Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 63 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
114 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
As an INTP, do you find you ever get particularly jealous?

And to clarify, I'm talking about jealousy, not envy.

I haven't seen much information relating to this topic. I was wondering how other INTP's deal with jealousy and to what extent you may feel it. It's still a confusing concept to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,064 Posts
The few moments I felt jealous in general were at the beginning of a relationship, when another person 'appeared' to be handling the social part better than I did, however, as per the above insinuates, I still was in the relationship afterwards, so I decided it was based on nothing.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,444 Posts
I don't know if I'm jealous, per se. It's more like pride than jealousy. I get annoyed when people flatter themselves that they're rivals for my husband's attention. That's insulting to me. Maybe it's the same thing.

But honestly, even though we have houses and kids and all this shit to take apart, the day he sees someone he wants more is the day I don't want him anyway. Doesn't matter if we've been married 50 years. So it's not like I'm actually afraid of losing anything I'd value. If he'd do this, he wouldn't be the person I thought he was.

So working from the principle that he actually is the person I think he is, when a woman approaches him with a little ego fantasy of "if we were both single" or whatever, and starts fawning over him and flirting, etc. just to tell herself this (and even moreso when he basks in the attention) it...perturbs me. Because if we were all single, he'd still prefer me, ya dumb bitch.

I mean, it's possible they're all fantasizing about if I was dead. Which I guess is understandable. I tend to bring that out in people. And he has said that if I were dead, he'd have no choice but to bang stupid bimbos, because he'd never find someone like me again anyway. So whoever this lady is throwing herself at him would actually stand a chance, then.

BUT HELLO, I'M STILL ALIVE HERE. So stop this nonsense.

...is that jealousy?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,332 Posts
I've experienced true jealousy so I know what to refer to, but I've only really experienced that a few times ever. It was always connected to being extremely needy of someone's attention and it was given to someone else, which explains why it happened so rarely. I never get jealous of social status or whatever. Only a very special female's attention.

In a sense, I guess I am a jealous person. At least the way that I experience it very strongly whenever I do. Takes a lot for me to enter that zone, though; I'd have to be completely committed to a person and be completely left in the dark at the same time. When questionable actions untruthfully answered gets to stew in my mind until the point of madness and shit like that. But yeah, I like to believe that I'm too smart to fall into that trap now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
763 Posts
I feel jealousy every once in a while. It's awful because I understand it doesn't make any sense, but sometimes emotions just happen.
I will do everything I can to supress it so most likely nobody would notice I'm jealous.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,695 Posts
I'm not sure I can fathom the perspective of jealousy. Envy, yes, but not jealousy.
 
  • Like
Reactions: lollora

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
1,052 Posts
I understand what it is but I've never been jealous (or envious for that matter). Those seem to be heavily Fi dependent things. My ISFP sister is often envious and jealous.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
191 Posts
I guess if we want to make jealousy and envy exclusive from each other, then in terms of having something being taking away, it would have to be in relation to someone I may be in a relationship with (e.g. camaraderie with someone, significant other, etc.) If it’s just a conceptual thing – something abstract, then I can’t really feel insecure or threatened if certain competencies are taken away as this isn’t something people have direct, third-person access to that individual’s subjectivity. In other words, people can't take out bits of your cognition until you're equivalent to someone going through a lobotomy. That’s because it would be their, that individual alone's, own doing where they start doubting if there can be a long-term continuity of their own intellect, and well-being.

Now, when it comes to others, I can understand how this could be applied where someone has to compensate in not being able to exhibit a type of continuity they’re used to for the sake of conformity, and rapport with another person. But, I think that’s a two-way thing, and if it becomes one-way, then again, the person in question is the one that set themselves up for having something lost or taken away from them.

As for applying jealously towards competencies a person doesn’t have, then I can’t really extend my feelings towards that as ‘envy’ since that has a substantial incentive towards chalking up those insecurities I may have. But, for the sake of getting it out there, I guess, instead of developing some kind of inferiority complex wondering why you can’t overcome this lack of something you don’t have; even types of intellect you wish that if added, you could have a greater continuity of your well-being, I like to think of an analogy of interpersonal interactions with others:

In a way, metaphorically speaking, we have to project a little bit of ourselves with others. It’s a means to develop rapport, or to establish some negation with another person. People project a little of themselves towards us as well. Instead of feeling intimidated, or realizing there some aspect of them that seems to fit the missing piece of what your intellect and competencies may be, let a little of themselves bleed onto your own continuity of self. Be inspired by it, but at the same time, don’t put that person on a pedestal for very long because everyone slips up, and if you let your inspiration of them be dictated by their shortcomings, you’ll always be disappointed in them.

