Personality Cafe banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
738 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey, all,

After a lot of perusing of various threads on a number of forums out of curiosity on the typical relationship dynamics of each of these types, I felt like the specific differences the aux-Ne-tert-Si and aux-Se-tert-Ni produces in a relationship context could be an interesting topic of exploration.

I'll start.

While both types share a similar framework of behavior brought on by dominant Ti and inferior Fe, it seems specific differences arise with regards to decision-making in the context of forming romantic attachments.

ISTPs seem to prefer a bit more of an experiential approach, whereas INTPs generally approach from an abstract, theoretical approach. This is in keeping with the present-oriented, sensorial approach of the Se-aux ISTPs, and the idea-based, quasi-scientific process of theory-crafting and selection of Ne-aux INTPs.

To expound:

Generally, both types prefer to get to know their potential partner before making any kind of commitment (Ti requires data to make a judgement), either as friends, or as non-committed, casual "dates." Both would, often, rather prefer to be pursued rather than pursuing, or at the least have some kind of clear knowledge of intent of their potential partners, as this leaves them with a period wherein they can gather more data before making a Ti judgement on the direction of the relationship (i.e. romantic, platonic, cessation, et. al.), deciding whether or not it is safe to expose inferior Fe, and to what degree, by committing to a relationship. This is often an even stronger trait in females, as generally, traditional pursuit roles dictate that their partner should prove their worth to them anyhow. Both types are often willing to subvert any such role, however, once they feel they have sufficient information to be confident in their Ti judgement, and will usually make a definitive move at such point.

The difference arises in the methodology for making this Ti judgement (naturally; the extraverted, information-gathering functions, and tertiary interpretive functions are different, after all).

ISTPs often prefer a sort of "dating without dating" phase where they and their prospective partner engage in couple-like behavior (Se) without actually making a serious emotional commitment (Ti protecting Fe). It is often heard that ISTPs form behavioral couples that don't actually acknowledge their couple status until they are sure that it is emotionally worth it to commit; this can be worrying, especially to FJs, which want to feel secure in that their partner won't bail out on them at the first sign of trouble, though in reality, the further the relationship progresses, the clearer the image conjured by their tertiary Ni as to the benefits or failings of the relationship in the future becomes, and so, the more invested the ISTP becomes--whether or not they have definitively told themselves they are committed (Ti retracting the shields over Fe)). Generally, the ISTP will "commit" in stages because of the gradually developing Ni image, progressively lowering Ti barriers around Fe until they feel it is safe to let themselves become totally emotionally involved (when they start using definitive labels). ISTPs have to "feel out" the experiences of the relationship using Se to determine if emotionally committing is a safe behavior. This has to do with the more immediate, sensory nature of Se as a concrete information gathering function.

INTPs, on the other hand, tend to take a more abstract kind of approach. While getting to know their prospective partner, they gather (Ne) and record (Si) as much information about them as possible, using Ne to generate images of what they could desire in a relationship, and how the dynamic would work, while checking it against Si's gathered knowledge to pare down unreasonable outcomes. Ti wants as complete an image of a possible relationship as possible from Ne and Si before definitively exposing the ever-vulnerable inferior Fe. Naturally, the more the INTP can know for certain about their prospective partner means Si has more information to work with to pare down Ne's incessant production of myriad theoreticals, meaning they engage in very similar "friends before partners" behaviors to their sensorial cousins. Ti wants Ne to produce a clear enough image of the relationship to store in Si to be able to survive further onslaughts of Ne-gathered information without breaking apart enough to endanger Fe. It's not so much they need a perfect, singular image, as it is they want to minimize the risk to Fe before committing. However, this future-oriented vision means INTPs are often more willing to commit before acting as a couple, though because of the inherent fallibility of predictions (Ne) vs raw experience (Se), this can lead to wild misinterpretations and inaccurate fantasies of the relationship, though given the same amount of experience and the relative strength of INTPs' future-oriented Ne function compared to ISTP's tertiary Ni, the prediction will be more holistic and mature, though the tertiary sensory function can mean more "write errors," to use disk terminology, and gather less information overall than ISTPs' auxiliary Se.

So, that's my interpretation of what I've learned from trawling the web, from my own personal experiences as an INTP, and from some limited contact with an ISTP with which I'm fairly sure we share a mutual interest. What about y'all? :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,612 Posts
Hmm perhaps this isn't true for all , although your explanation of function make sense . I find that love is approach in different manner regardless personality type . My istp partner of nearly 12 years is pretty aggressive on his approach - he pretty much asked me to be his gf the second time he saw me and was determine to make me his gf the moment we met ( which was from me losing my cell phone ) I know that with one of his exes - he thought he was in love with her and fell hard over heel within a few days period ( the relationship lasted 3 months ). Whereas he never really love and took months to commit to his high school sweetheart and even then was aloof . Quite sure he will explain love the way you did though - so good analyzation though .


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,087 Posts
he pretty much asked me to be his gf the second time he saw me and was determine to make me his gf the moment we met
Complete side-note: Wtf, why can't I be that lucky. 30 years of life and that has never panned out as I expected.
 

·
Premium Member
INTP
Joined
·
11,905 Posts
Yes, I agree with @ai.tran.75
My experience with istp is that he decided to commit very quickly. He pursued me for a casual encounter and decided he wanted to begin a relationship during that encounter. There was no 'testing the waters' as a couple first. From my understanding of his history, it seems that he would either decide to commit early on or (most typically) he wouldn't commit at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
My ISTP boyfriend only knew me for maybe a month or so before he confessed to me (and it took some more time before we got into a relationship). By that time we had only spoken a few times and it was strange to me that anyone could do that :tongue:
He was the first to really commit as well, so I kind of have to disagree with you on that note.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
738 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
The characterization of ISTPs as slower to commit was likely unfounded, now that I think about it. Unless the ISTP was deeply wounded in the past by a bad relationship they jumped into too quickly it's likely they will actually make a move faster than INTPs will.

With regards to relationships both are probably pretty likely to jump in when interested, but the emotional vulnerability (and thus, intimacy) will probably come around rather slowly.

The healthier and more secure the self-confidence and emotional management of either, the quicker they're going to let down barriers, most likely.

ISTP men especially will probably be a lot more self-assured in their pursuits than INTP men, as Se carries a better sense of worldliness and practicality than Ne (INTPs can often be rather self-conscious of Ne's abstract randomness, which they can feel would make them appear very eccentric and unattractive), and probably means a greater confidence in regards to romantic pursuits. Se provides a greater imperative to action than Ne and a more "don't know if you don't try" diving-in approach.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,969 Posts
There are so many variables at play here. The strength of the preferred functions, age, gender, upbringing, and, as you mentioned, psychological well-being.
I'm guessing a good match for an Intuitive would be another Intuitive, and for INTP, perhaps one with extroverted thinking.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top