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Any input on ISTJs and relationships/friendships? I know one that I kind of like but his "by the book" nature intimidates me a bit.

Does anyone know an ISTJ? What are their good and bad qualities that you have witnessed?

Really, any input would help because I don't think I have become close to any ISTJs.
 

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One of my best friends is ISTJ. I've known him for over 15 years. I even hooked up with his ex-girlfriend one drunken, stupid night. They were broken up for a while. I invited him to the baseball game and was just waiting for the right time to tell him. I told him after the game and he said if anybody hooked up with her I"m glad it was you. That's the kind of guy he is. He does have the tendency to be quite stubborn and he usually has specific ways of wanting to do certain things and he never likes it if someone tries to change his plans. Personally, I don't mind this. I'm just glad I'm not making the plans. His stubbornness and my open-endedness has the tendency to clash at times, but nothing too serious. Another thing about him, and I don't know if this applies to all ISTJs, is that he does have an arrogant nature about him. His ego is off the charts and I constantly like to make fun of him to humble him. This leads to him insulting me and then for the rest of the night we will just completely burn one another. We never take it personally and it's always in good fun. He has the tendency to cross the line sometimes and this is saying a lot coming from me. He is one of the funniest person I know. I'm pretty sure he comes off as abrasive to other people. I've just known the guy for so long and so am used to his personality. We've had the benefit of long years getting to know one another so he knows my nature to want to isolate myself at times. He doesn't take offense when I'm late to things because he's come to expect it. I think if I met him later in life we would probably hate one another.
 

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MOTM September 2012
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My sister is ISTJ. I don't really have any issues with her?
 
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I'm surrounded by them.

My mother is one. She is too by the book to be mentally healthy. She believes anything her pastor tells her, without question and we haven't talked in about 6 months. My good friend and neighbor is one and we are very compatible. He doesn't mind breaking rules if he can't see the reason behind them but is very "set in his ways", for lack of a better term. He's known as "the grandpa" around here. As mentioned earlier, my go-with-the-flow attitude and his plan-everything-to-the-T, attitude are pretty congruent. He's a great guy and very humble. My boss is an istj and it's perfect. The guy can be a dick sometimes, but who can't? I never have to question whether there is something that needs to be done and he goes to me as his right hand man on most issues. He has taught me the job well and I have nothing but good things to say about him. Honestly, I am very fond of people that I find to be this personality type, except mom. I'm going to have to work on my disdain for her.
 

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I dated one for like 11 months. She was great in many ways. She was very supportive and kind. She was very organized and driven. However, her rigid attention to arbitrary "rules" and "traditions" drove my INTP anti-authority self up a wall. I eventually broke up with her because I felt she was not respecting my autonomy. It was my freshman year of college, and I'd have to be in bed every night by 10 so I could call her. If I didn't (I'd always let her know) she'd get upset and later would have this stubborn fit about it. She wouldn't ever let on directly about her hurt feelings. Rather, she'd respond to me less, be less friendly, etc. until I finally begged her to tell me what was bothering her. Ugh! Additionally, while I do not smoke marijuana, I have and personally don't see a whole lot wrong with it. There is a lot that is wrong about it for me, as it makes me much more anxious and depressed. But, as a freshman in college I eventually wanted to try it with my best friend. I was very open and honest with my ex and told her all about my thoughts, and she was very rigidly against the idea. She had nothing to say about her opinion other than that marijuana is illegal. No thoughts! No personal analysis of the idea! Her sister broke up with her boyfriend because he got high on 4/20 that year. I cannot tell you how infuriating that is to me. I cannot stand blind obedience to arbitrary rules.

But, we ended our relationship finally on a good note. She is and will always be a kind person, a good friend, and someone who seems to really care about those close to her. She will do anything for those she loves (or just likes). So, I'm happy for any future guys she ends up with. But I hope they don't mind the rigidity and lack of any philosophical sort of thought.
 