But instead of being disappointed by them to make yourself feel better, just be self-aware that in spite of that repertoire of aspects they have that you wish you had, or you wish could finally solve that missing piece in your well-being, take ownership of that inspiration for self-progression, and not trying to worry about their own self-progression to distract yourself in taking ownership. That way, no one fabricates a scapegoat just because they lack something, especially when it’s something they could learn with experiential context developed over time.

TL;DR:
I guess this is how I would assess jealousy, and little bit of envy as well (since I think they’re correlated depending on the context). They’re transient feelings, and also a chance to reign in your sense of sense and realize, ‘yes, I feel there’s something about them that I feel would fill the void of whatever intellect I may have, but maybe, if I keep experiencing and learning, I could learn what it means to have that aspect of them.’ Unfortunately, this would create the implication of me over-simplifying that certain things can be attainable over time, but I’m well aware that certain limits (genetics, physicality, etc.) can make things difficult to obtain. But, that doesn’t mean our minds can't be spurred to find potentially new, novel experiences to compensate, and find a loophole around to reach a similar outcome.

In other words, I focus more on unconditional, positive reinforcement if there’s something I desire that I see from another person. But, I don’t feel my intellect or continuity of self is threatened; it’s just an opportunity to own up to my insecurities, and continually experience to build self-progression.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
592 Posts
As somebody who is in a serious loving relationship, yes I get jealous. So does she. It is what happens when you like somebody enough.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
794 Posts
Nope.

I'm fine with what I have. I'll wish that I had something that someone else has but I won't resent them for it. I don't make the conclusion that someone is better than someone else because of what they have or what they've done.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lousia

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,575 Posts
I struggle much more with jealousy of accomplishments/competencies in the context of work competition than of attention from a love interest. Jealousy of others' competencies is motivating, but it is even more crippling as constantly wondering whether you'll ever compare is draining to the point of paralysis. It is one of my main sources of anxiety, to be frank.


When it comes to love interests, I allow myself to be possessive, but try to stamp out jealousy.
I treasure exclusivity, I revel in it and am pretty greedy when it comes to having access to things others don't: Information, time, intimacy, emotions. All of it. I am possessive in the sense that my investment in the relationship is directly proportional to how much I am indulged, but I know better than to expect or demand it.

Meaning, I'm aware this exclusivity is something that is being granted by the other party. They give it, and they can take it away at any time. In light of this, in a relationship context jealousy is an useless emotion, because ultimately the other party's actions hinge on their desires and my jealousy is not going to change this (it may make matters worse, actually).

Plus, while being top priority in someone's eyes can greatly enhance their attractiveness (we'd give and take 100% from each other and this brings things closer to a relationship dynamic I have come to regard as legendary), the opposite is true. They can seem downright defective the moment someone else comes remotely close to matching me in priority. Investing anything in them seems like a waste of time as I know I am not getting 100% from them, and whatever the third party gains access to suddenly becomes cheap where it was once unique (another manifestation of possessiveness). It's automatic.

That being said, there are times when I feel that dread of losing someone (less and less as time goes on), when it is significant I choke on it and get anxious. At that point I may talk about it, but that's about it.

Also, needless to say: If the other party fosters jealousy I will leave immediately. Such behaviour betrays either lack of consideration, stupidity, manipulativeness or all of them.
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
1,052 Posts
I struggle much more with jealousy of accomplishments/competencies in the context of work competition than of attention from a love interest. Jealousy of others' competencies is motivating, but it is even more crippling as constantly wondering whether you'll ever compare is draining to the point of paralysis. It is one of my main sources of anxiety, to be frank.
I see other people's success either as irrelevant or as source of inspiration.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
592 Posts
Also, needless to say: If the other party fosters jealousy I will leave immediately. Such behaviour betrays either lack of consideration, stupidity, manipulativeness or all of them.
So nobody is ever justified to feel jealous because of you?
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
5,534 Posts
I hate jealousy. I don't feel jealous when I'm in a relationship, because I have to assume that someone that close to me wouldn't betray me in that way. (If I couldn't assume that, then I wouldn't be in the relationship.)

But I admit it played a role in my fantasy life recently. I was interested in a man, who was interested in another woman. I walked into a place and saw him and her sitting at the same table. I had a pissed-off feeling of "Oh no--not her!" I mentioned my reaction to him later, and he said he wasn't seriously interested in her anyway because he knew she wasn't interested in him--that he only wanted someone who wanted him. So I guess he and I have similar outlooks in that regard. And now we're together. Yaaaaaaay!

And no, no one ever has to feel jealous when they're with me. I've never cheated in my life, and I don't see why I'd start now.
 
1 - 20 of 63 Posts
Top