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Mutual understanding takes more than one person. I will try to understand if someone else is willing to understand me. Otherwise, forget about it.
Very true - a lot of people who accuse me of not caring enough about them and their feelings actually couldn't care less about my feelings. But they expect me to act like them, because they are convinced that the way the act towards others means they actually care.

There are people without family living under bridges at this moment. I bet most people calling INTPs heartless drive fast past that bridge. Speak for yourself when judging feelings or values.
This is something that has always bothered me. I have to admit I am not very good at comforting people on an emotional level, i.e. I don't join in with emotional outbursts. But I am willing to listen most of the time and I am always willing to help if something needs actual help. But still I am seen as "heartless".
 

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Yea splash, I realized some time ago that my thoughts and time spent on them is important. I will not let others lead those thoughts; they are mine. My feelings are just as important. If someone labels me, then I have the right to label them. If someone wants to attempt to look deeply into me by calling me heartless, then they should watch out. I see pretty damn deeply myself.
 

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I have been told I'm cold and I can sometimes tell by the way others react that I said something that wasn't 'sweet' enough. I usually get ignored big time after these blunders.. But my best friends would never think of me as 'cold' and that certainly isn't how I think of myself. When others ignore me because they think I am cold they are acting far worse than I ever would. I don't play those kinds of cruel social games, but I can't tell you how many women never outgrew that phase.

One women thought I was cold because I didn't show empathy about her stories about friends of hers that I had never met and probably would never meet. Why should I be happy for some friend of hers who just sold their house...I mean good for them, but how much am I supposed to look like I care.
 

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I tend to get emotional about the big picture. I like the beauty in simple and sincere gestures of friendship and love. It feels nice to be doing things with friends. To understand that you can trust and express your feelings and ideas with your family.

In a sense I think life is simple. Small emotional outbursts are the product of being fickle and constantly changing your values and direction in life, applying emotions to everything as it appears, like a rollercoaster. Whereas I like to see life as a whole with simple all encompasing emotions like love.

With regards to anger and hatred.. I tend to rationalize that people are people and they cant help doing what they do, they are just a product of their surroundings blah blah and then I stop blaming them. So I never get into fights or seek revenge.
 

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One women thought I was cold because I didn't show empathy about her stories about friends of hers that I had never met and probably would never meet. Why should I be happy for some friend of hers who just sold their house...I mean good for them, but how much am I supposed to look like I care.
but how much of emotion is a rational choice? are INTPs less emotional because being rational exposes emotions as being un-needed or are INTPs less emotional because of a biological difference? There is no "why should i be happy"...the people who are happy about such things just are.. they don't think "why should i be happy for some person i don't know?" they just feel it. So I wander if INTPs have the potential to just feel it and have simply rationalized the emotion away.. or if they don't even have the potential.
 

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I can only understand if I have experienced the emotion at some point personally, and if the situation and explanation of the emotion is familiar enough to me, to tip me off that its one of the ones stored in my memory bank.
 

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but how much of emotion is a rational choice? are INTPs less emotional because being rational exposes emotions as being un-needed or are INTPs less emotional because of a biological difference? There is no "why should i be happy"...the people who are happy about such things just are.. they don't think "why should i be happy for some person i don't know?" they just feel it. So I wander if INTPs have the potential to just feel it and have simply rationalized the emotion away.. or if they don't even have the potential.
In my case sort of both. Autism comes to mind as an example. Many of the women I know are very kind and supportive towards those with special needs, to the point where it seems like it is some kind of badge they wear on their sleeve to prove that they are a good person. I have known several women who have become autism therapists because they care so much about these poor kids. Because there seems to exist some sort of autism epidemic there is no shortage of clients, many with desperate parents who are willing to pay anything for some overpriced therapy with no guarantee of success. All of these kind and caring (and well paid) women are smiled on by society, but whenever I've brought up anything to do with research, asking questions about what could be causing autism in the first place or what can we do to prevent this, all of these people shut down and get very uncomfortable. They don't know and they don't care and I look cold, but I think from my more logical POV I am showing great concern for ALL the kids with autism and for our environment which could be becoming more toxic for future generations. I am amazed at how little these autism experts know about autism or any of the research. We could see more autism or other more bizarre diseases in the future. Scary stuff that should be of concern to people. But I'm seen as the cold one because I ask these questions whereas they are seen as kind and warm because they don't. Maybe my so called coldness is just biological and I believe it is, but it is necessary as well. Sometimes being too 'warm' in a practical sense can really shut people down to making real improvements on a larger scale.
 

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In my case sort of both. Autism comes to mind as an example. Many of the women I know are very kind and supportive towards those with special needs, to the point where it seems like it is some kind of badge they wear on their sleeve to prove that they are a good person. I have known several women who have become autism therapists because they care so much about these poor kids and because there seems to exist some sort of autism epidemic there is no shortage of clients, many with desperate parents who are willing to pay anything for some therapy. All of these kind and caring women are smiled on by society, but whenever I've brought up anything to do with research, asking questions about what could be causing autism in the first place..."What can we do to prevent this from happening to a child in the first place?," I ask. And all of these people shut down and get very uncomfortable. They don't know and they don't care and I look cold, but I think from my more logical POV I am showing great concern for ALL the kids with autism and for our environment which could be becoming more toxic for future generations. We could see more autism or other more bizarre diseases. Scary stuff that should be of concern to people. But I'm seen as the cold one because I ask these questions whereas they are seen as kind and warm because they don't. Maybe my so called coldness is just biological and I believe it is, but it is necessary as well. Sometimes being too 'warm' in a practical sense can really shut people down to making real improvements on a larger scale.
It is true that emotion can blur rationality and clear thinking. I'm not sure what else to say though. Do you ask those questions about causes of autism because you care (in which case you are possibly as caring as the other women) or do you ask those questions simply because you are more interested in how things work than in caring, in the now, for the children?
 
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