthdays. I'd certainly would celebrate my kids' birthdays, but I don't think I'd invite the extended family.
 

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I hate this kind of crap too, so you aren't alone at all. I dislike being obligated to do things for people that I have no desire to be reciprocated back onto me ever.

I fear, however, that this is all a larger plot in life to get me to be social or something.
 

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Long standing social institutions served a purpose. Perhaps they don't anymore, but that's not the way to bet.
I agree, an institution that no longer serves a purpose may be pointless, but it's certainly not stupid. Traditions of all forms of significance contribute to what is essentially the backbone of our society, like it or not. It's true that societies change and evolve over time, but I think to say it's stupid is kind of dismissing them without studying their effects on our culture.
 

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Do any of you other INTPs (probably female?) get sucked into these activities? If not, how do you avoid them!?
I don't avoid them, actually. I used to hate such things. But I've even ended up selling cupcakes at work for fund-raiser events. The events can be enjoyable momentarily, and I basically consider it an investment -- a form of social networking, which I'm naturally horrible at, and it helps give me social options later if I agree to participate in these experiences.

(I'm older, though, so I'm not being glutted by them like you young 'uns might be; I remember the 20's were horrible, it was like everyone was getting married or having a baby every month of the year and it was very annoying.)

I mean, I guess it's really just a decision on your part, and I'm not sure of an easy way to duck them. Duck enough, and people will get the idea you don't want to be part of the social gathering, but then later they might not include you when you would like them too or need the help with something.

And yes, @crazyeddie is not as crazy as his name tries to make him sound. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I hear you all. To reference another thread, my "intrinsic value" really is irrelevant. I really am social dependent on the value others place on me and my participation.
 

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I don't really care about birthdays, including mine, to some people this position is offensive it would appear =S
Yeah, that's the thing... I think my friends/family would resent the fact that I forget birthdays if I expected them to throw me a big bash and give me presents. But I don't, and they know I truly don't want those things.
 
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