Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 69 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
320 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I am an INTP male.

I want to be good at dating/sort of a player, but I am just so sullen and introverted around people.

I can theorize about men and women and have extravagant ideas about how to seduce different types of women, but I can't put anything into practice.

What makes it more frustrating is that I'm an Sx/So (instinctual variant), which is meant to be the most sex hungry type on that particular system. I have always been very interested in this area of life.

I get really bitter about my type, especially when I see people effortlessly socializing and dating.

Are there any INTPs (men or women) who are successful at dating? Or anyone have any tips?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,367 Posts
I am an INTP male.

I want to be good at dating/sort of a player, but I am just so sullen and introverted around people.

I can theorize about men and women and have extravagant ideas about how to seduce different types of women, but I can't put anything into practice.

What makes it more frustrating is that I'm an Sx/So (instinctual variant), which is meant to be the most sex hungry type on that particular system. I have always been very interested in this area of life.

I get really bitter about my type, especially when I see people effortlessly socializing and dating.

Are there any INTPs (men or women) who are successful at dating? Or anyone have any tips?
The best tip I can give you is to practice socializing. If you can't get over being sullen and introverted around others, you're not going to have a good chance of finding someone who wants to date you, as dating is all about spending time with each other.

So start by initiating conversations and trying to keep them going. Learn how to direct a conversation to subjects you find interesting talking about and how to appreciate people talking about subjects you don't really care about.

You might also want to pick up some hobbies or other pursuits, as they give you something to talk about and to keep you busy while you practice, because it's probably going to take a while. I actually used this site to practice having conversations with complete strangers and it took me about half a year to be able to have a decent conversation. It probably would have taken longer, but I got lucky and managed to join a small chat group with a few INTPs from this site that remained active for a few months.

This is also where I met my wife, although in the beginning, she thought I was a grumpy old man because of my communication style. It took a few months before we became friends.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
185 Posts
If you're just trying to seduce a bunch of "different types of" women, it helps if you're rich.

So, you know, get rich.

Or, if that sounds superficial and tedious to you, consider making friends and caring about people first. Having friends is yet another type of rich.
Oh, hi, Eryngo.

I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to talk with you. I was at a hot air balloon party with bit coin millionaires.

Would you like to go on a date in my stretch limousine sometime?

It's not a real limousine, but I bought two VIVE headsets, so we can experience what it would be like to ride in a limousine.

Ok—see you later. This hot air balloon is a rental.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,444 Posts
Oh, hi, Eryngo.

I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to talk with you. I was at a hot air balloon party with bit coin millionaires.

Would you like to go on a date in my stretch limousine sometime?

It's not a real limousine, but I bought two VIVE headsets, so we can experience what it would be like to ride in a limousine.

Ok—see you later. This hot air balloon is a rental.
I can't really commit until I know what's on the menu in said limo. Is there a great plate of canapé and truffles?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
185 Posts
I can't really commit until I know what's on the menu in said limo. Is there a great plate of canapé and truffles?
Our surrealist chef will prepare a dish of melting clocks and spiders. Truffles won't be there, but Truffaut will. He'll be exploring, from the afterlife, how his New Wave cinema can be conveyed to the living. Just don't mention that his films are lies. He hates that. Not that it will be related to our date, but he'll be wearing a pig mask too.
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
4,414 Posts
Sullen is good. Just look sullen and learn to do the eyebrow flash. Hey, you never know.

I mean, really, some women want sex, not all that smiley dating stuff.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,364 Posts
Outside of media such as films, it's difficult for me to imagine a woman actively wanting/seeking out sex. I've seen women pay dudes attention but sex never really seemed to be the primary objective.
I'm not at all saying it doesn't happen, I'm sure it does, but its one of things that seems fictional because you haven't witnessed it in Real Life(tm). Like a duck billed platypus.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,203 Posts
If you can be in a situation where you have status- such as being a supervisor at work, or a high level performer at some activity (sports, music, etc) where people show respect to you. That will make you more attractive to the women in that environment.
On the other hand, in environments where you are clearly subservient to most of the other people in a group, women will be less attracted to you.
There are plenty of other places to find more specific ways to be successful at dating. That kind of info was not readily available when I was dating, but my successes and failures almost perfectly matched what "game" said they should.
YMMV
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
605 Posts
I am an INTP male.

I want to be good at dating/sort of a player, but I am just so sullen and introverted around people.

I can theorize about men and women and have extravagant ideas about how to seduce different types of women, but I can't put anything into practice.

What makes it more frustrating is that I'm an Sx/So (instinctual variant), which is meant to be the most sex hungry type on that particular system. I have always been very interested in this area of life.

I get really bitter about my type, especially when I see people effortlessly socializing and dating.

Are there any INTPs (men or women) who are successful at dating? Or anyone have any tips?

Have you tried being good looking? Buddy in University was a model. He seemed to live in a completely different world. One night while coming down from finals and papers we went to 7/11 to pick up movies and junk food to hold us over until the fear and desperation induced adrenaline rush crashed. Girl sees buddy and her jaw hits the floor, grabs buddy and hauls him off. He didn't even get the chance to pull out his ENF?. Did I mention this was after finals? Neither one of us had slept in days. Soap\laundry had been optional during this time. Buddy had an abscessed tooth and just spent his last $7 on Cheese Doodles and a Big Gulp. You ever smell someone’s breath who had an abscessed tooth? This sort of thing was always happening with him. Broke, stinky and good looking.

