[iseeincolor]

So I'm an INFJ and my best friend is an INTP. I recently read an INFJ forum about which type we have a softspot for. The overwhelming response was INTP, or more specifically, many people would say something like, 'well i'm married to an intp or my closest friend is an intp,' and then they'd go on to mention other types that they find intriguing. so my question is this--what is your experience (if you have any) with intp/infj relationships? why do you think (if you do) that we are drawn to each other, or that we seem to end up in friendships/relationships quite often?

i do have a suspicion that maybe it's more one-sided...like a greater percentage of infj's are in relationship with intp's but a lesser percentage of intp's are in relationship with infj's...but who knows. that's why i'm starting this post.
SOOO, what's the draw? what's your experience? what's your two cents worth?

 

[Ćerulean]

I was good friends with an INTP years ago whom I first met on a game forum, then later met him in real life. I thought he was super cool cuz he was never tired to talk about deep topics. In fact, that's a hefty majority about what we talked about. I think it definitely helped that he's an iNtuitive rather than a Sensor because it allowed communication to be more fluid and "know what i mean" and being able to finish each others' sentences. At one point, we considered each other "equals" like how our place in life and where we felt we were going career, friendship-wise, was almost exactly the same.

I haven't kept in touch with him recently. I guess cuz I stopped going to the forum and showing interest in the topics, as well as I moved on to college while he stayed at his house, so haven't kept up with each other. Our lives kinda went in separate direction. However, that does not negate the positive experience I had while being friends with him. I thoroughly enjoyed the conversations we had and friendship for those two years.

 

[Mendelevium]

INFJ's are odd, and unsettle me. They act irrationally, although the masses are more attracted to them than most INTP's. They are a puzzle to be dismantled and reassembled.

It would be interesting to know one more closely. The guidence counselor at my school was a suspected INFJ, and when he was not attempting to pry my psyche apart or offer me support, he was fascinating to confer with in technical terms. However, I suspect that his T and F are rather well-balanced.

 

[Promethea]

INFJ's are odd, and unsettle me.

I find that I unsettle most infjs. Most of them end up feeling some negative emotion toward me (no clue what it is) and they suddenly decide to never speak to me again. I can think of two exceptions.. so far.

(Yes, I am an intp)

 

[RiverINXP]

I have a special place in my heart for INFJs. Both my mother and one of my close friends are confirmed INFJs.

My INFJ friend intrigues me. He can surprise me with his incredible thoughtfulness and generosity, and then at other times he'll completely flake out on me (I'm not the only one who has had this experience with him). He also has horrible self-esteem and mental health problems. I adore him though, and we have a lot in common. He's a deep thinker, and one of the few people I can really relate to and hold intelligent conversations with.

 

[Socrates]

I knew an INFJ who was very strange. Overall, I'd say INTP-INFJ is a no-go. I'm not good with J's at all, and FJ is like... insane. I could justify it by saying I met an unbalanced INFJ, but she was actually really balanced and consistent, very mature. Still yet, not a fan.

 

[SamuelLowry]

I have a sister that is INFJ (i am either an intp or an entp) and we are almost completely different. She is very people centered and thinks about how they would feel in a situation. She also tends to take pride in the fact that she can read other people easily and often gets frustrated with INTP's (mainly me) who are much harder to read because they often reflect the other's personality. We can either drive each other batty or learn a lot from the other person. Find an INFJ that is mature, intelligient and patient and they can teach you a lot as an INTP. This avenue for growth would include learning the value of understanding how to identify and deal with feelings as opposed to shutting them out because they are "illogical". That was very useful for me because I really am learning to think about other's feelings before I speak. It does not help to be right if you do it in a way that keeps others from wanting to listen to you. Also, INFJ's can learn to convince others more effectively by applying both emotion and logic towards a problem. In fact, that logic can be used to sublimate their emotions towards a useful idea/ideal (and infj's have lots of those!). Fulfilling ideals requires the practice of logic and sadly many INFJ's believe that they can convince others based on emotional values alone. Not sure how much of a help that was, but in short this is a match that requires a lot of patience but will pay off huge in terms of personal growth for both sides.

