INTPs and dating
[INTP]
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
My favorite first date ever we went diving and fishing. It was a beautiful thing on many levels. There was organized activity, we had to rely on each other, he got to demonstrate his skill at something, I received new experiences it was fantastic.
A decent first date was coffee, then bowling, then frisbee in the park. We weren't ready to say goodbye but didn't want to just stare at each other either.
I really like a structured activity, but an opportunity to actually interact with my date.
Go to a deli together and pack a picnic, then take a hike.
Take a cooking class together, food and an activity.
Bike to a destination, lunch, then bike home.
I'd probably date more if more dates were like this. I know a nice dinner out is meant as a compliment, but it is also a recipe for disaster as two people meet and make forced polite conversation. I need to connect to my date.
I don't care who drives, really nothing particular, just don't make any assumptions.
surprises suck
A decent first date was coffee, then bowling, then frisbee in the park. We weren't ready to say goodbye but didn't want to just stare at each other either.
I really like a structured activity, but an opportunity to actually interact with my date.
Go to a deli together and pack a picnic, then take a hike.
Take a cooking class together, food and an activity.
Bike to a destination, lunch, then bike home.
I'd probably date more if more dates were like this. I know a nice dinner out is meant as a compliment, but it is also a recipe for disaster as two people meet and make forced polite conversation. I need to connect to my date.
I don't care who drives, really nothing particular, just don't make any assumptions.
surprises suck
Joined
·
487 Posts
You sure your INTP?
Joined
·
487 Posts
1. I like being able to lay down and just talk or listen, preferably outdoors. Perhaps a park? Other than that It'd be fun to spend the day playing video games or discussing books or something.
2. Who cares?
3. Don't treat me like I'm a helpless emotional little girl, treat me as your equal. Public displays of affection are fine once in a while, just don't expect me to hald hands with you every minute we're together. I'm quite self centered so questions about me are good, also any philosophical debates. No forced niceness or politeness please.
2. Who cares?
3. Don't treat me like I'm a helpless emotional little girl, treat me as your equal. Public displays of affection are fine once in a while, just don't expect me to hald hands with you every minute we're together. I'm quite self centered so questions about me are good, also any philosophical debates. No forced niceness or politeness please.
Joined
·
2,064 Posts
I don't really go on dates. I wouldn't say I've ever been in a significant long term relationship, but the couple small ones I had it was more we became really good friends then all of a sudden it was like "Huh....we're kind of together now aren't we?" "Yup"
I am pretty split INTP/INTJ. I think of it as though I am INTJ professionally and INTP personally.
INTP me doesn't date, I expect to trip over the love of my life, but I am not certain I would notice if I did.
I have a very strong will, and I work hard at structuring certain parts of my life to move forward. Dating is one of those parts. I don't date much, but when I do I try for the best outcome possible. For me that is using structured events to move forward.
The difference in last letter actually rearranges the entire cognitive ladder:
INTJ - Ni-Te-Fi-Se
INTP - Ti-Ne-Si-Fe
^ as you can see these types don't have a single cognitive function in common i.e. there is no such thing as INTP/INTJ split - either you are one or the other
you should read up about functions here MBTI characteristics & 16 Personality Types and here to ENFP Wiki to find out your type - the test can be rather inaccurate
Joined
·
49 Posts
Though I am personally a bit uncomfortable with even stepping into dating territory or anything else involving major emotional commitment, I'll toss my two cents out there.
1) Wherever. I'm not one for the proverbial dinner and a movie, or anything that involves the emotional discomfort of sitting across from a new person, interview-style. I'd rather go to the park, or just chill at my apartment or theirs. Or maybe share with me some activity you love, and let me know that you're open for my sharing of my interests.
2) Living in the big city, I either walk, take public transportation, or take a cab somewhere. The culture of driving cars is more or less unknown to me.
3) Don't try to protect me, dominate me, guide me, et cetera. I (as well as most-- if not all-- INTPs) place incredible value on my autonomy, and I will most certainly react negatively if I feel it's being undermined. I am an individual, and would expect the other party to behave as such as well.
1) Wherever. I'm not one for the proverbial dinner and a movie, or anything that involves the emotional discomfort of sitting across from a new person, interview-style. I'd rather go to the park, or just chill at my apartment or theirs. Or maybe share with me some activity you love, and let me know that you're open for my sharing of my interests.
2) Living in the big city, I either walk, take public transportation, or take a cab somewhere. The culture of driving cars is more or less unknown to me.
