[LyndseyM]

Hello

Other INTPs - if you are struggling with something, what form does your 'cry for help' take?

Mine is to go silent, retreat, hide, ignore everyone and put up walls.

It's not very effective :dry:

 

[momidoll]

It depends on the problem. If it's an emotional problem, most likely I'll put up a wall and rationalize in my head that nobody would be able to help me because they wouldn't be able to understand my feelings fully. If it's a technical problem, I'll search for the solution myself to the point of exhaustion. If I haven't solved the issue by then, I usually call on someone that I think would know how to help me fix it.

 

[Kevinaswell]

I usually just start bitching about shit to somebody I like.

It's never too emotionally honest, but I sure like ranting.

If it's something personal, I will put that shit away and deal with it myself. Other people can't help me cope with my emotions any more than I can help myself.

 

[NeedsNewNameNow]

If I start joking around alot, there's a good chance I'm upset about something

 

[fairydust]

Mine is to go silent, retreat, hide, ignore everyone and put up walls.

It's not very effective :dry:

that is exactly what my intp daughter does. drives this infp mother crazy, cuz i just want to help... i try to give her space... she ends up figuring it out for herself. she's a smart kid, with an infp mother, she can't help but glean some of my wisdom.:wink:

 

[The ZER01NE]

I will try to look for someone to enlighten me. When I have the issue discussed within myself only, I could find the solution very well. However, I may need a person who would tell me those answers for I sometimes do not trust much on the thoughts and ideas I had conceived. I may seek reassurance from the other person. Sometimes, it's good to be dependent on other. That's what I've discovered few days before.

But of course, that person is really hard to find.
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[MaddieRaine]

I go silent and try to block everyone out of my life for a little while. If I decide to block everyone out except for one friend, I'm usually bitching about someone all day to them, just as Kevinaswell said.

 

[thehigher]

If it's an emotional problem, most likely I'll put up a wall and rationalize in my head that nobody would be able to help me because they wouldn't be able to understand my feelings fully.

Muahaha! that is what we are for! muaha! ha...

 

[Monte]

Yep, I'm really quiet because it's the one thought running through my head over and over and over. Sometimes for hours, sometimes for days.

If I do open up, I bitch. I bitch my heart out. And, usually, once I've had a bitchfest, I'm good.

 

[The Psychonaut]

i hit the sauce...

 

[LyndseyM]

that person is really hard to find.

Yep, that's what I struggle with, finding the 'right' person to talk to. Mostly I can sort things out myself, in my round-about, probably over-complicated way. But there are some times when it becomes clear that I need another person's insight or support to get any further. When I do eventually ask for help - which for me takes a massive internal battle - I get blank looks and misunderstandings, which only leads me to become more confused and less likely to ask for help again! (then I hit the sauce:wink

Fairydust - does this work in all cases? Sorry, I'm not meaning to be an a$$hole, I'm genuinely curious. I find sometimes I'm mentally begging someone to notice and ask, even though I can't make myself bring it up with them. Eventually, I do work it all out for myself but at the time I feel lost and unloved, left to sort things out for myself. Of course, I do realise later and more rationally, that not giving anyone any kind of signal at all makes it virtually impossible for anyone to notice in the first place!
Mid-struggle, my mind is screaming "Why doesn't anyone care?! I help everyone, no one helps me!" (cue violin music :dry. It's only later, when I have sorted myself out that another mental voice says "er, because no one knew, you doofus".

Unleashthehounds - Me too. I'm normally fairly jokey in a lighthearted way but when it changes to dark, vicious humour accompanied by a shark-like grin, it's trouble time.
(One of my favourite books as a kid was Harriet the Spy - Janie, her scientist friend is known for only smiling when things are about to go hideously, horribly bad. The first time I read it I thought "that's me!")

 

[NeedsNewNameNow]

Yep, that's what I struggle with, finding the 'right' person to talk to. Mostly I can sort things out myself, in my round-about, probably over-complicated way. But there are some times when it becomes clear that I need another person's insight or support to get any further. When I do eventually ask for help - which for me takes a massive internal battle - I get blank looks and misunderstandings, which only leads me to become more confused and less likely to ask for help again!

I do have a friend who is a good listener, and it's very easy for me to open up to her. But talking to most people only makes me feel worse. Most people don't know how to listen. They'll feel like they need to solve (solutions I've already considered), or point out where I screwed up (thanks, that doesn't help me now!), or just do other things which are unhelpful.

