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I'm not trying to stereotype all INTP's here, I understand well that INTP's can be different from other INTP's based on their percentages of introversion, intuition, thinking ability, and perception...

But in general, INTP's are unfortunately stereotyped for being...well...cold-hearted. Hey you INTP's, do you feel like you live up to that stereotype? If not, that's cool. :)

But if so, do you deliberately disregard the feelings of others, or is it just hard for you to understand emotions in general?

Notice: I'm not trying to stereotype/offend anybody here. Just trying to determine why certain people act the way they do.
 

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this is just classic how many other personalities want to ask what it's like being a cold-hearted bastard. I really like the approach in this one to tip-toe with the language.

here's my experience being an asshole. I do not get many emotions with the nuances of everyday life. For example, when my cousin has a baby or gets a promotion, I am logically telling myself to be happy for them. I don't really have that feeling taking over me, though. In a sense, I needed to learn how emotional people react to events and the world so that I can empathize with it. I don't share their feelings for the most part, though.
 

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I'm 33% Feeling (67% Thinking), so being 1/3 F, I'm probably not as cold-hearted as the average INTP, but don't come around me crying or expect me to be able to "comfort" anybody. Impossible.
 

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since Fe is your inferior function, wouldn't considering others feelings cause you stress?? I am trying to understand this as well.
 

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since Fe is your inferior function, wouldn't considering others feelings cause you stress?? I am trying to understand this as well.
I do what's in bold...
The process of extraverted Feeling often involves a desire to connect with (or disconnect from) others and is often evidenced by expressions of warmth (or displeasure) and self-disclosure. The “social graces,” such as being polite, being nice, being friendly, being considerate, and being appropriate, often revolve around the process of extraverted Feeling. Keeping in touch, laughing at jokes when others laugh, and trying to get people to act kindly to each other also involve extraverted Feeling. Using this process, we respond according to expressed or even unexpressed wants and needs of others. We may ask people what they want or need or self-disclose to prompt them to talk more about themselves. This often sparks conversation and lets us know more about them so we can better adjust our behavior to them. Often with this process, we feel pulled to be responsible and take care of others’ feelings, sometimes to the point of not separating our feelings from theirs. We may recognize and adhere to shared values, feelings, and social norms to get along.
...but Fe ends there for me.

I do care, but others may see no evidence of it. Heck, they may not even see me at a time when everyone else is showing how much they care.

I can tell when somebody is angry with someone else or has been talking about me when I wasn't around, but I see no need to address it. If there is no harmony, it bothers me until I rationalize it making it a new normal.

All I know about Fe is that it seeks harmony in environment. I don't think it being your inferior means that you seek DISHARMONY, but I find that I often become a source of it when other people in the room are trying to "connect" and it's not happening. They begin feeling uncomfortable.
 

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this is just classic how many other personalities want to ask what it's like being a cold-hearted bastard. I really like the approach in this one to tip-toe with the language.

here's my experience being an asshole. I do not get many emotions with the nuances of everyday life. For example, when my cousin has a baby or gets a promotion, I am logically telling myself to be happy for them. I don't really have that feeling taking over me, though. In a sense, I needed to learn how emotional people react to events and the world so that I can empathize with it. I don't share their feelings for the most part, though.
This is similar to how I deal with emotions myself.

I think that it's important, before describing how I deal with the emotions of others, to describe my own emotional experiences. I am capable of feeling very strong emotions, but I don't feel strong feelings very often. And like Dionysus, my emotions are usually intellectualized in some fashion.

An example will serve nicely here. If I'm watching a particularly emotional movie, I may feel an incredibly strong emotion, but only because I've "allowed" myself to feel it. My intellect thinks something like "okay, the point of this scene as a piece of art is to give you an emotional experience." I then check if letting the emotion "fill" me will impede my competence or clear thinking. If that checks out, I'll let the emotion wash over me. Similarly, if someone dies (I recently had a loss), I accept that it makes sense to feel the way I do given the cause of the feelings, and I just avoid letting the emotion get too much in the way of my thought process. I experience it strongly, but it doesn't rule me.