3) Don't try to protect me, dominate me, guide me, et cetera. I (as well as most-- if not all-- INTPs) place incredible value on my autonomy, and I will most certainly react negatively if I feel it's being undermined. I am an individual, and would expect the other party to behave as such as well.
never would happen for one, I'm married, but just pretending I'm an INTP that isn't:
First to clarify, do you mean date, as in just hanging out together somewhere to get to know one another in a un-committed manner (as in what friends do, but with the intent of possibly becoming something more)? Or dating as in you are in an actual committed relationship with someone, and are trying to come up with things to do together? In any case I would consider the below appropriate, but I think what other sort of intimate behavior is appropriate depends, along with obviously where the date is taking place, what the nature of the date/relationship between the two people is.
1. Usually I like to just go somewhere I can eat and/or have coffee. Getting together and playing video games or D&D and that sort of thing works too. Comic book conventions and other similarly nerdy events also is appealing, as are music concerts, assuming it's music that I actually enjoy Going to the latest Sci-Fi, fantasy or horror movie also works.
2. Unless you are a scary crazy driver, you, because I hate driving, and have to do it way too much (around 500 miles a week, ugg).
3. Depends on what you consider special requirements I suppose.
Joined
·
417 Posts
Yeah this is me basically. I prefer to never acknowledge to them that it's going to be a "date"(whatever that is). I just ask a girl if she wants to hang out and do something fun. Being outside somewhere we can just chill or engage in some unique adventure we've never experienced before. It's cool to be friends with no strings attached, and if something happens ...sweet, if not, fuck if I care. Your fantasy worlds will never leave you.
Joined
·
14 Posts
1. I don't have any recommendations off the top of my head, but whatever you choose to do with an INTP it's not about the place, it's about the quality of time and if you can keep us interested. If you can't think of anything better than a typical dinner date, I hope you come prepared with interesting and intelligent things to say. INTPs are attracted to someone's mind first and foremost. I think for a first date you will be guiding most of the conversation until we start to feel more comfortable with you.
2. Driving? You. You're the man.
3. We are pretty easy-going. Just make us feel like a lady. And show us you value the time we spend together.
INTPs are like turtles...we reveal more of ourselves the more you get to know us and value us. If you are impatient I suggest you find someone else to date.
Deep/Insightful and honest is good, but yeah, not a lot of general mush that could apply to anyone in any situation and has been the topic of greeting cards.
I think that may only apply to 'mature' INTPs. Seems like the immature ones try to run away from talking about feelings as much as possible. In my experience, anyway. :-/
Yes, true. And you get a contrast between Type 5 SP intps vs the Type 5 SX intps, in like vein.
I found a big distinction there still in discussing "deep thoughts / deep passions," too, and having to learn how to describe my current emotion state without embarrassment or being dismissive of it in some way. A lot of emotions and feelings get rationalized away as irrelevant, by nature, and sometimes others who do express those things can at first get labeled as emo or unstable.
Yesss, I know what you mean! Luckily for you guys, the answer lies in the ever-understanding INFJ. We really do understand emotions and feelings a little too well, and will happily engage in conversations about them without criticising We only ask that the thinkers of the world refrain from enforcing the 'T' a little too rigidly!! :happy:
One reason I really love my INFJ friends is that they make a wonderful bridge between the two worlds. Definite Feeler types, but usually they can understand exactly where I'm coming from and articulate it in "Thinker speech," if that makes sense. Very quick to follow and understand. And I think that goes in reverse too....
I know exactly what you mean. I had a really good ENTP friend - the dynamics between us were exactly as you described.
I never knew the meaning of kindred spirit til I met an 'INTP'. Apparently ENTPs are INFJs' 'natural' partners but I would disagree. Everything except the 'E' is great - which is what makes me more inclined to believe you guys are more suitable for us. It's as if our minds work in exactly the same, rare way but on completely different topics, if you know what I mean?
I never knew the meaning of kindred spirit til I met an 'INTP'. Apparently ENTPs are INFJs' 'natural' partners but I would disagree. Everything except the 'E' is great - which is what makes me more inclined to believe you guys are more suitable for us. It's as if our minds work in exactly the same, rare way but on completely different topics, if you know what I mean?
Joined
·
938 Posts
I'm not big on the whole contemporary concept of dating, I'm too casual. I just don't care for it.
1. If you have invited to take me out, maybe... just maybe I would agree to go to the zoo, a movie at home, museum, just talk... indoors or at any of the previous said places.
2. Depends on who asked, usually it's the asker that drives, it really depends. If it was me asking, I would drive.
3. No PDA. No digging in too deep into my personal business. Don't ask about past relationship, because I don't want to ask you, because I couldn't care less(that could just be me). Don't expect too much or else this relationship or whatever you call it just won't last, we usually don't ask much from others ourselves, we expect the same in return.
Joined
·
5 Posts
Can't Agree - experience. I think f's should stick with f's
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
Join the discussion