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Actually, my dad is an ISTJ, and though we share a lot of the same interests and we'd both prefer not to be in large parties/crowds, I still feel like we think VERY differently. I think he would like me to do things the ISTJ way a lot of the time, and this ruffles my feathers when things come up like how to get jobs and being responsible and such. I'm not irresponsible. I'm just slow, daydreamy, and lacking in real world confidence somewhat. I work hard and get all A's. I just tend to procrastinate and stay up late with stuff I could have done earlier. this is what my dad hates. One of my best friends is also an ISTJ, and we, too, share a lot of interests, but again, we think very differently. She's much more "by the book" than I am, but sometimes this is a good balance for an INTP, who may tend to take new ideas over the edge. She tends to think in black and white, and she has said herself that I have challenged her to think more in "grey" sometimes and not mark one thing as "good" or "bad." Sometimes, it's neither, or both. We've had a few little squabbles about this type of thing, but it's actually stimulating to talk these things out. My older sister is something like an ISXJ, but she has a lot of T. We enjoy nerdy shows and things together and generally get along pretty well, until I leave my mess lying around or say something about how I hate it when people try to make small talk. ;) She doesn't seem to understand why I hate small talk or other "superficial" forms of communication. She seems to think it's just rude of me. Maybe she's right in some cases, but really, not making small talk to someone when I see them doesn't mean I don't like them or that I'm being a snob. In fact, there are many people I like who I would rather not talk to. Sometimes it's just nice to be in their presence and remain in the background. So, yes. I love all those ISTJs, but our main differences or clashes tend to spring from my "failure" to meet certain standards (or what they see as "standard"s), especially socially and responsibly. Otherwise, they can be good, mature company, and even nerdy, too. ;) You may be surprised at how many nerdy, anime-geek ISTJs there are. Heh.
 

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黐線 ~Chiseen~
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not a spelling nazi here... but for the love of all that is tolerable and holy, can we please

 

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from what ive heard, INTPs dont tend to get along with ISTJs very well. I think its that ISTJs can come across as very bossy and INTPs are by nature laid back and dont like being told what to do.
 

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from what ive heard, INTPs dont tend to get along with ISTJs very well. I think its that ISTJs can come across as very bossy and INTPs are by nature laid back and dont like being told what to do.
Yeah, I could see it being a problem for a romantic relationship, but the ISTJ I know doesn't really impose his structure on me. ISTJs, I think, have this dry sense of humor that I find endearing. The ISTJ is no doubt bossy, but this just makes it so much easier to screw with him by purposely not doing something his way.
 

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I know an ISTJ. He's a major Grammar Nazi, but he's a decent guy. We enjoy each other's company. I can see that the merging may not work on paper, but I find it does work well in real life. I know a couple of ISTJs that aren't the one I'm closest to. I get along with them well too.

The only thing that bothers me slightly is that I like spending time with my friends doing nothing. I'm fond of lounging around watching DVDs and eating food as socialising. He thinks it's pointless unless you're actually doing something. Even if it's just going to the cinema. But it means that we're rarely meet up individually. I can deal with it, but still.
 

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The ISTJ I know ... is more tainted by her mother, I'd say, than by her type.

*Consider his emotions .... and if you do anything to 'hurt' them APOLOGIZE, especially if he says it's ok.
*He won't always get your jokes. Sometimes he might, other times you'll get the 'what the hell is wrong with you' look.
*Don't slap him when he gives you a 'what the hell is wrong with you' face.

This may just be specific to my friend... her outlook on life is very pessimistic. I've heard her turn conversations that I've thought were normal into small conflicts and complain about them (eg. a checkout lady who becomes more annoyed than she really was, a woman who makes a good-natured joke becomes someone making fun of her), and it's pointless to try and change her mind. She also plans out her days meticulously -- and then follows that schedule.

In any case, we get along pretty well for the most part. I just have days where I would rather climb a tree to avoid her than deal with her negativity and 'wtf' looks. But she's a good friend and I'm rooming with her next year. So, it could work for you too.
 
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My mother is one.

Similarities, between me and my mother: Grammar nazi tendencies. We both care about grammar a bit too much.
We tend to overthink things.
We tend to stay inside most of the time.

Differences: I want to dye my hair. She doesn't want me to.
I'm a rule bender. She's a strict rule follower.
Adept with technology. Not a adept.
And much, much more!
 

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Dating an ISTJ is can be a bit like being in the army. There's loyalty, belonging and a sense of duty. I'd advise this as a good choice if you want to be kicked in the ass & if your self esteem is up to the task. I'd suggest a bullet proof vest. ;)

This was the steepest learning curve of my life. Having done that, I can do anything. :D The learning was mainly a very good thing, lifechanging really. I don't think I'd have gotten that same knowledge anywhere else.
 

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not a spelling nazi here... but for the love of all that is tolerable and holy, can we please

You're not being a spelling nazi because paragraph structure isn't related to spelling... just sayin'.
 
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