Now we move on to how my emotional experience interacts with other people and the outside world. While I may feel the emotions (though once again, not often) as I described above, I typically will not express them. I generally remain either calm/collected on the outside. On the flip-side of that, when I am in my usual state of not feeling particularly strong emotions, I'm apparently pretty good at forcing myself to act emotive even if I'm not feeling the emotions strongly enough to cause me to emote. Lastly, I can fake emotion completely (not just greatly exaggerate it) very well, but I don't like doing this. I prefer to just remain collected. One downside of this emotional inexperience is that sometimes when I experience very strong emotions, I'm unprepared and break down. For example, in a situation that causes me extreme sadness or grief, where others are obviously trying not to cry, but succeeding, I may appear completely unemotional, then suddenly start crying. I still don't let feelings cloud my thought process, but the fact that I rarely feel strong emotion (most times in my daily life I'm barely feeling emotion at all, if any) means that when I get such emotions, I don't handle them very subtly.

On the matter of offending others, as is typical for NTs, I don't walk on eggshells. I say my ideas without fear of offending people. I won't hold back any information or incorrectly convey my information for the sake of not offending people. That being said however, I have an observation. At school (I'm in HS), there is an unusually high proportion of NTs relative to the general populace. Most of my friends are NTs, with some NFs and a couple of SPs. When we're debating/arguing/discussing ideas in class (we do this a lot, small class sizes), I've noticed that a fair number of other NTs present their ideas in an unnecessarily blunt, offensive, or hurtful manner. Now if the ideas or thoughts are unavoidably hurtful then so be it, hurt they shall, the truth/idea still should be said. But oftentimes I will be on an informal "team" and I will have a way of wording our position that is as calm and inoffensive as possible without changing or obscuring the meaning or content of the idea. It seems to me that some other NTs (not a majority, this is only in my experience) just don't have any idea what offends people, don't care at all, or even go out of their way to be offensive. Now if something is unavoidably offensive, so be it, but I see nothing pragmatic about being unnecessarily offensive or hurtful, especially when one is trying to convince someone of a position, or at least defend their own.

In fact, I will often find myself becoming a reluctant mediator in heated class discussions, even if I agree with one side strongly. Not a mediator in the sense of trying to achieve compromise or end the conflict; in fact, I will usually still actively argue for my position, but I find myself having to act as a translator; I'll have to put what those who agree with me are saying into terms that won't offend the overly-emotional (most people) so they'll actually listen to the idea, and I find myself explaining to the other members of my side what the other person's problem is with what we're saying. I'll find myself going (to the emotional types) "think about it for a second <reword>" and to my fellow NTs "she doesn't necessarily disagree entirely, she just doesn't like how <blah.>" Suffice to say this drains me, as I would prefer to focus on developing my own thoughts and perfecting my arguments, but I often find myself to be the only one level-headed enough to keep things under control, so that actual discussion can happen. I'm only 16, so I'd like to hear from older individuals here if such behavior (being unnecessarily offensive) is characteristic of immature NTs.

As for other people's emotions, I used to be almost completely oblivious to other people's emotions, and I liked it that way. While I still pride myself on being mostly unemotional (maudlin individuals are still one of my great frustrations), over time I've become more attuned to people's emotions. It's not that I feel the same as them, but I can understand that not everyone is like me. For example, if someone comes to me asking for comfort, I still find it annoying (my metaphorical "inner voice" is saying "what do you want, validation of your own emotions? What am I supposed to do? I can't fix your problem?), but I intellectually understand what I'm supposed to do, and I intellectually understand that for many people, just having someone to comfort them is very important. I've learned the hard way that when people come to me for comfort, they're not necessarily looking for a problem solver; they may just be looking for someone to hold them, or something similar. Physical contact is very important and beneficial for the psyche. I may still find it awkward and annoying, but when someone who I'm friendly with is very upset, I've learned that a little awkwardness and temporary annoyance on my part is worth it given how much they may be suffering. I can't empathize with the strong emotions that most other people seem to come across so often in their daily lives, but I've learned so sympathize sometimes, albeit reluctantly.

