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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For most of my life, I think I saw a sort of futility in motive that paralyzed me, and made it hard for me to "find my way." While some of my INTJ friends were able to get excited about computers and become engineers, and some of my other friends were able to find other interests to pursue as careers, I sort of just studied things on a shallow level, and ended not finding anything that interested me enough to get into deeply. I now have a decent job but am not excelling at it, and am not moving forward very well.

As I look around, it's like I can sort of tell what's going on in other people's heads. Life excites them. They way they process their own purpose in their job seems to be more permanent, more satisfying to them. They don't put themselves down. Perhaps my own habit of doing this has more to do with the narcissists who I unfortunately gravitated to in my childhood and beyond, starting with my mentally ill mother.

But this lack of satisfaction is something I am trying to feel deeply. I am trying to let life itself be the purpose and meaning to life... that to live it is to enjoy it for no reason, but to inject reason into it, for no reason other than to enjoy it then disappear.

Just scattered thoughts as I reflect on why, upon turning 30 in almost exactly a month, I am at where I am at.
 

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I get you. Me gets thou. I get ya well.

I quit things and started other things more than enough times to know that it wasn't the things' fault, but my own mentality's fault. Happiness is not something you have to search for, it's mostly attitude. You can't "find you way". You have no way to find. You make your way. And that's the misconception and the fault in our attitude. We are extending our ego (or superego, not sure) to outside things. We are looking to make ourselves whole with outside stuff.

I know that you're reading this and you're getting it, but I don't think you can really feel it until you've figured it out yourself. Nevertheless, I'll insist that you should try changing your whole perspective. Only you have the power over your life, you're the boss. Make it something you enjoy but don't try to search for things that you think will make you happy, please. Nothing can.

In order to figure out your solution by yourself, I'll suggest doing some things that may induce profound change like: Getting rid almost all of your stuff and keeping only what is essential. Sell your car and get a bicycle or something. Eat very simple food like rice and fruits. Just minimize and minimize and essentially make your life "harder". I just realized that's actually similar to what eastern monks do in order to reach enlightenment aka figure their shit out. So I must be right.

You'll maybe find that your mind was so confused and silly. Maybe it's all very simple. Stop looking for things, this is it.
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I get you. Me gets thou. I get ya well.

I quit things and started other things more than enough times to know that it wasn't the things' fault, but my own mentality's fault. Happiness is not something you have to search for, it's mostly attitude. You can't "find you way". You have no way to find. You make your way. And that's the misconception and the fault in our attitude. We are extending our ego (or superego, not sure) to outside things. We are looking to make ourselves whole with outside stuff.

I know that you're reading this and you're getting it, but I don't think you can really feel it until you've figured it out yourself. Nevertheless, I'll insist that you should try changing your whole perspective. Only you have the power over your life, you're the boss. Make it something you enjoy but don't try to search for things that you think will make you happy, please. Nothing can.

In order to figure out your solution by yourself, I'll suggest doing some things that may induce profound change like: Getting rid almost all of your stuff and keeping only what is essential. Sell your car and get a bicycle or something. Eat very simple food like rice and fruits. Just minimize and minimize and essentially make your life "harder". I just realized that's actually similar to what eastern monks do in order to reach enlightenment aka figure their shit out. So I must be right.

You'll maybe find that your mind was so confused and silly. Maybe it's all very simple. Stop looking for things, this is it.
Thanks! I've done some of thought, and thought about that many times. Sometimes I get started and then stop. Because I have a lot of resentment towards the pleasure-focused mode of operating toward life. So it's like, don't internally rig the system isn't to some unhealthy constant configuration toward "happiness" or "endorphins" or whatever, because life doesn't NEED to be directed that way. Happiness and pleasure can be treated instead as a sort of function of the organism, just like anything else... not a huge part of it. And a sort of peaceful but un-exciting peace can instead be the natural state one lives in. But, part of my brain and personality are still this almost violent insistence (not physically violent but just forceful) of "proving myself." I turn 30 soon, so hopefully I give that childish *** *. In another decade I'll be 40... and I'm halfway to 60! Every day I'm older... *exhales*
 

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It makes sense that any rational and deeply introspective person would naturally look for a reason or meaning behind this totally arbitrary thing they've somehow been elected to participate in.

But at some point, you come to a fork in the road when you can't go further, because you've reached the limit of what your mind can come up with on its own, and at that point you choose whether to adopt a certain philosophy/system/paradigm for the world's workings (into which religion may or may not be incorporated; nihilism, a/theism, rationalism, some kind of spirituality, etc.), or whether to leave that altogether and move on with your life, optimizing for maximum sustainable contentment (though hedonism is its own form of philosophy, and rarely occurs in a vacuum so that's not even possible). So perhaps the best solution is to pick something, possibly just the idea that "I don't know truly know anything" (solipsism), and use it as a basic philosophical framework that best serves you while you continue with your life. At least, I know that for me, I get completely paralyzed on every level if I can't settle on a functional framework that makes at least some sense to me.
 

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Yeah, I see people all around doing things they love or aiming for what they really want to be.

Meanwhile I literally can't think of a single thing I would want to work as/with. Everything turns boring after the initial stage.
 

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In order to figure out your solution by yourself, I'll suggest doing some things that may induce profound change like: Getting rid almost all of your stuff and keeping only what is essential. Sell your car and get a bicycle or something. Eat very simple food like rice and fruits. Just minimize and minimize and essentially make your life "harder". I just realized that's actually similar to what eastern monks do in order to reach enlightenment aka figure their shit out. So I must be right.
I like this idea. Like any great truth, it will seem like a paradox : make your life harder to make it easier?

Why do Americans with all their needs met want to give up because of how terrible their lives are, yet people who have nothing but poverty will fight to stay alive at all costs?

Why do people who have never seen war complain about how tormenting their life was when they didn't get enough hugs, or their mom didn't buy them the right cereal one time, while refugees who have seen their family members murdered will laugh and never lose faith in a creator?

The hardships give you something to fight against. Your ability to overcome poverty and hardships or hate gives you confidence in your competence at life. This gives life a daily goal, to succeed and overcome.

If you have no challenge in life it will make you depressed. Humans have to have an outward struggle or they'll develop an inward struggle against themselves.
 

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Some HR manager asked me a while ago what my 'ambitions' were.
Ofcourse it was the wonderful timing of the moment and the expecting an immediate answer, which made me give my answer as follows:
"Ambition? I would call colonising mars ambition, or finding a groundbreaking theory to break the rules of physics we currently abide by.
But as for a job? Nah, I don't see any ambition in becoming a CEO, or similar. It is nothing more than someone that achieved something in a job, with a suit on. I wouldn't call something nearly 50% of the population could do if given the right tools ambition, so no, no ambition in this job like that."

It left her thinking about her own ambitions I guess. But never got the question again. Somehow these kindof words just weigh a lot heavier with me, more in an 'all or nothing' way.
Maybe not the best reply, but imo a good resemblance of how hard it is for me to even feel some satisfaction with doing some work every idiot could do.
 

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There's a certain satisfaction that comes with contentedness that outweighs the fleeting happiness of goal-driven living. There's always the next goal and the next and the next until finally, the ultimate goal, the one we all share.

I remember hearing that on her deathbed Jackie O said something along the line of 'I did all those push-ups for nothing'...I could have told her that back when it counted for something, too bad she didn't ask.
 
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