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Discussion Starter #1
I'm an INTP, and I have an ESTP friend (girl) whom I like a lot.

It's rare to meet her, and when we do, in partys mostly, we allways stick together and talk a lot.
But in the rest of the time we have no contact. Once she asked me if she asked me to dinner would I accept? And I said of course! But she never did.
Recently, in one of theses occasions, she said that I should call her. A few weeks later I did, so we could meet, but she couldn´t so she said she would call back. But she again did not.

I guess this means nothing, but maybe then the try for contact ment nothing eather.
And I have the gut that at the moment it did. Her elder sister gave many signs of being in favour of something beetwen us.

What I really can´t understand is if the interest of my friend can be so superfitial, existing only in my presence, or if there can be more to it. I read ESTP's are very intense, but not very stable in this things.

Am I right?
 

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I also know an ESTP woman, and after reading up on the functions and what not, I think that they are just in the moment. So when she says she wants to to call, in that moment, she really does. But before you know it that moment is gone.... You have to remember their primary function is Se, you have to try to tap into that logical Ti side of them, but the Se really clogs it up. I'm sure if you plan something exciting then call and say "Hey, I'm going -insert exciting activity here- right now and was wondering if you wanted to tag along?"

With the Se you have to satisfy the excitement and the here and the now that they crave.

p.s. this is all speculation, none of what I've suggested have I tested.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thrifty Walrus,
Your impression is exactly the same as I have.
Even having that extreme momentanial tendency, the ESTP must have an idea about the continuity of live, some kind of long term view. After all, they do accomplish things. And I suppose they are self-conscious of the problems they have with that behavior, to other and to themselves, as they can't fulfill their own desire of commitement.
 

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You are probably over-analyzing her, your TeNi is doing its typical job. If she is anything like me she could really be into you and not sure how you feel so she will be cautious. Some ESTP are very open about from the start but it is situational. I like to set women up to reveal themselves without them knowing it is happening.

If you guys are so close at parties I don't understand what is stopping you from just calling her. You don't need to waste time looking for a moment, just call and see if she wants to go grab a coffee randomly. If she is into you she will say yes or try and organize another date. If she doesn't then I would say she isn't into you the way you think.
 

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You are probably over-analyzing her, your TeNi is doing its typical job. If she is anything like me she could really be into you and not sure how you feel so she will be cautious. Some ESTP are very open about from the start but it is situational. I like to set women up to reveal themselves without them knowing it is happening.

If you guys are so close at parties I don't understand what is stopping you from just calling her. You don't need to waste time looking for a moment, just call and see if she wants to go grab a coffee randomly. If she is into you she will say yes or try and organize another date. If she doesn't then I would say she isn't into you the way you think.
Actually it's Ti Ne, and there is no such thing as over analyzing!
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Yes, Walrus, that´s right, to us INTP there´s no such thing! :laughing:

TreeBob, I quite like her, but why should I reveal it?
I had the ESTP girl experience before, I know how tactical you can be. So I'm not gonna give much in advance, I suspect it would be taken advantage of.
I was the last to call her; as in partys, it was a long and interesting talk, but she said she would call the week next (last weekend) and she didn´t so far.
So, I can't understand the point of giving positive signs and then give this kind of negative sign. It can be a tactical gesture to make me say something, but it can be insecurity, lack of interest, not knowing what she wants... I don´t know. And I don´t intend to ask her, it´s her turn to do her part.
The fact is this misterious behavior gets to my nervs as I can´t understand it. And I ask myself if it has any sense at all.

Thanks for your answers, friends. :happy:
 

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From my experience, both ESTPs and ESFPs can be prone to changing their minds very quickly, or are easily distracted (Se).

I have an ESxP older brother, and he doesn't think about the future. At all. And he does things on a whim. Maybe that's the reason?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Yes, Ardent, that's true.
But that shouldn't mean they forget about people, if they like them. If they do, they'll probably think of them.

So, my doubt is this:
Why should she act as if she likes me when we are together?
So, if she don´t calls as she said she would, is it tactics? Insecurity? Indifference?
Or she just likes me when we are together and then forgets about me? Does this makes any sense?
 

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I feel quite foolish about writing TeNi as I know damn well INTP has neither (I have those).

