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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was talking to my INTP friend today in one of his rare emotional moods. He randomly mentioned how much he really likes talking to this ENFJ who's trying to become his friend. From what I see of their interactions, the INTP somewhat tolerates the ENFJ's presence (the ENFJ is extremely talkative).

So I was wondering, how do INTPs display everyday affection towards others? Not necessarily with family or SOs, but with people you like hanging out with but aren't particularly close with.
 
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You could tell he's friends with you if he shares information about something he enjoys.

He is most likely talking to the ENFJ to figure out more about the person, as there are so many traits that seem very odd to him.

An ENFJ and an INTP have only one trait in common, and he is probably trying to figure more out about the foreign ones.

*Disclaimer* This is all based on my knowledge, if i am incorrect at any point, feel free to correct me.
 

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i think it depends on how developed the intp is. i can't speak for other intps, but i am not affectionate toward others (i am not entirely sure what you mean by affectionate). That is not because i don't care about people, but I have to try hard to show emotion. My natural tendency is to process everything with logic, so emotion is always an after-thought.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
i think it depends on how developed the intp is. i can't speak for other intps, but i am not affectionate toward others (i am not entirely sure what you mean by affectionate). That is not because i don't care about people, but I have to try hard to show emotion. My natural tendency is to process everything with logic, so emotion is always an after-thought.
By affection I just mean communication of positive feelings. For example, if you're becoming closer with someone through talking to them a lot, I've noticed most INTPs won't adjust their language accordingly. With the INTP mentioned, we've become close through talking a lot over social media and when we see each other on weekends. He didn't start adjusting his language to be more personal with me- talking about things that matter to him personally, teasing me back and making silly jokes- until I did. I think that's what I mean by affection- either saying or showing "you matter to me and I enjoy spending time with you". How is that message communicated?
 

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By affection I just mean communication of positive feelings. For example, if you're becoming closer with someone through talking to them a lot, I've noticed most INTPs won't adjust their language accordingly. With the INTP mentioned, we've become close through talking a lot over social media and when we see each other on weekends. He didn't start adjusting his language to be more personal with me- talking about things that matter to him personally, teasing me back and making silly jokes- until I did. I think that's what I mean by affection- either saying or showing "you matter to me and I enjoy spending time with you". How is that message communicated?
Well short answer: We really don't, our only feeling function is the most underdeveloped and it is the thing most INTPs despise (See here http://personalitycafe.com/intp-forum-thinkers/528090-disgusted-my-fe.html) about themselves. INTPs want to analyze the world and find the truth in everything, and as a byproduct of that, they don't do much emotional stuff.
 

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By affection I just mean communication of positive feelings. For example, if you're becoming closer with someone through talking to them a lot, I've noticed most INTPs won't adjust their language accordingly. With the INTP mentioned, we've become close through talking a lot over social media and when we see each other on weekends. He didn't start adjusting his language to be more personal with me- talking about things that matter to him personally, teasing me back and making silly jokes- until I did. I think that's what I mean by affection- either saying or showing "you matter to me and I enjoy spending time with you". How is that message communicated?
I think he doesn't make small talk because most intps are not interested in small talks. We don't like to take things to a personal level. As for communicating the message, I think he talks to you through social media and seeing you every weekend is a clear message that either he likes you already(as friend or more) or he is still trying to figure you out. Sometimes we don't state what is obvious to us because we assume it is obvious to others as well
 
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Sometimes we don't state what is obvious to us because we assume it is obvious to others as well
I would like to expand on that:

We don't state the obvious because it is obvious to us. We treat our emotions like a test subject and observe it from behind a thick layer of bulletproof glass. We step outside of our bodies and look at ourselves to see what our emotions are up to. And thus, we don't bother to think that others maybe can't get a good view. Also maybe because, as mentioned above, we dislike our emotions, and don't want them to be seen.
 

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I have grown to hate the theoretical cognitive function-oriented descriptions of this, so I am intentionally avoiding them.

What I tend to do though is show enthusiasm to folks I like, to the point of being somewhat raucous depending on how goofy or caffeinated my mood is at the time. Simple and possibly cryptic jokes blurt their way out, sometimes resulting in an embarrassed grin and look-away with the hopes they won't suddenly hate me for it ;)

In the past my INTJ roommate would latch onto a few goofy sayings to the point that he'd bring them up almost everywhere ... including among groups of folks I didn't care to show my quirky or positive side to. That always got really uncomfortable and felt tactless on his part.
 