 

[Prazision]

When I'm struggling with something, I have to revert back to a structured schedule to maintain my own well-being. This involves exercising at certain times, eating properly, sleeping at the same time every day, etc.

Talking to people, no matter how close they are, never seems to help... nobody seems to understand me or have any worthwhile input.

 

[autumnalone]

When I'm deeply upset, I will internalize it completely until I have worked through what exactly I am feeling and sourced it. This process alone helps me to feel better most of the time, unless I'm in a stage of intense emotional turmoil. This is when I would secretly hope for somebody to reach out to me, though whenever somebody does, I almost always insist that I am fine and will more than likely end up snapping at them for trying to help.

It all seems quite contradictory and unfortunate. But for the most part, I just set up walls left and right to disguise any hurt.

 

[In a Quandary]

I am calm and even-tempered; it takes a great deal to upset me. When I do get upset, it always involves another person.

I would typically pour out my woes to my precious INFJ close friend. She is an excellent confidante. In the case where no one who I deem understanding of my situation is available, I would erect walls (especially to my Sensor dominated family), internalize, and slowly process through my thoughts and feelings. Eventually I would run out of energy to maintain the highly-charged emotions of hurt and anger on a constant basis, and reset to my 'normal', unemotional state.

 

[PlutoBel]

Run away in my own thoughts. Run away from people, start talking out to myself loud. If people look at me I will look at them with empty stare and then turn away.

 

[fairydust]

Fairydust - does this work in all cases? Sorry, I'm not meaning to be an a$$hole, I'm genuinely curious. I find sometimes I'm mentally begging someone to notice and ask, even though I can't make myself bring it up with them. Eventually, I do work it all out for myself but at the time I feel lost and unloved, left to sort things out for myself. Of course, I do realise later and more rationally, that not giving anyone any kind of signal at all makes it virtually impossible for anyone to notice in the first place!
Mid-struggle, my mind is screaming "Why doesn't anyone care?! I help everyone, no one helps me!" (cue violin music :dry. It's only later, when I have sorted myself out that another mental voice says "er, because no one knew, you doofus".

no, unfortuantely it does not always work. i've heard my daughter say all the things you are saying. (sometimes the people she wants to "notice" and "ask" are not the ones who do) what i find is not so much that my daughter does not give me any signals... the signals are there, i've just learned that approaching her irritates and annoys her, she can bite pretty hard. recently (thanks to antidepressants) she has been more approachable and more willing to approach. she's learning an inner confidence and accepting who she is and how she 'ticks'.
you need to remember that you are in the minority. an INTP is rare, a gem, a jewel, like a black pearl... rather than beat yourself up for "not giving any signals" find yourself a "emotionally solid" INFP to help you sort things out and figure out what you are feeling and how to deal with it. my daughter and i have wonderful conversations when she is ready... but she has to feel completely safe. not to mention a good night's sleep and a full belly work wonders for the emotional stuggles we face.
you'll make it, i believe in you. sometimes it's just hard...

 

[Mendelevium]

I would usually shut down every emotional process I am consciously capable of, suppress everything, and then vent in the form of a short piece, poem, or just bury it.

That is where I get most of my inspiration.

 

[jochris]

Hello

Other INTPs - if you are struggling with something, what form does your 'cry for help' take?

Mine is to go silent, retreat, hide, ignore everyone and put up walls.

It's not very effective :dry:

Pretty much the same, however lately I've been trying out the whole talk-to-a-friend thing. :tongue: Which is extremely difficult but rewarding.

 

[Proteus]

I also shut down and withdraw into myself even further.

It also helps to have constant distractions, the more productive the better. I find myself working more, if that's an option, or trying to find other activities to fill the time. Problem is I often lack the motivation to seek these out or participate in them.

Lately I've been writing about my issues more. Found that helps a great deal.

I will try to look for someone to enlighten me. When I have the issue discussed within myself only, I could find the solution very well. However, I may need a person who would tell me those answers for I sometimes do not trust much on the thoughts and ideas I had conceived. I may seek reassurance from the other person. Sometimes, it's good to be dependent on other. That's what I've discovered few days before.

But of course, that person is really hard to find.

One more agreeing with this statement. Opening up to other people about my feelings is extremely difficult for me and something I have felt comfortable doing with maybe one or two people. I think it is because dealing with and articulating my feelings is difficult, as it probably is for lots of other NTs, and it's even more difficult to find someone else who understands what I am trying to convey.

Just as big, if not bigger is making myself look weak or vulnerable by talking about these things. Almost like I would be admitting I'm not strong enough or capable of dealing with something myself.