 

[iseeincolor]

I have a sister that is INFJ (i am either an intp or an entp) and we are almost completely different. She is very people centered and thinks about how they would feel in a situation. She also tends to take pride in the fact that she can read other people easily and often gets frustrated with INTP's (mainly me) who are much harder to read because they often reflect the other's personality. We can either drive each other batty or learn a lot from the other person. Find an INFJ that is mature, intelligient and patient and they can teach you a lot as an INTP. This avenue for growth would include learning the value of understanding how to identify and deal with feelings as opposed to shutting them out because they are "illogical". That was very useful for me because I really am learning to think about other's feelings before I speak. It does not help to be right if you do it in a way that keeps others from wanting to listen to you. Also, INFJ's can learn to convince others more effectively by applying both emotion and logic towards a problem. In fact, that logic can be used to sublimate their emotions towards a useful idea/ideal (and infj's have lots of those!). Fulfilling ideals requires the practice of logic and sadly many INFJ's believe that they can convince others based on emotional values alone. Not sure how much of a help that was, but in short this is a match that requires a lot of patience but will pay off huge in terms of personal growth for both sides.

wow that was really insightful. thanks

 

[Gaminegirlie]

So I used to have this INTP friend, we were kind of close. I liked his person a lot. But one day found out he liked me more than I imagined. Asked him about it. He confessed, was scared we won't be friends anymore if he had told me earlier on. But I tried to let him know it didn't matter.

I had already invited him to my house for the New Year celebrations and when he came i began to act weird. he wanted to talk, i didn't know what to think, i was quite confused. He regretted coming over.

I tried to make up for this, (went to visit him) cause after a lot of reflection, i know i messed up then. But now he says he's ok, he just needed to grow up, he still didn't want to talk about it. I felt a huge wall between us, a barrier i couldn't get past. He stopped talking to me and all of that, and i decided to blank him too, cause i'd done everything i felt i could to let him know we were still friends. But i got no response.

Anyways, recently when i was asking ex-classmates to take an mbti test, he took one and found out he was INTP. He even sent me a message saying, 'Is this voodoo??' when he read the INTP profile, asking if he was that predictable.
So now ive read all about INTPs, their relationship with INFJs and i feel so bad.

I felt he was insensitive, immature..some of the reasons i couldn't date him, i told myself..and also me being 2years older than him, apart from this i did think he's a great guy.

But anyways, now i don't know what to do, a friend says if he doesnt contact me every now and then, he really didnt like me that much. I want to keep blanking him, but he was my friend closer than most. I want to ask him, what he thinks. I don't care if he still likes me or not, i was never the most likable person, but i just want to know.

Story of my relationship with an INTP :mellow:

 

[Dupree]

The majority I've met have been absurdly self-absorbed. The ones who aren't are very good company to me. I always get the feeling they're walking on eggshells though.

 

[Just_Some_Guy]

I have found that INFJs have a shamanistic effect on INTPs. Their Ni plays well with our Ne and they freely walk the taboo realm of Fe. They can venture into this place that we fear to look and return to us with nuggets of wisdom that we can actually understand. I find them absolutely spectacular.

 

[vel]

If there is a certain percentage of INFJs in relationship with INTPs then there cannot be less INTPs in relationships with INFJs - if it was otherwise that would mean that a portion of those INFJs are in relationships their INTP partners do not even know about :S

Imho it is one-sided. It seems like people experience fascination with others who demonstrate good use of what is their tertiary function. Not so much inferior one, but it also has a weak pull. So if you take a look at types that make extensive use of INFJ's tertiary Ti function:
INFJ - Ni Fe Ti Se
ENTP - Ne Ti Fe Si
ESTP - Se Ti Fe Si
INTP - Ti Ne Si Fe
ISTP - Ti Se Ni Fe
Both ENTP and ESTP will also experience fascination with any type that has Fe dominant or auxilary as happens in INFJ - so mutual fascination. ISTPs apparently get drawn to us on basis of us having Ni dominant that they have tertiary - also mutual attraction (you just have to manage to hold attention of one long enough ). But as for INTPs this factor does not contribute. Most attraction comes from Ne's fascination with Ni and a weak inferior Fe pull - which actually might end up in conflict if INFJs reproaches INTP too much over being too cold and not feeling much for other people. I would thus expect INTPs to be more fascinated with ISFJs than INFJs. They also probably appear to be better gounded than us and thus put INTP more an ease - none of this weird shamanistic effect that might unsettle an INTP

INFJ's are odd, and unsettle me. They act irrationally, although the masses are more attracted to them than most INTP's. They are a puzzle to be dismantled and reassembled.

In MBTI sense I think this is due to INFJ having tertiary function being stressed too much by INTP's primary one being Ti in combination with the terrifying absence of Fe or even Fi in the INTP for our own Fe to relate to.

 

[water]

I would need to think on this one a bit longer.

But, my best guess would be that... an INFJ wants to find the "logic" behind their feelings. (Goodness one, I do this one.) And the INTP would love to understand the "feelings" behind some of their thinking and in life in general.

We, perhaps, compliment each other's perceived weaknesses. (thinking and feeling) Because each has the drive, and want... to understand both the weak and the strong within us. We both seek knowledge. *Different areas perhaps. But, equal need.

(Just a guess) Plus, both are pretty independent and that would bring a natural understanding between the two.