It is my experience that even if you did manage to go out on a date it wouldn't lead to anything. I personally get zero feeling from INTP. I am friends with them, but as for attraction it is completely superficial in nature.
 

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They're realists.
You're not.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
TreeBob,
She would have more than zero feeling if she acted more coherently.
That feeling exists. However I don´t take decisions mainly with feelings. Things must make sense.

In some way, that sense has to exist, things don´t happen just randomly, they have some kind of motive.
I just don´t have enough information to know what sense is that, and that´s what I´m trying to understand here with you.

Thanks. :happy:
 

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TreeBob,
She would have more than zero feeling if she acted more coherently.
That feeling exists. However I don´t take decisions mainly with feelings. Things must make sense.

In some way, that sense has to exist, things don´t happen just randomly, they have some kind of motive.
I just don´t have enough information to know what sense is that, and that´s what I´m trying to understand here with you.

Thanks. :happy:
She is coherent to herself. lol

She probably isn't even thinking about it like you. God I hope she isn't.

They're realists.
You're not.
I know that. I wasn't looking for a reason why I lack feelings for NTPs.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
It´s clear that she´s not thinking about it like me, but how is she thinking about it?

That´s what matters. :laughing:
 

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It´s clear that she´s not thinking about it like me, but how is she thinking about it?

That´s what matters. :laughing:
Other than what I said below I can't comment. Honestly I think she likes you as a friend and not much more. I could be wrong. I love talking to my INTP friend but as for dating (and she is good looking) I have no urge.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
TreeBob,

I read all your comments and I can see why I don´t understand them. In each one you say different things.
Maybe there are different people underneath that sheet. :laughing:

But thanks anyway
 

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TreeBob,

I read all your comments and I can see why I don´t understand them. In each one you say different things.
Maybe there are different people underneath that sheet. :laughing:

But thanks anyway
I am merely commenting on all your different posts. You're new here so you'll figure out how things work soon enough. You posted in the ESTP forum to get our opinion and I gave it. I dislike advice on type because there is no gauruntee your friend is even the type you say. That and we have your NP view on the situation.
Not much to go on.
 

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This is a rather different story from what you've told us on the other forum of which you and I are members.

On the other forum you said this girl (now that I know who your sweeping generalities are directed at) absorbed all your attention when you're with her, is playing you with constant promises and keeps running away from you whenever you wanted to know more.

At first I thought she really was just toying with you, but now I get the whole picture. She's just a party buddy, you like her, and you're frustrated that she basically ignores you when you try to see her outside of a party environment.

Look, if she really is an ESTP, and if she was interested in you, she would have called you. When we find someone who catches our interest, we don't go wandering off distracted by something shiny, we pursue them. She might like you enough that at the moment she means it when she says she'll call you and hey-we-should-hang-out, but then she doesn't care enough to feel bad that she doesn't.

Which is why she's just a party buddy.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Thanks, Pettycure.
What you say is exactly what I feel to be the truth.

There's not really a difference between this story and the other.
Here, I´m talking about this particular situation. I called her at her request, and it's confusing to me that someone's feelings are so variable that she says she'll call and then don't.
"There", I talk about the experience I have with other ESTP's, and the hability they generally have to promise without doing, and use other kind of little tactics. My mother is ESTP so I know this very well, they are frustrative relationships indeed until we loose our patience and stop being nice.
The fact is I see a frustration on their side too, that is to want to commit but not being able to, because they are so unaware of other´s feelings.
 

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The fact is I see a frustration on their side too, that is to want to commit but not being able to, because they are so unaware of other´s feelings.
That right there? You are projecting.

We are perfectly capable of committment. This pervasive idea that ESTPs are unable to commit is ridiculous. The stereotype repeated in these type forums does not match up to the reality of ESTPs in happy committed relationships.

You're assuming that because the ESTPs you've known haven't given the emotional reaction or response that you are looking for, that they are unaware of your or someone else's feelings. That's contrary to everything I've ever known about ESTPs. We tend to be good at reading people, and that includes their emotions. Not reacting doesn't mean we are unaware.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
I can't see why I should assume ESTP's are totally different from those who I have known.
I didn´t create any label, if that stereotype exists there must be some reason for it.

Why should the ESTP's you know be more representative of the type than the ones I know?
 
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