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Discussion Starter #1
I think there's something wrong with me :proud:.

When I was younger, while all the other kids were "asking each other out" I observed, confused. The cutest girl in school in 8th grade asked me to be her boyfriend one time. I said "no." I didn't get the concept, but I didn't think much of it at the time. As I grew older however, I realized that there seemed to be something fundamental that I lacked. Now I have accepted this fact, and seek to find out what the cause is.

I am neither capable nor desiring of emotional intimacy. The concept of connecting emotionally with another human being is completely foreign to me. Firstly, the desire just isn't there. My friends often complain about being single and not being able to find a significant other, but I just can't understand. I think most people have an instinctual, fundamental desire to connect emotionally with an other person. I however, see this as getting in the way of my life. I don't like the idea of being obligated to the needs of anyone but myself. I don't like the idea of not being able to do what I want, how I want, when I want. I don't like the idea of not being able to be alone when I feel like it. I don't feel the need to connect with anyone.

Secondly, I don't think I have the ability to connect emotionally. When other people share their feelings with me, I am completely lost and uncomfortable. I have no idea what to say. I never share my feelings with anyone. In fact I find it hard to discern my own feelings. I often wonder if I'm even able to experience deep emotions. I've been attracted to women in the past. These attractions have led to physical intimacy in a few instances, but when she starts to get to close, I withdraw and push her away.

Beyond romantic love, I'm also stunted with familial love. I have trouble telling anyone "I love you." I think I love my parents; I certainly care about them. I just don't feel that strong emotional connection to my family that other
people reference. I often feel guilty that I'm not a more loving son and brother. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better of not having family so I wouldn't be hurting anyone with my lack of affection.

The only entity for which I feel love for are my dogs. I feel strong, emotional love towards them. I cry when my dogs die but not when family members do.

I also have a strange emotional connection to some places. I'd almost say I love these certain areas in the mountains surrounding where I live. I dunno, weird shit man.

So, I don't think I'll ever want/have a relationship. Can anyone relate? Anyone? ANYONE AT ALL???

Oh well. Share your thoughts anyway.

I forgot to say that this inability to connect is not particularly troubling to me, other than the hurt it may cause my family.
 

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Asperger's?

Are you able to take other people's point of view?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hmm, I've pondered that but I really don't think that's the case. I can definitely take other people's point of view, and I do often. I know why people feel the way they do about things, but I can't empathize because I've never felt the same way. But I am can pick up pretty easily on how people around me are feeling and I'm careful not to upset them. And I'm not really awkward socially like a lot of people with Asperger's are.
 

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I've experienced some of what you're talking about. I don't register my own emotions very well. I won't notice if I've been stressed out more than normal for a week straight because I have terrible emotional memory. I don't notice until my stress gets worse, and even then I try to push through the situation... this usually doesn't end well.

How old are you?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I'm 22. And I can completely relate to the lack of emotional memory. That's a good way of putting it.
 

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I can relate to what you are talking about very well, actually. With the exception that I am awkward socially. I will be monitoring this thread because I desire more info as well, however you typed it out much more thorough than I would have.
 

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It's hard to tell. INTP covers a range of behavior, and even a variety of the Enneagram variants (like Self-Preservation, Sexual, etc.) Yes, you're definitely at one side of that range and not in the median per se, but it's not really possible to receive a diagnose from a casual Internet forum. If you want check for true schizoid behavior, I'd work with a learned therapist in that area.

it does sound like you're able to perceive emotions and navigate around them, to avoid conflict. So the ability is there to at least perceive things, you're not blind as some might be. But your goal in navigating currently seems to be more on creating less drama in your own life as a motivation.

I've got a pretty decent navigational sense, but I don't feel particularly emotionally connected at all. I mean, I've been in love and relationships from time to time, and I feel towards my kids, but most times I'm operating on intuitive empathy -- I can read the cues and perceive what someone is feeling, and I know what it feels like when I've felt that way, so then I use that as a guide to interact with them. And I have a strong moral and communal sense, whether from upbringing or from just a broad philanthropic view of the world. But sometimes specific intense connections to people elude me.

I am not sure what it would be like to be around someone who is in tears and start crying myself because I feel emotions the way they are feeling them; it's always been more thoughtful to me as a process. I'm not even sure I like that, but it's just the reality. I care, but it is experienced through thought and intuition.

