My husband never tries to earn someone's respect. One of my best friends is a INTP female as well. She too does not try to earn someone's respect. They simply ignore people most often. I guess though I have never heard someone call him stupid. He uses too many big words and logic for that. He also is the guy everyone respects and admires. He far from remains "stuck" in one place. My biggest obstacle with him is too many interests. He has so many hobbies he doesn't have enough time for them all. He is the most patient and kind person I have met. I actually refer to him as my rock and foundation. He only changes from that if people are disrespecting him and persist to bug him when he walks away from them. Then the temper comes out. In 20 years I have only seen that happen 3 times. I would actually call him the most calm, collected person I have met. We are talking a guy that delivered two babies without medical training. One on the livingroom couch because we couldn't make it to the hospital. He did that without breaking a sweat, smile on his face and with simple humorous remarks that said everything was fine and encouraging. Plenty of people are very calm, controlled peacemakers that decide on turbulent behaviour as a defence when confronted by a person that simply persists instead of respecting their boundaries. Its kind of funny when you know them really well cause you realize that behaviour is actually planned and calculated. That they are in complete control you simply dont see the game. When you do ... Thats when you fall in love lol.
Is it time for me to tell my story with my INTP half-gf?
Yes it is. I call her 'half-gf' because missus decided that she isn't ready for a relationship but is actually in love with me. Well enough, I respect that decision. We kept talking without it developing into anything serious. Each conversation revolved around her abstractly lamenting her issues and I pushing for 'concrete details'. Don't try to read too much into it, the statement ''I don't even know what troubles me''
hardly helps you form a clear idea of what to talk about with this person. If you cannot pinpoint your troubles, dearie, at least tell me your general life situation, your family situation, your primary means of earning, and all. And her response was: I don't want to trouble you with my troubles.
Fair enough again. Then began her strategy of disappearing for weeks (sometimes months) without any means of contact and her excuse for those leaves was, ''I wanted to solve my problems''. But, did she? Absolutely fucking not. I can count 6 months in which she didn't talk and she came back only to say, ''Things have only got worse and I kept you hanging there too, I'm so sorry''. Mind you, this line was repeated EACH time. It wasn't just once.
In the meanwhile, you had me: The loyal, lovesick, patient, boy whose life too was getting off the rails but he was handling it all quite well. Despite all the family issues at home those days (parents getting divorced, relatives making things even worse for us kids, etc), my only real trouble was her. In that whole year we talked, she knew more about me than I knew about her. That's how much I respected her privacy. It wasn't a relationship, after all, and the doubts whether she even loved me besieged me 24/7. After her last absence of a month, I took a leave for a month too, as sort of vendetta to test how she responds and turns out she actually did miss me. That 2 month absence had me re-evaluating this toxic relationship, and I concluded that I love my idea of her more than I love her. After all, her idea was all that she left me, and not her. It was only when I told her that I have no feelings for her and she can feel free to not talk to me anymore that she started spewing her life details in front of me. I could only laugh. Moving out of her house, having to leave school for a year, living alone, and some health problems -- that's all it took to crush her to point of stupidity. That's when I knew that her secrecy and silence only ensconced out of view her idiocy and passivity. How could I not see that someone who could waste all her opportunities -- mind you, she is far more well-off financially than I am even now when she's alone -- solely to appease her indecision just simply isn't a good match for me?
When I look back, she did actually mention her jumping from one thing to another. She has undertook 6 language courses and ditched them all without having learnt any because ''I lost interest''. She had learned at least 3 musical instruments but never did anything because ''I lost interest''. She also knew how to paint but never did anything with that either because ''I lost interest''. That's fucking ridiculous.
I may have come across one very unhealthy individual who happened to be INTP but I could clearly see how her INTP traits prevented her from setting her own life straight. The NT in her never needed my help, but only wanted to show me how she'll improve. That implicit arrogance was repulsive enough. Perhaps the most offensive thing she ever said (and she said it many a times) was, ''You don't know me well enough!''. It was her choice to not let me know her and when I say something about her bitchy behavior, she retorts with that. Not to mention, she felt 'insecure' around me, she complained that I made her feel 'stupid'. We never even had any proper debate (the language of NTs) because she thought she's not prepared enough. Even when I told her the secret to success -- ''You don't need to be prepared, you only need to try; that's how you learn'' -- she still didn't do that.
She has polluted my perception of INTPs. If I ever come across any other INTP girl in my life, she'll have to be the most amazing person I ever met or I'll never consider romantic involvement an option. Right now, the INTP of my story is in mourning (as she has ALWAYS been with or without my involvement) after I finally told her, in magnanimous words, to 'Fuck off'.