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黐線 ~Chiseen~
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Discussion Starter #1
Question for the crowd. This applies to both men and women.

INTP's are solitary creatures. Regardless if we're living by ourselves, parents, and/or roommates, we usually purchase items that meets our individual needs.

Quite often, I do not think on behalf of other people when picking up items only I expect for myself. This includes food, snacks, drinks, laundry detergent, soap, shampoo/conditioner, Deo, and the list goes on.

Although, if I am a guest at someones' house for say a vacation or a visit, I bring something to share as a gesture. This could be wine, liquor, beer, tray of hors d'oeuvres, chips, etc. If I don't, I often get chastised for thinking only for myself and not sharing. Even worse is showing up empty handed when visiting.

Which is fine. Most often, I feel that it's not my responsibility to do so because I do not have 'friends' or family/relatives over. However, when my favorite or personal stash of foods and drinks goes missing and not replenished, I get this hidden rage and either 1) flip out at people or 2) remain silent at everyone I think is involved.

I often get looked at as cold and unrecieving of items like food because I feel that I am leeching even when offered items when I should be accepting but not. And if I do accept, I try to compensate for troubles and gratitude. However, not the same vice versa... I can be as giving and kind, but the reciprocation is only marginal coming back to me.

Not expecting a return of something physical, but true appreciation and gratitude over the false mask of mere words would suffice, but irks the shit out of me when that too is not sincere. Such that I recognize down to the core that such person(s) is a shitty leeching turdnugget that I have to accept the fact of knowing / being of acquaintance with.

So where am I going with this? Not sure on that but I want to get a consensus from the group how they feel of sharing their stuffs.

Because in a 'relationship', where and how does one draw the line of what's 'mine' is now 'ours'? Because it's no longer thinking for one, but two. Going further, if the relationship ends up being a family, it's no longer thinking of two, it's thinking of two-point-five and then three; maybe up to 'x'. For the sake of argument, I'm fine if my SO goes 'what's mine is mine. what's yours is also mine' as long as said SO is vigilant of her actions and consequences. i.e. looks out for the best of both of us, as I would do the same vice versa. I believe this common understanding would work best from the get-go. But what do I know. I've never been in a relationship, so this to me could all be wishful thinking.

However, how the system in my mind works, I only operate by thinking of gathering resources for me for a set duration amount of time. I'm fine with sharing as long as the things I'm sharing doesn't deplete faster than half the time it takes for me to deplete them. The math just isn't there to maintain a stable existence for long for any of us at that rate. Applies to finances, economics, and time.

Thoughts? Comments?
 

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If it's something personal that I use on a frequent basis, I prefer not sharing. In the context of a relationship, I'd imagine that would change.

When it comes to money, I'm happy to share with the people I care about.
 

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I have a personal stash of certain foods that other family members don't touch. It's only goldfish crackers, jalapenos, green tea, sushi, some specialty condiments that I don't want them touching because it's like fucking 5 bucks a bottle, and pita chips. Everything else is fair game because my mother buys the rest. Now when it comes to sharing these items it depends on who it is. If a family member asks, I usually say yes, especially if it is my mother or aunt because they provide me with a place to stay free of charge as well as other things when they don't have to. In regards to friends that come over, it's fair game and they don't have to ask but I always tell them to be smart about it, take a reasonable portion and don't over do it. If I catch someone else touching any of these items, like I did my sisters friend the other day, I tell them to put it back I'm not feeding them because I have no care for them, cold I know, but you should see how much my sisters friends eat here everyday. I found it funny when one tried to give me an attitude one time when he tried to drink my green tea. "Yeah well your aunt said I could get something to drink so mind your business" "If you don't put back the tea that I purchased you will be drinking your own blood as well"... I don't like having to rely on intimidation as a method of defense in my life, 1) Its bravado induced nonsense 2)I'm not that intimidating in regards to looks, least I don't think so, but when people cop an attitude with me and do things like uh... take my stuff... all logic and reason goes out the window.
 
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as a kid i was quite selfish (in general i was quite emotionally cold) but as i aged i found being that way really was not enjoyable or a good way to be.

one thing i try to keep in mind is that sharing with someone makes them happy, which in turn makes me happy. also, if it's something like a snack or meal, it's nice to enjoy it together and experience to same thing.
 

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I'm more of a gesture person than a material person.... so I'm more likely to do things for others than actually give things to them. I've actually just stopped buying things for people and just gone back to making things and writing things. I mean, my friends and family get much more personalized presents and I don't have to worry about finding something that they will actually need - which is what I used to try to do - I once bought a close friend a pencil case for her birthday ... she loved it, used it until it was threadbare, but I never actually felt satisfied about it myself.