As far as relationships go, if you are actually happy and content without any SO in your life, then that's fine. No one is required to be with someone. It might become difficult when many of your friends are building families, as your social circle might drop significantly (since they will be occupied), but if you are okay with that, then.... no worries.
 
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I've experienced some of what you're talking about. I don't register my own emotions very well. I won't notice if I've been stressed out more than normal for a week straight because I have terrible emotional memory. I don't notice until my stress gets worse, and even then I try to push through the situation... this usually doesn't end well.
I relate to this, but I don't think the OP is talking about not being in touch with emotions only, but also not desiring any emotional connection with others. That is a sign of being schizoid but it depends on how pronounced it is or whether there is another cause. It would be impossible to render any diagnosis over the internet and could only be obtained from a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

I desire very few emotional connections. I have been close to people but rarely. I had similar experiences growing up of girls being interested in me and putting them off in 9th and 10th grades, but, when I wanted a girlfriend, I got one. I just prefer to initiate. I didn't start getting in touch with my emotions till my late 20's.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
It does sound like you're able to perceive emotions and navigate around them, to avoid conflict. So the ability is there to at least perceive things, you're not blind as some might be. But your goal in navigating currently seems to be more on creating less drama in your own life as a motivation.
I can easily perceive emotions, if I want to. I don't like hurting people's feelings and I don't like drama. For this reason I sometimes feign empathy and concern. True, the main motivation is creating less drama in my own life, but hurting people makes me feel guilty. That's one of the emotions I really feel strongly.

I've got a pretty decent navigational sense, but I don't feel particularly emotionally connected at all. I mean, I've been in love and relationships from time to time, and I feel towards my kids, but most times I'm operating on intuitive empathy -- I can read the cues and perceive what someone is feeling, and I know what it feels like when I've felt that way, so then I use that as a guide to interact with them. And I have a strong moral and communal sense, whether from upbringing or from just a broad philanthropic view of the world. But sometimes specific intense connections to people elude me.

I am not sure what it would be like to be around someone who is in tears and start crying myself because I feel emotions the way they are feeling them; it's always been more thoughtful to me as a process. I'm not even sure I like that, but it's just the reality. I care, but it is experienced through thought and intuition.

As far as relationships go, if you are actually happy and content without any SO in your life, then that's fine. No one is required to be with someone. It might become difficult when many of your friends are building families, as your social circle might drop significantly (since they will be occupied), but if you are okay with that, then.... no worries.
Thanks for all your insight, a lot of interesting stuff here. I have often thought about my social circle breaking down in the future. I'm not too worried about that though. I'm not the most social person in the world :wink:
 

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Have you ever had any sexual desires?
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I relate to this, but I don't think the OP is talking about not being in touch with emotions only, but also not desiring any emotional connection with others. That is a sign of being schizoid but it depends on how pronounced it is or whether there is another cause. It would be impossible to render any diagnosis over the internet and could only be obtained from a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

I desire very few emotional connections. I have been close to people but rarely. I had similar experiences growing up of girls being interested in me and putting them off in 9th and 10th grades, but, when I wanted a girlfriend, I got one. I just prefer to initiate. I didn't start getting in touch with my emotions till my late 20's.
Right. The fact that I don't desire emotional connection with anyone leads me to be leave there is something fundamentally "off" inside me. Something developmental. I have my theories... For instance my parents' marriage was a horrible one. By the time I was born they no longer loved each other and I never witnessed them display any love or affection for each other. They were at each other's throat constantly, fighting about money, the kids, etc. Growing up I never saw what a relationship looked like. Although my younger sister turned out alright (in this regard at least, hehe).

I'm glad to hear you could get a girlfriend when you wanted one. I'm afraid to say if that was the case with me, I'd still be unable to form a relationship. But, I'm only 22. Maybe I'll grow emotionally in the future.
 

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Right. The fact that I don't desire emotional connection with anyone leads me to be leave there is something fundamentally "off" inside me. Something developmental. I have my theories... For instance my parents' marriage was a horrible one. By the time I was born they no longer loved each other and I never witnessed them display any love or affection for each other. They were at each other's throat constantly, fighting about money, the kids, etc. Growing up I never saw what a relationship looked like. Although my younger sister turned out alright (in this regard at least, hehe).