All that being said, for the most part I'm still "cold." It's only when someone is very, very upset (as in "a loved one just died/I'm incredibly terrified and I'm crying hysterically" upset) that I can brute force myself into sensitivity, and even then, only for people I like and feel comfortable with (people I know very well). My intellect still has to think that the problem isn't trivial (like a majority of problems people seem to get upset about). As I said before, I can't deal with maudlin individuals who get dramatic about everything and get "depressed" over some tiny interpersonal conflict, and I generally am the detached intellect. But so long as my feelings or others' feelings aren't in the way of truth, reasonable action, or an important goal, I've taught myself that others have feelings to a degree that I don't, and that those who care about me rely on me as a source of comfort in their times of need, even if I don't like it and I'm not great at it.

I used to be oblivious to others' emotions, but I've learned the hard way that sometimes how you say something does matter, and I've taught myself to swallow my pride and deal with some annoyance/awkwardness if someone I care about needs a hug.
 

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It seems to me that some other NTs (not a majority, this is only in my experience) just don't have any idea what offends people, don't care at all, or even go out of their way to be offensive.
I find the majority of people act offended because they think other people will be offended. In return, I purposely "offend" people by swearing and using sarcasm. I played "The Illinois Enema Bandit" by Frank Zappa while driving a friend to work one day. She claimed to be offended but had no to reason to be. To me, that's the equivalent of her blasting Miley Cyrus when I'm the passenger. I never ever wish to personally attack someone but I have seen such behavior in NT's, back in high school...
 

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I find the majority of people act offended because they think other people will be offended. In return, I purposely "offend" people by swearing and using sarcasm. I played "The Illinois Enema Bandit" by Frank Zappa while driving a friend to work one day. She claimed to be offended but had no to reason to be. To me, that's the equivalent of her blasting Miley Cyrus when I'm the passenger. I never ever wish to personally attack someone but I have seen such behavior in NT's, back in high school...
I agree with your view, and I do the same thing as you. I was referring more to the actual personal attacks. It's interesting that you noticed the same thing when you were my age.
 
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They aren't that cold lol. Want examples? ...k....


Example 1: My INTP friend nolan goes to my university now. He got a dorm. There was this very socially..... not very smart kid who isn't very attractive and who most wouldn't pay any attention to. Nolan asked him out of the blue if he would like to stay with him and his friends and be their roommate. Fe in action.

Example 2: One INTP i knew would always talk about how much she liked meeting people.

k im tired of examples. Point is.... their feelings are kind of like little pixies. They seem relatively simple but that doesn't depreciate their value by a long shot.

They really do seem to hurt when they see others hurt.


With all that being said..... there is always the possibility that these INTP's didn't really mean it..... maybe they were just copying what other people would do.
 
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I'm not cold-hearted. I've said and done cold-hearted things out of irritation or ignorance, not malice. I'm getting better at that. I would not deliberately disregard someone's feelings except in self-defense. In fact some people have told me that I put them at ease and make them feel good. People who think INTPs are cold are probably the types who want a lot of attention and validation, and we don't do that.
 

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I wouldn't describe myself cold-hearted. I have a lot of empathy, perhaps even more than the average person.

That said, I'm polite and diplomatic, but not "warm". I'm pretty detached. I'll be there for people in times of need, but overall I'm not great at nurturing friendships.

There have been times when I've been accused of being heartless. At those times I've usually felt that the offended party was being a drama queen and I felt no guilt and refused to buy into it.
 

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Personally, I am quite sensitive to the feelings of other people but I don't often act accordingly because exposing myself to such feelings directly is exhausting and threatening.

I save this for when I think AND feel that it really matters.

I am also careful, thinking "better be cold than seriously burn someone".

Fe is always there in the background but needs Ti's authorization to get out.
 