But about sharing? I'm pretty open with my possessions. With the exception of a few things, if someone were to tell me they liked something, I would try to give it to them. 'Try', because usually people say 'no no, that's yours, it's ok'. *shrug*
Or I get them the same thing when I know that the occasion is coming up - that way they can't refuse it (haven't actually done that yet, but it's a plan I'm working on).
In summary.... I don't mind sharing, as long as it's my choice.... I hate when people just grab things - food, pencils, my laptop, whatever! - without at least asking me first.
 
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In summary.... I don't mind sharing, as long as it's my choice.... I hate when people just grab things - food, pencils, my laptop, whatever! - without at least asking me first.
This.

Except I'm slightly more uptight about sharing. Especially with my phone. Sure, you can call your mom. Sure, you can play Temple Run. But no, you can't take it when I'm not looking and go through every nook and cranny of it. If I wanted everyone to see my pictures, read my notes, and go through my messages, I would have put it on Facebook for all 444 of my friends to see. No, I'm not hiding anything, I just don't want you invading my personal space. And yes, my phone is an extension of my personal space.

And yet people wonder why I get so angry when they do this...
 

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If I wanted everyone to see my pictures, read my notes, and go through my messages, I would have put it on Facebook for all 444 of my friends to see. No, I'm not hiding anything, I just don't want you invading my personal space. And yes, my phone is an extension of my personal space.

And yet people wonder why I get so angry when they do this...
They get angry when you say 'don't do that' and can't understand why you'd be so 'touchy', but God forbid someone do the same exact thing to them..... am I right (or am I just unlucky with the people I come in contact with)?
 

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This.

Except I'm slightly more uptight about sharing. Especially with my phone. Sure, you can call your mom. Sure, you can play Temple Run. But no, you can't take it when I'm not looking and go through every nook and cranny of it. If I wanted everyone to see my pictures, read my notes, and go through my messages, I would have put it on Facebook for all 444 of my friends to see. No, I'm not hiding anything, I just don't want you invading my personal space. And yes, my phone is an extension of my personal space.

And yet people wonder why I get so angry when they do this...
Yeah that's definitely out of line and it surprises me you know people who do not realize this. I would think it would be common sense that it would not be their businesses to a)take without asking and b)explore its contents for any reason. Lock it with a password.
 
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If asked for something, I generally don't care (money being the exception). On the other hand, I cant stand people touching my things without asking.
As for looking into my private stuff, just don't. Period. Or I'll kick you in your privates.

I'm relatively generous with my time though.
 

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Maid of Time
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I tend not to ask for things, and I tend not to give things -- it's very much everyone for themselves.

If someone does give me something, then I feel bad if I don't reciprocate (because I feel like things are out of balance / I took something without compensating them), so I'm careful about what I accept from people. Mostly it's because all of my resources are spoken for, and accepting something from another then digs into resources I've already allocated elsewhere.

I do understand social etiquette things, so that's a little different -- when visiting another's house or when they visit you, and everyone chipping into the pool, etc., to cover expenses. That's not quite the same as the one-on-one sharing of resources.

I really don't like to share my food and such when I live with people because typically there is an imbalance -- either they encourage me to take their stuff without taking mine (so I feel obligated), or they're dipping into my stuff far more often and then when I need it, it's not there. It's just easier not to share things except for the basics (like salt, spices, etc.)

it's also a little different with someone I'm married to or would be living together with as a romantic partner, since at that point our resources are pooled and it belongs to both of us.
 
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I've been accused of being selfish or self centered my entire life. It is a well founded accusation.

I hate giving things out (money, food, time, energy, favors, advice, help) and I suspect that this is related to the fact that I hate receiving things (money, food, time, energy, favors, advice, help)

I hate that feeling of being indebted. It creates this weird feeling of shame, embarrassment, and anger in me that I realize is totally unhealthy and is likely the sign of a major insecurity.

I could be surrounded by people, be stricken with a mortal wound, and I would rather bleed to death or make a tourniquet out of my sock (preferably someone else's sock, I don't want to waste one of mine) than ask for help.

"Can I borrow your pen?"
Me: I wish I could (lie1) but I don't have any (lie2). *back pack has 1,000 pens in it*

I am not a charity. I am not Red Cross. Shit, I'm not even FEMA. I'm the Thunderdome, bitch.

I'm so glad you mentioned time, because it's the commodity I hoard the most of. I value my free time immensely. I hate the feeling of being over scheduled. I hate being told what to do. Unfortunately, these are both unavoidable components of life, so I can only try to minimize them. But it seems no matter how much time I sock away, I am extremely reluctant to give any away to anyone.



If I seem like some sort of miserly, reclusive, Nosferatu-like, baby eater, that's because I am.
 
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