I'm glad to hear you could get a girlfriend when you wanted one. I'm afraid to say if that was the case with me, I'd still be unable to form a relationship. But, I'm only 22. Maybe I'll grow emotionally in the future.
21 male here, my parents were the same way

your first post read like i typed it (except with proper grammar)
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I would like to hear how you feel about sharing this problem of yours. Just out of curiosity.
I'm not quite sure what you mean. I think you mean how do I feel as I'm sharing it here, on this forum. Correct me if I'm wrong.

To be honest I don't feel much of anything. I sort of view it as just another problem that needs to be objectively analyzed and studied. Fitting that I wouldn't feel anything sharing about my problem of not feeling anything.

But yeah, it's almost like it's not personal to me. If that makes sense.
 
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Discussion Starter #15
Have you ever had any sexual desires?
Absolutely. I've been physically attracted to many women. I've had sex with multiple partners. Although the emotional closeness that sometimes comes with sex makes me uncomfortable. Again, I withdraw from physical intimacy if I sense emotional closeness arising. I prefer no strings attached sex, although this is often difficult for the other party. College was a good place for it, though.

Sorry to sound like a pig! Just trying to be honest.
 
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Absolutely. I've been physically attracted to many women. I've had sex with multiple partners. Although the emotional closeness that sometimes comes with sex makes me uncomfortable. Again, I withdraw from physical intimacy if I sense emotional closeness arising. I prefer no strings attached sex, although this is often difficult for the other party. College was a good place for it, though.

Sorry to sound like a pig! Just trying to be honest.
I'm no expert, but emotional distance in schizoids usually comes with the need for constant solitude. Since you were able to get multiple partners in college, I'm guessing that wasn't the case?
 

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I'm no expert, but emotional distance in schizoids usually comes with the need for constant solitude. Since you were able to get multiple partners in college, I'm guessing that wasn't the case?
I was under the impression schizoids only needed emotional solitude. You're probably right though. But personality disorders are a spectrum, no? It isn't necessary to display all symptoms definitively for a diagnosis. Truthfully though a diagnosis doesn't matter much. I'm more just looking for input and interesting theories about why I am the way I am.

But to answer your question, no I was not in constant solitude. I had friends and often attended parties. These parties were where I would meet most of my sexual partners. Although it didn't really take any genuine connection or personal interaction to get a partner. I was decent looking enough and socially capable enough to maintain conversation and interaction well enough to create some sort of attraction that sometimes led to sex. I certainly didn't enjoy the process... Alcohol helped, too. Essentially I forced myself to interact because I wanted sex.

Shit, that sounds really bad.
 

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I was under the impression schizoids only needed emotional solitude. You're probably right though. But personality disorders are a spectrum, no? It isn't necessary to display all symptoms definitively for a diagnosis. Truthfully though a diagnosis doesn't matter much. I'm more just looking for input and interesting theories about why I am the way I am.

But to answer your question, no I was not in constant solitude. I had friends and often attended parties. These parties were where I would meet most of my sexual partners. Although it didn't really take any genuine connection or personal interaction to get a partner. I was decent looking enough and socially capable enough to maintain conversation and interaction well enough to create some sort of attraction that sometimes led to sex. I certainly didn't enjoy the process... Alcohol helped, too. Essentially I forced myself to interact because I wanted sex.

Shit, that sounds really bad.
I'm honestly starting to think you're just a sociopath. Take that with a grain of salt, though.
 

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It sounds like you're really trying to deny the need for connection yet the fact that you posted about it contradicts that idea.
When a poster asked you how you felt about sharing these thoughts you again denied that you felt anything, seems like a way to try and establish your independence and minimize the importance of relationships. I get the sense you are suppressing your emotions and trying to make yourself invulnerable.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
I'm honestly starting to think you're just a sociopath. Take that with a grain of salt, though.
I can see why you'd say that from what I've just posted. I've thought about it, too. But I feel intense guilt when I hurt people. I'm not a charmer and manipulator. I'm one of the most peaceful people you'd meet, I'm never aggressive and nothing but nice to everyone. I don't blame others for my own problems.

For the sex thing, there's really not any manipulating going on or anything. I don't pretend I want a relationship or anything. I just force myself to be extroverted for a short while and a mutual sexual attraction is created and acted upon. No one is tricked, we both just want to have sex.
 
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