Again, I will need to think on this one some more.

 

[Zugzwang]

My boyfriend is an INTJ. I like him a lot.

 

[water]

After coming across this on the net... I thought it was worth sharing.
From the INFJ in me, I would agree :

"INTP/INFJ "Grand Miscommunication" theory


By IgaNoKami

I would like to put forth my theory of why INFJs are theoretically supposed to be the "perfect match" for the INTP, I would appreciate input from the INFJs on the list as well, as I am focusing more on the INTP side, as I am myself an INTP and that is just plain easier.


It is my theory that within the relationship between the INTP and the INFJ, there is a grand accident that lends itself to compatibility between the two types.

The INTP is most happy when allowed to rationally examine, explore, and explain his motivations and self-analysis and observation to an intimate partner. This is simply because the INTP loves self exploration, loves to gather knowledge and insight into his own actions, not for the sake of emotional discovery, simply out of a sense of curiosity and need to analyze and collect data.

The INTP unemotionally and detachedly explains why he or she thinks in a certain way - that is what INTPs are best at, observation, particularly of themselves - and the INFJ then thinks that they are opening up to them, and becomes moved and emotionally attached to the INTP. The INTP sees that their observations are being received and interesting to the INFJ, so they continue.

A fascinating relationship between two types. A relationship of total mutual miscommunication, the motivations are completely different, but with a reinforcing result. The INTP feels the closeness and intimacy of being able to share their scientific self-analysis, and the INFJ feels that the INTP is sharing their innermost thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and so the cycle of miscommunication keeps them locked together in a positively reenforcing relationship."

 

[Pacifique]

my pattern is whenever i discover certain specific looking handsome? looking slightly retarded INTPs i become completely intensely smitten and obsessed with them and sometimes fall into love affiars with them and then i feel inferior to them and i don't feel high anymore and turn into destructive mode and i do it over and over again LOL it's been the pattern since middleschool i don't know why :-0 they have strange intoxicating effect on me

 

[vel]

The miscommunication between INxPs and types dominant in intuition - INTJs, INFJs, ENTPs, ENFPs - I find boils down to the following:

"On a side note: Ni appreciates definitional freedom (and thus is often annoyed by Ti) in the same way Ne appreciates freedom to change its plan of action abruptly (and thus is often annoyed by Te.) Ti users will tend to frame debates by first assigning precise definitions to terms, but Ni often objects to this by wondering: "How are we unconsciously limiting our understanding by assigning such rigid definitions in the first place?" Ni always seeks to escape the unconscious assumptions that limit its understanding of as many different conceptual viewpoints as possible."

I stole this from simulatedworld's article. This is exactly the type of frustration that I get having any prolonged communication with an INxP - that they need me to express myself more precisely and accurately, but the source of my understanding lies exactly in the opposite, in being able to easily flip between different definitions and ways of looking at things. Being forced to do quite the opposite can be frustrating to an N-dominant.

 

[Just_Some_Guy]

I have found that INFJs have a shamanistic effect on INTPs. Their Ni plays well with our Ne and they freely walk the taboo realm of Fe. They can venture into this place that we fear to look and return to us with nuggets of wisdom that we can actually understand. I find them absolutely spectacular.

So yeah, I'm an idiot. I've clearly confused INFP for INFJ... and no one called me out on it. Shame on you.

Concerning INFJ, this INTP has an INFJ identical twin. He's pretty awesome.

 

[LQ9]

The most interesting and mysterious person I've ever met is an INFJ.
We can talk for hours. He is a bottomless pit of curiosity and insight. Or an infinite onion, I guess you could say. Even just thinking about talking to him keeps me occupied.

On the other hand, a more-than-friends relationship stopped working at a certain point. I was trying to open up and be more outgoing, while he was realizing that he felt his best buried deep inside himself. And I needed a bit more distance; I couldn't quite handle his level of devotion.

 

[Jerick]

If there is a certain percentage of INFJs in relationship with INTPs then there cannot be less INTPs in relationships with INFJs - if it was otherwise that would mean that a portion of those INFJs are in relationships their INTP partners do not even know about :S

I think she means there is more interest from the INFJ side. But if there are more INFJs in relationships with INTPs, that would mean the INTPs have multiple INFJ SOs.

I wasn't aware there was a lot of interest from INFJs. I wonder what the nationalities are, because I think that would have an impact on the E or I preference. I've been thinking lately that INFJ or ENFJ might be a good relationship match for me.

So yeah, I'm an idiot. I've clearly confused INFP for INFJ... and no one called me out on it. Shame on you.

Concerning INFJ, this INTP has an INFJ identical twin. He's pretty awesome.

What do you mean? You talked about Ni and Fe in your last post. That's INFJ.