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I think we really do have a lot of empathy, but only for feelings that seem valid to us. If the love of your life just died and you are upset, we will understand. If someone said they didn't think you were the coolest person in the world and your being a drama queen about it, then we will not care and will probably tell you so.
 

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A lot of the time when people I know start telling me about they're emotional problems I just stare at them blankly and make them think that I don't understand they're emotions at all, when I (more often than I give off) actually do understand them but I just don't care.

I am in high school as well and I always try my best to swim upstream. To think differently and not be another sheeple with no independence like the school system always tries to make me. In english class, I would often write from the point of view of some sort of group that has been villanized by our culture and act like I agree with nazis and communists even though I do not.

I have been recently trying to avoid being insincere with my emotions. I used to just always pretend to feel the emotions that people expect me to feel just to avoid conflict and this has turned into a habit which I intend on breaking with increasingly positive results. For instance my mothers uncle just died and her brother (who hates her and said he never wants to see her again) has cancer and she was very upset and was crying all day last week. when she told me the news I could see that she expected me to be sad and comfort her but I just told her "They're misfortunes have little emotional effect on me as I have never met either of them nor have I even seen they're pictures. I am however saddened that this has affected you in such a way." I gave her a pat on the back and then left.
 

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I agree with some of the more recent posts in this thread. If someone near me is sad, hurt or distressed and doesn't have someone to back them up, I'll do my best to help them. This will probably be because I've been in a similar position or because their emotions are counter-productive to whatever I'm doing. When people are crying or sulking in the corner when I'm trying to work, it has an effect on me. It creates a bad environment. I want people to be able to put their emotions to one side when they're not useful. You can be depressed later! Don't take it out on me!

Of course, sometimes I'm just in the mood for problem-solving. I get the same satisfaction from solving personal problems as I do from working out maths puzzles.
 

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here's my experience being an asshole. I do not get many emotions with the nuances of everyday life. For example, when my cousin has a baby or gets a promotion, I am logically telling myself to be happy for them. I don't really have that feeling taking over me, though. In a sense, I needed to learn how emotional people react to events and the world so that I can empathize with it. I don't share their feelings for the most part, though.
I hardly ever share other people`s feelings, either. Especially if these feeling concern stuff that does not have any positive or negative connotations for me (weddings, babies, divorce...). I have learned that I should offer congratulations or sympathy in certain situations, but I guess I usually come across as reserved, and maybe people somehow feel that I am not being sincere.

But I don't see myself as cold-hearted. I do have feelings (I just don't really share them) and I am able to feel empathy, even though being empathic is easier for me if I am emotionally detached from the situation. E.g., I usually feel empathy for the woman selling a street paper at the train station. But I find it hard to feel empathy for my mother-in-law when she complains about being lonely (and wants us to come and visit her more often).
I guess that my self-preservation instinct is very strong, and I hate it when people try to emotionally manipulate me.

Another reason I might come across as cold-hearted is that I tend to be very rational about things that usually evoke strong emotion in other people.
 

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When I am "cold-hearted" I don't tend to notice at first. I just don't have an awareness that I'm doing anything wrong (it's actually quite a problem). It's only after I really think about the situation or someone points out to me that I was being a jerk that I actually realize it.

However, I will admit, sometimes I am deliberately a jerk. Especially if I find someone obnoxious and I want them to leave me alone.

Generally though, I do try to be a nice person.
 

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I just don't give a shit, I'm a cold-blooded son of a bitch so watch out fool.:crazy:
 

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I smile and I laugh at social gatherings, not because I genuinely feel the social ping pong or get anything out of it, but simply because that is the expected conduct, I try to get out of these situations rather fast, and often withdraw myself deliberatly from conversations.

The only time I can remember crying whilst in the proximity to other people was at my grandmothers funeral, otherwise I dont really show my emotions, and I do not ever let my emotions take control over me.
I can however whilst watching movies alone or in a dark hour of introverted reflection shed a few tears, if I feel that I might get enlightenment from this.

I dont care about other peoples feelings, and I hate when people act irationally on their feelings, but through my experiences I learned to withdraw myself and play a very passive role during such situations.
 
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