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So I was wondering, how do INTPs display everyday affection towards others? Not necessarily with family or SOs, but with people you like hanging out with but aren't particularly close with.
I don't understand the curiosity.

How do ISTJs display affection with common people?
How do ISTPs display affection with common people?
How do INTJs display affection with common people?

It seems to me to be more of a IxTx trait than an INTP trait. I sincerely can't picture those types actually showing affection to people they just like hanging out with but aren't particularly close with.

Maybe for ExTxs it's a slightly different story, but actually, how do they show affection to those not-so-close people anyway? Do they?
 

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ok, first of all: not litteraly "everyday" I hope.

I show my affection simply being quite available for you, enjoing our talks, and not totally avoiding going out with you if you invite me. I could even answer to your telephone calls with pleasure.
Is it not enough?

No, ok, I also listen to you, maybe joke with you, try to understand your point of view and show you mine (I don't do it with people I don't care).

And I worry about you if you have some problems (note that it is very rare for me to worry about people in general, so if I worry about somebody it means that I feel affection for that person)


And if I really REALLY care about you I will probably search for you sometime and, in extreme case (listen to it) I WILL TELL YOU.
Yes!
I'll tell you that I like you or talking with you or that I care about you.

See??
yeah... what do you think about it, hm??
see what a developed Fe?
can I be proud of me?
:perc2:

(yes, then probably I will act very childishly for a reason or another, sooner or later, but this is another problem)
 

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i have problems to show affection. but when i care about someone i'm kinda obsessive... it's like that person is my toy or my computer and i need to take care and solve all their problems and this is good until i become the problem :rolleyes:
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 · (Edited)
We don't. I'd guess that one of the bigger signs that we appreciate your company is if we actively seek it out.
Do you mean like walking up to people and making conversation, or actively trying to seek their company during free time?

I don't understand the curiosity.

How do ISTJs display affection with common people?
How do ISTPs display affection with common people?
How do INTJs display affection with common people?

It seems to me to be more of a IxTx trait than an INTP trait. I sincerely can't picture those types actually showing affection to people they just like hanging out with but aren't particularly close with.

Maybe for ExTxs it's a slightly different story, but actually, how do they show affection to those not-so-close people anyway? Do they?
Well yeah, most IxTx don't display too much affection. I came to you guys because in the last year I've managed to acquire five different INTP friends, and I love them but I don't always understand them. You guys are really interesting.

Can't answer for the others, but ENTJs tend to fall into two categories:
1) Excessively flirt with everyone and tell you you're loved and wonderful (me)
2) (The far more common one) Experience tons of emotional constipation and only become emotional in very short bursts, but express those emotions more like explosions of rage and anger (also me)
ENTJs are usually very straightforward though. If asked directly, we'll say we like hanging out with you, etc. We're also very direct about wanting to spend time with you, and will take the initiative to ask to hang out
@anarchitektur

 

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I would say seeking out the person's company willingly, initiating contact when it doesn't seem like a 'non-optional social obligation'. (I sometimes make contact with roomates because I know that not talking to someone may make it seem like you're angry or upset with them, so I sometimes just talk to make sure they know I'm not upset...but that's different). Being interested in what you say, though that is kind of 'carts and horses', since thinking what you're saying is interesting is possibly why they like you in the first place.

Likely to only do more traditional expressions of affection (awkwardly, very likely) if they are trying to 'express affection' and have either consulted someone and was told to do it that way, or they observed and that seems 'how it is done'. They'd be MOST appreciative if you let them know it is okay to 'be themselves', but you appreciate the effort.

Now, if you are talking 'crush'...then you get into avoid direct contact and try to stare without being caught. Ugh, it's very 'I'm 12 years old' but it is what it is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Likely to only do more traditional expressions of affection (awkwardly, very likely) if they are trying to 'express affection' and have either consulted someone and was told to do it that way, or they observed and that seems 'how it is done'. They'd be MOST appreciative if you let them know it is okay to 'be themselves', but you appreciate the effort.

Now, if you are talking 'crush'...then you get into avoid direct contact and try to stare without being caught. Ugh, it's very 'I'm 12 years old' but it is what it is.
That's actually very amusing. Yeah, I try to be as direct as possible- I find they usually respond well to that.

I'm not sure whether to smirk or coo, but both sound somewhat condescending on paper. It's funny because that's what my friend said too- he tries to interact with his crushes sometimes but just "chokes" and falls back on his favorite topic until the awkwardness goes away.
 
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