So be good looking. That seems to work the best. Ohh well, more Cheese Doodles for me. And thus the downward cheese doodle spiral had begun.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
320 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Have you tried being good looking? Buddy in University was a model. He seemed to live in a completely different world. One night while coming down from finals and papers we went to 7/11 to pick up movies and junk food to hold us over until the fear and desperation induced adrenaline rush crashed. Girl sees buddy and her jaw hits the floor, grabs buddy and hauls him off. He didn't even get the chance to pull out his ENF?. Did I mention this was after finals? Neither one of us had slept in days. Soap\laundry had been optional during this time. Buddy had an abscessed tooth and just spent his last $7 on Cheese Doodles and a Big Gulp. You ever smell someone’s breath who had an abscessed tooth? This sort of thing was always happening with him. Broke, stinky and good looking.

So be good looking. That seems to work. Ohh well, more Cheese Doodles for me. And thus the downward cheese doodle spiral had begun.
For an INTP you sure are shallow!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
320 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
The best tip I can give you is to practice socializing. If you can't get over being sullen and introverted around others, you're not going to have a good chance of finding someone who wants to date you, as dating is all about spending time with each other.

So start by initiating conversations and trying to keep them going. Learn how to direct a conversation to subjects you find interesting talking about and how to appreciate people talking about subjects you don't really care about.

You might also want to pick up some hobbies or other pursuits, as they give you something to talk about and to keep you busy while you practice, because it's probably going to take a while. I actually used this site to practice having conversations with complete strangers and it took me about half a year to be able to have a decent conversation. It probably would have taken longer, but I got lucky and managed to join a small chat group with a few INTPs from this site that remained active for a few months.

This is also where I met my wife, although in the beginning, she thought I was a grumpy old man because of my communication style. It took a few months before we became friends.
Thanks mate, you are absolutely right. I just need to socialize a lot. Treat it like a new science I have to learn, and get lots and lots of practical experience.

Hobbies are good, can meet people there as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
320 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
If you're just trying to seduce a bunch of "different types of" women, it helps if you're rich.

So, you know, get rich.

Or, if that sounds superficial and tedious to you, consider making friends and caring about people first. Having friends is yet another type of rich.
I am rich. I run my own property business.

In my opinion, money matters less in the west today (I'm from Australia), as women mostly make their own money now.

I will work on my physique, and socialize a lot
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
320 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
If you can be in a situation where you have status- such as being a supervisor at work, or a high level performer at some activity (sports, music, etc) where people show respect to you. That will make you more attractive to the women in that environment.
On the other hand, in environments where you are clearly subservient to most of the other people in a group, women will be less attracted to you.
There are plenty of other places to find more specific ways to be successful at dating. That kind of info was not readily available when I was dating, but my successes and failures almost perfectly matched what "game" said they should.
YMMV
That's working out really well for the guys in Hollywood, and Charlie Rose!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
605 Posts
For an INTP you sure are shallow!

Don't hate the "sort of a player" . Appreciate the extra cheese doodles. Now with real ersatz fromage.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Eryngo

·
Registered
Joined
·
828 Posts
Outside of media such as films, it's difficult for me to imagine a woman actively wanting/seeking out sex. I've seen women pay dudes attention but sex never really seemed to be the primary objective.
I would be more than happy if I found a guy who accompanied me like a friend+ we had sex- and nothing more. But it is near to impossible despite seeming simple: the fucking emotional needs...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,364 Posts
I would be more than happy if I found a guy who accompanied me like a friend+ we had sex- and nothing more. But it is near to impossible despite seeming simple: the fucking emotional needs...
Genuine question:
In that scenario, you would desire the sex primarily for the act and pleasure alone, with no other social component or type of validation being a primary motivator?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
828 Posts
In that scenario, you would desire the sex primarily for the act and pleasure alone, with no other social component or type of validation being a primary motivator?
Of course. The social validation for women often comes after committed relationship and marriage, not the casual sex. Quite the opposite: other than slut-shaming, chances are the society sees me as a naive/easy/desperate/... girl who doesn't know her real "value" and gives in without demanding the ultimate prize that is a life-long, romantic, caring, protective, serious partner.:skeleton:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,364 Posts
Of course. The social validation for women often comes after committed relationship and marriage, not the casual sex. Quite the opposite: other than slut-shaming, chances are the society sees me as a naive/easy/desperate/... girl who doesn't know her real "value" and gives in without demanding the ultimate prize that is a life-long, romantic, caring, protective, serious partner.:skeleton:
I don't claim to be an expert on the topic, but I would imagine that some women value the acceptance that comes with being chosen as a sexual partner, and that a subset could further enjoy "winning" the attention of men who are considered popular and have many options. Not saying this is your case, just citing examples.
I'm sure there are other forms of validation to be found before and during the act, without worrying about the long-term.

I wonder about this because you often hear about women having more complex "requirements" to get into the mood, and that many lose sexual interest once the relationship has been solidified in some manner. It seems as though external motivators and circumstances are often required for a sexual encounter to become attractive to them. It's just an impression, I don't claim to have enough information to tell women about how they really feel :p

I consider myself to be demisexual, so I understand the point of view of requiring a meaningful connection before sex becomes a real option, but once that criteria had been met for me I felt that I could express that natural urge healthily and consistently during the healthy part of my relatively long-term relationship.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
828 Posts
I wonder about this because you often hear about women having more complex "requirements" to get into the mood
I wish I hadn't ... anyway, these requirements for me seem to be physical chemistry+ shared feelings/views/values/activities to an extent so that I can consider the other party my friend. I need some degree of comfort and trust. These are my (not so external?) factors. Many conventional things, such as romantic gestures and commitment, do nothing for me if the above-mentioned needs aren't satisfied. I say it based on experience.
I understand the point of view of requiring a meaningful connection before sex becomes a real option, but once that criteria had been met for me I felt that I could express that natural urge healthily and consistently during the healthy part of my relatively long-term relationship.
No one has hit this point for me.
 
1 - 20 of 69 Posts
Top